Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[SomePity1066]

My dog (the one who is my mini-me) sleeps on my bed every night. He's a very small cocker, but has the biggest attitude in the house. Unfortunately, tonight, he has the worst gas in the history of ever. Either that, or there's a cadaver under my bed. I've actually flapped the iPad in his direction a time or two. Ewww!!!

Happyfatchick - If your little stinkerbum is okay with dairy, you can try a quarter cup of cottage cheese - I swear it works ! When I had my Bostons I fed them a bit every day so that I didn't have to move to a tent in the backyard and just let them have the house ! 

 

Thanks to one and all for asking about the house I've been looking at !!! I made my offer, and they're mulling it over. Hmmm. Makes me very impatient, but I know I have to do this slowly. If they reject the offer then we get into the back-and-forth bidding thing, and if we settle on an amount THEN it's time for me to have an inspection done - I always get an independent one because you never know what kind of creepies and crawlies could be hiding, or if the furnace is one winter away from pulling the boiler scenario from The Shining. I just have to take my time here and not act impulsively, which I do all the time, unfortunately. I'm the type that burns my tongue every single time because I can't wait for the cookies to cool down...

 

Add me, please, to the bad sleeper/insomnia club ! Where do I pay my dues and pick up my name tag ? I'm at a cursed time in my life where hot flashes are now just part of my day, and getting to a comfortable temperature to sleep takes forever, so I sleep 3-4 hours, I'm up for 8-9 - rinse and repeat - so here I am at 4 AM. I'm wearing shorts and a tank top with a huge fuzzy robe over it, and I have both an ice pack and a heating pad with me. I go back and forth from freezing to death to sweating bullets so I'm constantly de-robing, re-robing, throwing off the covers, etc, etc. Thank God this doesn't last forever ! 

 

Hugs and prayers to one and all - just four more days to Thanksgiving ! 

[leighroda]

I'm so sorry that sounds miserable... I'm awake (it's 5:21 am where I live) but my insomnia is just a matter that I really messed up my sleep schedule when I was in school, I recently graduated, but the last month or so I was studying at all hours and living off of soda (I don't like coffee) and cereal. Once I finished I crashed and slept for what felt like a few days.... But now I'm in this awful daytime sleeping pattern. I've tried taking something to make me fall asleep at night, but I usually just fall asleep for maybe an hour then wake up wide awake at midnight. I tried making myself stay awake through a full day, but it actually made me really sick (apparently you can literally be so tired you throw up). It's not hugely inconvenient at this point so I'm trying to just slowly adjust back to a normal pattern.

[SomePity1066]

Thank you, leighroda ! I'm still up here, but winding down, and haven't had the hot-to-cold thing in about 45 minutes, so this might be bed time for me, finally...

 

You sound miserable, too, though, and I'm sorry ! When I went through what you're going through it usually took me about two weeks to get myself back on track completely - for two semesters in college I worked nights then went to class in the mornings then home to eat and sleep in the afternoon and it did a real number on me. Thank God I was only 20 or so - if that was me now I'd be dead !

 

Here's happy, sleepy thoughts to you....     :)  Zzzzzzzz.......

 

ETA: Congratulations on your graduation !!!

Edited November 23, 2015 by SomePity1066

[kalamac]

It was my birthday today, and instead of cake I had a sundae. I felt very Duggarish. Heh.

 

My friend took me to see The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, Part 2, in Gold Class - which is a cinema with only 30 seats, all separated up in 15 groups of two - all comfy recliner chairs, where they have people serve you meals etc. while you watch the movie. Along with the dinner we got the Gold Class Signature Sundae - which is a giant sundae with vanilla ice cream, crushed maltesers, chocolate and caramel sauce, fresh strawberries, whipped cream and chocolate filled wafers. Not an everyday thing, but definitely a nice treat.

Edited November 23, 2015 by kalamac

[BrianJ62]

It was my birthday today, and instead of cake I had a sundae. I felt very Duggarish. Heh.

My friend took me to see The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, Part 2, in Gold Class - which is a cinema with only 30 seats, all separated up in 15 groups of two - all comfy recliner chairs, where they have people serve you meals etc. while you watch the movie. Along with the dinner we got the Gold Class Signature Sundae - which is a giant sundae with vanilla ice cream, crushed maltesers, chocolate and caramel sauce, fresh strawberries, whipped cream and chocolate filled wafers. Not an everyday thing, but definitely a nice treat.

Happy Birthday

[kalamac]

Thank you. :)

[GeeGolly]

Happy Birthday kalamac!

[kalamac]

Thank you, GeeGolly!

[wilsie]

Happy Birthday, kalamac!

[satrunrose]

 

 

In NY and NJ the kids have to attend school for 180 days.  That's the law.  How the vacations are divided up in NJ is up to each school district.  My kids get 1/2 day on Wednesday and are back to school on Monday.

Yeah that's what it used to be here in California too. Then they dropped it to 175 at some point, maybe 5 years ago?  I think some districts were even less, and some kept it at 180, but the ones around me are/were all 175. I'm not sure what it is anymore since my Mom retired from teaching.

Wow! Around here (not in the US) we have 195 days of school and they are threatening to make it 200 for teachers (without an increase in pay, of course). 

[NEGirl]

Kalamac-Happy Birthday !

 

Leighroda-Congrads on your graduation !

[kalamac]

Thank you wilsie & NEGirl.

Our schools are in session for 200 days a year. Some schools, not all but some, will let students stay home if it's over 40C (104F) especially if there's no adequate air conditioning.

[zenme]

kalamac, if you were here I would have treated you to a trip to any pawn shop of your choice where you could low ball a price for the gift of your choosing--Duggar style! Happy Birthday!

Edited November 23, 2015 by zenme

[JenCarroll]

***

 Add me, please, to the bad sleeper/insomnia club ! Where do I pay my dues and pick up my name tag ? I'm at a cursed time in my life where hot flashes are now just part of my day, and getting to a comfortable temperature to sleep takes forever, so I sleep 3-4 hours, I'm up for 8-9 - rinse and repeat - so here I am at 4 AM. I'm wearing shorts and a tank top with a huge fuzzy robe over it, and I have both an ice pack and a heating pad with me. I go back and forth from freezing to death to sweating bullets so I'm constantly de-robing, re-robing, throwing off the covers, etc, etc. Thank God this doesn't last forever ! 

