Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[wilsie]

11 hours ago, DragonFaerie said:

Just wanted everyone to know, they told us last week that the doctors box of tricks was empty.  Attempting to drain fluid of of Mr. Dragon's lungs or doing more dialysis would send him into a cardiac arrest.  I brought him home with hospice on this past Friday, May 31 with weeks according to the doctors.  His parents and siblings arrived Friday night and saw him.  Then he and I and a friend that helped me prep the room for him and get him settled in.  We laughed and joked and watched tv.  Then it was just he and I and we talked about so many things and it was wonderful.  He passed to the Summerland Sunday, June 2nd, at 2:07 pm - a shock to us all.  

I don't know you but my heart aches for you.  My prayers are with you, his family, and everyone who loves him.  I hope you can find peace in your good memories and whatever you need.  I am so very sorry for your loss.

[EVS]

@DragonFaerie, I am so sorry about your husband. I don’t know what to say that hasn’t already been said, but please know that I am thinking of you and will be here if you need support or to vent. 

[Christina87]

@DragonFaerie I am so sorry!!! Sending hugs and comforting vibes your way. It really sounds like you did all you could possibly do for him, and I'm sure he knew that. So sorry you had to go through such a hard loss! Hugs. 

[Christina87]

7 hours ago, mynextmistake said:

I mean, I don’t know your sister, but it’s possible that her decisions aren’t all made on the basis of how they’ll affect her dating life? It’s kind of off-putting to see an adult woman’s housekeeping standards being criticized because they make it less likely that she’ll land a man. That kind of thinking is really not very different from the sexist attitudes we criticize the Duggars for having. 

I mean...it's REALLY bad. Really. Really. Really bad. It's not just a little messy. It's like...the toilets, sink, and bathtub have never been cleaned. She wouldn't even use the bathtub towards the end of her stay there, because it was too dirty, and moldy, but she wouldn't clean it. 

Idk about you, but if I met a guy that i liked, and then went back to his place and it was like that, I would nope it out of there soooo fast! It's not a "females must always be fastidious housekeepers" thing. It's a "no adult human should live like this, ever" thing. I would feel terrible for any animal that lived in that environment! It would be a terrible look on men and women, and I WANT to be a SAHM and be the primary housekeeper when I'm married, but...I would never entertain another date with someone who hadn't cleaned his bathroom in six years, and had food on the floor literally from six years ago (which she actually did. She had only eaten cheerios once, the day she moved in, and they were still on the floor the day she left). 

Would most people date people who lived at grey gardens? Nope. 

Honestly, I would balk at someone cleaning their house perfectly "just to catch a man," but this is NOT what I'm saying at all. I'm saying there are minimum standards for just existing, and no one with their life together is going to want to hitch their wagon to someone who has tampon boxes all over the floor from years ago, hasn't washed their sheets in two years, and has never dusted the entire time they've lived there. At least without thinking really, really hard about it. Her friends won't even spend the night there, because they're so grossed out! It's literally horrific. 

There are some slobs that might not mind it, but it's the honest truth that no man with it even slightly together is going to be down to hang in this environment. Once it gets to hoarders level, it says a loud statement about that person's mentality, which is either extreme issues or extreme laziness. Most people wouldn't choose that person for a NEW partner (however hopefully they would help the person work through it if they suddenly developed these habits). 

She also has about four years' worth of unopened mail on the table, "because she doesn't like to open mail," so you can't sit down to the table to eat. What does that say about her? It makes her look super irresponsible. So does the fact that the floor is literally covered with a mix or clean and dirty clothes, and she'd never be able to tell you which was which. More often than not, she just goes out and buys new clothes on my dad's card rather than wash something, and then it ends up on the floor. Rinse and repeat. Would most new boyfriends take this as a sign she can manage money? Or her life? Not really. 

Trust me, I would be super offended if someone said your house had to be perfect to attract a man, and just a little clutter, or forgetting to dust for a reasonable time, was off-putting. But this is honestly hoarders level bad, and unsanitary even for animals. I think most people, men or women, would not immediately say yes to that environment!

In a lot of marriages, dividing chores / lack of cleanliness is a big source of friction. Imagine her married to a guy that wants some semblance of order in the house. He would be fighting an uphill battle! I think there IS a point, whether you're male or female, that your home can be SO bad that it negatively affects your dating life, just like being a slob in any other way can. What if your date showed up in a spaghetti splattered top? That would be so far beyond, "geez, dating is so superficial! The expectations for women are unrealistic! I can't stand shallow men!"

The thing is, my sister is a wonderful person, and unfortunately, your home is an extension of you, and says a lot about where you're at mentally. There is NO problem with your home saying, "I'm busy and stressed out, so it's not perfect." There is a problem with it saying, "I don't care that my apartment is completely unsanitary for even animal habitation." Sure, a gem of a patient man could come along and help her, but that's one in a million. The thing is, people aren't required to stay attractive to you once they've seen that you live in filth. 

