Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[jcbrown]

I went back and re-read the end of the Wanderwoman saga and what stuck out for me is that many of us having been chattering together on the Interwebs for a Long Time. Thanks for hanging in there--this is a good bunch.

[Ijustwantsomechips]

21 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

This is your life and you have a right to draw a picture that fulfills you.
 

Also more maturity and stability may motivate you to care for older children in the future- 37 is still young as far as a typical female life span. 

Oh to be 37 again....I made 39 in April but I’ll take it.

Edited July 11, 2020 by Ijustwantsomechips
I really do know how old I am I just need sleep

[Love2dance]

Sending hugs and support to all the small talk friends who need it. This seems to be such a difficult and heartbreaking time for so many of us. I’m so grateful for this community.

[crazycatlady58]

12 hours ago, CalicoKitty said:

The Midwife's Tale by Gretchen Moran Lakas

I just checked her website.  She has a new book The Miner's Daughter.

Thank you.

[CouchTater]

Quick update on my attempt to adopt sister cats:  the fosters re-homed them without letting the rescue org. know, so they were not available to me!  😥

For the cat peeps here, what's opinion:  is a solo cat as happy as 2 cats together?  I'd feel so guilty having one cat by herself all day (if I ever get back to the office), but I kind of want to wade back into the cat waters slowly, with 1 cat.  I'm never this indecisive about anything.  Ugh!!

[Scarlett45]

4 minutes ago, CouchTater said:

Quick update on my attempt to adopt sister cats:  the fosters re-homed them without letting the rescue org. know, so they were not available to me!  😥

For the cat peeps here, what's opinion:  is a solo cat as happy as 2 cats together?  I'd feel so guilty having one cat by herself all day (if I ever get back to the office), but I kind of want to wade back into the cat waters slowly, with 1 cat.  I'm never this indecisive about anything.  Ugh!!

The last time I had one cat only (before two weeks ago) I was a little girl. I think bonded pairs have a more fulfilling life especially if you’re the type that is gone a lot. And they groom each other. I also think it makes for cuter photos. 
 

You might want to visit a no cage shelter and adopt cats that are cuddling together even if they aren’t an official bonded pair, because that means they like each other. 
 

All that said, if you only want one cat a home with you is far better than a shelter any day. I would get another cat but Blake is so OLD and personality wise he’s such a damn bully. He I think will be fine as a solo cat, but I know my cat Charlie wouldn’t have been. Had Charlie been the last living I would’ve adopted another cat or pair of cats. 

[MargeGunderson]

25 minutes ago, CouchTater said:

Quick update on my attempt to adopt sister cats:  the fosters re-homed them without letting the rescue org. know, so they were not available to me!  😥

For the cat peeps here, what's opinion:  is a solo cat as happy as 2 cats together?  I'd feel so guilty having one cat by herself all day (if I ever get back to the office), but I kind of want to wade back into the cat waters slowly, with 1 cat.  I'm never this indecisive about anything.  Ugh!!

I think 2 cats are preferable, especially if they are young. I adopted 2 in March that were at the same shelter but were not together, although we had actually gone there specifically to look at a bonded pair.  It was definitely a situation where the cats picked us, or specifically one of them knew a sucker when she saw one, and my husband was smitten with one of them within minutes. I picked the other one because she was a calico with a very sweet expression. The folks at the shelter thought their personalities would get along well, and they were right! Within minutes of bringing them home they were curled up in the same cat bed. They were 12 and 14 months old when we got them, and the younger one watched the older one and followed her around trying to do the same things. We joked that she was learning how to be a cat! They play together a lot, which is great because they have so much energy, and we can’t always play with them when they want us to (like when I’m on a conference call). They also cuddle together quite a bit, which is adorable. I cant imagine having one without the other, and think they both would be lonely if the only cat in a household. But, older cats who are used to be only cats may not be enthusiastic about other cats. It’s hard to tell, but the shelter staff should be able to help you. Good luck!

 

Edited July 11, 2020 by MargeGunderson

[BetyBee]

We have only one cat. We are home with him all day, so he probably thinks we are 3 cats living together. 😏

[GeeGolly]

18 minutes ago, BetyBee said:

We have only one cat. We are home with him all day, so he probably thinks we are 3 cats living together. 😏

He probably thinks its cute when you snuggle with your other human. 😸

[Jenniferbug]

@CouchTater I'd recommend getting 2 cats at the same time, if you think you will eventually want 2 cats. 