 

As far as I can tell, it apparently does last forever... :-)

[kalamac]

kalamac, if you were here I would have treated you to a trip to any pawn shop of your choice where you could low ball a price for the gift of your choosing--Duggar style! Happy Birthday!

Heh, nice. And thank you. :)

[neural-plasticity]

I have a random question (or maybe moreso rant) and would be curious on your guys' thoughts:

 

Growing up, I was raised to never go out of my way and ask people for things (e.g., inviting yourself over to a friend's house) because it was rude. Although we would make Christmas lists growing up of the toys we wanted, I don't remember ever going on and on about it to friends and family. I just made the list and gave it to my parents (I'm sure they probably passed it along to family members). As I got older (like my teens, or probably even pre-teens), I stopped making lists altogether and would just randomly tell my parents a few ideas if they asked, which is similar to what I do now (I think so far this year all I've told my parents is running shoes and a heavy-duty umbrella that can withstand wind AND rain). 

 

My sister-in-law, on the other hand, is COMPLETELY different. She is one of the sweetest, nicest, and caring women I know, and she always wants everyone else around her to be happy, but one thing that completely bothers me is how much she ASKS for things for Christmas. On Labor Day weekend, my mother-in-law mentioned that she was going to start Christmas shopping soon so if we had any ideas of things we wanted to let her know. I sat there, shrugged, and said something along the lines of, "I'm not sure." My sister-in-law jumped up from the table, grabbed a piece of paper, and started writing down a huge list of things she wants/needs, her husband wants/needs, and her daughter (who is almost 3) wants. Every time we have seen her since, my sister-in-law continues to let everyone around us know new things on their lists. 

 

I understand I may have been raised much differently than most people, and maybe I'm being too sensitive, but this bothers me SO much. It comes across as really rude. Her daughter (my niece) is the only niece on this side of the family, and she's absolutely spoiled by my mother-in-law, as well as everyone else in the family. She gets so many toys that she can't even play with them all, but she continues to create HUGE lists of toys that she wants. Then my sister-in-law will tell my niece, when there's a group of people together, to tell everyone what she wants for Christmas. My niece will then, in the middle of the room, recite everything she wants for Christmas.

 

But isn't that NOT the point of Christmas? I feel like it should be about the time spent with family, which my husband and I haven't been able to do as much this year because we've moved farther away from everyone, and less about the presents, and that's how it's always been with my family. 

[Liz Tudor]

Not going into detail on why I've learned so much about sleep issies, but Leighroda, consider taking melatonin to help skew you back around to sleeping at night. It's a sleep hormone we already have, but it helps a lot on situations like yours, we use it to help with 6+ hour jet lag. You can get it just about anywhere, Walgreens, Target, etc.

SomePity, I'm right there with you with the hot flashes. I hate going to the doctor and I barely take aspirin for a headache, so I tried all my usual tricks, herbal remedies, etc. and nothing worked. After I finally got (literally) tired of being a zombie, I broke down and went to the doctor. He put me on a low dose blood pressure med (tiny amount, size of baby aspirin) to take right before bed and it WORKED. I have perfectly normal BP, but in the case of hot flashes, it opens up your blood vessels and keeps you from having the surges. I was sleeping normally without the meds in 10 days. PM me if you're interested, and you can do some research to see if you think it might help.

[Barb23]

kalamac, if you were here I would have treated you to a trip to any pawn shop of your choice where you could low ball a price for the gift of your choosing--Duggar style! Happy Birthday!

And I'll get you a bag of your favorite candy (ala MEchelle in the Jill Bday episode- she was so proud she knew what Jill liked.) That sundae sounded great. Happy Birthday.

Just finished watching the Today Show & they cooked a turkey wrapped in a clean white pillowcase. They smothered it in butter, wrapped it in bacon, added some herbs then wrapped pillowcase up &around it. Poured wine & broth over & roasted it. They all loved it & said it was moist. I guess it works like the cooking bags do. I've also heard of baking an Apple pie in a brown bag. Has anyone tried that?

[HooHooHoo]

Since when is Thanksgiving Week a thing? I work at a community college, and our district only gives students (and employees) the typical four-day weekend.

I am apparently in the wrong branch of education! LOL

Our school used to be open Monday & Tuesday for Thanksgiving week, but we found parents kept pulling their kids out to go on vacation for the week. So, this year we skipped fall break and have the whole week off. So, of course parents pulled kids Thursday/Friday of last week! Can't make everyone happy!

[Lemur]

This may be the best thing I've read online today, lol! Lemur, I had the same reactions from people when I wanted a chainsaw. My dad actually hid my grandfather's old chainsaw after he died because he knew I wanted it. I haven't bought one yet because I'm worried about the chain and oiling things, etc.

 

Between my various guy friends (yes, I'm a chick but almost all of my friends are guys; I'm "that girl" that all their wives and girlfriends are afraid they're cheating with - don't worry, we're not; if I was sleeping with you guy, he wouldn't be hanging around you) and the mower and lawn equipment shop I'll figure it out.  I mean, I rebuilt the engine on my lawnmower three times before giving up on it entirely.  

[Lemur]

I have a random question (or maybe moreso rant) and would be curious on your guys' thoughts:

 

Growing up, I was raised to never go out of my way and ask people for things (e.g., inviting yourself over to a friend's house) because it was rude. Although we would make Christmas lists growing up of the toys we wanted, I don't remember ever going on and on about it to friends and family. I just made the list and gave it to my parents (I'm sure they probably passed it along to family members). As I got older (like my teens, or probably even pre-teens), I stopped making lists altogether and would just randomly tell my parents a few ideas if they asked, which is similar to what I do now (I think so far this year all I've told my parents is running shoes and a heavy-duty umbrella that can withstand wind AND rain). 

 

My sister-in-law, on the other hand, is COMPLETELY different. She is one of the sweetest, nicest, and caring women I know, and she always wants everyone else around her to be happy, but one thing that completely bothers me is how much she ASKS for things for Christmas. On Labor Day weekend, my mother-in-law mentioned that she was going to start Christmas shopping soon so if we had any ideas of things we wanted to let her know. I sat there, shrugged, and said something along the lines of, "I'm not sure." My sister-in-law jumped up from the table, grabbed a piece of paper, and started writing down a huge list of things she wants/needs, her husband wants/needs, and her daughter (who is almost 3) wants. Every time we have seen her since, my sister-in-law continues to let everyone around us know new things on their lists. 