Buuuut...she has a new house now. Let's all cross our fingers and hope she keeps it clean! Not to attract a man, but because I truly believe she would be a lot happier in a decent environment! She is really proud of her house, so maybe she will want to keep it looking decent. Cross your fingers! 😁

Edited June 9, 2019 by Christina87

[Mindthinkr]

@Christina87 Just to put the shoe on the other foot so to speak. I’ve had a male friend for 50 years. Our friendship began in HS. He has wondered why no female was ever interested in him for dating leading to a possible marriage and children. I can tell you why. First, he refuses to wear deodorant or antiperspirant. He stinks. Not to be mean, but I have mentioned to him that it can be off putting. Second. I went to visit his condo once. From about four doors down I smelled urine. Lo and behold when he opened his door I almost fainted. Yes, it was his place. Men are not always neat with their techniques for urination and his spray was all over the bathroom. To the point where I wouldn’t use his bathroom (either of the two as they were both bad) and held it until we went to the pizza restaurant down the street. 

You don’t have to be fastidious, but order and some cleanup are part of being a normal well adjusted person. 

[Christina87]

13 minutes ago, Mindthinkr said:

@Christina87 Just to put the shoe on the other foot so to speak. I’ve had a male friend for 50 years. Our friendship began in HS. He has wondered why no female was ever interested in him for dating leading to a possible marriage and children. I can tell you why. First, he refuses to wear deodorant or antiperspirant. He stinks. Not to be mean, but I have mentioned to him that it can be off putting. Second. I went to visit his condo once. From about four doors down I smelled urine. Lo and behold when he opened his door I almost fainted. Yes, it was his place. Men are not always neat with their techniques for urination and his spray was all over the bathroom. To the point where I wouldn’t use his bathroom (either of the two as they were both bad) and held it until we went to the pizza restaurant down the street. 

You don’t have to be fastidious, but order and some cleanup are part of being a normal well adjusted person. 

Oh wow!!! Yes, that is terrible. I'd rather use my sister's bathroom than his! 😂😂😂 did he ever change? I'm hoping sooooo badly that my sister can manage to keep her house sanitary! Even if it's messy, just sanitary. I think maybe she can! She's a lot more mature at 29 than she was when she moved in to her apartment at 22, and seems to have some desire to do better. It's so weird, because she is super organized and motivated in her career, but I think 1) my mom never made her do any chores, and 2) guys in college found the "messy dorm" thing charming. Messy dorms that you live in for a year are very different from living somewhere six years and not cleaning! Her college boyfriends always joked about how messy she was, but they got to step in and be the "big man" and save the day by cleaning. Adult men don't find it as cute.  I still think whoever she marries will probably have to do the lion's share of the work, and i think she will always be behind on laundry or dishes, and will never do much dusting. Buuuuut...I have faith that she can at least get it up to sanitary, but cluttered, if not better. Fingers crossed!

Edited June 9, 2019 by Christina87

[Mindthinkr]

@Christina87 I’m sorry to say that he’s never changed. He also brought a home in the Catskills and has moved a lot of his hoard into there. He allows his married friends to use it some weekends and she scrubs it clean (Bless her). He is lonely and understands that it will always be a bachelors life for him. It’s a shame because he is intelligent and likes to get out and do things. I remain friendly writhing him, but always get a hotel nearby. I don’t even mind cooking at his house as it seems to be the cleanest room in his secondary place. He has 3 friends in total and I am one of them. 

Yes, please hold hope for your sister in your heart. I was messy as a child, for reasons that I won’t go into. My brother and mother used to visit me. My bro would put on white gloves and begin his part of the inspection. My Mom would take a Q-Tip and go into the corners of my rooms (bathroom and kitchen especially) to see if they were clean enough. I grew into being a clean adult. My friends always always comment about how good it looks. 

I have a messy but sanitary friend. Her place is messy because she is depressed and gets overwhelmed when she thinks of all there is to do. She freezes and can’t do anything. I have cleaned her house, done her taxes and encouraged her that it’s not overwhelming if you focus on one task at a time. She’s improving. Perhaps your sister is dealing with similar issues or thoughts. 

[Christina87]

4 minutes ago, Mindthinkr said:

@Christina87 I’m sorry to say that he’s never changed. He also brought a home in the Catskills and has moved a lot of his hoard into there. He allows his married friends to use it some weekends and she scrubs it clean (Bless her). He is lonely and understands that it will always be a bachelors life for him. It’s a shame because he is intelligent and likes to get out and do things. I remain friendly writhing him, but always get a hotel nearby. I don’t even mind cooking at his house as it seems to be the cleanest room in his secondary place. He has 3 friends in total and I am one of them. 

Yes, please hold hope for your sister in your heart. I was messy as a child, for reasons that I won’t go into. My brother and mother used to visit me. My bro would put on white gloves and begin his part of the inspection. My Mom would take a Q-Tip and go into the corners of my rooms (bathroom and kitchen especially) to see if they were clean enough. I grew into being a clean adult. My friends always always comment about how good it looks. 

I have a messy but sanitary friend. Her place is messy because she is depressed and gets overwhelmed when she thinks of all there is to do. She freezes and can’t do anything. I have cleaned her house, done her taxes and encouraged her that it’s not overwhelming if you focus on one task at a time. She’s improving. Perhaps your sister is dealing with similar issues or thoughts. 

