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Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

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44 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

Anyone else's Primetime just go whacked? I had to switched to dark mode, ugh, to even get on here. Otherwise it almost looked like I landed on the code page. WTF?

Yes, that happened to me too.

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That happened to me too and initially changing the theme didn't work but now it did? What a clusterfuck this update has been. 

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1 hour ago, MargeGunderson said:

I’ve watched the entire run of Leverage more times than I can count, which I credit with making me suspicious of others and teaching me that the best lies are the simple ones.

I LOVE Leverage! Did you see they are having a reunion? I'm so excited! Also, Aldis Hodge is just yummy (and freaking bulked up right now for a movie with the Rock).

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1 minute ago, emma675 said:

I LOVE Leverage! Did you see they are having a reunion? I'm so excited! Also, Aldis Hodge is just yummy (and freaking bulked up right now for a movie with the Rock).

I can’t wait! I named my 2 cats Sophie and Parker 😁

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This thread is not the place to accuse other posters of lying. In fact, there is nowhere on the site that is the place for that.  When interacting with others, you are obviously free to maintain any skepticism you feel is warranted.  That does not mean it is okay to refer to them as a liar, call them out in any way, or many of the other posts that were put in here today. If you aren't able to refrain, simply put the user on ignore.  

If someone is requesting money from the board, please report it.  That is not allowed.  

Overall, no one here is a fact checker - not the mods, not the admins, and not the posters.  The only one responsible for how you choose to interact with another poster is you. 

The thread will remain locked until the mods have adequate time to clean it up.  Also, I noticed several posts about problems with the forum since the upgrade; these are being worked on, but in the meantime, please feel free to report any glitches here. 

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I see we're unlocked again. Just saying hi to everybody. 

And, ETA since I said this yesterday but it was in a post that was purged: Those of you who have had to administer estates in probate, please accept this tip of my hat to you for all that work. I'm the executor named in the will of a longtime friend who died last month. It's been a lot of work and a certain amount of aggravation. I'm not a member of the family, nor am I a beneficiary. Fortunately there's plenty of money in the estate, and I've been able to hire a law firm for the probate case and to advise on how to proceed given some of the hinkier provisions of the will. Still, that leaves me with plenty to do. One relative of the departed, is very active and in my face all the time. She's not acting in a malicious way, but I need for her to calm down and understand the timeline we are dealing with here, and what her role is (and isn't). I'm working on it, one step at a time. I think it will be okay in the long run. 

While I'm thinking about it, does anyone have experience or special knowledge about used furniture that comes from the home of a serious smoker? So far I've had hard "no way" answers from a local furniture consignment store and a used furniture dealer. This is wood furniture, not upholstered pieces. An auction house that also handles estates, is sending someone to look at the stuff week after next, so that wasn't a hard "no." The stuff is nice enough, wasn't beat up, but as I said, although the place no longer reeks of smoke after a month of cleaning and airing, it's not exactly fresh as a daisy either. I fecking hate smoking. Just saying. 😡

Edited by Jeeves
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1 hour ago, Jeeves said:

I see we're unlocked again. Just saying hi to everybody. 

And, ETA since I said this yesterday but it was in a post that was purged: Those of you who have had to administer estates in probate, please accept this tip of my hat to you for all that work. I'm the executor named in the will of a longtime friend who died last month. It's been a lot of work and a certain amount of aggravation. I'm not a member of the family, nor am I a beneficiary. Fortunately there's plenty of money in the estate, and I've been able to hire a law firm for the probate case and to advise on how to proceed given some of the hinkier provisions of the will. Still, that leaves me with plenty to do. One relative of the departed, is very active and in my face all the time. She's not acting in a malicious way, but I need for her to calm down and understand the timeline we are dealing with here, and what her role is (and isn't). I'm working on it, one step at a time. I think it will be okay in the long run. 

While I'm thinking about it, does anyone have experience or special knowledge about used furniture that comes from the home of a serious smoker? So far I've had hard "no way" answers from a local furniture consignment store and a used furniture dealer. This is wood furniture, not upholstered pieces. An auction house that also handles estates, is sending someone to look at the stuff week after next, so that wasn't a hard "no." The stuff is nice enough, wasn't beat up, but as I said, although the place no longer reeks of smoke after a month of cleaning and airing, it's not exactly fresh as a daisy either. I fecking hate smoking. Just saying. 😡

Just wanted to say I was able to get the smoke smell off of a wooden vintage sewing machine cabinet with orange Glo and Murphy’s oil soap. A lot of black garbage came Off from inside the drawers. It was with my smoking grandparents for years and then lived smoke free for many more years somewhere else but when I got it I had to clean it. 