 

I understand I may have been raised much differently than most people, and maybe I'm being too sensitive, but this bothers me SO much. It comes across as really rude. Her daughter (my niece) is the only niece on this side of the family, and she's absolutely spoiled by my mother-in-law, as well as everyone else in the family. She gets so many toys that she can't even play with them all, but she continues to create HUGE lists of toys that she wants. Then my sister-in-law will tell my niece, when there's a group of people together, to tell everyone what she wants for Christmas. My niece will then, in the middle of the room, recite everything she wants for Christmas.

 

But isn't that NOT the point of Christmas? I feel like it should be about the time spent with family, which my husband and I haven't been able to do as much this year because we've moved farther away from everyone, and less about the presents, and that's how it's always been with my family. 

 

Oh thank you.  Thank you so much.  Thank you for opening the door from my holiday rant, my grand thesis on why I bloody well hate the blasted holidays.  And you are correct, NO, THAT IS NOT THE BLOODY POINT OF CHRISTMAS.  It's supposed to be about gathering around and enjoying the people in your life.  And if I may, I'd like to punch your sister-in-law in your uterus.  I have a very similar sister-in-law.  Christmas is an opportunity for the extended family to buy her kids shit.  Every year, she "assigns" gifts out to various family members (well, except me, because the last time she tried I laughed at her and told her I'd get them any damned thing I think they needed or wanted and way to kill the holiday spirit, ya filthy animal; we're not on the best terms).  She has the bloody nerve to ask my mother (you know, the one who's paying part of her kids' school tuition because my SIL made such a hash out of getting my niece an IEP at the public school) to buy my 5 year old nephew a freaking iPad.  A FREAKING IPAD.  I nearly lost my shit last night when I told me (I lied, I totally lost my shit, but in a very low-key 10:30 on a Sunday night kind of way).  Apparently my mother told my brother and he was shocked.  Freaking nerve, man.  For one thing, the kid is 5.  For another, they already have three iPads and a Kindle Fire in the house.  "Well, this way he won't play with my iPad", seriously, this is what my SIL said.  (FLAMES!  FLAMES ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE!) And my brother is already starting his shit about going to his house for the day.  I'd rather pull my own finger nails out with rusty pliers.  Since my sister is working, it's up to me to ferry my mother up to Coaly Town (no offense to those living in the coal mining regions, I'm sure you're lovely people), which means I won't have my usual coping mechanism of drinking my freaking face off.  And my SIL has said it will only be us and her parents, which means the whole bloody shooting match of extended family and their various, large-headed, obnoxious, snot-faced offspring will be in tow.  Let me tell you, there is nothing I love more than Turkey Barbeque ala Woman's World Weekly while being treated like the poor relation in a Henry James novel.  In the words of Clark Griswald, "Hallelujah!  Holy shit!  Where's the Tylenol?"

Edited November 23, 2015 by Lemur

[yogi2014L]

So  I thought some posters here would appreciate this. I went to the MIley Cyrus concert in Chicago on Thursday and there were fundie protesters!!! It was pretty much the highlight of my night (lol).

 

The women had the full on Gothard Hair and denim skirts.

I see them from time to time to time in the suburbs ( I work like a mile from the old Gothard headquarters) but never protesting. 

 

There were not too many of them ( it was cold) but they had signs that said " There is no such thing as  a Christian Homosexual" and "Publick ( yes spelled like that) school is evil"

 

It was very fire and brimstone, I was told I was going to hell a few times walking past LOL. I thought " this is where Jessa and Bin get it from!" These people just loveeee to HATE. Very Christlike indeed! And they signs didn't make sense for the demographic

The signs should have said " Jesus hates MDMA" and " Drink more water" LOL. 

 

The crowd was mostly younger teens/early 20's all on assorted drugs and drunk, so they didn't engage with them too much, mostly laughed,  but one of the guys trying to hustle tickets did briefly. I was extremely excited though, adn I took pics but felt like a huge asshole LOL. 

 

The concert was very weird and I felt very old to be there, but it was on my bucket list and couldn't make it last year :-)

[amitville]

Oh thank you.  Thank you so much.  Thank you for opening the door from my holiday rant, my grand thesis on why I bloody well hate the blasted holidays.  And you are correct, NO, THAT IS NOT THE BLOODY POINT OF CHRISTMAS.  It's supposed to be about gathering around and enjoying the people in your life.  And if I may, I'd like to punch your sister-in-law in your uterus.  I have a very similar sister-in-law.  Christmas is an opportunity for the extended family to buy her kids shit.  Every year, she "assigns" gifts out to various family members (well, except me, because the last time she tried I laughed at her and told her I'd get them any damned thing I think they needed or wanted and way to kill the holiday spirit, ya filthy animal; we're not on the best terms).  She has the bloody nerve to ask my mother (you know, the one who's paying part of her kids' school tuition because my SIL made such a hash out of getting my niece an IEP at the public school) to buy my 5 year old nephew a freaking iPad.  A FREAKING IPAD.  I nearly lost my shit last night when I told me (I lied, I totally lost my shit, but in a very low-key 10:30 on a Sunday night kind of way).  Apparently my mother told my brother and he was shocked.  Freaking nerve, man.  For one thing, the kid is 5.  For another, they already have three iPads and a Kindle Fire in the house.  "Well, this way he won't play with my iPad", seriously, this is what my SIL said.  (FLAMES!  FLAMES ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE!) And my brother is already starting his shit about going to his house for the day.  I'd rather pull my own finger nails out with rusty pliers.  Since my sister is working, it's up to me to ferry my mother up to Coaly Town (no offense to those living in the coal mining regions, I'm sure you're lovely people), which means I won't have my usual coping mechanism of drinking my freaking face off.  And my SIL has said it will only be us and her parents, which means the whole bloody shooting match of extended family and their various, large-headed, obnoxious, snot-faced offspring will be in tow.  Let me tell you, there is nothing I love more than Turkey Barbeque ala Woman's World Weekly while being treated like the poor relation in a Henry James novel.  In the words of Clark Griswald, "Hallelujah!  Holy shit!  Where's the Tylenol?"

