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Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

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11 hours ago, jcbrown said:

June has not been great. We learned about ten days ago that Dad needed too much care to stay in his memory care facility. We got the call last Wednesday that they had a bed for him at a skilled nursing facility (the one where my mom died--it's a good one) on Friday. I am in California and he is in Indiana, mind you. After much soul-searching and the realization that I could not get anyone to help us empty out his memory care apartment on such short notice and that my help was more critical for that, my sister and I decided that she would drive down (she is 45 miles away) and help him move to the new facility and I would work on planning the clean-out and plan a trip for when I could get that scheduled (which has been a challenge in itself). She was there for hours on Friday and he still was asking her if [her name] was coming, too, evidently thinking she was me. So I guess I got credit for being there? :-( She reports he was whispering to the wall when she left yesterday.

Meanwhile, my best friend's husband has been sick for six years and went to the ER in an ambulance on Tuesday. Sent home with a GP appointment for Wednesday, ended up staying there all day for IVs, sent home again. Went back to the ER Thursday and was finally admitted. And he is now demanding that she stay in the room at all times. Had a meltdown when she was out of the room talking to the social worker, partly about the fact that my friend needs to take more breaks, ironically. He is off his nut from being weaned off psych meds and being on continuous opioid painkillers and now has progressed to lambasting her for affronts mostly imagined, all while insisting she can't leave. I told her that just because his illness is making him be an abusive jerk doesn't ameliorate the fact that he is being one.

ETA: sorry I failed at good news Sunday.

@jcbrown, I'm so sorry about what you are going through with your Dad. And what your friend is going through is a nightmare. I'm reading a book for book club right now called Hidden Valley Road. It's a true story about mental illness, in particular about a family of 12 children where 6 of the sons were schizophrenic. It's tragic for the sons, but also for the family members who are well and often overlooked. ❤️

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JCBrown, I am sorry about your father and the progression of his dementia.  I went through placing my cousin into Assisted Living and then into Memory Care.  It can be very stressful.  Have they done an assessment to see what level of care he needs? I suppose it varies by state, but in our state those with substantial cognitive decline require Memory Care, not nursing home, unless they require skilled nursing.  And challenging behavior is something that they are prepared to handle. Some are more equipped than others through.  I hope you can find a good fit for him.  

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2 hours ago, lookeyloo said:

Yesterday was 7 months since Sweet Son died. 

Time doesn't change the brutal unfairness of your loss, and I can only offer my continued sympathy as you navigate life in the aftermath. I always appreciate your contributions here, and am glad to hear from you. Sending good wishes and virtual hugs. 

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2 hours ago, lookeyloo said:

Yesterday was 7 months since Sweet Son died. 

I pray for you. Such a loss.  May the grace of God be with you.   
 

 

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On 6/5/2021 at 4:02 PM, Rabbittron said:

Question the Duggars use Nike to get the males not to look. Don't they know that the Nike slogan is Just Do It?

That’s all married life is. They finally get to do it.

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when I had my daughter I was up for pumping/nursing every 2-3hrs every night. I never woke my husband or asked for his help because he was useless to nurse or pump. I didn’t mind doing all the work because there was nothing for him to do. One day he told his mom our babe was sleeping through the night already and she never made a peep….. he almost died that day 😂. After that I still didn’t ask for his help but made it a point to disrupt his sleep every time I got up with her. He literally had no idea how much work/lost sleep went into having a baby 🤬

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3 hours ago, lookeyloo said:

Yesterday was 7 months since Sweet Son died. 

I am so sorry @lookeyloo. I know nothing we can say, can lessen the pain, but I do appreciate the times you chose to share with us. 

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I appreciate everyone's kind thoughts.  It is an unimaginable nightmare for sure.

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7 hours ago, SunnyBeBe said:

JCBrown, I am sorry about your father and the progression of his dementia.  I went through placing my cousin into Assisted Living and then into Memory Care.  It can be very stressful.  Have they done an assessment to see what level of care he needs? I suppose it varies by state, but in our state those with substantial cognitive decline require Memory Care, not nursing home, unless they require skilled nursing.  And challenging behavior is something that they are prepared to handle. Some are more equipped than others through.  I hope you can find a good fit for him.  