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9 minutes ago, lookeyloo said:

Just wanted to say I was able to get the smoke smell off of a wooden vintage sewing machine cabinet with orange Glo and Murphy’s oil soap. A lot of black garbage came Off from inside the drawers. It was with my smoking grandparents for years and then lived smoke free for many more years somewhere else but when I got it I had to clean it. 

I'm excited for you!  This summer I will be able to head home to see family and will be bringing back a sewing machine that belonged to my great-grandmother.  What special memories ♥

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1 hour ago, Jeeves said:

I see we're unlocked again. Just saying hi to everybody. 

And, ETA since I said this yesterday but it was in a post that was purged: Those of you who have had to administer estates in probate, please accept this tip of my hat to you for all that work. I'm the executor named in the will of a longtime friend who died last month. It's been a lot of work and a certain amount of aggravation. I'm not a member of the family, nor am I a beneficiary. Fortunately there's plenty of money in the estate, and I've been able to hire a law firm for the probate case and to advise on how to proceed given some of the hinkier provisions of the will. Still, that leaves me with plenty to do. One relative of the departed, is very active and in my face all the time. She's not acting in a malicious way, but I need for her to calm down and understand the timeline we are dealing with here, and what her role is (and isn't). I'm working on it, one step at a time. I think it will be okay in the long run. 

While I'm thinking about it, does anyone have experience or special knowledge about used furniture that comes from the home of a serious smoker? So far I've had hard "no way" answers from a local furniture consignment store and a used furniture dealer. This is wood furniture, not upholstered pieces. An auction house that also handles estates, is sending someone to look at the stuff week after next, so that wasn't a hard "no." The stuff is nice enough, wasn't beat up, but as I said, although the place no longer reeks of smoke after a month of cleaning and airing, it's not exactly fresh as a daisy either. I fecking hate smoking. Just saying. 😡

Contending with the minutiae of a probate estate isn't for the faint of heart.   My advice, keep meticulous records.   Retaining a law firm was a very good choice.   If things become incredibly burdensome you may also consider whether your state has provisions for the estate compensating you for your time.    Even if you currently think, absolutely not, I'm doing this to honor my friend's wishes, there may come a point where the workload just keeps coming.   I don't say this to advocate for the idea that you should use your position for profit, simply from the experience of having worked in the courts for many years and watching how so many cases play out.

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1 hour ago, Jeeves said:

While I'm thinking about it, does anyone have experience or special knowledge about used furniture that comes from the home of a serious smoker? So far I've had hard "no way" answers from a local furniture consignment store and a used furniture dealer. This is wood furniture, not upholstered pieces. An auction house that also handles estates, is sending someone to look at the stuff week after next, so that wasn't a hard "no." The stuff is nice enough, wasn't beat up, but as I said, although the place no longer reeks of smoke after a month of cleaning and airing, it's not exactly fresh as a daisy either. I fecking hate smoking. Just saying. 😡

My understanding is that because wood is permeable, you just plain can't get all the smoke residue out unless it was already sealed so that you only have to worry about the surface.  You can however, clean the surface thoroughly and then cover it with a non-permeable clear shellac.  This basically locks the remaining smoke residue on the inside of the shellac.  The problem is, if it is antique, then that may destroy the resale value. 

The question is: does this furniture have enough value that it is worth the time and effort to rehab it, or are you better off just dumping it through something like freecycle or even taking it to the dump and washing your hands of it?

We ended up trashing the stuff we inherited because it was just cheap knockoffs and it wasn't worth trying to get the smoke out once a surface clean failed.

 

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The azaleas are blooming their hearts out this spring and I love it! 😍

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1 hour ago, Jeeves said:

I see we're unlocked again. Just saying hi to everybody. 

