The Ultimatum: Queer Love - General Discussion

[Door County Cherry]

Quote

Five new couples, made up of women and non-binary people, are at a crossroads in their relationship. One partner is ready to settle down and get married, while the other has their doubts.

 

[oldCJ]

A few episodes in and ugh to Vanessa. She is so fake and has a ridiculous view of her own attractiveness because she is just basic white woman on the path to “let me speak to your manager.”

Very happy to see a queer season of a dating show and looking forward to the drama. But the host choice was a little out of left field. But its always nice to see Catholic celebrities support queer lifestyle. 

Mal is gorgeous. Xander adorable. Lexi is so open and real and mature beyond her years. Rae is an idiot for not seeing what Vanessa really is but she admitted boobs are her top priority and Vanessa has two of them which apparently is all she wants so 🤷🏼‍♂️. 

Can’t remember the name of the blond egoistical idiot from the first season who immediately got back with her guy when no one liked her but Vanessa is that woman 2.0. 

Aussie was waaaay too groping of her ex at the intros given Sam was the one who gave the ultimatum. Watching her behavior before it was revealed who gave the ultimatum made me really hope Sam would escape. Quite the twist.

It didn’t feel like they found anyone actually compatible with Tiff and they definitely deserved better options. She and Mildred needed counseling, not a reality show. 
update: Watched the ep with Tiff and their dog in the bed issues. Still thinking Tiff and Mildred need counseling but as individuals because wtf is with either of them. 
Also, Vanessa is still the worst. 
 

Edited May 25, 2023 by oldCJ

[Zima]

 

On 5/24/2023 at 5:35 PM, oldCJ said:

A few episodes in and ugh to Vanessa. She is so fake and has a ridiculous view of her own attractiveness because she is just basic white woman on the path to “let me speak to your manager.”

Very happy to see a queer season of a dating show and looking forward to the drama. But the host choice was a little out of left field. But its always nice to see Catholic celebrities support queer lifestyle. 

Mal is gorgeous. Xander adorable. Lexi is so open and real and mature beyond her years. Rae is an idiot for not seeing what Vanessa really is but she admitted boobs are her top priority and Vanessa has two of them which apparently is all she wants so 🤷🏼‍♂️. 

Can’t remember the name of the blond egoistical idiot from the first season who immediately got back with her guy when no one liked her but Vanessa is that woman 2.0. 

Aussie was waaaay too groping of her ex at the intros given Sam was the one who gave the ultimatum. Watching her behavior before it was revealed who gave the ultimatum made me really hope Sam would escape. Quite the twist.

It didn’t feel like they found anyone actually compatible with Tiff and they definitely deserved better options. She and Mildred needed counseling, not a reality show. 
update: Watched the ep with Tiff and their dog in the bed issues. Still thinking Tiff and Mildred need counseling but as individuals because wtf is with either of them. 
Also, Vanessa is still the worst. 
 

I agree with most of your post. 

Rae is cute, but not too bright it seems.

Lexi is the most mature person I've ever seen on tv, and she's only 24!

Aussie and Tiff are both a big yikes. Run, Sam!

Mal is super cute. 

I cannot stand Vanessa. She is definitely only there for the cameras and attention. She's just gross. 

[zenithwit]

Just finished the first four episodes.  Vanessa is definitely auditioning to become a Netflix regular.  90% chance that we'll see her on The Circle in the next year or so.

But in all seriousness, I think Vanessa has benefited from being a somewhat conventionally attractive woman with a sex drive.  She doesn't need to do much to get a sexual partner and that fact really boosts her ego.  She was wayyyy too happy when talking about how Xander "might have been ace" if it wasn't for her.  And then when Xander showed a sexual interest in someone who wasn't her, it clearly bruised her ego.  Obviously Vanessa is not the magical unicorn she thinks she is.

I really like Mal and Lexi as individuals but I don't think they work as a couple.  But I could see them becoming close friends and confidants.