Yes!!! I definitely think she will do better with her new house. I think a LOT of it was immaturity, between my mom doing all the chores in our family, and my dad coddling her a lot...plus the positive reinforcement she got from her college boyfriends about her messy ways. She knows there are expectations at work, but not at home, and I think that's what it boils down to, though I do wonder about what it says about your mental state to let it get that bad. It seems like even most lazy people would reach a point where it would be off-putting. She was always the kid with the messy room, though, so I'm thinking she just doesn't notice it like most people would. But come on...when it gets to the point you can't take a bath, it's ridiculous! It's funny how people have different reactions to the same thing. My mom did all the chores at home, though we were expected to keep our rooms clean. I did, and she didn't, but there was no consequence for breaking the rule. Then, when I grew up, I thought, "well, I'm an adult now, so I have to clean. It's just a part of life." My sister had never cleaned before either, and saw it as optional. Honestly though, it's so bad that I still don't think she'd do it even if she'd grown up doing chores. We expected her to use the trash can growing up, and she won't do that now, except for really gross stuff. 

That's so sad about your friend!!! It sounds like he has a lot to offer. Why won't he take your advice on the deodorant thing? I can't imagine what anyone would have against deodorant! At least his place is cleaned from time to time. Hey, I always say it's never too late! He could still meet a lovely lady. She could meet him right after the place was cleaned, and then she could be unafraid to speak up as it started getting messy again. "Dude, pee in the toilet! Don't throw that on the floor...there's a trash can for a reason!" He'd have to marry a woman who liked to clean, but if he could raise his standards, and start learning how to pull his weight, I'd be so happy for him! Poor dude. We can dream, anyway!

[Zella]

15 hours ago, DragonFaerie said:

Just wanted everyone to know, they told us last week that the doctors box of tricks was empty.  Attempting to drain fluid of of Mr. Dragon's lungs or doing more dialysis would send him into a cardiac arrest.  I brought him home with hospice on this past Friday, May 31 with weeks according to the doctors.  His parents and siblings arrived Friday night and saw him.  Then he and I and a friend that helped me prep the room for him and get him settled in.  We laughed and joked and watched tv.  Then it was just he and I and we talked about so many things and it was wonderful.  He passed to the Summerland Sunday, June 2nd, at 2:07 pm - a shock to us all.  

Oh I am so very sorry to hear this. You and your family are in my thoughts and have my deepest sympathy. 

[Lisa418722]

@DragonFaerie, I am so sorry. Sending you hugs.  You and your family are in my thoughts. 

[amitville]

15 hours ago, DragonFaerie said:

Just wanted everyone to know, they told us last week that the doctors box of tricks was empty.  Attempting to drain fluid of of Mr. Dragon's lungs or doing more dialysis would send him into a cardiac arrest.  I brought him home with hospice on this past Friday, May 31 with weeks according to the doctors.  His parents and siblings arrived Friday night and saw him.  Then he and I and a friend that helped me prep the room for him and get him settled in.  We laughed and joked and watched tv.  Then it was just he and I and we talked about so many things and it was wonderful.  He passed to the Summerland Sunday, June 2nd, at 2:07 pm - a shock to us all.  

[jjane]

Dear @DragonFaerie, my sincere condolences again. I wanted to salute you for the way you have gone through this horrible situation. From personal experience I know how hard it is to be a caregiver. While reading your posts I could see the love and caring you were pouring into your husband. He was so blessed to have you. I hope you will have someone like you at the end of your life. You deserve it. Now that you have walked the last mile with your husband, I hope you will take the time to care for yourself and to let other people care for you. If somebody asks what they can do to help you, give them a concrete answer, like run an errand for you or pick something up at the store. People really want to help but they don't know what you need. If all you want is someone else in the house with you for a while, say so. With time, the bad memories will recede and the good ones will be at the forefront. We're all here if you need  a virtual conversation, hug, whatever. More virtual hugs and much love on the way.

[doodlebug]

Dragonfaerie, I send my condolences along as well as my respect and appreciation for the care you gave your husband over these last weeks.  You lived your promise to be with him in sickness and in health until death did you part; be proud of yourself for keeping that vow so well.  I know he appreciated it, too, and I am glad to know that he was able to come home and be with his loved ones for his last few days.  I'm sure you cherish the private time you spent together near the end.

[wilsie]

48 minutes ago, jjane said:

Dear @DragonFaerie, my sincere condolences again. I wanted to salute you for the way you have gone through this horrible situation. From personal experience I know how hard it is to be a caregiver. While reading your posts I could see the love and caring you were pouring into your husband. He was so blessed to have you. I hope you will have someone like you at the end of your life. You deserve it. Now that you have walked the last mile with your husband, I hope you will take the time to care for yourself and to let other people care for you. If somebody asks what they can do to help you, give them a concrete answer, like run an errand for you or pick something up at the store. People really want to help but they don't know what you need. If all you want is someone else in the house with you for a while, say so. With time, the bad memories will recede and the good ones will be at the forefront. We're all here if you need  a virtual conversation, hug, whatever. More virtual hugs and much love on the way.