And, ETA since I said this yesterday but it was in a post that was purged: Those of you who have had to administer estates in probate, please accept this tip of my hat to you for all that work. I'm the executor named in the will of a longtime friend who died last month. It's been a lot of work and a certain amount of aggravation. I'm not a member of the family, nor am I a beneficiary. Fortunately there's plenty of money in the estate, and I've been able to hire a law firm for the probate case and to advise on how to proceed given some of the hinkier provisions of the will. Still, that leaves me with plenty to do. One relative of the departed, is very active and in my face all the time. She's not acting in a malicious way, but I need for her to calm down and understand the timeline we are dealing with here, and what her role is (and isn't). I'm working on it, one step at a time. I think it will be okay in the long run. 

While I'm thinking about it, does anyone have experience or special knowledge about used furniture that comes from the home of a serious smoker? So far I've had hard "no way" answers from a local furniture consignment store and a used furniture dealer. This is wood furniture, not upholstered pieces. An auction house that also handles estates, is sending someone to look at the stuff week after next, so that wasn't a hard "no." The stuff is nice enough, wasn't beat up, but as I said, although the place no longer reeks of smoke after a month of cleaning and airing, it's not exactly fresh as a daisy either. I fecking hate smoking. Just saying. 😡

Being the executor of an estate can be overwhelming.  Unless you have been one, you cannot imagine. It took over 2 years, partly because of Covid, to settle my mother's estate. And that was with everyone involved being cooperative and agreeable.  

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Jeeves, estates are not simple, even if they look that way at first, imo.  I have handled the probate administration as Administrator and as the attorney hired by the Executor.   Depending on your state, you may recover compensation for your time.  Plus, the attorneys may get paid for some services they do.  I’d explore it with the attorneys you retained, look at the retainer, etc.   Most of the time, I handle most everything.  It can be tedious.  No one believes how long the process can be.  
 

Ref. Cigarette smoked wood furniture......I’ve tried so many things.  I think some things may never lose the smell.  There are professional products available, also bleach and vinegar recommendations, running fan, leaving windows open for hours with fans on, etc.  For drawers and trunks, I placed multiple  scented dryer sheets inside and shut up for few days.  You can spend many hours trying to rid the smell to no avail.   I have one China cabinet that had some smoke smell and just when I think it’s gone.....one day I get a faint odor....it could be my imagination.   Lol

Edited by SunnyBeBe
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Open pails of coffee grounds or charcoal removes the cigarette smell from cars. 

Different but may work... A few years back our house was sprayed by a skunk. We were told to crank up the heat for a few hours, (this was in the middle of summer) and 'burn' the smell away. We did just that, we turned the heat up, left for a couple of hours, came home shut the heat off and opened the windows, left for another hour. Came back and the skunk smell was gone.

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I was in charge of my neighbor's estate when she didn't have anyone else.  She left money to relatives she had not spoken to for years.  Turned they had died.  So I had to track down their children, with nothing but the last name.  I did find them, after finally finding an obit with just their names.  I divided the amount between them and sent checks.  Suggestion:  when you leave your final plans, please include names and addresses of people you want to leave money to.  And make sure they are still alive.  Also, be sure any charities are listed with the correct name and address.  It took me two months and four letters to get a donation to the correct charity.  As letters with the check were returned to me as "wrong address", I just kept putting them unopened in a new envelope and tried another address.  This particular charity had changed addresses several times, but had not updated their web site.  The check finally arrived at the correct address.  Likewise, be prepared to receive requests for donations sent to the deceased.  Even after I sent a final donation and told them she had died, they continued to send her requests for money for a couple of years.  Finally, I wrote on the donation slip "XXXX is dead.  Stop asking her for money".  That worked.  And be sure to notify the DMV and voter registration in your state.  There are so many little things that need to be done.  It really is quite a process.

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28 minutes ago, CalicoKitty said:

I was in charge of my neighbor's estate when she didn't have anyone else.  She left money to relatives she had not spoken to for years.  Turned they had died.  So I had to track down their children, with nothing but the last name.  I did find them, after finally finding an obit with just their names.  I divided the amount between them and sent checks.  Suggestion:  when you leave your final plans, please include names and addresses of people you want to leave money to.  And make sure they are still alive.  Also, be sure any charities are listed with the correct name and address.  It took me two months and four letters to get a donation to the correct charity.  As letters with the check were returned to me as "wrong address", I just kept putting them unopened in a new envelope and tried another address.  This particular charity had changed addresses several times, but had not updated their web site.  The check finally arrived at the correct address.  Likewise, be prepared to receive requests for donations sent to the deceased.  Even after I sent a final donation and told them she had died, they continued to send her requests for money for a couple of years.  Finally, I wrote on the donation slip "XXXX is dead.  Stop asking her for money".  That worked.  And be sure to notify the DMV and voter registration in your state.  There are so many little things that need to be done.  It really is quite a process.