Thanks all, for the good thoughts.

Dad has been in memory care for the last four years but got to the point where they were no longer staffed to be able to provide the level of care he needs and they recommended skilled nursing. He has an indwelling catheter and is also under hospice care. I don't think he'll be with us long. On the bright(ish) side, his girlfriend is having a hip replacement today and will be spending a couple of weeks in the same facility for rehab so that will be nice for them, I hope. I don't especially care for her but I don't have to; she's not my girlfriend.

I'm sorry, @lookeyloo.

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10 hours ago, NotthebadVictoria said:

One day he told his mom our babe was sleeping through the night already and she never made a peep….. he almost died that day 😂. After that I still didn’t ask for his help but made it a point to disrupt his sleep every time I got up with her. He literally had no idea how much work/lost sleep went into having a baby 🤬

That's a major reason to make sure the new non-feeding parent changes the diaper before and/or after feeding.  They need to do their part, too.  I can't believe I can say that's one thing the Duggars at least say right.  Jeremy should never have been let off the diaper changing. 

I can't live or function without sleep.  I made sure there was a pumped bottle for the around 11:00 PM feeding so I could at least sleep a few continuous hours.   I thought I might as well make use of being married to a night owl.  

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2 minutes ago, Absolom said:

That's a major reason to make sure the new non-feeding parent changes the diaper before and/or after feeding.  They need to do their part, too.  I can't believe I can say that's one thing the Duggars at least say right.  Jeremy should never have been let off the diaper changing. 

I can't live or function without sleep.  I made sure there was a pumped bottle for the around 11:00 PM feeding so I could at least sleep a few continuous hours.   I thought I might as well make use of being married to a night owl.  

So, I’m not a fundie but my grandmother, her sisters and her daughters were all victims of CSA. So I was raised VERY strict where men were never alone with children especially changing diapers (including the fathers). So my husband has never changed a diaper, the thought of it terrifies me. I do 99.9% of the childcare and ALL of the personal care for her. My brother is the same and my mother or I would go to his house to bathe/change his daughters when they were young and his wife was out. 
 

my kiddo was a NICU baby and Struggled with nursing so for the first 6months I pumped every 2-3hrs….. it was ROUGH! 
 

but using them for help like that while you feed is actually smart. 

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just a quick check in before i totally fall into bed. husband had surgery today. he told me 1.5 hours-ish, as i wasn't allowed in the building. after 3 hours i went in and inquired. was told he was in recovery. another HOUR and i finally get a phone call to come inside to meet with the nurse. i was about to freak when she said that because i had been in the parking lot for 4 hours for a surgery scheduled for only one and a half hours including recovery.  he had some complications due to his neurological disease.  he is fine, but very uncomfortable. he has to have a catheter for a few days. that is not fun!!!   its been a long afternoon and then a hard three hours being home and getting him in order, fed and pain meded up. (see how i made up a word, there?) ttyl. 

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@lookeyloo, my thoughts are with you as they have been so often during this last year. Please know we all hope the days will become easier for you as you grieve sweet son’s loss. Many hugs are coming your way from me.

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@zoomama, I don’t know how to take this to the small talk thread, but I hope your husband does well and you both get some sleep tonight. Waiting in a parking lot while a family member has extended surgery is pure torture! Hang in there!

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13 minutes ago, rue721 said:

I closed on my house yesterday 😁

There is absolutely nothing to rent, there wasn't even a rental that we could go look at. So buying it was! And thankfully, it turned out really well. The house is gorgeous and move-in ready, in a nice (albeit very suburban) neighborhood very close to parks, the library, stores, as well as highways and commuter rail... I'm just still in shock that "they" let me actually buy it! No idea who "they" is in this case, but you know what I mean!

My boyfriend and I are going to have to downsize to both get into the house, and it's also going to be the first time we're living together. I'm a bit nervous about that... but at least there is a place to move into!