Everything jjane wrote is true.  You showed such amazing strength and love for your husband during an incredibly difficult time.  I hope you have good and loving people surrounding you.  That you feel your husband's love when you miss him most.  

[Westiepeach]

@DragonFaerie - Please accept my heartfelt sympathy for the loss of your sweet husband. Cyber hugs to you!

[WaterSpirit]

3 hours ago, Christina87 said:

I mean...it's REALLY bad. Really. Really. Really bad. It's not just a little messy. It's like...the toilets, sink, and bathtub have never been cleaned. She wouldn't even use the bathtub towards the end of her stay there, because it was too dirty, and moldy, but she wouldn't clean it. 

Idk about you, but if I met a guy that i liked, and then went back to his place and it was like that, I would nope it out of there soooo fast! It's not a "females must always be fastidious housekeepers" thing. It's a "no adult human should live like this, ever" thing. I would feel terrible for any animal that lived in that environment! It would be a terrible look on men and women, and I WANT to be a SAHM and be the primary housekeeper when I'm married, but...I would never entertain another date with someone who hadn't cleaned his bathroom in six years, and had food on the floor literally from six years ago (which she actually did. She had only eaten cheerios once, the day she moved in, and they were still on the floor the day she left). 

Would most people date people who lived at grey gardens? Nope. 

Honestly, I would balk at someone cleaning their house perfectly "just to catch a man," but this is NOT what I'm saying at all. I'm saying there are minimum standards for just existing, and no one with their life together is going to want to hitch their wagon to someone who has tampon boxes all over the floor from years ago, hasn't washed their sheets in two years, and has never dusted the entire time they've lived there. At least without thinking really, really hard about it. Her friends won't even spend the night there, because they're so grossed out! It's literally horrific. 

There are some slobs that might not mind it, but it's the honest truth that no man with it even slightly together is going to be down to hang in this environment. Once it gets to hoarders level, it says a loud statement about that person's mentality, which is either extreme issues or extreme laziness. Most people wouldn't choose that person for a NEW partner (however hopefully they would help the person work through it if they suddenly developed these habits). 

She also has about four years' worth of unopened mail on the table, "because she doesn't like to open mail," so you can't sit down to the table to eat. What does that say about her? It makes her look super irresponsible. So does the fact that the floor is literally covered with a mix or clean and dirty clothes, and she'd never be able to tell you which was which. More often than not, she just goes out and buys new clothes on my dad's card rather than wash something, and then it ends up on the floor. Rinse and repeat. Would most new boyfriends take this as a sign she can manage money? Or her life? Not really. 

Trust me, I would be super offended if someone said your house had to be perfect to attract a man, and just a little clutter, or forgetting to dust for a reasonable time, was off-putting. But this is honestly hoarders level bad, and unsanitary even for animals. I think most people, men or women, would not immediately say yes to that environment!

In a lot of marriages, dividing chores / lack of cleanliness is a big source of friction. Imagine her married to a guy that wants some semblance of order in the house. He would be fighting an uphill battle! I think there IS a point, whether you're male or female, that your home can be SO bad that it negatively affects your dating life, just like being a slob in any other way can. What if your date showed up in a spaghetti splattered top? That would be so far beyond, "geez, dating is so superficial! The expectations for women are unrealistic! I can't stand shallow men!"

The thing is, my sister is a wonderful person, and unfortunately, your home is an extension of you, and says a lot about where you're at mentally. There is NO problem with your home saying, "I'm busy and stressed out, so it's not perfect." There is a problem with it saying, "I don't care that my apartment is completely unsanitary for even animal habitation." Sure, a gem of a patient man could come along and help her, but that's one in a million. The thing is, people aren't required to stay attractive to you once they've seen that you live in filth. 

Buuuut...she has a new house now. Let's all cross our fingers and hope she keeps it clean! Not to attract a man, but because I truly believe she would be a lot happier in a decent environment! She is really proud of her house, so maybe she will want to keep it looking decent. Cross your fingers! 😁

lovingly, I just wanted to say, sounds like depression. I know from personal experience, and yes, our places do tend to be extensions of our mental state. And then some of us are just not great organizers. But...things can get better. So much fun to have a new start, and new house. Rooting for her!

PS. I would NEVER NEVER have put that pic up of the car. I would not let my "stuff' impact my little ones, so nothing less that keeping their area safe, and CLEAN would suffice for me. I am completely repulsed by the show of neglect in that back seat, front too I am sure. (I am also a hand washer for dishes...LOL, have to get it done right) 

Side note: I am more than over having to see everyone stuffing their faces all of the time. Even in the church revival/rock climbing pic, kid is sitting with a plate of food. Does Jill know what else to do besides give food to her 2 1/2 boys? 

Does she bring little snacks into bed as foreplay for loser boy Derrick? or does she give the little boys boxes of Krispy Kreme to distract them while she gussies up for sexy times? I imagine it's 4 hours of "prep" time and 30 seconds of flailing by boy wonder.

Sorry for visuals.

[Mindthinkr]

I’m sorry to have been too vocal lately and don’t want to take away from Dragon Fairie and her sorrows. I posted on Families: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly if any of you are interested. I feel as though you are my virtual family. As in a good family. 

