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SilverStormm

Alyssa and John: Lunch with Lurch

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Who says she is unwanted?? I'm sure her parents will love her just as they love their other 3 little girls. This fixation on one sex over the other is sad.  I hope all of those who were saying I think you are having a boy, I hope it's a boy, praying for a boy feel ashamed for even bringing this up. 

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Nobody said the baby is unwanted. John and Alyssa themselves have made jokes about having four girls. It's really no big deal. We're just cracking jokes. And I may add that I doubt they will stop until they have that elusive Y chromosome.

Edited by emmawoodhouse
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 I was responding to the post by Temperance who referred as the fourth unwanted girl. 

2 minutes ago, 65mickey said:

 

 

Edited by 65mickey

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Alyssa has said over and over that she wants to have a son for John.  That she feels the need to give John a son. It even seems to be the motivating factor in having more kids. 

When someone says things like that I tend to believe them. A fundie-lite friend of mine had two girls and was clearly to desparate to have at least one son. Her family made jokes about the first house "being cursed" so they only got girls. Fortunately her third child was a boy and they seem to relax after and appreciate all their kids.

Alyssa clearly was hoping for a boy. She has made that clear that "having a son" for John is priority, even though he has nephews to carry on the family name.

Yes I think in the long run, they will love all of their children, but they clearly had a prefence. Alyssa could have dozen girls and if they were healthy children, I wouldn't feel bad for Alyssa and John. But Alyssa and John are part of the Christian Patriarchy movement, where boys are see as more important. And it's clear she had a preference. I feel no shame in calling out their sexist attitudes and hoping their daughter is able to see past that.

Edited by Temperance
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1 hour ago, 65mickey said:

Who says she is unwanted?? I'm sure her parents will love her just as they love their other 3 little girls. This fixation on one sex over the other is sad.  I hope all of those who were saying I think you are having a boy, I hope it's a boy, praying for a boy feel ashamed for even bringing this up. 

Alyssa has said on several occasions she feels she has to have a boy, so if people made those comments, they were basing them off Alyssa's own sentiments.

 

Edited by BitterApple
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Adding these people are very stupid and insensitive to do a sex reveal using smoke! I know the smoke wasn't coming from a fire and they didn't burn anything down, but everyone I know off this site is mad at sex reveals at all after one started a massive fire in California. It would have been better to just get a cupcake or release confetti, etc. Or not do one at all. 

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I did not watch the video, but if the disappointment was evident maybe it’s not so much that they are having another girl, but that now they feel obliged to try again for a boy. 
Your average couple would close up shop after the fourth baby regardless of the sex, but these folks are so indoctrinated that they will continue to pump out babies even if they don’t really want them. The quest for the elusive son will continue. It is really sad.

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Their whole philosophy is based on God deciding the baby thing. So, God IS deciding for Alyssa and John. A fourth girl is what the Almighty has decreed for them. It looks to me like Alyssa isn't seeing the handwriting on the wall....maybe God is trying to tell her 'no boys'. It's her will she's pursuing, not the Almighty's. Doesn't this seem to go against their core belief in the first place?  Be happy with the gift that God is giving you, Alyssa or quit instilling your own will. John has said on camera that he's happy with what he has in his children already. Alyssa doesn't hear what John is saying.

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She is also her mother's child and that indoctrination is difficult for some to overcome. She'll continue to pop out babies until her husband gets overwhelmed since he wasn't brought up that way.

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I imagine things may be a bit tense in the Paine household these days.  Erin probably wants another baby because she has to have the most kids. Chad is probably trying to persuade her that they can't possibly fit ANOTHER child into that tiny kids' room.  She may be resentful because they can't afford to move to a bigger place, and he may be resentful because she is constantly volunteering him for free work for the family, and that cuts into his income, not to mention he has to employ her brothers.  I think Chad is one of 6 or 7, so he doesn't get the unlimited kids mindset.

There is a bit of a domino effect when one sibling announces a pregnancy.