We got our 2nd cat when the elder cat was 2 years old. We have an elderly dog and thought the elder cat would like a playmate and someone to keep her company when the dog's time came. Plus I was experiencing a bit of baby fever, and a kitten seemed preferable to a baby for a whole lot of reasons. We followed all the guidelines for introducing cats to each other and it did not matter one bit. She HATES the younger cat. They tolerate each other, but she does not like him too close to her and hisses when he comes near her. He still tries to play with her sometimes, so he's either stupidly oblivious to her hatred or actively trying to terrorize her. They each have their spaces and they tolerate being in the same room with each other, but they do not interact with each other.

I know plenty of people whose cats bond just fine, but wanted to share my experience where they didn't even though it's been 3 years. 

[Absolom]

I agree with jenniferbug if you think you want two cats, try to find two kitties who already like each other.  We adopted sisters thinking they'd already be bonded.  We then lived with 17 years of hissing and territorial disputes because they seemed to forget they were sisters the minute they came through our door.  Fortunately we lived in a large enough house that they could each claim a section and usually only crossed paths at feeding time.  

[Suzn]

I think cats are happier with companions, but as others have said, the age and personality of the cats is a huge consideration.  There are some cats that just will not be happy with another cat.

I have always had multiple cats - at one time 9!  This was too many but I kept taking in cats who needed homes...  Since last fall, I was down to one kitty.  Ashley is 17 and sight impaired and never was really close to any other cat, but did like to play chase games with one and seemed to like being near others.

I really wanted kittens and thought that two would play with each and leave Ashley alone.  I got 8 week old Loki and Freya in January.  This has mostly worked out as intended - Freya in particular will nap touching, not quite cuddling, and Ashley likes that, but Loki is a irrepressible kitten who wants to "play" and Ashley is not pleased.

Bottom line - cats like companions but again, age and personality are factors.

[Suzn]

4 minutes ago, Suzn said:

I think cats are happier with companions, but as others have said, the age and personality of the cats is a huge consideration.  There are some cats that just will not be happy with another cat.

I have always had multiple cats - at one time 9!  This was too many but I kept taking in cats who needed homes...  Since last fall, I was down to one kitty.  Ashley is 17 and sight impaired and never was really close to any other cat, but did like to play chase games with one and seemed to like being near others.

I really wanted kittens and thought that two would play with each and leave Ashley alone.  I got 8 week old Loki and Freya in January.  This has mostly worked out as intended - Freya in particular will nap touching, not quite cuddling, and Ashley likes that, but Loki is a irrepressible kitten who wants to "play" and Ashley is not pleased.

Bottom line - cats like companions but again, age and personality are factors.

Should have done an edit instead of new post...

Jenniferbug brought up a point,  in my experience females don't in general don't like other females much.  Male/female: good; Male/male: good; Female/female: more likely conflict.

[Barb23]

On 7/7/2020 at 8:57 PM, Mindthinkr said:

 

Some Jaws trivia for you: In that very first scene where the kids are partying on the beach (before the first girl goes off and gets bitten) is partially comprised of some of my friends. They guy playing the harmonica is my first ever boyfriend. One of the couples are my best friends from college. They were all doing a biology class over the summer there. The smoke they were smoking was real marajuana. Panama Red. They all thought it was a neat experience. 

 

 

 

How interesting!!  My 30 year old niece is a Jaws lover & I will definitely be passing on these bits of trivia. 

On 7/8/2020 at 11:51 PM, Sweeneyswt said:

I know a few of you for sure were around back during the wanderwoman scandal. Are there still a lot of people here who went through that live? I did stop reading for awhile when she was still posting. Well, I read about The Duggars, but I stopped that thread when the name changed. I felt so mean. 

Add me to the WW list as well. I became leery when the ex showed up at the daughter's birthday party with his pregnant lady friend. Also WW tripping over the dog's leash & ending up with bone cancer in wrist seemed over the top as well. Things happen but WW had too many of those coincidences. 

On 7/9/2020 at 1:52 AM, Sew Sumi said:

Yes! I couldn't stand her.