I still can't get charities to stop sending solicitations. My mother died in January of 2019. I write DECEASED in large letters all over it and send back to no avail.I finally got AARP to stop by speaking to someone on the phone and being rather blunt about how they were wasting their time and money and my time. But the other still send solicitations. The probate process was very time consuming.  Also, as I noted a while back, my mother designated my sister and myself as co-executors. The way her will was worded required that the two of us do EVERYTHING  together.  We couldn't " divide and conquer " responsibilities. So, do not name co-executors unless you set it up in a way that both don't have to handle every minute detail together.  

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"Deceased" is too difficult to understand, apparently.  SHE IS DEAD written on the forms or letters seems to get the point across better.  I once had someone call and ask for her, and after I said she was no longer at this address, he asked for her new address.  I think he finally realized that she was not going to make a donation when I told him I was sorry, but I didn't remember the number of her crypt.  He never called back.

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2 hours ago, SunnyBeBe said:

Jeeves, estates are not simple, even if they look that way at first, imo.  I have handled the probate administration as Administrator and as the attorney hired by the Executor.   Depending on your state, you may recover compensation for your time.  Plus, the attorneys may get paid for some services they do.  I’d explore it with the attorneys you retained, look at the retainer, etc.   Most of the time, I handle most everything.  It can be tedious.  No one believes how long the process can be.  

You are so right. I'm a retired lawyer, but did not practice in the estate/probate area. My state allows the executor to be paid, my late friend told me that she expected me to be paid as executor, and I'm keeping detailed time and activity records of my work as executor. I've hired a well-respected small firm that specializes in this stuff. I'm handling the things I'm comfortable doing and the firm is taking care things they are best set up to do. And advising me on a couple of unusual provisions in the will. I will of course not go crazy billing the estate, but I'm not doing all this for free either. 

I'm dealing with one local relative who has a bee in their bonnet about the furniture. From my conversations so far with dealers, I don't think it's as magically easy to get rid of smoke smells on wood furniture as that relative does. The relative found some wonder product on the internet that they think they will use to magically remove all the smoke odor from wood. I'm not so sure. This person has today reported to me that they have talked to a couple of used furniture places who are really interested in the furniture. I asked if they'd disclosed the smoking situation; no they didn't.  "I'll tell them about it after I've used that stuff and got the odor all out." Oy. I'm trying not to get too stressed out, it's just not worth it. 

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26 minutes ago, thehorseofpower said:

I had an interesting experience this weekend with music awakening some memories I didn't know were still there. It was kind of incredible, honestly.

I started having this little piano tune playing constantly in my head recently, and I realized it was the opening music from the barre exercises I did in ballet class during my high school years. The last time I did this particular barre work would have been 20 years ago. I could not get this music out of my head, so I started searching things like "old ballet barre music" on YouTube and Google hoping to find the entire collection of music, as all I could remember was the opening bit and it was driving me crazy. I found nothing.

Then I remembered I had recorded the complete music from my teacher's record onto a cassette tape at one point so I could practice at home. Somewhere in my spare room closet I had a huge bag of old cassette tapes my parents gleefully dropped off after I bought a house and told me I could store them from now on. Haha. I found the bag and dug into it, not expecting much, but lo and behold, my old tape labeled "barre music" was the third tape I pulled out!

I then realized I might not have a cassette player to play the tape on. I found an old CD player, but no cassette part to it. I recalled seeing an old Walkman in my armoire of craft supplies when digging around in there awhile back..no idea why I kept it. I unearthed the Walkman. By this point I was really invested in getting this darn tape to play - it was like a quest.

The Walkman had ancient batteries inside, which thankfully had not corroded or leaked, so I dumped them out and replaced with new. I put the tape in, hit play and held my breath....and nothing. No movement of the inner parts. I was really bummed after having come that far and tried jiggling the tape around, opening and closing the tape door, trying other buttons, switching it to radio and back, and suddenly, it sprang to life and started to play!