[frenchtoast]

@DragonFaerie, I am so very sorry for your loss. What a terrible shock. Holding you close.

1 hour ago, Mindthinkr said:

I’m sorry to have been too vocal lately and don’t want to take away from Dragon Fairie and her sorrows. I posted on Families: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly if any of you are interested. I feel as though you are my virtual family. As in a good family. 

Here's the area/post in case anyone wanted to check it out. 

[jcbrown]

Oh, @DragonFaerie I am so so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you had a little time together at the end. I cannot imagine how shocked and sad you must feel.

[Bayarea4]

DragonFaerie, I am so very sorry for your loss. Your husband fought the good fight, and you were with him every step of the way. What an ordeal you have been through! Please be kind to yourself as you grieve and know that many are thinking of you at this difficult time.

[Scarlett45]

I’m very sorry for your loss @DragonFaerie. You were a wonderful wife and the best comfort in his last days. Take care of yourself please. 

@Mindthinkr I wonder if your friend has a mental health issue of some kind. There is no reason for his bathroom to smell like urine. I grew up in a home with adults who were bedridden or in diapers 24/7, so I know how to keep things clean. My sister is still in diapers and her room NEVER smells like urine (except for the first thing in the morning because she wets the bed each night). Vinegar. Baking soda. Vinegar. Baking soda. Being messy is one thing, having no sanitation standards is another (you and I are in agreement @Christina87). Vinegar and baking soda will keep urine smells out of your home (and are natural/cheap). 

I know in some cultures it’s not common to wear deodorant the way it is in the USA, so even if you bathe daily an adult would have a different body odor than we are used to.

On 6/9/2019 at 1:37 PM, WaterSpirit said:

Side note: I am more than over having to see everyone stuffing their faces all of the time. Even in the church revival/rock climbing pic, kid is sitting with a plate of food. Does Jill know what else to do besides give food to her 2 1/2 boys? 

I am probably not the person to comment on this as I was always a fat child (my sister was thin until puberty though), but I too don’t get the “children must have snacks at all times” phenomenon that goes on in this century. I’m 33, and we did not do that. We ate at meal times when the adults ate. We didn’t “take snacks” with us in the car. Of course if I said I was hungry I was given a time/place the next meal would be, but my Mom and other caregivers were not one to carry a bunch of things with them when we went out (at least for me, my sister always had a couple of diapers and full change of clothes), if I wanted to bring a book or something I was responsible for it. But no they didn’t bring snacks for me to just run errands! My millennial friends all do that now. 

[Mindthinkr]

1 minute ago, Scarlett45 said:

Mindthinkr I wonder if your friend has a mental health issue of some kind. 

I think he has an undiagnosed case of Aspergers. 

[Christina87]

4 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

I’m very sorry for your loss @DragonFaerie. You were a wonderful wife and the best comfort in his last days. Take care of yourself please. 

@Mindthinkr I wonder if your friend has a mental health issue of some kind. There is no reason for his bathroom to smell like urine. I grew up in a home with adults who were bedbound or in diapers 24/7, so I know how to keep things clean. My sister is still in diapers and her room NEVER smells like urine (except for the first thing in the morning because she wets the bed each night). Vinegar. Baking soda. Vinegar. Baking soda. Being messy is one thing, having no sanitation standards is another (you and I are in agreement @Christina87). Vinegar and baking soda will keep urine smells out of your home (and are natural/cheap). 

I know in some cultures it’s not common to wear deodorant the way it is in the USA, so even if you bathe daily an adult would have a different body odor than we are used to.

I am probably not the person to comment on this as I was always a fat child (my sister was thin until puberty though), but I too don’t get the “children must have snacks at all times” phenomenon that goes on in this century. I’m 33, and we did not do that. We ate at meal times when the adults ate. We didn’t “take snacks” with us in the car. Of course if I said I was hungry I was given a time/place the next meal would be, but my Mom and other caregivers were not one to carry a bunch of things with them when we went out (at least for me, my sister always had a couple of diapers and full change of clothes), if I wanted to bring a book or something I was responsible for it. But no they didn’t bring snacks for me to just run errands! My millennial friends all do that now. 

Omg I couldn't agree more!!! Plus I don't get the "kids will only eat pizza" thing. When I was in high school youth group, we had pizza every single week!!! The youth director thought it was the biggest treat. However, I got tired of eating it every single week, and most of the other people did, too. At least switch it up a little bit!

I also laugh at the militant breastfeeding moms (not to be mistaken with normal, nice moms who breastfeed), who act like a child going 2.5 seconds without food will kill them. "What?! You don't want me to feed him in the courtroom? HE IS HUNGRY AND NEEDS TO EAT!!!!! DO YOU WANT HIM TO STARVE?????!!!!" I actually did read a news story lately of a woman who took a child inside the courtroom, where children specifically weren't allowed, and breastfed him in front of everyone. She screamed discrimination, and "my child's going to starve!!!!" when the judge asked her to stop. Everyone thought it was a ploy to avoid prison time lol. 

