S05.E09: Crumbs and Couch Surfers

[Pallas]

Moving day, and Darlene puts the "fun" in funeral home. 

[Browncoat]

I hate Kai.  

Also, just turn over the couch cushion to hide the stain.  Plus, don't buy a white couch.

Edited December 1, 2022 by Browncoat

[Annber03]

15 minutes ago, Browncoat said:

I hate Kai.  

Also, just turn over the couch cushion to hide the stain.  Plus, don't buy a white couch.

Yeah, my mom was like, "I don't even have little kids and I wouldn't buy a white couch." 

Funny enough, I just spilled a bit of a drink on the arm of our couch earlier, so this was timely :p. I get wanting to have a nice piece of furniture, but yeah, you buy a couch, this is bound to happen at some point. Doesn't matter how nice it is, someone's inevitably going to spill something on it or something else will happen to it :p. I liked Dan viewing the history with his couch as a series of memories (and LOL at Ben's reaction to the bit about Roseanne's water breaking :D). 

Kai annoyed me, too, which is what made Louise's reaction at the end so great. Awfully bold of that little smart mouth to think he could tell her he wasn't leaving. I also loved Dan's reaction to him at the beginning, too - there were some great zingers and one-liners in this episode. And it was nice to see Louise and Harris having a storyline together, I'd be all for more of that. Hopefully this experience, and her breakup with Aldo, helps Harris focus on finding guys who are actually decent/stable and much closer to her age and whatnot, too. 

[TattleTeeny]

37 minutes ago, Browncoat said:

I hate Kai.  

Also, just turn over the couch cushion to hide the stain.  Plus, don't buy a white couch.

Maybe they can’t. I can’t — my couch cushions aren’t the same on the other side; the fabric is plain and there’s Velcro. That said, get to a store and get some cleaning stuff and a steamer. Or call a professional! It’s not crazy!

I agree with the white couch thing and that one has to relax a little about these things. But at the same time, a possibly permanent stain within a few days is pretty sucky; I get it. And they all could have been less jerky it. It’s also not crazy that someone would want to keep stuff nice. 

Edited December 1, 2022 by TattleTeeny

[SoMuchTV]

I kind of hated everyone but sympathized with everyone here. Darlene- why the heck are you getting a white couch for the room your family’s going to hang out in? Yet I can understand “I just want this one nice thing”. But - get some oxyclean. Family- turn over the cushion, that will at least delay the issue. But do you have to eat Cheetos and drink grape juice?  

So I guess the new house got built while our attention was distracted elsewhere. 

[cdnalor]

Shoulda done like my grandma and left the plastic on the couch.  Also slipcovers exist, Darlene.  Or just throw a quilt over the damn thing when people want to eat in front of the TV.

[Bastet]

I have an off-white couch in my living room and, yes, I eat and drink on it; have for many, many years.  I just had it treated with some industrial Scotch Guard-type thing when I first got it, and have a carpet cleaning machine with a furniture attachment for deep cleaning and stubborn spills.  It's not any more of an issue than any other color sofa -- if you spill something on it, you have to clean it up or it will stain (granted, it's more noticeable on light-colored fabric).  Darlene needs to chill with telling people they can't eat or drink on it.  But I do understand wanting to keep something new and pristine when you almost never have new things.  And Darlene's specific fear that she's stalled at her age, so this is the last new thing she'll ever have.

So everyone's emotions made sense, but, good goddesses, why does no one know how to deal with a spill?  Ben and Becky's plan to burn the house down and blame it on Beverly Rose was hilarious, sure, but the spill was fresh -- as said upthread, grab some damn OxyClean.  Hell, grab some water to keep it from drying until you can get a proper cleaning product if you don't have one on hand.  All they tried was a dry paper towel for five seconds and declared it a loss.

I like the realism this brought up, of when a family member does you a big favor because they're family, but then there's this tension when you're beholden that comes up in little ways, like Darlene saying it's her couch in her house, so her rules apply, and Dan refusing, saying he built her the damn house.

Every word of Dan's reaction to and about Kai was fantastic (the entire opening, and "a drifter stole my weed, I'm keeping my beer" had me laughing).  I guess it's progress that the loser Harris is dating now is at least an age-appropriate one, and she's faster to recognize him as a loser.  I also liked Harris and Louise's plan to steal not only Dan's remaining weed but some of his bologna log and frame Kai for it.

[UYI]

A part of me hates Darlene enough at this point to celebrate her precious new couch being ruined...but yeah, everyone could have been smarter about handling that. 

Beverly Rose being confused as to why she woke up on the couch was funny, though. 