I took my parents and dog to the house for the first time yesterday afternoon. As soon as we got there, my dog bounded into the yard and was running around LITERALLY frolicking! It was amazing, I was so relieved. She seemed totally at home already... and this is a dog that I couldn't take house-hunting because she would whine and freak out at literally every house. My parents are also very happy, which makes me happy.

Things are still a bit crazy here but this is one thing that has gone really well 💗

House hunting is SO STRESSFUL, I am SO VERY HAPPY for your and your dog and your boyfriend. 

This will be wonderful to have this out of the way before law school starts (you're doing part time in the fall yes?) It is great when your dog loves your yard.

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Congratulations on your new house purchase Rue721!  That’s exciting.  There are a lot of new things in store for you.  I heard on the news yesterday that it’s very difficult to get movers right now.  I wish you luck in your area. 

I forgot to mention that I dined at a restaurant for the first time since covid on Saturday before the concert!  It’s a lovely place featuring Latin American food,  with outdoor seating. It was wonderful and I wasn’t nervous at all.  Shrimp tacos! Omg.

Edited by SunnyBeBe
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Congratulations on your new home, @rue721!

Hugs to you, @lookeyloo.

I am just loving the freedom that comes with being fully vaxxed and summer weather finally arriving! I love having things to do, kids and grandkids and friends to see. Every day is a gift!

In other news, my sister is back in a rehab (physical, not addiction) after 2 more recent ER visits. She just can't live alone and her kids are at their wit's end trying to keep her happy and safe. She also is Covid positive with no symptoms. That is amazing as she is a lung cancer survivor. She's not very old (67) and her docs want her in assisted living. However, her finances are a mess. Her husband died in March, without a will. Though married for 20 years, they both own property they bought before the marriage. A lawyer is desperately needed to help her kids sort this out. But they've both been kept so busy since he died, trying to keep her healthy, that I think these issues are falling by the wayside. We're all so worried about her! 

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I think it's been mentioned on here how google seems to know what we've been thinking of and sets it's ads to correspond. This twitter thread explains how it can happen. I don't get the whole gist of it, but I've already resigned myself to the fact that nothing in my life is secret. Except maybe the ebooks I read; which I only learned today!

https://twitter.com/RobertGReeve/status/1397032784703655938?s=20

Edited by realityfan26
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Tonight's cat blanket.  Regular blanket not necessary.  They are plenty warm!IMG_0589.jpg.e5ef888e0ca1afb7d66651087dba0bd5.jpg

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2 hours ago, CalicoKitty said:

Tonight's cat blanket.  Regular blanket not necessary.  They are plenty warm!IMG_0589.jpg.e5ef888e0ca1afb7d66651087dba0bd5.jpg

So cute!

For all of you cat owners. What advice do you have for someone who's thinking of getting a cat? 

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@rue721, congratulations on your new house! I know many of us were advising you to wait, that a new home would be too much stress with law school and tests, etc. But the universe was certainly pointing you that way, and your fur baby confirmed it: this house was meant for you and your boyfriend. So happy for you! 🏡

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@rue721 Best wishes for you in your new home. How exciting to have a place of your own and now the task of choosing how to decorate it. What fun. I’m hoping that you and your boyfriend have a smooth transition in becoming a one household couple. 
 

@andromeda331I have always favored rescue kitties. They are so grateful. You can also weigh in on how active of a cat that you can deal with. Although kittens are adorable and almost irresistible, an older cat, say 6-8 years of age, will not be as active or destructive. Sometimes a cat will choose you and be affectionate right off the bat. That’s usually a good sign that they were treated well before and don’t have too many behavioral issues. I find that having a bed for them (they like sunny spots) and toys to play with allows them relax and interact with you. Get a large enough litter box and keep it in one spot away from the house traffic. I keep mine in my laundry room set on extra large puppy pee pads. It makes clean up easier and lessens the amount of litter that can get tracked through the house. Always have fresh water available and if known give them a familiar food. Also when you get one make an appointment to see a vet. Make sure it has all its necessary shots and is free of fleas and worms. I personally do not like cats on tables and when mine were little they used to test me about where they were and weren’t allowed to go. I found a small spray bottle with water and gave them a small spritz when they tried to jump on on my kitchen counters to steal food. Now they know that chairs, couches, and beds are fair game, but they never try to go on surfaces where food might be handled or other tables. It’s not a hard adjustment. It will just take a bit of time for you both to get to know and trust each other. Then you will have a friend for life. 