My goodness your sil makes mine look tame. 

[Happyfatchick]

I'm tripping down the path, dropping daisies because I have some happy news!

We all went to eat Friday night (it's a standing date, all my cousin peeps go out every Friday, including Mamas sitter, who is a cousin-peep. It's her regular day off and we have a stand-in for her). Anyway, she'd brought some groceries home and was in the kitchen putting them away when Boo Radley (Mama) stumbles in! She's over-the-top confused, and wobbly holding on to everything...but she announces "I got to pee and I want something to eat". First time up in 4 days. It HAD to seem like a marathon to her to get to where the lights were. Saturday, she was up a little longer, and yesterday she slept in her chair in the LR almost all day. Still sleeping, yes (even through meals, but OUT OF BED!!!). Using some leg muscles. She's lost some muscle coordination, we're crushing pills because she doesn't have the ability to swallow them any more, and has to be fed. How bizarre. But YAY!!! At least (this moment), I'm not as worried about having a baby in L&D while panicking about losing Mama.

I didn't cancel the not-quite-hospice appointment for morning because this is exactly what we've hoped for anyway - guidance and direction. These people never are what I expect (the professionals) but I'm hoping. My heart is singing! This is the first T'giving in YEARS I haven't had a billion orders staring me in the face. Mama is apparently going to sail through the day just fine, and my newest little tiny grand has orders NOT to screw up my plans until the dishes are put away. I feel full of hope. Also, my husband is on his annual trip to Vegas with his brother and BIL's, and the house is quiet and all mine. I forget how much I like my alone time sometimes. I'm decorating for Christmas today! WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

[Lemur]

My goodness your sil makes mine look tame. 

 

Well, my mother's dug her heels in about the iPad.  She also wants to have a discussion with my brother regarding the tuition, as now that my SIL is working they shouldn't need my mother to help.  This will inevitably send my brother into a rage-induced screaming fit, which should, in theory, release me from having to go to his house for the holiday.  So hurrah for me!  There are four things in life I can count on, death, taxes, my SIL's hubris and my brother's white-hot rage temper.

[XinaMarie]

He put me on a low dose blood pressure med (tiny amount, size of baby aspirin) to take right before bed and it WORKED. I have perfectly normal BP, but in the case of hot flashes, it opens up your blood vessels and keeps you from having the surges. I was sleeping normally without the meds in 10 days. PM me if you're interested, and you can do some research to see if you think it might help.

Is the medication clonadine? My daughter has sleep issues. It goes hand in hand with the ADHD and autism. She gets 1 low dose tablet broken up into 1/4 in the morning, 1/4 in the afternoon and then 1/2 at night to help her sleep. After awhile, that stopped being effective and we have had to add some other medications, but I was wondering if it was the same thing. She did not sleep for 9 months and so none of us were functioning well. We finally went to a pediatric neurologist and rest has been restored. Everyone is a lot nicer around here now. Lack of sleep is a serious, serious problem. You think you are going crazy after a while.

[amitville]

I'm tripping down the path, dropping daisies because I have some happy news!

We all went to eat Friday night (it's a standing date, all my cousin peeps go out every Friday, including Mamas sitter, who is a cousin-peep. It's her regular day off and we have a stand-in for her). Anyway, she'd brought some groceries home and was in the kitchen putting them away when Boo Radley (Mama) stumbles in! She's over-the-top confused, and wobbly holding on to everything...but she announces "I got to pee and I want something to eat". First time up in 4 days. It HAD to seem like a marathon to her to get to where the lights were. Saturday, she was up a little longer, and yesterday she slept in her chair in the LR almost all day. Still sleeping, yes (even through meals, but OUT OF BED!!!). Using some leg muscles. She's lost some muscle coordination, we're crushing pills because she doesn't have the ability to swallow them any more, and has to be fed. How bizarre. But YAY!!! At least (this moment), I'm not as worried about having a baby in L&D while panicking about losing Mama.

I didn't cancel the not-quite-hospice appointment for morning because this is exactly what we've hoped for anyway - guidance and direction. These people never are what I expect (the professionals) but I'm hoping. My heart is singing! This is the first T'giving in YEARS I haven't had a billion orders staring me in the face. Mama is apparently going to sail through the day just fine, and my newest little tiny grand has orders NOT to screw up my plans until the dishes are put away. I feel full of hope. Also, my husband is on his annual trip to Vegas with his brother and BIL's, and the house is quiet and all mine. I forget how much I like my alone time sometimes. I'm decorating for Christmas today! WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

That makes me smile........

[kathe5133]

For those with hot flashes, try black cohosh. You can get it in health food stores and there is an otc medication called "estroven" that I used in the past that contains that ingredient. I had viscous hot flashes. I got the first one at 38 yrs and they continued sporadically until my late 50's when they were horrible! I couldn't imagine not having them, but they stopped completely when I was about 55. They are now a distant memory. Chin up. They do go away eventually and it is heavenly when they do!

[Lemur]

That makes me smile........

 

Seconded!  Huzzah!

[amitville]

Well, my mother's dug her heels in about the iPad.  She also wants to have a discussion with my brother regarding the tuition, as now that my SIL is working they shouldn't need my mother to help.  This will inevitably send my brother into a rage-induced screaming fit, which should, in theory, release me from having to go to his house for the holiday.  So hurrah for me!  There are four things in life I can count on, death, taxes, my SIL's hubris and my brother's white-hot rage temper.

Every year  i get my marching orders from my sil on what to buy and what to bring to the holdiay table.  If i went off the list i was spoken to like i was a child.  One day a light went off in my head., when my maching orders came , i said no thank you, the children are in there 20,s now and i know what to bring to the holiday table.  I have caused some major problems with all of my in-laws for opening my mouth  

Edited November 23, 2015 by amitville

[XinaMarie]

My daughter uses my iPad. It is now her iPad. I never needed it or wanted it anyway. My husband bought it for me and it sat in a drawer. I was thrilled she was taking interest in something and could work it. Because she is non-verbal, it gave me insight into her mind. What she likes and her interests. And it shows me what she knows because she cannot tell me. She has shown amazing progress by learning things on apps on the iPad. That being said, there is no reason why if there are other iPads and tablets in the house, the kid can't you know, share.