[Scarlett45]

1 minute ago, Christina87 said:

Omg I couldn't agree more!!! Plus I don't get the "kids will only eat pizza" thing. When I was in high school youth group, we had pizza every single week!!! The youth director thought it was the biggest treat. However, I got tired of eating it every single week, and most of the other people did, too. At least switch it up a little bit!

I think “children’s menus” are hogwash. Unless there is something mentally or physiologically wrong with the child (like an allergy or sensory problem), all of these “special kids foods” are non sense. Yes children are people too and allowed to have preferences, and they are members of the family and should get some of the things they like on the grocery list, but WHY can’t they just eat smaller portions of the food adults are eating?!!! (I think I got fat eating adult sized portions at 4 because my Mom did buy healthy/nutritious food for us-we did get to eat junk food as well, but goodness I ate a lot). 

14 minutes ago, Mindthinkr said:

I think he has an undiagnosed case of Aspergers. 

When you were describing him it reminded me of some stories I have heard in my Sib Group. 

[Mindthinkr]

3 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

Sib Group. 

What’s that? Please forgive my ignorance. 

[Scarlett45]

2 minutes ago, Mindthinkr said:

What’s that? Please forgive my ignorance. 

No no you’re not ignorant! It’s a group for adults who have siblings with disabilities. There’s also a Teen and Youth version.

I talk about it more on the Teen Mom 2 threads (because one of the kids has muscular dystrophy). 

I find it very educational, because our experiences are all different but are often the same. Given my sister is a statistical rarity even in the population of mentally disabled persons I learn a lot from others (most members have siblings with Intellectual or Developmental disabilities, a few have siblings who have a high iq but are disabled by mental illness or the Austim spectrum and even a smaller number have siblings with only physical disabilities). 

[Suzn]

@DragonFaerie, I'm very sorry for your loss.  I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that you did all you could for your husband.

[MunichNark]

I rarely read this thread since im finding it hard to deal with other people’s pain, but virtual hugs to those in need. It will get better again in time, allow yourself to be sad too

[Marigold]

On 6/9/2019 at 3:54 PM, doodlebug said:

Dragonfaerie, I send my condolences along as well as my respect and appreciation for the care you gave your husband over these last weeks.  You lived your promise to be with him in sickness and in health until death did you part; be proud of yourself for keeping that vow so well.  I know he appreciated it, too, and I am glad to know that he was able to come home and be with his loved ones for his last few days.  I'm sure you cherish the private time you spent together near the end.

That was truly beautiful @doodlebug.  Thank you for putting that into words. 

@DragonFaerie

I'm so sorry for you loss.  I hope when you check back in we can give you some cyber support and love during this rough time. ❤️ 

[Rabbittron]

Dragonfaerie I am so sorry to hear the news.  Just remember that anytime you dream or feel like your husband is around you he is with you. 

[Christina87]

@DragonFaerie you continue to be in my prayers! Just know we are all here for you. I really feel like you made great choices, and that he knew that you did everything you could for him. It may be a long road ahead, but we're all sending good vibes your way, and you can always share your thoughts with us if you need a listening ear!

[Natalie68]

On 6/8/2019 at 8:34 PM, DragonFaerie said:

Just wanted everyone to know, they told us last week that the doctors box of tricks was empty.  Attempting to drain fluid of of Mr. Dragon's lungs or doing more dialysis would send him into a cardiac arrest.  I brought him home with hospice on this past Friday, May 31 with weeks according to the doctors.  His parents and siblings arrived Friday night and saw him.  Then he and I and a friend that helped me prep the room for him and get him settled in.  We laughed and joked and watched tv.  Then it was just he and I and we talked about so many things and it was wonderful.  He passed to the Summerland Sunday, June 2nd, at 2:07 pm - a shock to us all.  

I am speechless.  I am so very sorry.

[crazycatlady58]

2 hours ago, Christina87 said:

I feel ya. I remember being saddest about my grandmothers' deaths when I really started to miss them. I was in college, so I didn't see them daily, but once a few months went by, it was worse than right after the death. I do truly feel bad for the older duggar kids, because surely they will feel the same way! I'm also glad grandma got to meet baby Ivy. 

I had a friend who said the hardest part of losing someone is not necessarily the funeral but who you set the table for four and remember there is only three.

[Barb23]

4 minutes ago, crazycatlady58 said:

I had a friend who said the hardest part of losing someone is not necessarily the funeral but who you set the table for four and remember there is only three.

My mom did fine at my dad's funeral but it hit her bad 11 months later when she went to sign Christmas cards & had to sign them with only her name. Plus it was a joke in our family that my dad said one of reasons he got married was so he would have someone to do his Christmas cards. 

My son is very attached to my mother. I know it will be difficult for him when she goes.

I'm glad we got to hear Grandma Mary did "normal" things with her grandchildren.  I remember when she tried to teach Amy & I think Anna how to knit. 

[MMEButterfly]

On 6/10/2019 at 7:23 PM, cmr2014 said:

Evangelical Christians do! I can't tell you how many of these bigots have come up to me and started in about Jesus. They are insufferable.

I genuinely laugh about this, but I've had people (relative strangers) ask me if I have accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I've answered, "In fact I'm an ordained Methodist minister." And the person has said, "But have you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior?" 