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A couple of months ago, I was talking on the Jer/Jin thread about getting a signed copy of a new book by my Gay Dad, and it came in the mail yesterday.  I'm quite pleased with it. 20210608_171243.thumb.jpg.064c385305cbd5f6e5df9335a41da7a8.jpg

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7 hours ago, Mindthinkr said:

@rue721 Best wishes for you in your new home. How exciting to have a place of your own and now the task of choosing how to decorate it. What fun. I’m hoping that you and your boyfriend have a smooth transition in becoming a one household couple. 
 

@andromeda331I have always favored rescue kitties. They are so grateful. You can also weigh in on how active of a cat that you can deal with. Although kittens are adorable and almost irresistible, an older cat, say 6-8 years of age, will not be as active or destructive. Sometimes a cat will choose you and be affectionate right off the bat. That’s usually a good sign that they were treated well before and don’t have too many behavioral issues. I find that having a bed for them (they like sunny spots) and toys to play with allows them relax and interact with you. Get a large enough litter box and keep it in one spot away from the house traffic. I keep mine in my laundry room set on extra large puppy pee pads. It makes clean up easier and lessens the amount of litter that can get tracked through the house. Always have fresh water available and if known give them a familiar food. Also when you get one make an appointment to see a vet. Make sure it has all its necessary shots and is free of fleas and worms. I personally do not like cats on tables and when mine were little they used to test me about where they were and weren’t allowed to go. I found a small spray bottle with water and gave them a small spritz when they tried to jump on on my kitchen counters to steal food. Now they know that chairs, couches, and beds are fair game, but they never try to go on surfaces where food might be handled or other tables. It’s not a hard adjustment. It will just take a bit of time for you both to get to know and trust each other. Then you will have a friend for life. 

Thank you.

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Perhaps, there’s a trick to using duvet covers that I never mastered.  Lol

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40 minutes ago, SunnyBeBe said:

Perhaps, there’s a trick to using duvet covers that I never mastered.  Lol

Come sit over here by me. You can even sit closer than six feet if you're comfortable; I'm vaccinated. I've never mastered duvet covers either. 

Also, I find duvets/comforters generally too heavy. I prefer quilts/coverlets. Once I figured that out I quit trying to win the fight with duvet covers. Declared victory and left the battlefield. 🙃

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9 minutes ago, Jeeves said:

Come sit over here by me. You can even sit closer than six feet if you're comfortable; I'm vaccinated. I've never mastered duvet covers either. 

Also, I find duvets/comforters generally too heavy. I prefer quilts/coverlets. Once I figured that out I quit trying to win the fight with duvet covers. Declared victory and left the battlefield. 🙃

Well, I’m in good company! Tks.  😆

I like comforters because I move so much I disrupt the covers and make the bed a wreck.  It’s easier to keep it straight with one layer.  But, I may end up going with a quilt, because I just can’t find the design I want in a comforter.  

Edited by SunnyBeBe
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Doodlebug hasn't been active since May 11th. Anyone know if she is okay or away? Could she have gone to SA to provide medical services?

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My husband hated any kind of quilt or coverlet. I had a duvet cover Iiked, so I put it on the bed, without the inside piece. It was light weight and looked nice on the bed.

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Tomorrow I have a spa day planned, seeing my colorist (bye bye GREY!), a massage, and a manicure and a pedicure. 

I am still dealing (emotionally) with the fall out with my cousins. I still have not a baby toe of regret, but it hurts to be treated the way I have been when I have only acted to protect the vulnerable and try to get my cousin some help for her hoarding problem. There has been a lot of loss over the last several months. 
 

A friend of mine is pregnant (known donor), she and her wife took in a nephew, and are co-parenting her wife's 17yrs old son (adopted) with the ex. My friend had always wanted to be be pregnant, but she wanted to foster more, and now she is doing both- she will be 39 in December so I get the "now or never" but damn, I LIKED going to her house and now there will be a baby there. But maybe we can have a REAL BABY SHOWER this time.