The Mildred/Tiff and Sam/Aussie switcheroo is a doozy with communication issues plaguing both new couples.  Though I wonder how much their respective cultures may be a contributing factor to this.  I'm guessing that Mildred/Tiff come from cultures that are more direct in their communication style.  Also, they seem like the type of couple that like to fight only to makeup in the bedroom later.  Whereas I'm guessing Sam/Aussie come from cultures that more reserved in their communication style.  It would be interesting if the show explored this topic more (and in general what it's like navigating different cultures as a queer person).

Also, did Mildred say that she's a single mom?  If so, that seems like a big factor in whether to marry someone (both from Mildred's and her partner's perspective).

Lastly, I'm really digging this season more than the first one so far.  I think by having a queer season, there are more interesting and different partnerships for the show to explore.  The conversations have also been more mature as well.

[Cramps]

I feel like the participants, with the exception of Vanessa are all taking this much more seriously than in the first season. it actually makes sense.

I am enjoying this LGBTQ season and I liked the French season. But the first season of this show was a cringy dumpster fire.  

[oldCJ]

Wow did my feelings about these people change with the second set of episodes. 

Mal: Who learns their partner of three years loves someone else and is willing to still show up and be so unbelievably supportive? At the same time, though, it looks like there is a side of Mal off-camera we never got to see when she raised her voice and stormed off and the dog went nuts. That dog has seen some fights btwn them and is protecting her owner. I wish Mal hadn’t proposed, though, because her biggest concern about Yoly falling in love with almost anyone was true. 

Lexi: yikes. She has a mean streak. She spent the entire time punishing Rae for making a choice in line with their agreement. And she offered herself up to Mal only to be rejected, so it isn’t as if she has some moral superiority. She does not listen to Rae. At all. She is too immature to get married.

Xander: awful. As much as I dislike Vanessa, Vanessa deserves better than Xander’s two-facedness. Literally all lovey and huggy with Yoly and telling her she still wants to marry her mere feet from Vanessa who she then says the same crap too at home.

Vanessa is manipulative af but it is obvious it is out of deep-seeded insecurity and maybe bpd or bipolar or adhd or something else. She is not mean like Lexi or untrustworthy like Xander. She likes to start $hit for attention but as Mal put it so perfectly, she’s a bug, not a real threat. 

Tiff wants any excuse not to get married because Tiff only sees unhappy breakups everywhere and refuses to believe a marriage can work. Tiff also has anger issues that need therapy.

Speaking of anger issues, Aussie was red flags all the way down the moment they appeared in the first episode. They are emotionally incapable of being in a relationship or dealing with emotions. It is obvious that Aussie had a very traumatic childhood but they need a therapist, not their girlfriend to work on that. Their brother seems great.

Sam finally spoke up for herself and I was so happy. I hate that she keeps taking Aussie back. I hope she finds someone deserving of her because Aussie is a nightmare of gaslighting and invalidating her feelings.

I hope they all find happiness but I don’t think any of these people should get married to anyone else on this show. 

I love Bartholomew being the most unattractive name Tiff could come up with. 

Edited May 31, 2023 by oldCJ

[monagatuna]

I'm not sure why I never saw this in the episodes, but I think it's important (found on reddit):

Mildred (she/her)

Tiff (they/them)

Mal (she/they)

Yoly (she/her)

Sam (she/her)

Aussie (uses Aussie only)

Vanessa (she/her)

Xander (she/they)

Lexi (she/her)

Rae (she/her)

I had been calling them all "she" and I wish I'd known from the beginning that that's not accurate for all of them. 

[Zima]

Hot take: I don't think any of them should get married. 

[For Cereals]

3 hours ago, Zima said:

Hot take: I don't think any of them should get married. 

Nope.  Everyone needs therapy.