[Ohiopirate02]

1 hour ago, crazycatlady58 said:

I had a friend who said the hardest part of losing someone is not necessarily the funeral but who you set the table for four and remember there is only three.

My first birthday after losing my best friend was rough.  That one phone call I did not get was probably more painful than her funeral.   Her grandmother passed away last week and when I read the obituary I knew what it would contain, but reading that sentence in print hurt even 12 years later.

It's the absences that hurt the most.  A couple of years ago when the Indians were in the World Series it felt so wrong watching game 7 on my couch without my Dad right there.

[Zella]

I once read a quote that I think encapsulates what is so painful about loss so well. Something along the line of it isn't because you no longer have someone to do stuff with--it's because you no longer have someone to do nothing with because it's all the little seemingly mundane things that have been torn away.

When my uncle died earlier this year, the funeral and the part leading up to it was hard. But it's the random little things, like seeing something I know he'd like and getting excited about telling him about it before realizing I can't do that--that's the hardest. 😞

[Christina87]

17 hours ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

My first birthday after losing my best friend was rough.  That one phone call I did not get was probably more painful than her funeral.   Her grandmother passed away last week and when I read the obituary I knew what it would contain, but reading that sentence in print hurt even 12 years later.

It's the absences that hurt the most.  A couple of years ago when the Indians were in the World Series it felt so wrong watching game 7 on my couch without my Dad right there.

That is sooooo sad!!! My grandmother died when I was 21, so of course, like any 21-year-old, I just haaaaad to get a drink whenever I went out to dinner! One night I went to the Olive Garden with my friends, but later that night, I had such an intense, awful period of grief. It occurred to me that what we read in health class about alcohol being a depressant was true! That really changed the way I thought about alcohol, and I started ordering it mainly on special occasions, or when I just needed a drink! But it had been a couple months...definitely the right amount of time to realize she was truly gone!

I always felt okay about her death, though. She had Alzheimer's, and was heading into the truly awful part. She still knew we were family, but didn't remember our names or who we went with. I'm glad I never had to see her not recognize me. I kept telling myself that, but of course it was still awful! Plus, my dad had a dream the night she died where she insisted it was her time to go, and she was at peace with it. I believe there are definitely things we can't explain, and I always felt like she knew she was going to a better place, and was excited to go there. 

[Christina87]

Guess what, guys?! I got a call this morning, and the cells on my cervix were benign!!! Whoooo hoooo!!! Sooooo glad to have the good news! 😃😃😃

[Happyfatchick]

On 5/27/2019 at 11:05 PM, Zella said:

I remember in college once blurting out "why would you do that?" when someone told me she called and talked to her mom every day and told her everything. 

For some reason, this post reminded me of that new show “Smothered”.  I can’t even.  I WON’T!!!  The ads for it make me throw up in my mouth a little.  I mean... there is something WRONG there - or maybe it’s just me.  God knows (and my Mama knew) I loved her to pieces... but there’s a line somewhere.

On 5/24/2019 at 2:30 PM, Zella said:

When I gave my two week's notice at the toxic job last year, I did it in person with my immediate supervisor, whom I never had issues with. 

I once had a job with a smallish company, hired as HR Manager.  I was later “promoted” to Marketing/Office Manager where I worked directly for the VP.  I didn’t like it, I wanted to go back to my roots and so found employment with another company.  This place was so incredibly toxic, it was HORRIBLE.  People constantly yelling at and sniping at each other, undermining each other, it was unbelievable.  But I had quickly understood that from the start and stayed (not participating and trying to fly under the radar) for several years.  The President had a plaque outside his door that read “flogging will continue until morale improves”.  Sadly, he had that given to him and he thought it was a funny, funny joke.  (It wasn’t).  So the day I gave notice, I scheduled a quick meeting with the Pres and the VP and told them both at once I was leaving.  She looked at him, he looked at her. Long moments clicked by.  She (the VP) eventually said to him “I’m not sure what to say.  We’ve never had anyone leave on good terms before”.   True story.

On 5/31/2019 at 10:00 PM, Zella said:I just got back from the latest Godzilla movie. Pleasantly surprised by how much I liked it--more so than the 2014 one. Definitely see it on an IMAX screen. 😄

I did the seats for Godzilla

On 6/1/2019 at 12:43 PM, Zella said:

😂😂😂

Then they shifted attention to the guy playing his son, and I felt like he was a giant charisma vacuum. 

@Zella, “charisma vacuum” has just been added to my regular speech pattern.  Most descriptive term EVER!!!

On 6/3/2019 at 1:50 AM, Temperance said:

I'm getting ads for realistic baby dolls on this site. 

I’ve been side-eying my iPad for a few weeks now... I’m getting ads for things I’ve NEVER googled or shopped for, but that we’ve discussed in our living room.  (I hear Twilight Zone music)

On 6/8/2019 at 11:34 PM, DragonFaerie said:

 He passed to the Summerland Sunday, June 2nd, at 2:07 pm - a shock to us all.  