We are seeing if Cosmo and her dog get long for dog sitting help while I am on vacation (whenever that happens).

Cosmo sends his love and comfort to you all. 

EC18D4F2-CC31-4E80-9CCC-4E1D542AE17B.jpeg

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On 6/8/2021 at 11:19 AM, Scarlett45 said:

House hunting is SO STRESSFUL, I am SO VERY HAPPY for your and your dog and your boyfriend. 

This will be wonderful to have this out of the way before law school starts (you're doing part time in the fall yes?) It is great when your dog loves your yard.

Yup! My first mortgage payment in Aug 1, and orientation is in mid-August. So I'm planning to take my time, but be fully moved in by Aug 1 (meaning have moved all my things to the house, not necessarily unpacked and everything). The truth is that I would love to just get a truck and get everything over there immediately! But I need to be slow and steady and stick to my planned timeline, to keep from things getting totally nuts with pets and commuting.

Plus, my boyfriend is dealing with getting his parents into assisted living, and it's consuming 99% of his bandwidth right now...we've talked about it and he wants to get them moved into their new place before moving himself, so Aug 1 is the date we agreed on for us BOTH being moved into the house.

On 6/8/2021 at 11:56 AM, BetyBee said:

In other news, my sister is back in a rehab (physical, not addiction) after 2 more recent ER visits. She just can't live alone and her kids are at their wit's end trying to keep her happy and safe. She also is Covid positive with no symptoms. That is amazing as she is a lung cancer survivor. She's not very old (67) and her docs want her in assisted living. However, her finances are a mess. Her husband died in March, without a will. Though married for 20 years, they both own property they bought before the marriage. A lawyer is desperately needed to help her kids sort this out. But they've both been kept so busy since he died, trying to keep her healthy, that I think these issues are falling by the wayside. We're all so worried about her! 

Things get so scary when adults can't take care of their own basic physical needs anymore. As much as you want to pick up the slack so they can still live as normally and independently as possible, it's impossible to ever do enough. Just so horrible to watch and I can't imagine what it is to live through.

Everyone here who is dealing with grief (including over loved ones whose health is deteriorating), you're in my thoughts.

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34 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

Tomorrow I have a spa day planned, seeing my colorist (bye bye GREY!), a massage, and a manicure and a pedicure. 

I am still dealing (emotionally) with the fall out with my cousins. I still have not a baby toe of regret, but it hurts to be treated the way I have been when I have only acted to protect the vulnerable and try to get my cousin some help for her hoarding problem. There has been a lot of loss over the last several months. 
 

A friend of mine is pregnant (known donor), she and her wife took in a nephew, and are co-parenting her wife's 17yrs old son (adopted) with the ex. My friend had always wanted to be be pregnant, but she wanted to foster more, and now she is doing both- she will be 39 in December so I get the "now or never" but damn, I LIKED going to her house and now there will be a baby there. But maybe we can have a REAL BABY SHOWER this time.

We are seeing if Cosmo and her dog get long for dog sitting help while I am on vacation (whenever that happens).

Cosmo sends his love and comfort to you all. 

EC18D4F2-CC31-4E80-9CCC-4E1D542AE17B.jpeg

That's a happy dog!  What a sweetheart!

I'm so glad you are going to get some pampering tomorrow.  No one deserves it more.  😊

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Does anyone know what happened to Hathorlive went?

Just now, Rabbittron said:

Does anyone know what happened to Hathorlive or Doodlebug went?

 

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My husband hated any kind of quilt or coverlet. I had a duvet cover Iiked, so I put it on the bed, without the inside piece. It was light weight and looked nice on the bed.

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I have an old lady name, and I was named after a friend of my mother, who she became friends with after moving to Seattle from ND as a young woman.  Said friend was over 60 at the time, like I am now.  I wished as a child that I would have been named Linda or Susan or Jennifer, popular 60's era names.  Now I like my name just fine.

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2 hours ago, Rabbittron said:

Does anyone know what happened to Hathorlive went?