And there it was, the music I'd been humming for several weeks. And I realized that my body also remembered the movements that used to go with the music. I didn't know I still knew those moves. I used the edge of my fireplace mantel as a barre and started doing the same exercises I used to do every week in dance class. Each time the music changed to the next exercise I would think "I have no idea what comes next - no way will I be able to do any more," but every time the music got going, my body would just sort of start moving, and slowly it all came back. If I didn't think too much about it and just let my body take over, it was like the last 20 years were gone and I was back in ballet class. If I hadn't found the music I would not have been able to do the exercises; it was the music that brought it back. As if the memory was locked up somewhere and needed a key to get out again.

 

"Muscle memory" is very real.  I love that the music triggered your quest.  Lovely story.

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38 minutes ago, thehorseofpower said:

I had an interesting experience this weekend with music awakening some memories I didn't know were still there. It was kind of incredible, honestly.

I started having this little piano tune playing constantly in my head recently, and I realized it was the opening music from the barre exercises I did in ballet class during my high school years. The last time I did this particular barre work would have been 20 years ago. I could not get this music out of my head, so I started searching things like "old ballet barre music" on YouTube and Google hoping to find the entire collection of music, as all I could remember was the opening bit and it was driving me crazy. I found nothing.

Then I remembered I had recorded the complete music from my teacher's record onto a cassette tape at one point so I could practice at home. Somewhere in my spare room closet I had a huge bag of old cassette tapes my parents gleefully dropped off after I bought a house and told me I could store them from now on. Haha. I found the bag and dug into it, not expecting much, but lo and behold, my old tape labeled "barre music" was the third tape I pulled out!

I then realized I might not have a cassette player to play the tape on. I found an old CD player, but no cassette part to it. I recalled seeing an old Walkman in my armoire of craft supplies when digging around in there awhile back..no idea why I kept it. I unearthed the Walkman. By this point I was really invested in getting this darn tape to play - it was like a quest.

The Walkman had ancient batteries inside, which thankfully had not corroded or leaked, so I dumped them out and replaced with new. I put the tape in, hit play and held my breath....and nothing. No movement of the inner parts. I was really bummed after having come that far and tried jiggling the tape around, opening and closing the tape door, trying other buttons, switching it to radio and back, and suddenly, it sprang to life and started to play!

And there it was, the music I'd been humming for several weeks. And I realized that my body also remembered the movements that used to go with the music. I didn't know I still knew those moves. I used the edge of my fireplace mantel as a barre and started doing the same exercises I used to do every week in dance class. Each time the music changed to the next exercise I would think "I have no idea what comes next - no way will I be able to do any more," but every time the music got going, my body would just sort of start moving, and slowly it all came back. If I didn't think too much about it and just let my body take over, it was like the last 20 years were gone and I was back in ballet class. If I hadn't found the music I would not have been able to do the exercises; it was the music that brought it back. As if the memory was locked up somewhere and needed a key to get out again.

I got kind of emotional about it...I guess because after a year of so much loss and so much stress, feeling like I found something again that used to mean a lot to me, something I didn't anticipate doing again, felt so good. I danced from age 3-18 and it was a huge part of my life back then - I struggle with finding ways to work out as an adult that I can stick to because nothing quite compares to performing something to music, interpreting the mood of a dance, gradually perfecting each and every step with every run-through. It felt more like art than exercise, and that's something I've found hard to replicate with a typical gym workout. I've barely exercised at all since the pandemic began and it felt so great to move my body in a way that used to bring me joy. Instant mood lift and stress reliever.

Although I got very sore after a few days of doing this as ballet definitely works muscles that haven't been touched in years. Oof. I may have felt like I was 16 again while doing my moves but afterward I felt every bit of my 38 years. 😖

Mommy Rabbittron here and I want to thank you for awakening a memory of mine of dancing from the age of 3 to 25 as some of you know that I was very sick and still are very weak. But I went to YouTube and found ballet music for kids and in my mind I saw me as a child learning to dance. When I get stronger I think I am going to get Rabbittrons ballet barre from her basement and bring it back to my house and practice. 

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1 hour ago, CalicoKitty said:

"Deceased" is too difficult to understand, apparently.  SHE IS DEAD written on the forms or letters seems to get the point across better.  I once had someone call and ask for her, and after I said she was no longer at this address, he asked for her new address.  I think he finally realized that she was not going to make a donation when I told him I was sorry, but I didn't remember the number of her crypt.  He never called back.