The Christmas list thing really hits me, too. When I was a kid, I literally had nothing that belonged to me. Not even my clothes. My sister and I are 22 months apart. I was small and she was bigger and we wore the same size. So our wardrobe was shared. There was only one of each toy and we had to play with it together or take turns. And you know what, even though it was taken to the extreme by extremely cheap and frugal parents, it taught us a lot about life and getting along with others. I remember as a child when I was asked what I wanted for Christmas I would burst into tears. It was too much pressure. I was never taken into stores to look at toys. I didn't even know what the possibilities were. I think I asked for Legos one year. Of course, I didn't get Lego brand. I got some Sears brand called Brix Blocks maybe? But I didn't care. I wasn't hung up on labels and brands. I was the kid that got socks and underwear in my stocking and was happy about it.

We passed around a knife to carefully open the paper so as not to rip it, so it could be reused the next year. I am not THAT old. We are talking the 80s here. My parents were dirt floor poor growing up and still lived that way even when they got a little money.

The presents we get for my parents now are things like lawn mower blades. We have been making sentimental gifts for my dad. He used to make up songs and play them on his guitar when we were kids, so we tricked him last year into performing it an we recorded it and turned it into a music video with scenes of all of us and our children dancing to it (it is kind of a dance song like the whip nae nae). This year we are doing a photo book a la $hit my Dad says in which every page looks like a meme with one of my dad's favorite sayings. One year, I wrote a poem about his old truck he finally had to sell. It was my grandfather's and held lots of memories for our family. To me, that is the kind of stuff Christmas is really all about.

I know I brought up the hand soap -- so to defend myself, there are going to be a lot of people in my house and I need to get hand soap because there are so many germy kids in the house. We only use one of the bathrooms when it is just us, but we have 5 sinks in the house and they ALL get used. I kind of like the idea of incorporating smells because it is a part of building and remembering memories. They trigger them for me and so I am trying to incorporate that into our family togetherness. Memories and experiences is what I am trying to focus on and not on stuff.

We used to trade names on my side of the family, but the last couple years we have stopped and are pooling our resources for gifts for mom and dad and the growing population of nieces and nephews instead. My husband's side of the family is way more materialistic. Fortunately there are fewer of them. Mr XM's mother would shrivel up and die if she could never shop again. "I shop therefore I am" should be on their family crest.

Edited November 23, 2015 by XinaMarie

[Lemur]

Every year  i gett my marching orders from my sil on what to buy and what to bring to the holdiay table.  If i went off the list i was spoken to like i was a child.  One day i light went off in my head., when my maching orders came , i said no thank you, the children are in there 20,s now and i know what to bring to the holiday table.  I have caused some major problems with all of my in-laws for opening my mouth  

 

As I once said to my brother, I don't need to get married for in-law drama, I have yours to deal with.  These people ... I just can't ... the flames are coming back ... I continually try to convince myself that they're inherently good, kind-hearted people who are just a bit thoughtless and clueless.  And then my SIL does something shitty like having my mother and I up for a birthday lunch with my niece, serving us some bizarre food which made me ill, and then while we were sitting around effectively doing nothing, cleaning the house before the rest of her family showed up.  I'm constantly wavering between her being naively clueless and being perniciously passive-aggressive.  

[Almost 3000]

And I'll get you a bag of your favorite candy (ala MEchelle in the Jill Bday episode- she was so proud she knew what Jill liked.) That sundae sounded great. Happy Birthday.

Just finished watching the Today Show & they cooked a turkey wrapped in a clean white pillowcase. They smothered it in butter, wrapped it in bacon, added some herbs then wrapped pillowcase up &around it. Poured wine & broth over & roasted it. They all loved it & said it was moist. I guess it works like the cooking bags do. I've also heard of baking an Apple pie in a brown bag. Has anyone tried that?

My mom and aunt did that apple pie in a bag. Its like apple crisp on top. I always thought the top was a bit moist and I like it more crisp, You know like its name, Apple Crisp.

[amitville]

My daughter uses my iPad. It is now her iPad. I never needed it or wanted it anyway. My husband bought it for me and it sat in a drawer. I was thrilled she was taking interest in something and could work it. Because she is non-verbal, it gave me insight into her mind. What she likes and her interests. And it shows me what she knows because she cannot tell me. She has shown amazing progress by learning things on apps on the iPad. That being said, there is no reason why if there are other iPads and tablets in the house, the kid can't you know, share.

The Christmas list thing really hits me, too. When I was a kid, I literally had nothing that belonged to me. Not even my clothes. My sister and I are 22 months apart. I was small and she was bigger and we wore the same size. So our wardrobe was shared. There was only one of each toy and we had to play with it together or take turns. And you know what, even though it was taken to the extreme by extremely cheap and frugal parents, it taught us a lot about life and getting along with others. I remember as a child when I was asked what I wanted for Christmas I would burst into tears. It was too much pressure. I was never taken into stores to look at toys. I didn't even know what the possibilities were. I think I asked for Legos one year. Of course, I didn't get Lego brand. I got some Sears brand called Brix Blocks maybe? But I didn't care. I wasn't hung up on labels and brands. I was the kid that got socks and underwear in my stocking and was happy about it.

We passed around a knife to carefully open the paper so as not to rip it, so it could be reused the next year. I am not THAT old. We are talking the 80s here. My parents were dirt floor poor growing up and still lived that way even when they got a little money.

The presents we get for my parents now are things like lawn mower blades. We have been making sentimental gifts for my dad. He used to make up songs and play them on his guitar when we were kids, so we tricked him last year into performing it an we recorded it and turned it into a music video with scenes of all of us and our children dancing to it (it is kind of a dance song like the whip nae nae). This year we are doing a photo book a la $hit my Dad says in which every page looks like a meme with one of my dad's favorite sayings. One year, I wrote a poem about his old truck he finally had to sell. It was my grandfather's and held lots of memories for our family. To me, that is the kind of stuff Christmas is really all about.

I know I brought up the hand soap -- so to defend myself, there are going to be a lot of people in my house and I need to get hand soap because there are so many germy kids in the house. We only use one of the bathrooms when it is just us, but we have 5 sinks in the house and they ALL get used. I kind of like the idea of incorporating smells because it is a part of building and remembering memories. They trigger them for me and so I am trying to incorporate that into our family togetherness. Memories and experiences is what I am trying to focus on and not on stuff.