I feel like Xander is getting off on having their not so secret relationship with Yoly.  I don’t think Mal and Yoly have big blowups a lot.  Mal has actually been really understanding that Yoly has developed feelings for Xander.  Hey Yoly, what’s in your wallet?  Although neither are cheap, maybe invest in egg harvesting until you have the funds for IVF and have decided on who your partner should be (or not).

I’m on team Sam out of everyone.  Aussie needs to get it together.  Aside from walking away from every conflict, which would get really old, a bigger issue may be Aussie not being out to family.

I’m not seeing the prize that Vanessa is or that she’s all that attractive…her father is absolutely right that she’s threatened and trying to win Xander. If Xander decides to stay, I don’t see it lasting. Also dad needs a serious beard trim.

All I see are eyelashes when Mildred talks.  She also needs therapy. 

Just add Better Help as a sponsor instead of whoever makes those metal glasses.

[jackjill89]

13 hours ago, Zima said:

Hot take: I don't think any of them should get married. 

ITA. This is a complete mess. 

 

[Zima]

That finale was a mess, and I am here for it.

I read somewhere that Lexi couldn't get past fingergate after the finale, and that was why she and Rae broke up. Tbh, I never really saw chemistry between them as a couple. 

Mal was PISSED, and rightfully so.

I don't believe for a second that nothing happened between Yoli and Xander at Cochella. 

Yikes @ Tiff and Mildred. It's a really good thing that they're over. 

I want Sam to be my best friend. 

[zenithwit]

On 6/9/2023 at 8:51 AM, Zima said:

I read somewhere that Lexi couldn't get past fingergate after the finale, and that was why she and Rae broke up. Tbh, I never really saw chemistry between them as a couple. 

That and Lexi's OnlyFans account (from what I gather).

On 6/4/2023 at 9:18 PM, For Cereals said:

I’m on team Sam out of everyone.  Aussie needs to get it together.  Aside from walking away from every conflict, which would get really old, a bigger issue may be Aussie not being out to family.

I think Sam is the only one who comes out looking good in this show.  She worked on her issue and communicates more clearly now.  It's really obvious why Sam is a good partner for Aussie but the reverse wasn't so clear.

It looks like Aussie might be a decent person but who has a lot of personal/family issues they need to work on.  The fact that Aussie's brother was so cool and we were told that Aussie more or less raised him makes me think that Aussie's edit might have been a bit surface level (it just seemed like Aussie ran away after every conversation lol).  Hopefully Aussie can be the partner Sam needs while working their issues.

Actually it feels like almost everyone got surface level edits.  It was hard to keep track of who might be telling the truth in the reunion.

On 6/9/2023 at 8:51 AM, Zima said:

Yikes @ Tiff and Mildred. It's a really good thing that they're over. 

This is another one where I don't think the show did a good job showing the dynamics at play.  From the reunion, it's clear that Mildred's son is a big priority in her life (rightfully so).  While we did get some information about him during her and Tiff's trial marriage, he was barely mentioned in the first set of episodes (I think there was one off-hand mention of her being a single mom).  While her communication issues and potential gaslighting are important topics, the focus of her conversations really should have been about her son and what it would be like with him (who we've been told is special needs).  Hopefully her son didn't witness his mother throwing stuff at Tiff.  That might have been difficult for him to process.

On 6/9/2023 at 8:51 AM, Zima said:

Mal was PISSED, and rightfully so

Mal and Yoly breaking up two weeks after the engagement was the least surprising news from the reunion.  Yoly's yes was so sad and non-committal that I actually had to rewind the episode to double check what her answer was.

[SummerDreams]

What I hated at the reunion was that we didn't get a specific answer of what really happened between Yoly and Xander. The hostess should have pressed them more until they gave an answer. It's unclear to me what really happened and why they are not together now. To be honest their story was the only interesting one for me. All the other couples seemed to need therapy and/ or to not care to stay together.