My dad passed away in 2012.  He was still on the list of the [redacted] party in 2014.  I answered the phone to get some volunteer looking for a contribution asking for my dad.  I responded with  he died 2 years ago.  I felt like Uncle Lewis in Christmas Vacation.   Never got another call from them after that.

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50 minutes ago, Jeeves said:

You are so right. I'm a retired lawyer, but did not practice in the estate/probate area. My state allows the executor to be paid, my late friend told me that she expected me to be paid as executor, and I'm keeping detailed time and activity records of my work as executor. I've hired a well-respected small firm that specializes in this stuff. I'm handling the things I'm comfortable doing and the firm is taking care things they are best set up to do. And advising me on a couple of unusual provisions in the will. I will of course not go crazy billing the estate, but I'm not doing all this for free either. 

I'm dealing with one local relative who has a bee in their bonnet about the furniture. From my conversations so far with dealers, I don't think it's as magically easy to get rid of smoke smells on wood furniture as that relative does. The relative found some wonder product on the internet that they think they will use to magically remove all the smoke odor from wood. I'm not so sure. This person has today reported to me that they have talked to a couple of used furniture places who are really interested in the furniture. I asked if they'd disclosed the smoking situation; no they didn't.  "I'll tell them about it after I've used that stuff and got the odor all out." Oy. I'm trying not to get too stressed out, it's just not worth it. 

In my state, the executor may get a percentage from the estate, if there are sufficient funds to cover it.  I’d definitely explore it. 

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29 minutes ago, SunnyBeBe said:

In my state, the executor may get a percentage from the estate, if there are sufficient funds to cover it.  I’d definitely explore it. 

That’s how it is in New York, but everything that’s part of the estate doesn’t necessarily count toward the percentage (commission) , though.

Edited by ginger90
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31 minutes ago, Rabbittron said:

Mommy Rabbittron here and I want to thank you for awakening a memory of mine of dancing from the age of 3 to 25 as some of you know that I was very sick and still are very weak. But I went to YouTube and found ballet music for kids and in my mind I saw me as a child learning to dance. When I get stronger I think I am going to get Rabbittrons ballet barre from her basement and bring it back to my house and practice. 

I'm so glad you had your happy memories of dancing triggered! I hope you start feeling better and can get that barre out. Speaking as someone who hasn't been ill but has basically spent the last year sitting in an armchair, it's been a nice low impact sort of exercise that still really works all the muscles. And of course makes the endorphins flow extra hard when there's happy nostalgic memories attached. 🥰

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Just talked to Rabbittron about the ballet barre and she said no way she still uses it but her boyfriend will build me one. 

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@thehorseofpower- thanks for sharing that story. Made me smile! There are ways to get that music copied from the cassette to an MP3 or other type of digital music file, which means you can burn it onto a CD, play it on your computer/phone/whatever, etc.  I hope you bounce back from the initial aches, and keep on dancing!

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That's a wonderful story that brought a tear to my eye, @THEHORSEOFPOWER. Thank you for sharing.

 

Edited by jcbrown
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31 minutes ago, Jeeves said:

@thehorseofpower- thanks for sharing that story. Made me smile! There are ways to get that music copied from the cassette to an MP3 or other type of digital music file, which means you can burn it onto a CD, play it on your computer/phone/whatever, etc.  I hope you bounce back from the initial aches, and keep on dancing!

I definitely will have to get it off the cassette tape if I keep this up - the old Walkman is probably not a long-term solution...and even if I didn't want to do the exercises anymore, I want to preserve the music so I don't "lose" it again. My hours of YouTube searching and playing random music trying to find what I remembered and coming up with nothing has convinced me my cassette may be one of the last remaining copies of this! 😆

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I getting tired of these teases of Spring. I want real Spring to arrive at my doorstep yesterday. 🌱🌼☀️

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Good morning!  I have a question for anybody this morning.  Mother's day is approaching and I'm curious if you gift your daughters and daughters in law?

I haven't in the past but was thinking about doing that this year.  A monetary gift for something special they would like.

The problem is I don't want to get in between the gifting my grandchildren do to their parents!

I was buying a card for my friends birthday and happened upon mother's day cards and saw daughter and daughter in law.  Something I never thought of doing.

My husband and I decided when we first had children we wouldn't gift each other because we never wanted our gifts from our children of plaster hands and cards to be outshined by bought gifts.

Thanks for any input!