We used to trade names on my side of the family, but the last couple years we have stopped and are pooling our resources for gifts for mom and dad and the growing population of nieces and nephews instead. My husband's side of the family is way more materialistic. Fortunately there are fewer of them. Mr XM's mother would shrivel up and die if she could never shop again. "I shop therefore I am" should be on their family crest.

I just hate that.  

[Muffyn]

Yogi2014L, there is nothing like a fundie sighting to make the weekend!  Publick schools are almost as bad as pubic schools.  Only the school of the dining room table is safe.  

[barbedwire]

I don't mind the lists as long as they are a guideline, not a source of boundaries ("you may only buy these items") whether it is for a holiday or a wedding/bridal shower/baby shower.

 

What I hate is one SIL had her kids open the gifts in private.  I would like to see their reactions (young faces - so cute!) or at least get a picture.  Nope.  Not even a thank you card.  (Pet peeve of mine, so few write thank you notes or teach their kids to do it.)

 

So thankful I don't have to endure other SIL and my brother this year.  Now there is a house full of rules.  "Be here at this time!  Greet everyone when they come through the door with a hug! We have to let the food get cold while we say what we are thankful for!"  Ugh.  You cease to be an adult in their house.

[amitville]

I don't mind the lists as long as they are a guideline, not a source of boundaries ("you may only buy these items") whether it is for a holiday or a wedding/bridal shower/baby shower.

 

What I hate is one SIL had her kids open the gifts in private.  I would like to see their reactions (young faces - so cute!) or at least get a picture.  Nope.  Not even a thank you card.  (Pet peeve of mine, so few write thank you notes or teach their kids to do it.)

 

So thankful I don't have to endure other SIL and my brother this year.  Now there is a house full of rules.  "Be here at this time!  Greet everyone when they come through the door with a hug! We have to let the food get cold while we say what we are thankful for!"  Ugh.  You cease to be an adult in their house.

Pet peeve of mine also.  Private gift openers always make me think they are returning the gift. One niece takes her gifts home i never hear anything about the item.  I swear she returns it or her mother sells it on a website

Edited November 23, 2015 by amitville

[Liz Tudor]

Is the medication clonadine? My daughter has sleep issues. It goes hand in hand with the ADHD and autism. She gets 1 low dose tablet broken up into 1/4 in the morning, 1/4 in the afternoon and then 1/2 at night to help her sleep. After awhile, that stopped being effective and we have had to add some other medications, but I was wondering if it was the same thing. She did not sleep for 9 months and so none of us were functioning well. We finally went to a pediatric neurologist and rest has been restored. Everyone is a lot nicer around here now. Lack of sleep is a serious, serious problem. You think you are going crazy after a while.

Yes, it is clonidine. My doctor fussed at me a little for not coming in sooner, over the lack of sleep.

For those with hot flashes, try black cohosh. You can get it in health food stores and there is an otc medication called "estroven" that I used in the past that contains that ingredient. I had viscous hot flashes. I got the first one at 38 yrs and they continued sporadically until my late 50's when they were horrible! I couldn't imagine not having them, but they stopped completely when I was about 55. They are now a distant memory. Chin up. They do go away eventually and it is heavenly when they do!

I tried black cohosh for 2 months and it did nothing. Granted, I took capsules that had been sitting in a store for who knows how long. I have an herbalist friend who has an herbal/holistic apothecary, and she said it could be that it had lost its efficacy, that I might try making a tea of recently harvested/dried black cohosh. My doc said it had the same effect as a placebo in some study, but obviously it worked for you. I will try just about anything to avoid drugs. My 75 yr old mom only takes a half of a tiny Crestor every other day for cholesterol management, so I hope to be so lucky! I make herbal/home preventatives & remedies for me & Mr. Tudor, and those help & work pretty well, so I was disappointed that the cohosh didn't. I may try it again, but from my favorite herb resource, where everything is top notch.

[Liz Tudor]

Yogi2014L, there is nothing like a fundie sighting to make the weekend!  Publick schools are almost as bad as pubic schools.  Only the school of the dining room table is safe.

Publick school sounds like where Josie would go, if she wasn't already enrolled at the exclusive SOTDRT.

[neural-plasticity]

Thank you guys for your input/thoughts. You definitely helped me realize that I sometimes am too moody and critical, and my situation definitely could be much worse. 

 

I think your SIL's over the top about the presents thing, and it doesn't bode well for your niece's development (hopefully she'll avoid becoming an entitled brat with a princess complex).  And I also think that the real - and better - meaning of Christmas is family time (whether it's your family of origin or the family you create in adulthood which may include a lot of friends).

 

That said, I hope you can loosen up a little when you are asked for gift ideas for yourself. I know it's not your intention, but by withholding even the slightest suggestion, you are creating a hardship for your MIL. The poor woman surely wants to find a gift that you would like, but you aren't even giving her a clue. 

 

I think that's what I worry about most - is my niece. She's already so spoiled and has never been told no (by her mother) in her life. No need to go into all the details, but even my MIL worries that she's going to end up being the poor kid in school that no one likes because she's just so entitled. 

 

That's a good idea about the list. I usually will have my husband tell her a few things (honestly, he usually can think of things I need more than me sometimes), but I've never thought about how it might feel for her without me telling her anything. 

 