This was about GEML & I totally agree.  According to her, I made a wrong comment about the location and name of a farmer's market Josh and Anna went to when they were in DC.  I won't go into my usual lengthy details but she could have said it more nicely that I was wrong.  (Even tho Mr. Barb said I wasn't.)

On 7/9/2020 at 10:27 PM, fonfereksglen said:

I still have our Welcome to Bawlmer, Hon magnet on our fridge!  From 1984.

My husband goes way back to the mid 60s, when Fort Holaburd in Dundalk, was the home to all the Army Intel schools before the move to Fort Huachuca, AZ.

Such great times and we miss the crabs.

 

As @sixlets and I have discovered, we are both fellow Marylanders. Love your magnet! I grew up and still live south of Baltimore City very near BWI airport. 

That's  funny you mention Dundalk. My sister has worked there in a very small office for years and years. Definitely a world of their own as are most of the neighborhoods. 

We treated ourselves to small blue crabs last week. They were on the light side but seasoned well & even though not cheap, they were delicious. Something about being the first batch of the season makes them extra special as well. 🦀

I also remember the Go Fund Me Grandma for laptops for her grands and that she had a summer or beach referenced name.  It was funny because I don't remember anyone doing a Go Fund Me& then all of a sudden they started popping up.

Welcome @thehorseofpower!!  What an interesting post. I still can't get over the coincidence of you reading about Jill and Derick's wedding & them leaving the size of their family up to God while waiting for your doctor's appointment & dealing with your own problems.  I find these types of coincidences amazing whether you believe it is just a coincidence or involves a greater power. 

We really have reminisced & discussed some varied topics.  I don't want to keep repeating myself but here I go again -- a lot of times reading this forum & others about the Duggars & their ilk are better (&safer) than the pain killers i take that come in a bottle. Reading about them takes my mind off the pain for awhile  & into other directions.  Even if it's just the amount of time it takes the real pain med to kick in. 

Have a good rest of your weekend everyone & stay safe!

I may be adding my own cat story soon. My niece found a stray but I want to get all the details correct before I start posting.🐱

[Scarlett45]

1 hour ago, Suzn said:

Jenniferbug brought up a point,  in my experience females don't in general don't like other females much.  Male/female: good; Male/male: good; Female/female: more likely conflict.

Yeah if they aren’t already a bonded pair, boy/girl do better than matching sexes. Blake and Charlie used to fight a lot but they did cuddle a lot and play as well- the fighting lessened as they aged. 

[CalicoKitty]

Just to put my $0.02 in.  My two girl cats are 4 years apart in age, and came into my house 3 years apart.  They are both sleeping on my bed right now.  They have been great together.  Cat personalities are very individual.  Pick two that seem to be close to each other.  The shelter should know which cats play nice together.  Either one of my girls would be very lonely without the other.

[Suzn]

1 hour ago, CalicoKitty said:

Just to put my $0.02 in.  My two girl cats are 4 years apart in age, and came into my house 3 years apart.  They are both sleeping on my bed right now.  They have been great together.  Cat personalities are very individual.  Pick two that seem to be close to each other.  The shelter should know which cats play nice together.  Either one of my girls would be very lonely without the other.

That can't be emphasized enough.  Everything I said was only generalities.  Cats are every bit as individual as people.

[PikaScrewChu]

14 hours ago, Ijustwantsomechips said:

Oh to be 37 again....I made 39 in April but I’ll take it.

Sending my thoughts out to you.

Now I'm no longer young per se I'm freaking out. I have mentors that found their spouses in their late 30s but immediately started a family. I am like "But I want to do x, y, and z together before kids! I wanted at least 5 years of marriage before I have a kid! This is unfair!"

Ugh. I might have to take another break from the Duggars et al. Still pisses me off they are having kids willy nilly with no regard for human life. I might pop in for the Nurthan nuptials.

[Scarlett45]

I have wanted to video call with my great aunt since March. For the last few weeks I hadn’t been able to talk to her on the landline, (I wonder if my cousin took the phone away) and when I texted my cousin(her daughter and caregiver), I kept getting the run around. 
 