Edited by 3 is enough
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3 hours ago, 3 is enough said:

I imagine things may be a bit tense in the Paine household these days.  Erin probably wants another baby because she has to have the most kids. Chad is probably trying to persuade her that they can't possibly fit ANOTHER child into that tiny kids' room.  She may be resentful because they can't afford to move to a bigger place, and he may be resentful because she is constantly volunteering him for free work for the family, and that cuts into his income, not to mention he has to employ her brothers.  I think Chad is one of 6 or 7, so he doesn't get the unlimited kids mindset.

There is a bit of a domino effect when one sibling announces a pregnancy.

Chad's parents are just religious and quiverfull as Erin's. His father is on the board of IBLP with Gil Bates.  The Paines have 10 children. They're part of IBLP so they also had as many as they could.  Chad has also said "that Carson needs a brother". Chad has 5 brothers and 4 sisters. He is the headship so he wants to stop being Quiverfull he should say something.

All of these people could chose to stop going after boys and be happy with what they have. I suspect part of why they keep reproducing is that the indoctrination is strong, that bigger is better, that birth control is a sin, etc. I grew up Catholic and have known some Catholics who struggle with this as well. 

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5 hours ago, 3 is enough said:

I imagine things may be a bit tense in the Paine household these days.  Erin probably wants another baby because she has to have the most kids. Chad is probably trying to persuade her that they can't possibly fit ANOTHER child into that tiny kids' room.  She may be resentful because they can't afford to move to a bigger place, and he may be resentful because she is constantly volunteering him for free work for the family, and that cuts into his income, not to mention he has to employ her brothers.  I think Chad is one of 6 or 7, so he doesn't get the unlimited kids mindset.

There is a bit of a domino effect when one sibling announces a pregnancy.

I'd like to think that's what's happening but I doubt it. Erin gets whatever she wants and Chad won't ever say anything. Even though he should. He doesn't like it when Erin sprung projects on him. She knows she's doing it so he can't say no. But he doesn't say anything. They'll keep having more kids they can't afford, pile them into the small house because they can't afford anything else. Chad will keep doing free projects for the family and hiring her brothers. Its really messed up. 

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On 9/13/2020 at 1:12 AM, 3 is enough said:

I did not watch the video, but if the disappointment was evident maybe it’s not so much that they are having another girl, but that now they feel obliged to try again for a boy. 
Your average couple would close up shop after the fourth baby regardless of the sex, but these folks are so indoctrinated that they will continue to pump out babies even if they don’t really want them. The quest for the elusive son will continue. It is really sad.

I didn't take it as disappointment any more than just not being that prepared for a live stream. They went live and apparently waited for key people to join them. It was boring and tense for them, as the camera is rolling and Alyssa was reading aloud from her tablet and trying to figure out where geographic locations were (not her skill with Kelly Jo's teaching) while John tried to keep the other girls in the shot and away from the giant balloons. They really should have prepared something to say other than if they thought the baby would be a girl or boy. It is one or the other. Not much else to say about it. Alyssa doesn't strike me as out in the open as say Carlin who can speak stream of consciousness style with nothing at all to say. I would imagine they were both feeling like they wanted to get the whole thing over with and wondering why they didn't just keep it private and release some pics later.

No doubt that Alyssa feels pressure to have a boy. Her family is probably providing 80% of that pressure on her. 

 

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Watching their gender reveal and the Q&A they did the prior week, wow John really isn't into the baby train.

At the gender reveal he had like no reaction. It didn't look like disappointment about another girl but just a -- yeah a baby, that's nice -- type of reaction. And in the Q&A, he's personable and funny but you can tell he really doesn't WANT that many (or any) more. I really don't think that having a boy is so important to him that he'd want to have 5, 6, 7 etc. kids just to get 2 boys (because fundies are never ok with just one son -- he needs a brother, see Chad). In the gender reveal he said his older brother has 3 girls and then had a boy; I think he realizes it is possible to end up with 5, 6 etc. girls in a row. And in the Q&A he said more than once he doesn't care if it's not a boy; he joked that a boy would be great because he'd have a ball player but he has girl ball players now; and then also said a girl would be so convenient because they have all girl stuff. And when Alyssa was talking about nursing vs. formula, he did say something about how formula gets expensive. They also talked about how if they stay in the current house and buy it, they need to add on to the house; or they need to buy another house. So yeah I think he's being pragmatic and doesn't want the Chad & Erin life of a baby yearly with a 9 person family stuffed in a cottage. I think he'll be a much happier person with just 4 daughters and a reasonably good standard of living.