Oooooooooooooooooh  SNAP, @DragonFaerie 💔 💔 💔.  What a shock!!!!  I just came in here today (much much cray cray going on in my life but all is well) JUST to check on you (and him).  My heart just goes out to you, honey, know we all love you and are right here to listen.  I don’t have anything more to add from what others have said - being a cyber-friend seems uber useless at a time like this.  That is just the worst.  I am so sorry.  I am so so glad you got that one on one time with him.  That’s a precious time.  

[Zella]

6 hours ago, Happyfatchick said:

I once had a job with a smallish company, hired as HR Manager.  I was later “promoted” to Marketing/Office Manager where I worked directly for the VP.  I didn’t like it, I wanted to go back to my roots and so found employment with another company.  This place was so incredibly toxic, it was HORRIBLE.  People constantly yelling at and sniping at each other, undermining each other, it was unbelievable.  But I had quickly understood that from the start and stayed (not participating and trying to fly under the radar) for several years.  The President had a plaque outside his door that read “flogging will continue until morale improves”.  Sadly, he had that given to him and he thought it was a funny, funny joke.  (It wasn’t).  So the day I gave notice, I scheduled a quick meeting with the Pres and the VP and told them both at once I was leaving.  She looked at him, he looked at her. Long moments clicked by.  She (the VP) eventually said to him “I’m not sure what to say.  We’ve never had anyone leave on good terms before”.   True story.

LOL I had a good chuckle at "We've never had anyone leave on good terms before."

At the job I left, even when people had perfectly respectable reasons for leaving--like wanting a lot shorter commute or wanting to stay home with their kids or, you know, leaving the area--the boss man would still be pissy and act betrayed. He was so childish. 

I provided honest legitimate reasons for leaving--which completely avoided me talking about what a hellhole it was to work for--and he was still an ass. 

I just scored my first international client this week for my new business, so he and his smug comment about eventually crawling back to him for a job can bite me. 😉 

[Rabbittron]

I can't get away from the Duggars. The owner of the Broncos died and they said that he went to the next chapter of his life. 

[Westiepeach]

20 minutes ago, Rabbittron said:

I can't get away from the Duggars. The owner of the Broncos died and they said that he went to the next chapter of his life. 

At least it wasn't the next season of his life...

[Jeeves]

2 hours ago, Rabbittron said:

I can't get away from the Duggars. The owner of the Broncos died and they said that he went to the next chapter of his life. 

Oh, carp. They *didn't.* 🤮 I often give the side-eye to the idolatry that sports figures get in our society. But, Pat Bowlen was a man who created and ran a high-class operation. He valued and respected the professional athletes who made his franchise possible. His priorities for the team were to win championships and do good things for the community. Before he owned the Broncos he had a successful career as a businessman. And he was quite athletic himself. 

You just don't get that kind of success and sincere admiration from the people who know and work with and for you, if you're a self-absorbed jerkwad who thinks you're above all the laws and rules that other people have to live by. Looking at you, JB and Derick and all the rest.

The Duggars need to STFU. 

Edited June 14, 2019 by Jeeves

[TresGatos]

On ‎6‎/‎12‎/‎2019 at 7:55 PM, MMEButterfly said:

I genuinely laugh about this, but I've had people (relative strangers) ask me if I have accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I've answered, "In fact I'm an ordained Methodist minister." And the person has said, "But have you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior?" 

When anyone asks me that question I reply, "I've never rejected Jesus. Who do I look like? Peter?"

[Ohiopirate02]

20 minutes ago, TresGatos said:

When anyone asks me that question I reply, "I've never rejected Jesus. Who do I look like? Peter?"

I like to quote Pedro Cerrano from Major League--"Jesus, I like him very much, but he no help with curveball."

[libgirl2]

38 minutes ago, TresGatos said:

When anyone asks me that question I reply, "I've never rejected Jesus. Who do I look like? Peter?"

Good reply. I worked with a woman who left and moved out of state. We always got along. I sent her an email to ask her how things were and to let her know one of our more famous patrons had passed away. She responded how sad that was and if she could get the family address to send a card. Her last line was if I knew Jesus and if not would I like her to tell me about him. 8 years of Catholic school..... religion class every day.... Mass twice a week..... I Might be an "evil" Catholic, but I do know him. I just get so angry! Sent her the address and that was it. 

[libgirl2]

Though thinking about it, I should respond.... well I never heard of this Jesus!.........  then again, I might regret that. 

Edited June 14, 2019 by libgirl2

[Oldernowiser]

39 minutes ago, libgirl2 said:

Though thinking about it, I should respond.... well I never heard of this Jesus!.........  then again, I might regret that. 

Are you kidding? They’d clamp onto you like vampires for Jesus. 

I once accidentally said hello to a Jesus door knocker in the apartment complex where we lived while our house was being built because I got her face confused with the apartment manager’s. The predatory gleam in her eye as she lunged toward me still haunts.

[libgirl2]

4 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

Are you kidding? They’d clamp onto you like vampires for Jesus. 

I once accidentally said hello to a Jesus door knocker in the apartment complex where we lived while our house was being built because I got her face confused with the apartment manager’s. The predatory gleam in her eye as she lunged toward me still haunts.

Maybe I could try to convert them to Catholicism? "Can I tell you about the Pope?" "Can I show you my Rosary?"

Edited June 14, 2019 by libgirl2