 

GeeGolly had some info on Doodlebug.  Also missing lately is Happyfatchick

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1 minute ago, lookeyloo said:

GeeGolly had some info on Doodlebug.  Also missing lately is Happyfatchick

We should have a missing snarker person list. 

Edited by Rabbittron
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55 minutes ago, xwordfanatik said:

I have an old lady name, and I was named after a friend of my mother, who she became friends with after moving to Seattle from ND as a young woman.  Said friend was over 60 at the time, like I am now.  I wished as a child that I would have been named Linda or Susan or Jennifer, popular 60's era names.  Now I like my name just fine.

I have an old lady middle name....my mother's! I never liked it growing up and when I married, I made my maiden name my middle name. Now I kind of regret it. It's actually a cute name and kind of back in style. It's ok though, because my family still calls me by my original name/middle name. Except when they're using a pet name! And I do like my maiden name and didn't want to let it go.

We're getting a new deck today! We live in an HOA and they're doing it, so we don't get any real say about it. They seem to be doing a pretty good job. It's attached to a screen porch that is our responsibility. Some of the boards extend to our porch, so there will be some mismatching until next year when they stain. Still, it's a great improvement and just in time for company this Saturday. 

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3 hours ago, xwordfanatik said:

I have an old lady name, and I was named after a friend of my mother, who she became friends with after moving to Seattle from ND as a young woman.  Said friend was over 60 at the time, like I am now.  I wished as a child that I would have been named Linda or Susan or Jennifer, popular 60's era names.  Now I like my name just fine.

My name's Susan and I was born in the 70s. I used to think my name was boring, but now I like it. It was actually way more popular than Karen during the Boomer era. I'm fascinated with baby name trends and I'll be really interested to see if Boomer names ever come back around again.

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3 hours ago, xwordfanatik said:

I have an old lady name, and I was named after a friend of my mother, who she became friends with after moving to Seattle from ND as a young woman.  Said friend was over 60 at the time, like I am now.  I wished as a child that I would have been named Linda or Susan or Jennifer, popular 60's era names.  Now I like my name just fine.

My Aunt Ada, whom recently died from old age, had an old lady name. I was very surprised when a neighbor named her new baby girl Ada!

Pre-covid, I volunteered at the Senior Activity Center and there were lots of women in their seventies named Sharon, Sherry and Cheryl.  So many.

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42 minutes ago, IndianPaintbrush said:

My name's Susan and I was born in the 70s. I used to think my name was boring, but now I like it. It was actually way more popular than Karen during the Boomer era. I'm fascinated with baby name trends and I'll be really interested to see if Boomer names ever come back around again.

I have cousins who are sisters - Susan and Karen!!  They are in their 70s

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51 minutes ago, IndianPaintbrush said:

My name's Susan and I was born in the 70s. I used to think my name was boring, but now I like it. It was actually way more popular than Karen during the Boomer era. I'm fascinated with baby name trends and I'll be really interested to see if Boomer names ever come back around again.

I'm a Susan from an earlier decade.  I've always liked my name for its versatility.   I've been variously Susie, Sue, Suz and Susan.  I don't think there are any baby Susans!

I find names fascinating and like to see "old" names come back into fashion.  I like my daughter's name but think it would have been good to have used one of my great  ancestral names such as Dedemiah, Mary Demiah and Emmaline.

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10 hours ago, Rabbittron said:

Does anyone know what happened to Hathorlive went?

 

 

7 hours ago, lookeyloo said:

GeeGolly had some info on Doodlebug.  Also missing lately is Happyfatchick

 

7 hours ago, Rabbittron said:

We should have a missing snarker person list. 

Thanks for asking about all these people!  I always wonder when we haven’t heard from someone. 

totally agree with the missing snarkers list!!

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Scarlett45

This is a reminder that the Politics Policy is still in effect.

I understand with recent current events there may be a desire to discuss political social media posts of those in the Duggar realm- this is not the place for those discussions. If you believe someone has violated forum rules, report them, do not respond or engage.

Political discussion is not allowed in this forum- this includes Small Talk topics. Please stay in the spirit of the policy- I have noticed a tendency for some to follow the letter but not the spirit.

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