Alyssa OTOH while she said in the Q&A that this 4th kid was "probably" the last, she's been sicker with each pregnancy so she doesn't know if she can have another etc., IDK it sounded like BS. Because she kept coming back to how when they got married, John said she could decide how many she wanted and he said he'd provide no matter how many + she kept coming back to how she always said 6. I think this is a woman who'll stick by her word -- I see no less than 6 for them. More if 6 yields no boys or only yields 1 boy in need of a brother. I hope John's family's HVAC co is doing well because he'll need more income as the years go by.

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This is purely anecdotal, and has no scientific basis, but if Alyssa was to have a boy she might not have the severe morning sickness.  I had no morning sickness with my daughter, but I did have it with my sons.  I have known this to happen to other people.  But then again, Duchess Kate had hyperemesis  gravidarum with all 3 of her kids so there are no guarantees.

If anything were to stop the baby train it may be the chaos that comes from having 4 children, and the possibility she may not bounce back immediately.  Alyssa seems to like order, and she is more than a bit vain about her figure.

But, sadly, there will most likely be another pregnancy at some point.  She is only 25.  Lots of time to take a break and decide to try for a boy in a few years when the girls are a bit more self-sufficient.

 

 

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On 9/14/2020 at 4:09 PM, emmawoodhouse said:

She answered a question in the comments of her last IG post about whether this would be her last kid. She said "probably." 

HA—I’ll believe it when I see a dr’s note stating that there was a permanent solution (tubal ligation or vasectomy). I do think it’s possible she might take a break, then have 2 more. 

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On 9/19/2020 at 7:24 PM, MargeGunderson said:

I think it’s likely they meant Maisie but didn’t know how to spell it.

I have a cousin from Tennessee named Maci. Her parents pronounce Maci and Maisie the same.  

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5 hours ago, emmawoodhouse said:

I heard John pronounce it. He's NOT from TN. 🙂

Yes, but I'm sure he is pronouncing it based on Alyssa's pronunciation. It's not like he's the one coming up with these names. He's not that into the details. 

While he doesn't have a southern accent, he has what I refer to as a lazy tongue like a southerner. I say this as a southerner. The soft c, s, and z sounds very similar with that speech pattern. Another example is Don versus Dawn. In many dialects that is pronounced differently. I would bet that Alyssa pronounces them the same - as do I. 

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I watched that YouTube of Alyssa, the girls and John. It was the most boring YouTube that I have ever endured. The endless list of 'prizes' in those totes that had to be shown to us....one by one. One of the girls wanted her prize "NOW!!!". I don't think that was very polite of her despite how these people think they have the perfect plan to raise their perfect children. Not so perfect IMO. Alyssa went on and on about her 'date' with her husband and how they were meeting another couple at a restaurant which John made sure he pointed out the NAME of the place. I bet that meal was comped for the advertisement. Not showing much class in doing that IMO. Please, Alyssa, spare us those boring videos. Answer a very curious question that none of you address:  I read on this board somewhere that you and John are expecting your last child. With no birth control, how will you accomplish this over the next 30 years....abstinence, separate bedrooms???

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Do you really believe that Alyssa owes you or anyone else other than her spouse an explanation as to how she plans to limit the size of her family??  And why would anyone else care to know this? I dont watch youtube videos that I find boring. Thankfully no one forces me to watch anything for that matter. 

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I didn't watch their Youtube video but I did scroll through Alyssa's insta story where she answered questions. Someone asked what is her biggest parenting challenge and she said she struggles with keeping her patience with the girls.  I was surprised to hear that given ALL the Bates girls go on and on and on and on how wonderful motherhood, they LOVE every single minute, never have a bad day, blah blah blah.   So, VERY small props to Alyssa for actually keeping it real for once and saying she gets frustrated with her kids, which is 100% normal. 

Also, every time Alyssa says she "homeschools"  I can't roll my eyes hard enough, she plunks them in front of an ipad with headphones and calls it homeschooling.  What a joke.  

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I remember several videos back when John talked about the decision to homeschool. Alyssa's body language got really tense and it made me wonder if homeschooling is more his thing than hers. She doesn't strike me as someone who'd be opposed to regular school, especially if she's struggling with patience.