My mom called my cousin 4x on Wednesday before she FINALLY put my aunt on the phone. Today I get a photo of my cousin’s cat, so I think “I’m going to Facebook messenger her and call RIGHT NOW.” More run around “I’m getting Mom a tablet for memory games.....I need to charge my computer.....I need to charge my phone......” oh my fucking god. What’s she hiding??? Why can’t anyone see our Aunt? Our mutual cousin said he wasn’t going on that house because it’s a “Black Grey Gardens in that mug!”

[galaxychaser]

I’m so mad right now. The bank canceled my card for like the third time for fraudulent activity. I bought something from Best Buy for $43. So I went to Best Buy wanting to pay cash for the order and they wouldn’t accept money. So now I got no card for 2 weeks or my item. 
 

 

 

[galaxychaser]

1 hour ago, PikaScrewChu said:

Sending my thoughts out to you.

Now I'm no longer young per se I'm freaking out. I have mentors that found their spouses in their late 30s but immediately started a family. I am like "But I want to do x, y, and z together before kids! I wanted at least 5 years of marriage before I have a kid! This is unfair!"

Ugh. I might have to take another break from the Duggars et al. Still pisses me off they are having kids willy nilly with no regard for human life. I might pop in for the Nurthan nuptials.

I accepted that my destiny is to be alone until I die. I have no luck in meeting nice, loyal people. It’s just my life since I started school. It is what it is. 

[galaxychaser]

20 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

I have wanted to video call with my great aunt since March. For the last few weeks I hadn’t been able to talk to her on the landline, (I wonder if my cousin took the phone away) and when I texted my cousin(her daughter and caregiver), I kept getting the run around. 
 

My mom called my cousin 4x on Wednesday before she FINALLY put my aunt on the phone. Today I get a photo of my cousin’s cat, so I think “I’m going to Facebook messenger her and call RIGHT NOW.” More run around “I’m getting Mom a tablet for memory games.....I need to charge my computer.....I need to charge my phone......” oh my fucking god. What’s she hiding??? Why can’t anyone see our Aunt? Our mutual cousin said he wasn’t going on that house because it’s a “Black Grey Gardens in that mug!”

I’d go over there demanding to see her! Something is very wrong!

[Scarlett45]

2 minutes ago, galaxychaser said:

I’d go over there demanding to see her! Something is very wrong!

I rolled by there in June (didn’t call first) because I was on that side of the city, my cousins car was not in front. 
 

I just talked to another cousin who had a bday drive by event the weekend I had to put Mr. Norris to sleep so I didn’t make. She HAS seen our Aunt- in person (during the bday drive by). 
 

I am going to get up and drive by tomorrow, but I’m not sitting in that house it’s gross. 

[Zella]

7 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

She HAS seen our Aunt- in person (during the bday drive by). 
 

Did she get a chance to talk to her and did she seem okay?

[Scarlett45]

8 minutes ago, Zella said:

Did she get a chance to talk to her and did she seem okay?

Our Aunt has mid stage dementia. She still knows her family members and basic “life stuff” but her short term memory is GONE, and she often forgets what year it is. Once in April she had to be back in the 1990s because she was amazed I was home alone with my sister and my Mom just left us! She asked me how old I was. (Yes I admit my voice is the same pitch it was 25yrs ago)
 

But she was clean and dressed up when my cousin saw her. 

[Zella]

2 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

Our Aunt has mid stage dementia. She still knows her family members and basic “life stuff” but her short term memory is GONE, and she often forgets what year it is. Once in April she had to be back in the 1990s because she was amazed I was home alone with my sister and my Mom just left us! She asked me how old I was. 
 

But she was clean and dressed up when my cousin saw her. 

Ah okay. I'm sorry about her dementia--that's such a sad condition/disease. 😞 

[Scarlett45]

1 minute ago, Zella said:

Ah okay. I'm sorry about her dementia--that's such a sad condition/disease. 😞 

Yes it is. My cousin is being ridiculous. EVERYONE loves our Aunt so much and is trying to help her and she’s being a BRAT. A 51yrs old brat. 

[Zella]

13 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

Yes it is. My cousin is being ridiculous. EVERYONE loves our Aunt so much and is trying to help her and she’s being a BRAT. A 51yrs old brat. 

Yeah unfortunately that can bring out the worst in people. My step-great-grandfather had Alzheimer's for the last several years of his life, and some of his children (who were well into middle age and should have been old enough to know better) didn't handle it very well.