Oh thank you.  Thank you so much.  Thank you for opening the door from my holiday rant, my grand thesis on why I bloody well hate the blasted holidays.  And you are correct, NO, THAT IS NOT THE BLOODY POINT OF CHRISTMAS.  It's supposed to be about gathering around and enjoying the people in your life.  And if I may, I'd like to punch your sister-in-law in your uterus.  I have a very similar sister-in-law.  Christmas is an opportunity for the extended family to buy her kids shit.  Every year, she "assigns" gifts out to various family members (well, except me, because the last time she tried I laughed at her and told her I'd get them any damned thing I think they needed or wanted and way to kill the holiday spirit, ya filthy animal; we're not on the best terms).  She has the bloody nerve to ask my mother (you know, the one who's paying part of her kids' school tuition because my SIL made such a hash out of getting my niece an IEP at the public school) to buy my 5 year old nephew a freaking iPad.  A FREAKING IPAD.  I nearly lost my shit last night when I told me (I lied, I totally lost my shit, but in a very low-key 10:30 on a Sunday night kind of way).  Apparently my mother told my brother and he was shocked.  Freaking nerve, man.  For one thing, the kid is 5.  For another, they already have three iPads and a Kindle Fire in the house.  "Well, this way he won't play with my iPad", seriously, this is what my SIL said.  (FLAMES!  FLAMES ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE!) And my brother is already starting his shit about going to his house for the day.  I'd rather pull my own finger nails out with rusty pliers.  Since my sister is working, it's up to me to ferry my mother up to Coaly Town (no offense to those living in the coal mining regions, I'm sure you're lovely people), which means I won't have my usual coping mechanism of drinking my freaking face off.  And my SIL has said it will only be us and her parents, which means the whole bloody shooting match of extended family and their various, large-headed, obnoxious, snot-faced offspring will be in tow.  Let me tell you, there is nothing I love more than Turkey Barbeque ala Woman's World Weekly while being treated like the poor relation in a Henry James novel.  In the words of Clark Griswald, "Hallelujah!  Holy shit!  Where's the Tylenol?"

 

I'm so sorry about your SIL! The one thing my sister definitely has going for her is her personality - she's so friendly, selfless, and likable. It's just the asking for way too much on Christmas that gets to me. My SIL does, however, ask for really big things for herself, her husband, and her daughter that's similar to the iPad situation, which, in my opinion is a bit (way) out of line. 

 

The Christmas list thing really hits me, too. When I was a kid, I literally had nothing that belonged to me. Not even my clothes. My sister and I are 22 months apart. I was small and she was bigger and we wore the same size. So our wardrobe was shared. There was only one of each toy and we had to play with it together or take turns. And you know what, even though it was taken to the extreme by extremely cheap and frugal parents, it taught us a lot about life and getting along with others. I remember as a child when I was asked what I wanted for Christmas I would burst into tears. It was too much pressure. I was never taken into stores to look at toys. I didn't even know what the possibilities were. I think I asked for Legos one year. Of course, I didn't get Lego brand. I got some Sears brand called Brix Blocks maybe? But I didn't care. I wasn't hung up on labels and brands. I was the kid that got socks and underwear in my stocking and was happy about it.

We passed around a knife to carefully open the paper so as not to rip it, so it could be reused the next year. I am not THAT old. We are talking the 80s here. My parents were dirt floor poor growing up and still lived that way even when they got a little money.

The presents we get for my parents now are things like lawn mower blades. We have been making sentimental gifts for my dad. He used to make up songs and play them on his guitar when we were kids, so we tricked him last year into performing it an we recorded it and turned it into a music video with scenes of all of us and our children dancing to it (it is kind of a dance song like the whip nae nae). This year we are doing a photo book a la $hit my Dad says in which every page looks like a meme with one of my dad's favorite sayings. One year, I wrote a poem about his old truck he finally had to sell. It was my grandfather's and held lots of memories for our family. To me, that is the kind of stuff Christmas is really all about.

I know I brought up the hand soap -- so to defend myself, there are going to be a lot of people in my house and I need to get hand soap because there are so many germy kids in the house. We only use one of the bathrooms when it is just us, but we have 5 sinks in the house and they ALL get used. I kind of like the idea of incorporating smells because it is a part of building and remembering memories. They trigger them for me and so I am trying to incorporate that into our family togetherness. Memories and experiences is what I am trying to focus on and not on stuff.

We used to trade names on my side of the family, but the last couple years we have stopped and are pooling our resources for gifts for mom and dad and the growing population of nieces and nephews instead. My husband's side of the family is way more materialistic. Fortunately there are fewer of them. Mr XM's mother would shrivel up and die if she could never shop again. "I shop therefore I am" should be on their family crest.

 

I am so sorry that you experienced all of that. My dad grew up in a very similar situation and had nothing growing up (that he could even share with his other siblings). Although I wasn't raised that way, I was raised to have a very similar mentality that my dad had.

[kathe5133]

Yes, it is clonidine. My doctor fussed at me a little for not coming in sooner, over the lack of sleep. I tried black cohosh for 2 months and it did nothing. Granted, I took capsules that had been sitting in a store for who knows how long. I have an herbalist friend who has an herbal/holistic apothecary, and she said it could be that it had lost its efficacy, that I might try making a tea of recently harvested/dried black cohosh. My doc said it had the same effect as a placebo in some study, but obviously it worked for you. I will try just about anything to avoid drugs. My 75 yr old mom only takes a half of a tiny Crestor every other day for cholesterol management, so I hope to be so lucky! I make herbal/home preventatives & remedies for me & Mr. Tudor, and those help & work pretty well, so I was disappointed that the cohosh didn't. I may try it again, but from my favorite herb resource, where everything is top notch.

My doctor told me the same thing, but it did work for me, even though I knew about the placebo effect. I'm not one to believe that I get relief just because I take something. I truly thought that it wouldn't work and just took it for a week and then realized the hot flashes had diminished. My doctor did say that it couldn't hurt so it's probably worth a shot.

[Lemur]

I'm so sorry about your SIL! The one thing my sister definitely has going for her is her personality - she's so friendly, selfless, and likable. It's just the asking for way too much on Christmas that gets to me. My SIL does, however, ask for really big things for herself, her husband, and her daughter that's similar to the iPad situation, which, in my opinion is a bit (way) out of line. 

 

Jesus, don't apologize!  You didn't turn her into an entitled hosebeast of bad manners and trashy taste!  Her mother did.  But I do appreciate the sympathy.  If she was like your SIL and was funny and nice and didn't try to treat me like a some sort of Dickensian orphan who should be grateful to be included in her family gatherings I probably wouldn't be so freaking worked up over this.  Too many years of being the spinster aunt with no kids and therefore no claim to the holiday has made me super touchy, apparently. 

[wilsie]

 

I'm tripping down the path, dropping daisies because I have some happy news!