[configdotsys]

Binged the whole season and just finished the reunion. I enjoyed it but thought it was a bit odd. I mean, they had 10 people so they had to match 5 couples. Some were extreme mismatches. Aussie and Mildred were a mismatch out of the gate, Sam and Tiff were the couple that had to be matched because they wouldn't match Tiff with Aussie. Once Lexi discovered what trash Vanessa was, the only one left to put her (Vanessa) with was Rae. Clearly three of the couples were placed out of necessity. 

The other two couples seemed very real throughout. I could not get into the stories of the others because of the mismatches. I thought Mal was manipulative. "I know stuff about her.... I stuck with her through xyz," as if that entitles you to be the one. It felt as though she believed Yoli was her property simply because of longevity, not because they were soul mates. 

Xander was one of the most genuine people I have ever seen on a reality program. Since both she and Vanessa came out while they were with their high school boyfriends, I think Xander didn't have much experience and stayed with Vanessa because it was a comfort zone. I totally agree with Lexi's assessment that Vanessa went into this thinking Xander would hang back and have nothing to do with anyone and would come back to Vanessa. You could see how uncomfortable Xander was initially in the show on dates. But once she loosened up and saw that there were others out there that should could gravitate towards, she found herself. Vanessa did not like that. Vanessa was such a phony, toxic person. 

I wish Xander happiness. She genuinely seemed to experience so much growth throughout the season. I can see the two timing element she engaged in, but I really don't think she did anything with malice but was naive and just inexperienced. 

Edited June 14, 2023 by configdotsys

[luckyroll3]

Just started watching this and all I want to say is that Vanessa is so full of shit! And I'm glad that Lexi called her on it on their data and at the chose dinner (or whatever it's called). Lexi nailed it on the head. Vanessa came to have fun and fuck around with the expectation that Xander wouldn't connect with anyone, so that at the end of the 3 weeks, Xander would welcome her back with open arms. As soon as she heard Xander was into Yoli, her entire demeanor changed and she turned on the fake ass tears. Oh, and of course she's an influencer, uh, I'm sorry, an "influencer poet".

 

[luckyroll3]

On the last 2 episodes. I had to pause so that I could go out and buy wine before watching the final choices cause these people are stressing me the fuck out!

While I don't mind Joanna Garcia, I really wish they had a therapist as a co-host on The Ultimatum. There's a lot being said and behaviors being displayed at these all cast dinners that need to be probed, as opposed to Joanna just sitting there wide eyed and then when everyone is done talking simply moving on to the next thing on her script without a follow up. It would also be nice to have both sets of pairs going to couple's counseling during their 3-week trial marriages. That whole Aussie/Mildred(?) business would have played out so differently. And Aussie (well all of them really, but Aussie especially) needs to be speaking to a therapist everyday. Aussie doesn't need to be dating anyone right now until Aussie figures Aussie's shit out. Cause that breakdown in the restaurant parking lot was highly concerning and I don't think there was a single conversation that Aussie didn't walk out on.

[MicheleinPhilly]

I binged this over the weekend and felt like I needed therapy once it was done. Good grief. Going into the ultimatum, I didn't think anyone would get engaged and then almost all of them did! The reunion was not shocking in the slightest because none of these couples were healthy. 

The only person that came out of this smelling like a rose was Sam. And I'm sorry but she deserves better than Aussie. Aussie needs SERIOUS counseling and it isn't fair to Sam to be expected to navigate Aussie's mental health issues when Aussie isn't ready to do the work. 

Mildred is psychotic. 

Lexi is controlling AF. 

Rae is a doormat. 

Yoly is a pathological liar. 

Xander is naive.

Mal is incredibly charming and suave but I got the vibe that they expect their wife to do anything related to homemaking and want a cookie if they contribute in any way. Hell no. Yoly did them dirty though. 

I don't really know how I feel about Tiff. Obviously they are damaged (but who wouldn't be after living with psycho Mildred), but I'm not sure what they are looking for in a partner. I hope Tiff finds peace and happiness. 

Vanessa is just..UGH. 

Edited March 26 by MicheleinPhilly
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