Edited July 11, 2020 by Zella

[emma675]

1 hour ago, Scarlett45 said:

Yes it is. My cousin is being ridiculous. EVERYONE loves our Aunt so much and is trying to help her and she’s being a BRAT. A 51yrs old brat. 

Some people never grow out of being a brat, I've come to learn. I hope you get a chance to see your aunt in person to make sure everything is okay. 

[Marshmallow Mollie]

@Ijustwantsomechips I am so sorry. I was diagnosed with endometriosis at 19, and after another surgery at 27 my doctor said I would never get pregnant on my own. I was BITTER. So very bitter. I did not handle it with any grace whatsoever. I would get so mad at anyone who accidentally got pregnant, for sure not go to a baby shower, and could not handle anyone complaining about their children. 
 

At age 31, with only one ovary, I had my only pregnancy, and it was twins. I am now in a twin mom group, and many if not most were infertile and used fertility drugs. Many of them were BITTER like me. 

 

Infertility made me a bad friend and bad family member, but I will say that I am so deeply appreciative to have children that I don’t whine and complain like some people do. I think I enjoy it more. 
 

On the other hand, I think I would have far less anxiety if I didn’t have children. Climate change, nuclear war, even pandemic, wouldn’t be so scary if I only had to worry about myself. I had somewhat made my peace that I wouldn’t have children, so sometimes it still hits me that I have to worry about two extra people for the rest of my life. 

[realityfan26]

1 hour ago, Marshmallow Mollie said:

@Ijustwantsomechips I am so sorry. I was diagnosed with endometriosis at 19, and after another surgery at 27 my doctor said I would never get pregnant on my own. I was BITTER. So very bitter. I did not handle it with any grace whatsoever. I would get so mad at anyone who accidentally got pregnant, for sure not go to a baby shower, and could not handle anyone complaining about their children. 
 

At age 31, with only one ovary, I had my only pregnancy, and it was twins. I am now in a twin mom group, and many if not most were infertile and used fertility drugs. Many of them were BITTER like me. 

 

Infertility made me a bad friend and bad family member, but I will say that I am so deeply appreciative to have children that I don’t whine and complain like some people do. I think I enjoy it more. 
 

On the other hand, I think I would have far less anxiety if I didn’t have children. Climate change, nuclear war, even pandemic, wouldn’t be so scary if I only had to worry about myself. I had somewhat made my peace that I wouldn’t have children, so sometimes it still hits me that I have to worry about two extra people for the rest of my life. 

Thank you for sharing this. My children are probably around your age as I have young grandchildren. My DH and I often talk about the world in which they'll grow up, so I get your anxiety. It's been a crappy year and I pray that we see more safe and stable times ahead. 

[Jeeves]

@Ijustwantsomechips, I'm late to the party but want to also say that I'm sorry about your uncle and that you're dealing with the emotional rollercoaster around parenting and infertility at all, and especially in the special kind of nuttiness that the year 2020 has brought us. Sending some virtual hugs.

I was out and about a lot yesterday. In the morning I sold my car, which makes me a one-car household again. A few pages back I posted at length about buying an old minivan mainly to use to "glamp" in (there's room for a cot! and more!) when travel is feasible once more. My plan was to keep it as a second vehicle. But just a few weeks later I was OVER the expense and hassles of owning/maintaining two vehicles. And although it's older than my 2012 Subaru Outback, and has twice as many miles? I like driving the minivan so much better. I decided to get what I could for the Outback without the hassles and dangers of listing it for sale myself, put that money in the bank, and just drive the damn van till the wheels fall off. And I ended up getting more for the Outback than I'd thought I would, from a dealer. No muss, no fuss. 

Although I bought the Outback new, took very good care of it, and it had never experienced any mechanical problems - I wasn't up for keeping it all that much longer. Or for selling it to anyone I know. It has something called a CVT transmission, which has caused so much trouble that Subaru was sued over it. And Subaru extended their warranty on the transmission on a million cars - including mine - to 10 yrs/100K miles. I don't need that kind of major and expensive trouble. In the last couple of years I've felt the t***** not shifting as expected when I got onto a highway and accelerated. So adios to all that. That Outback was the third one I've owned, and my least favorite in how it handled on the road. 