[iMonrey]

Quote

So I guess the new house got built while our attention was distracted elsewhere. 

And in record time, no less. Weren't they supposed to tear down the funeral home and build a brand new house? Because it basically looks like it's the same set, re-dressed. Same staircase (same place anyway) same front door, same windows, same door to the kitchen or wherever that leads. Also, there's no way in hell Dan built that elaborate stone fireplace. They've got a different exterior for the establishing shots but the interior set looks very similar to the funeral home layout.

Interesting that Becky and Beverly Rose are living with Darlene but Harris is still living with Dan. It seems like it should be the other way around, but apparently Harris and Darlene do not want to live together. 

[MissLucas]

Geez, everyone in this episode (with the exception of Louise, Jackie and Beverly Rose) behaved like an idiot. 

• Don't buy a white couch.
• Buy a leather couch.
• Buy a couch with washable covers.
• Throw blankets exist for a reason.
• If you did not pay for the couch you're lounging on maybe try to respect the wishes of the person who did?
• Eating at a table is not a sign of madness.
• Someone enjoying something new and wanting to keep it clean and crisp is also not a sign of madness. Just wait  - it will wear off.
• Stuffing yourself with junk food on a couch is not a human right.

Thank God for Louise and Harris' plot. Harris was an idiot too but she's young and in love - two good excuses. And I loved how she and Louise made up in the end. Btw. Dan: some folks might think measuring your bologna is just as weird (or weirder depending on the meaning) as insisting on a pristine couch.

Edited December 2, 2022 by MissLucas

[TattleTeeny]

Darlene is (inconsistently) vegan; she wouldn't buy a leather couch. Also, yuck (IMO).

Edited December 1, 2022 by TattleTeeny

[iMonrey]

Quote

 It is bad enough Harris is staying with Dan and Louise (why can’t she stay in the backyard trailer?!), but forcing them to put up a thief in their own house was just too much.

Harris did say she is paying rent so there's that at least. Now that Darlene, Ben, Mark, Becky and Beverly Rose have all moved out there's plenty of room for Harris to stay there. But no way in hell she has the right to invite someone else to live there without asking Dan and Louise first. 

[ams1001]

Totally forgot to watch this last night. Kept thinking it was Tuesday earlier in the day; that might explain it...

I'm two minutes in and already hate Kai.

[Pi237]

I try so hard to suspend disbelief while watching this show, but this one did me in. They’re all poor and inconsistently employed-yet, they get to move into a house that looks like that? Are building materials free in Lanford?

[ams1001]

11 hours ago, Pi237 said:

I try so hard to suspend disbelief while watching this show, but this one did me in. They’re all poor and inconsistently employed-yet, they get to move into a house that looks like that? Are building materials free in Lanford?

Guess that employee discount at the hardware store must be pretty sweet.

[Colorado David]

Louise going all Sons of Anarchy with the bat. LOVED that.

Couch-gate, everything everyone else said earlier. Quilts and throws are an easy solution, and they don't look bad on a couch either. I can't go for plastic slipcovers though, it's uncomfortable and defeats the purpose of the couch.

[Snow Apple]

Like others said, it was silly of Darlene to buy a white couch (there's a reason why my messy family have fake leather). But she brought it and it was mean of the others to make fun of her and eat food that easily stains. I don't blame Darlene for wanting a brand new thing to stay nice for as long as possible; sofas are expensive! They should have indulged her and sat on the floor or throw a cover over the couch while eating. 

I love Louise with the bat. I wanted her to go further. Not actually hit him, but go further somehow. I think Kai is Harris' worst boyfriend so far and I wanted to smack his entitled face. Who does he think he is ordering the homeowners around?!

Edited December 2, 2022 by Snow Apple

[ams1001]

2 hours ago, Snow Apple said:

I love Louise with the bat. I wanted her to go further. Not actually hit him, but go further somehow. I think Kai is Harris' worst boyfriend so far and I wanted to smack his entitled face. Who does he think he is ordering the homeowners around?!

My favorite was "you can't kick a guest out without 30 days notice." Uh, you were invited to stay a few days; that doesn't make you a tenant.

[Colorado David]

21 minutes ago, ams1001 said:

My favorite was "you can't kick a guest out without 30 days notice." Uh, you were invited to stay a few days; that doesn't make you a tenant.

Not to mention theft of $40, one call to the cops and he's jailed.

[txhorns79]

5 hours ago, Snow Apple said:

But she brought it and it was mean of the others to make fun of her and eat food that easily stains. I don't blame Darlene for wanting a brand new thing to stay nice for as long as possible; sofas are expensive! They should have indulged her and sat on the floor or throw a cover over the couch while eating. 