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3 minutes ago, emmawoodhouse said:

Her FIL is a huge proponent of homeschooling. I don't think she had a choice in the matter. 

Ah, now it makes perfect sense. I didn't know that. 

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I find it some kind of conflict of interest for a federal politician, like John's father, to be a proponent of homeschooling. He is a public politician but doesn't support public schools for HIS family? IMO, there is something wrong with that. If Alyssa really would rather send her children to school, she should do that. An unwilling/impatient homeschool 'teacher' should not be in charge of the children's daily education. JMHO

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3 hours ago, floridamom said:

I find it some kind of conflict of interest for a federal politician, like John's father, to be a proponent of homeschooling. He is a public politician but doesn't support public schools for HIS family? IMO, there is something wrong with that. If Alyssa really would rather send her children to school, she should do that. An unwilling/impatient homeschool 'teacher' should not be in charge of the children's daily education. JMHO

Or one that was not properly taught either.  We know that the Bates children are very lacking in their education.

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On 10/4/2020 at 4:06 PM, floridamom said:

I watched that YouTube of Alyssa, the girls and John. It was the most boring YouTube that I have ever endured. The endless list of 'prizes' in those totes that had to be shown to us....one by one. One of the girls wanted her prize "NOW!!!". I don't think that was very polite of her despite how these people think they have the perfect plan to raise their perfect children. Not so perfect IMO. Alyssa went on and on about her 'date' with her husband and how they were meeting another couple at a restaurant which John made sure he pointed out the NAME of the place. I bet that meal was comped for the advertisement. Not showing much class in doing that IMO. Please, Alyssa, spare us those boring videos. Answer a very curious question that none of you address:  I read on this board somewhere that you and John are expecting your last child. With no birth control, how will you accomplish this over the next 30 years....abstinence, separate bedrooms???

Alyssa is 25 soon to be 26, more like 20 years. I agree I doubt this is their last child. 

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If she's really careful, she can go on without hormonal birth control & not get pregnant.  I managed to.  Had 1 kid then between closely watching the date (tracking my period) and condoms we haven't turned up pregnant in the last 27 years.  It can be done. 

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I've only recently started watching all the Bates reruns. In Season 7 Episode 15 Alyssa (who was pregnant with her third child) said that if she were to have a fourth girl she would stop then because that would show her that she would never ever have a boy.

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I don't know why I torture myself by clicking on Alyssa's insta stories cuz most of the time they just annoy me, but she just posted a story showing Zoe sitting on a beanbag watching a video.  She captioned it by saying "I could watch her homeschool all day long!!"  Ok, so first of all, Zoe is watching a video, Alyssa is not actually teaching her anything and the video is trying to teach the letter "G"  and I imagine Zoe would be repeating the letter,  but she keeps pointing at the screen saying "That's my Daddy!"  No idea why she thinks the letter G resembles John but no correction at all from Alyssa.  I think Alyssa thought she was being cute and she IS cute but you would think Alyssa would correct her and say "That's the letter G, not Daddy, silly!"   

 

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Oh Alyssa.  🙄

My granddaughter is 5 months younger than Zoey and she knows all her letters and can count to ten.

She picked it up watching Sesame Street and from the books her parents read to her.  They don't claim she is being "homeschooled". And if she does make a mistake they correct her.

Kids that age are little sponges for learning, but just plunking them in front of a video and not correcting their mistakes is hardly "homeschooling".  For that matter, plunking Allie and Lexi in front of a computer monitor with headphones is not homeschooling either.  It is supposed to be an interactive activity.

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FFS Alyssa.  Every. Single. Photo. has the bump cradle.  Enough already!  Everyone knows you are pregnant.

Also, she is making out like a bandit with free baby stuff from various merchants and fans. It’s her fourth girl!  Surely she has everything she needs already?

 

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Aylssa posted yet another video on insta of her girls "Homeschooling"  AKA plunked in front of an ipad w/headphones and she got a lot of heat from the comments about all the screen time.    Well, guess what her next insta story was?  Lexi and Allie sitting at desks with actual pencils in their hands practicing their letters.  Guess she didn't like all those negative comments.....

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