Other than that I've tried to stay inside and stay cool. It's been hot here, and scarily dry. I noticed on Friday my phone display said it was in the high 90's and the relative humidity was only six percent. Yikes. (Here in Colorado it just takes a spark and a breeze to start fires in those conditions.) That evening I had a serious nosebleed, and I'm convinced it was related to the extreme dryness. I've been liberally squirting saline solution into the schnozz since then, lol. 

[BetyBee]

I am thankful for my children and grandchildren, but I fear for the future they will live in. I had a pretty crappy childhood, but at least I had a childhood which included lots of outdoor playtime in the fresh air. Things are so much more difficult now in many ways. I have no idea how they will survive the planet and the politics of it all. They are however much more enlightened and open to other ways of being than the world was when I was growing up. There are a lot of positives. Every day I hope and pray for a better world for them. 

[wilsie]

This was shared from someone I love on FB.  She always has some kind and loving things to share.  Watching the how the Duggars, Bates and especially the Rodrigues family not really look out for others this struck a good nerve.  "A few days ago a Kentucky garbage man noticed no trash cans were being put out at an elderly woman's house on his route for two straight weeks. He was concerned enough to share the address with his supervisor. She found the name of the woman at the address and called her: “Ms. Smith, we noticed you haven't put out your cans for a while. Are you ok?” Ms. Smith replied: “I’m ok. But my caretaker was so afraid of the virus that she stopped coming. I can’t get to the store. I don’t have any trash because I’ve run out of food. And I don’t have any family to help me.” After a long pause, the caller said: “You do now. We are your family.”

She let her truck driver know of the sad news. The next day, on his day off, he knocked on her door and asked her to make up a grocery list. “Ms. Smith— the list is too short.” She added a few more items. “Ms. Smith, this list is still too short. Would you mind if I looked into your fridge?” She relented. He opened the fridge and it was bare. Empty.

An hour later, he brought in dozens of bags of groceries for a woman he hardly knew.

Tears. An air-hug that met social distancing protocol. And the garbage man walked out of the house of this woman who was physically immobile, but levitating. A garbage man decided he’d reach out to someone and church broke out. His supervisor shared the creed with this elderly woman: “You have a family now.”

I miss our services of worship. I miss that it’s silent now. I'm sick to my stomach we had to push back are start-back date to gather.

But church? Church is happening all around us. It’s a phone-call. It’s a bag of groceries. It happens anytime someone tells another person who is Jesus in his best disguise: “You have a family now.” Real church is not defined by a service of worship, but by servants of Christ.

Keep being church. That’s all you have to do."  Not one scary going to hell pamphlet involved.

[Jynnan tonnix]

1 hour ago, wilsie said:

This was shared from someone I love on FB.  She always has some kind and loving things to share.  Watching the how the Duggars, Bates and especially the Rodrigues family not really look out for others this struck a good nerve.  "A few days ago a Kentucky garbage man noticed no trash cans were being put out at an elderly woman's house on his route for two straight weeks. He was concerned enough to share the address with his supervisor. She found the name of the woman at the address and called her: “Ms. Smith, we noticed you haven't put out your cans for a while. Are you ok?” Ms. Smith replied: “I’m ok. But my caretaker was so afraid of the virus that she stopped coming. I can’t get to the store. I don’t have any trash because I’ve run out of food. And I don’t have any family to help me.” After a long pause, the caller said: “You do now. We are your family.”

She let her truck driver know of the sad news. The next day, on his day off, he knocked on her door and asked her to make up a grocery list. “Ms. Smith— the list is too short.” She added a few more items. “Ms. Smith, this list is still too short. Would you mind if I looked into your fridge?” She relented. He opened the fridge and it was bare. Empty.

An hour later, he brought in dozens of bags of groceries for a woman he hardly knew.

Tears. An air-hug that met social distancing protocol. And the garbage man walked out of the house of this woman who was physically immobile, but levitating. A garbage man decided he’d reach out to someone and church broke out. His supervisor shared the creed with this elderly woman: “You have a family now.”

I miss our services of worship. I miss that it’s silent now. I'm sick to my stomach we had to push back are start-back date to gather.

But church? Church is happening all around us. It’s a phone-call. It’s a bag of groceries. It happens anytime someone tells another person who is Jesus in his best disguise: “You have a family now.” Real church is not defined by a service of worship, but by servants of Christ.