We all went to eat Friday night (it's a standing date, all my cousin peeps go out every Friday, including Mamas sitter, who is a cousin-peep. It's her regular day off and we have a stand-in for her). Anyway, she'd brought some groceries home and was in the kitchen putting them away when Boo Radley (Mama) stumbles in! She's over-the-top confused, and wobbly holding on to everything...but she announces "I got to pee and I want something to eat". First time up in 4 days. It HAD to seem like a marathon to her to get to where the lights were. Saturday, she was up a little longer, and yesterday she slept in her chair in the LR almost all day. Still sleeping, yes (even through meals, but OUT OF BED!!!). Using some leg muscles. She's lost some muscle coordination, we're crushing pills because she doesn't have the ability to swallow them any more, and has to be fed. How bizarre. But YAY!!! At least (this moment), I'm not as worried about having a baby in L&D while panicking about losing Mama.

I didn't cancel the not-quite-hospice appointment for morning because this is exactly what we've hoped for anyway - guidance and direction. These people never are what I expect (the professionals) but I'm hoping. My heart is singing! This is the first T'giving in YEARS I haven't had a billion orders staring me in the face. Mama is apparently going to sail through the day just fine, and my newest little tiny grand has orders NOT to screw up my plans until the dishes are put away. I feel full of hope. Also, my husband is on his annual trip to Vegas with his brother and BIL's, and the house is quiet and all mine. I forget how much I like my alone time sometimes. I'm decorating for Christmas today! WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Such wonderful news,  Happyfatchick! 

[Wellfleet]

Since when is Thanksgiving Week a thing? I work at a community college, and our district only gives students (and employees) the typical four-day weekend. 

 

I am apparently in the wrong branch of education! LOL

 

It's usually just a thing at the university-level. My university was on a quarter system until very recently, and Thanksgiving week was always the break between Fall and Winter quarters. Nice for the kids because their Fall work, exams etc were done when they went home for Thanksgiving. They could actually relax and have some fun that week. Most students at semester schools were humping to get final projects and papers done that week however, since they'd be due during the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

[wilsie]

 

My daughter uses my iPad. It is now her iPad. I never needed it or wanted it anyway. My husband bought it for me and it sat in a drawer. I was thrilled she was taking interest in something and could work it. Because she is non-verbal, it gave me insight into her mind. What she likes and her interests. And it shows me what she knows because she cannot tell me. She has shown amazing progress by learning things on apps on the iPad. That being said, there is no reason why if there are other iPads and tablets in the house, the kid can't you know, share.

The Christmas list thing really hits me, too. When I was a kid, I literally had nothing that belonged to me. Not even my clothes. My sister and I are 22 months apart. I was small and she was bigger and we wore the same size. So our wardrobe was shared. There was only one of each toy and we had to play with it together or take turns. And you know what, even though it was taken to the extreme by extremely cheap and frugal parents, it taught us a lot about life and getting along with others. I remember as a child when I was asked what I wanted for Christmas I would burst into tears. It was too much pressure. I was never taken into stores to look at toys. I didn't even know what the possibilities were. I think I asked for Legos one year. Of course, I didn't get Lego brand. I got some Sears brand called Brix Blocks maybe? But I didn't care. I wasn't hung up on labels and brands. I was the kid that got socks and underwear in my stocking and was happy about it.

We passed around a knife to carefully open the paper so as not to rip it, so it could be reused the next year. I am not THAT old. We are talking the 80s here. My parents were dirt floor poor growing up and still lived that way even when they got a little money.

The presents we get for my parents now are things like lawn mower blades. We have been making sentimental gifts for my dad. He used to make up songs and play them on his guitar when we were kids, so we tricked him last year into performing it an we recorded it and turned it into a music video with scenes of all of us and our children dancing to it (it is kind of a dance song like the whip nae nae). This year we are doing a photo book a la $hit my Dad says in which every page looks like a meme with one of my dad's favorite sayings. One year, I wrote a poem about his old truck he finally had to sell. It was my grandfather's and held lots of memories for our family. To me, that is the kind of stuff Christmas is really all about.

I know I brought up the hand soap -- so to defend myself, there are going to be a lot of people in my house and I need to get hand soap because there are so many germy kids in the house. We only use one of the bathrooms when it is just us, but we have 5 sinks in the house and they ALL get used. I kind of like the idea of incorporating smells because it is a part of building and remembering memories. They trigger them for me and so I am trying to incorporate that into our family togetherness. Memories and experiences is what I am trying to focus on and not on stuff.

We used to trade names on my side of the family, but the last couple years we have stopped and are pooling our resources for gifts for mom and dad and the growing population of nieces and nephews instead. My husband's side of the family is way more materialistic. Fortunately there are fewer of them. Mr XM's mother would shrivel up and die if she could never shop again. "I shop therefore I am" should be on their family crest.

XinaMarie, I'm sorry that you had to experience such sad times but I think you make Christmas special for every one in your life.

[amitville]

Jesus, don't apologize!  You didn't turn her into an entitled hosebeast of bad manners and trashy taste!  Her mother did.  But I do appreciate the sympathy.  If she was like your SIL and was funny and nice and didn't try to treat me like a some sort of Dickensian orphan who should be grateful to be included in her family gatherings I probably wouldn't be so freaking worked up over this.  Too many years of being the spinster aunt with no kids and therefore no claim to the holiday has made me super touchy, apparently. 

if you sold this saying needle pointed on a pillow you would be a millonaire.

[Chicklet]

It took me 20 years for my family and inlaws to stop the christmas gift insanity. Decades of stupid, unasked-for, unneeded crap that went to the goodwill or the trash. Though my nephew seems to think everyone should buy christmas presents for his girlfriend. Not sure where he got that idea and I'm going to squash it as soon as I'm able.

I'm mean and heartless that way.

[Lemur]

It took me 20 years for my family and inlaws to stop the christmas gift insanity. Decades of stupid, unasked-for, unneeded crap that went to the goodwill or the trash. Though my nephew seems to think everyone should buy christmas presents for his girlfriend. Not sure where he got that idea and I'm going to squash it as soon as I'm able.

I'm mean and heartless that way.

 

I've always said to people, if you don't know me well enough to buy me something I'd like (because it ain't that hard, walk into a store, find the weirdest non-sexual item you can, or anything hockey related), just cut to the chase and give me cash.  If you find that offensive, a hug and a "Merry Christmas!" will do.  

[Jellybeans]

Maybe you can give the list back to your SIL with great humor and say "that's exactly what we want too!" and change the subject. :-)

[amitville]

Maybe you can give the list back to your SIL with great humor and say "that's exactly what we want too!" and change the subject. :-)

Love that idea.