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23 minutes ago, Jeanne222 said:

Good morning!  I have a question for anybody this morning.  Mother's day is approaching and I'm curious if you gift your daughters and daughters in law?

I haven't in the past but was thinking about doing that this year.  A monetary gift for something special they would like.

The problem is I don't want to get in between the gifting my grandchildren do to their parents!

I was buying a card for my friends birthday and happened upon mother's day cards and saw daughter and daughter in law.  Something I never thought of doing.

My husband and I decided when we first had children we wouldn't gift each other because we never wanted our gifts from our children of plaster hands and cards to be outshined by bought gifts.

Thanks for any input!

Alternative perspective for you, my MIL gives me a Mother’s Day card and small gift every year, it’s usually very thoughtful and sweet. We had a rough start when I had my daughter  (she wanted to move in and take care of my kid full time, or wanted me to do the millennial thing and leave my kid with her 24/7) so it’s nice getting a card saying she thinks I’m a good mother and appreciates me. My parents usually do not, just depends on the mood, but we have a really good relationship so I don’t expect things from them for stuff like that because they do things for me all the time. 
 

so as the DIL and daughter it’s appreciated. 

Edited by NotthebadVictoria
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@thehorseofpower, I loved your muscle memory story! Good for you!

As for Mother's Day gifts, we usually give our daughters flowers on MD. This year they each get a rosebush. We usually give my Mom a hanging basket. She has a big front porch and a lot of kids who also give hanging baskets. She sits on her porch a lot, so it works out. I will also be giving her a hug for the first time in over a year, since we will both be vaccinated!

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In the past I have helped grandchildren make or purchase gifts for my daughters.

I used to give my mother a gift on my birthday. 😁

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I haven’t done much for my daughter on Mother’s Day other than a phone call to tell her how proud I am of how she is raising my grandchildren. Trouble is her husband never helped the kids do anything for her so she feels under appreciated. It would just be another day in their house. This year I’m going to text the kids (they’re old enough to do something on their own) and remind them that they need to make her a card and maybe do something for her that she will like. The oldest girl can cook breakfast. Another boy can clean up and the youngest can do something equally caring. Maybe set the table and collect some wild flowers for it. 

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2 hours ago, Jeanne222 said:

Good morning!  I have a question for anybody this morning.  Mother's day is approaching and I'm curious if you gift your daughters and daughters in law?

I haven't in the past but was thinking about doing that this year.  A monetary gift for something special they would like.

The problem is I don't want to get in between the gifting my grandchildren do to their parents!

I was buying a card for my friends birthday and happened upon mother's day cards and saw daughter and daughter in law.  Something I never thought of doing.

My husband and I decided when we first had children we wouldn't gift each other because we never wanted our gifts from our children of plaster hands and cards to be outshined by bought gifts.

Thanks for any input!

I am a mother in law and send my daughter in law a card.  I send my son a card for Father's day.  Just something to say "you are a good mom/dad".  They usually send me something made by the children (who are now mostly grown and usually sign a card).  We don't live close so don't usually celebrate together.

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Most years, not last year due to covid, I try to remember any mother that I think might not receive anything and those in the family with a little something. Just a small thing like a special dish towel with a nice flower or slogan of it, like You’re special, with some special hand soap or small vase with flower or mug, thermos, etc.  I enjoy doing it.  

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We don't generally do anything for our daughter, except that we usually volunteer to babysit so they can go out to brunch or something. She has only been a mother for three years, though, so there hasn't really been time to establish any sort of expectation, and my daughter has never been one to expect or demand special treatment for anything anyway.  But mother's day has never really been that big of a deal in our family. I tend to consider it more of a Hallmark Holiday than anything else. Our sons usually make sure they give us a phone call, but other than that, I don't expect cards or flowers from them. 

Maybe someday I'll have a daughter-in-law, but there has been no sign of one coming along anytime soon, and my boys are 35 and 30...

 

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Posted by @lascuba on Jessa's thread:

Didn't she have a framed BJ on the wall shortly after they married? Didn't last long once the boards noticed and mocked, iirc.

I'm not sure if that or Jim Bob going on about wanting a big D when he saw the giant V at the Vuolo wedding is my favorite unintentional filth.