Keep being church. That’s all you have to do."  Not one scary going to hell pamphlet involved.

What a wonderful story! And I'd add that no church is even necessary for good people to do good things. Just empathy and kindness.

[Ijustwantsomechips]

10 hours ago, Marshmallow Mollie said:

I was BITTER. So very bitter. I did not handle it with any grace whatsoever.

Thanks @Marshmallow Mollie.  That’s definitely how I feel and I don’t like it. I’m excited for the new babies, especially my great nephew, but I don’t think I can hold any of them.  Not yet anyway. I’m slowly learning to just ignore some of my family’s comments as not everything is about them and their kids and lives. I’m entitled to my own feelings.  

1 hour ago, Jeeves said:

 

@Ijustwantsomechips, I'm late to the party but want to also say that I'm sorry about your uncle and that you're dealing with the emotional rollercoaster around parenting and infertility at all, and especially in the special kind of nuttiness that the year 2020 has brought us. Sending some virtual hugs.

 

Thanks @Jeeves.  I had a rough night Friday, but my ex was with me and helped me through it.  He even listened to some of my funny uncle stories and that cheered me up.  

[wilsie]

2 minutes ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

What a wonderful story! And I'd add that no church is even necessary for good people to do good things. Just empathy and kindness.

It is isn't it?  And like you said, just good people doing good things because of empathy and kindness.  

[galaxychaser]

@Ijustwantsomechips big hug to you. 

[Ijustwantsomechips]

Thanks @galaxychaser. I’m taking things one day at a time.

[MonicaM]

59 minutes ago, Ijustwantsomechips said:

Thanks @galaxychaser. I’m taking things one day at a time.

That's all you can do.  I went through nearly five years of infertility hell.  I reached the point where I was practically housebound, because I couldn't stand to be around anything that involved children or family.  I not only stopped going to baby showers, but I didn't even send a gift.  Yes, I was bitter but most of all, it was painful.  Literally, it hurt night and day.  As you know only too well, if you haven't been there, then you have absolutely no idea how bad it is.  

We tried foster parenting, but to say the least, that was definitely not the route to parenthood for us.  Having infertility problems does NOT somehow qualify you to parent children who have been damaged by their biological parents and the system.  In our county, adoptions from the system were rare, and we saw two beautiful young brothers reunited with their biological mother the very day she was released from prison, because the end goal was reunification ASAP.  

Sorry I did some venting, but I wanted to let you know that I understand a lot about where you are right now.  However, I also want to encourage you to hang in there and DON'T GIVE UP.  After some very expensive medical treatments and five miscarriages, our first son was born nearly thirty years ago.  We were deliriously happy with our long awaited miracle baby, and focused on raising him and paying off our medical debts.  Two years later we were very happily surprised with our second son.  Don't give up hope!

I know what you mean about the Duggar's.  Although my difficulties are thirty years in the past, it still bothers me when young, ignorant women effortlessly get pregnant, and then flaunt their condition.    Makes it even worse when they also effortlessly got married, and live a very nice lifestyle with none of the hassles and inconveniences of a job.

Hope this somehow helps.  I believe your time will come, and you will one day have the perfect family for you.

[emma675]

We had a freak, totally unexpected wind storm early this morning (60+ mph) and it knocked out power to my neighborhood at 4:30am. It's still out and the latest estimate from the power company is 5pm (it was 6:30am then 11:30am then 2pm) to restore service. Meanwhile it's 100 degrees outside. This is not fun.

 

ETA, power is finally back on after almost 12 hours! It was 80 degrees in the house. The dog and I are laying on the floor under an air vent.

Edited July 12, 2020 by emma675d

[Scarlett45]

38 minutes ago, emma675 said:

We had a freak, totally unexpected wind storm early this morning (60+ mph) and it knocked out power to my neighborhood at 4:30am. It's still out and the latest estimate from the power company is 5pm (it was 6:30am then 11:30am then 2pm) to restore service. Meanwhile it's 100 degrees outside. This is not fun.

Oh no! Hydrate hydrate hydrate in the shade. It will be better than roasting in a brick house until the power comes back (not sure if your house is brick or not). 

[Jenniferbug]

@emma675, is there anywhere nearby where you could go to cool down? A mall isn't ideal, but maybe wiping down a table in the corner of a food court would be better than boiling at home? That's such a crummy situation to be in. Fingers crossed your power comes back on soon! 

[NotthebadVictoria]

On 7/10/2020 at 10:33 AM, Ijustwantsomechips said:

2020 really sucks!  So a few weeks ago my uncle was in a terrible car accident in Galveston.  We’re not really sure what happened, but the dump truck he was driving hit a berm and caught on fire. He had third degree burns on 40% of his body and was in a coma for weeks.  He passed away on Wednesday afternoon and I haven’t even completely processed it yet.  I love all my uncles, but he was my favorite because he was the naughty one who would sneak us beer and tell the bad jokes.  My mom is doing okay considering, but this may take my 93 year old gramdma out.  Just knowing that he suffered makes it so much worse.  And this is the first of the eleven kids to go, so while we were preparing, we weren’t prepared.  

The week started off with me trying to finish foster care classes that got canceled back in March.  I had decided not to pursue them since my ex and I would try to have a biological child (you do what you gotta so when you’re old, single and out of options), but the opportunity for the classes kept presenting itself, so I took that as a sign.  I’m also not having any luck having a baby so far, so I said why not.  I could finish the classes and make an informed decision.  Turns out my region desperately  needs foster parents for kids aged 7-17, and if you don’t select those ages they won’t even process your application.  What kind of shit is that?  I mean I get why they’re doing that, but it still sucks.  On one had you tell me to choose the ages and traits I feel comfortable parenting, and on the other had you’re telling me you won’t deal with me if I don’t choose the traits you tell me to.  I feel deeply for the older kids and teens, I really do, but I am not ready to parent children that old yet.

I can’t afford private adoption, foster to adoption is obviously no longer an option, and I don’t know  if I will be able to have a biological child.  I also can’t afford IVF, and my insurance doesn’t cover IUI so even that may be cost prohibitive. My insurance also doesn’t cover most fertility treatments and I can’t get into see my doctor for two months. I’m 39, single, overweight, insulin resistant, hypertensive, and I have had over two dozen fibroids removed from my uterus during two separate surgeries (hello scar tissue!) Time and biology are not on my side. Parenthood may not happen for me and it’s a lot to accept. 

I can’t help but think that all those years I didn’t want children (as in age 15-37) have been wasted and this is my punishment.  I know I’m not the only one having fertility issues, but no one in my family really has fertility problems, so there’s no one to talk to. And to add insult to injury, my niece and two other much younger cousins are pregnant, unplanned of course, and three babies have already been born this year. Then my mom and sister think I’m just jealous of everyone else having babies when I really am happy for them, but I don’t necessarily want to go baby shopping with them right now.  Not sure why that’s so hard to understand, but my mom and sister had teenagers and grown children by this age, and never a day of female complications so they don’t get it. It makes them come off as inconsiderate though. 

I’m sorry that was so long and whiny, and I hate to throw a pity party, but I’m frustrated, sad, and I feel like society has scowled at me for not wanting kids for so long, and then when I try to have a family, every door keeps closing in my face.  I realize that I still have decent health, a home and a job and I should not complain, but I am feeling real defeated.  

Prayers for you, infertility is a rough road, and sometimes even getting pregnant doesn’t mean you’ll end up staying pregnant. F*^* Fibroids! You’re not alone, the only light at the end of the tunnel I can offer is that physically post hysterectomy life is great. It’s an emotional roller coaster but when you’re out of options getting rid of that torment is life changing. Had one at 32! 

[galaxychaser]

Elvis Presley’s grandson committed suicide. He was 27. 

[Sew Sumi]

His last name was Keough. Was he directly related? He was Priscilla's son from a later relationship. At best, he was Elvis' posthumous stepson.

[galaxychaser]

Elvis had one daughter Lisa. Benjamin was Lisa’s son. He was Elvis’s only grandson. Lisa also has 3 daughters.

[Sew Sumi]

Why was I mixing up Lisa Marie and Priscilla? My bad! 

[Ijustwantsomechips]

Thanks for the encouraging words @NotthebadVictoria and @MonicaM. I am determined to make next week a good one.

[Zella]

Oh wow that's really sad about Benjamin Keough. I always thought he looked a lot like his grandfather.