 

I know a young couple around my son's age...wife is very sheltered, parents are Quiverfull, she was homeschooled. When she got engaged, she got huge light-up letters of their initials and the ampersand: T & A. And she used them for ALL events...engagement party? T & A! Bridal shower T & A! You get the point. My inner 12 year old boy was highly amused, but the groom went to public school, and was on the football team with my son. He HAD to know the alternate meaning. But I guess he didn't want to admit to her that he possessed such unholy knowledge...

Edited by Turquoise · Reason: Couldn't get to copy, trying to cite appropriately :)
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52 minutes ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

We don't generally do anything for our daughter, except that we usually volunteer to babysit so they can go out to brunch or something. She has only been a mother for three years, though, so there hasn't really been time to establish any sort of expectation, and my daughter has never been one to expect or demand special treatment for anything anyway.  But mother's day has never really been that big of a deal in our family. I tend to consider it more of a Hallmark Holiday than anything else. Our sons usually make sure they give us a phone call, but other than that, I don't expect cards or flowers from them. 

Maybe someday I'll have a daughter-in-law, but there has been no sign of one coming along anytime soon, and my boys are 35 and 30...

 

From the time my kids were born Mother's Day has always been about my MIL.  We always gathered together as a family and had a BBQ and gave her gifts.  So my kids grew up thinking Mother's Day is about their grandma, not their mom-me!

Now that they are all grown, and none are parents, and MIL has severe dementia and is in a home, we don't celebrate it.  My daughter did inform me that Mother's Day is a made-up Hallmark card holiday!

I'm 63 and can't remember ever getting a Mother's Day gift, other than the flower that church used to give out.

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I want to host a Mother’s Day celebration at my house, but I do worry it would come across as self-indulgent. It would be me, my husband, our young children, his mom, his dad, and his dad’s husband. So there is also another mother (and grandmother) being celebrated. My FILs are already fully vaccinated, but my MIL, my husband, and I will all be fully vaccinated early next week, hence why I am eager to have a family celebration.

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I have never been able to take my Mother out for Mother's Day (as an adult with money of my own). It wasn't until 2019 when M came to work for us that my sister had a caregiver that wasnt a mother for the first time in 16yrs. 

I had BIG BIG plans to take both my Mom and Godmother out for a very fancy Mother's Day outing in 2020, but that RONA came and ruined all our plans. Now my Godmother is gone. I made a reservation at one of my Mom's favorite restaurants for this Mother's Day (I already cleared it with M and would be paying her for the day).

Well guess what friends? My Mom is currently in the hospital and having surgery for a BOWEL obstruction. It seems her hernia she developed after her gallbladder removal in 1991 finally started giving her problems, and a sore tummy last Wednesday lead to constipation (never a problem for her) and the decision to go to the ER Monday. 

I. Am. So. Sick. Of. HOSPITALS!!!!!!!!

My Mom is going to be okay, and is in good spirits considering, as she says "it isn't bile duct cancer, I am good."......I could NOT make this shit up. Really could not.

Can I get a vacation and go to Walt Disney World PLEASE????

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OMG, @Scarlett45 - haven't you had ENOUGH sh*t for the year already?? I'm so sorry for this latest trouble. OTOH I'm glad your mom is going to recover and is in good spirits. But still. I'm sorry this happened to her (and you). 

If I had the magic wand to make it so - you would be at Disney World ASAP!!

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I believe Mother's Day is a Hallmark holiday.  This is partly due to my rocky relationship with my mother over the years, and being the eldest daughter.  I was the one who for years did all of the heavy lifting to make the second Sunday in May special for my mother and have never received a thank you.  It was (and still is) expected of me to take care of things so they can look good while my older brother always finds something to complain about.  He expects me to cater to his wants while planning a day for Mom. because heaven forbid he sacrifice anything on a day meant for someone else.  I remember the first MD after my niece was born.  My mom wanted to see her and my sister so she planned for us to meet halfway at a restaurant.  My worthless older brother sneered at the chosen restaurant and demanded we change the venue.  Which we did after he finally deigned to suggest something not a chain in the town where he was living.  It literally never occurred to him then or on any other occasion when we were near him for him to be the one to choose.  

I am not planning anything this year.  If he and my little brother want to do something then one of them can get up off of his ass to plan.  This year we will all be in the same town because my little brother is finally getting his bachelor's degree on Friday with a graduation party on Saturday.  I should look into a brunch for Sunday, but I don't want to.  I'm tired.

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Scarlett45

This is a reminder that the Politics Policy is still in effect.

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