It annoyed me that everyone acted as though it was outrageous for Darlene to ask that people not eat or drink while on the couch.  I get that realistically she may not be able to keep it clean for long, but I thought it was completely fair for her to ask.  It was also a jerk move for people to essentially blow her request off.  

Loved Louise and the bat.  She's been a great addition to the show.  

[ams1001]

7 minutes ago, txhorns79 said:

It annoyed me that everyone acted as though it was outrageous for Darlene to ask that people not eat or drink while on the couch.  I get that realistically she may not be able to keep it clean for long, but I thought it was completely fair for her to ask.  It was also a jerk move for people to essentially blow her request off.  

I agreed with her that what they were doing was disrespectful. I'm sure there are plenty of things Ben and the others might want that they would be upset about someone damaging the same day they got it. I was the same way when I got new furniture. I have a darkish-gray couch but a cream-colored armchair, and I was a little paranoid about the chair for a while...not so much anymore (after eight or so years, though I still haven't made any permanent stains so far). (But I live alone and don't have people over very often so I mostly only have myself to blame if something gets spilled.)

[Yeah No]

Stupid plot.  So easy to solve too.  Like buy a freaking couch cover.  Not a full slip cover, just one that tucks in at the edges and goes over the pillows, back and arms.  They're cheap and available in discount stores for under $25.  I have one on my couch.  It goes in the washing machine.  It's the same color as my couch which is beige.  This is not rocket science but this show continually makes these people unbelievably stupid.  And making the rest of them act like such jerks about it is so immature.  This isn't the schoolyard 50 years ago when kids step on your new sneakers to "break them in".

And for how many months now we haven't even heard a peep about this new house and suddenly "poof", it's all ready to move in like let's roll out of bed and just go on over like out of nowhere?  Because you KNOW how realistic THAT is......🙄

[One Tough Cookie]

I thought that Darlene was unemployed so I didn't get why she bought a {white} couch. And since she bought a white one,hasn't she heard of Scotch Guard, as someone up thread mentioned?

I LOVED Louise's smack down of Kai!  More Louise and less Darlene,please.

[ButterQueen]

I liked this episode.  I love white couches, so I bought white leather.  Nothing stains it.

Louise was awesome.  I can barely understand John Goodman anymore.  ☹️

[CrystalBlue]

On 11/30/2022 at 5:14 PM, Browncoat said:

I hate Kai.  

Also, just turn over the couch cushion to hide the stain.  Plus, don't buy a white couch.

Or try one of the many fabric stain removers on the market nowadays.  Cracked me up how easily Becky and Ben gave up, declaring the stain won't come out after one dab with a paper towel.

[CrystalBlue]

5 hours ago, ButterQueen said:

I liked this episode.  I love white couches, so I bought white leather.  Nothing stains it.

Louise was awesome.  I can barely understand John Goodman anymore.  ☹️

I don't know if John Goodman is trying to make Dan sound like he's been influenced by all the beer he drinks or if it's dentures slipping but I don't get it.

[chediavolo]

Yep. They decimated the beautiful old Victorian by tearing out all the original features. I couldn’t even pay attention to the episode when they switched over to the new house. I absolutely abhor when people buy a vintage home and modernize it removing all of the original features, and the quality that goes along with it I can never be replaced . . Good.  I’m glad her couch  was ruined.😄

[Yeah No]

14 hours ago, ButterQueen said:

I liked this episode.  I love white couches, so I bought white leather.  Nothing stains it.

I have a microfiber couch.  On the rare occasions that I've had a stain on it it has come out very easily with spot remover made for that purpose.  The fabric Darlene bought is just about the WORST for stains.  But that was the point, right?  To make her look highly unrealistic.  Even I would never buy a couch in that fabric and color combination.  Leather would be fine.  Even microfiber with a cover.  I have a white upholstered chair for over 30 years, but it's just me and my husband.  The worst thing that ever happened to it was the cat we fostered sitting on top of it for a few years, which discolored it a little and I had to have it cleaned (thankfully she never clawed the furniture).  If I had the  brood from this show living in my house I would have known better not to buy it.

[ButterQueen]

3 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I have a microfiber couch.  On the rare occasions that I've had a stain on it it has come out very easily with spot remover made for that purpose.  The fabric Darlene bought is just about the WORST for stains.  But that was the point, right?  To make her look highly unrealistic.  Even I would never buy a couch in that fabric and color combination.  Leather would be fine.  Even microfiber with a cover.  I have a white upholstered chair for over 30 years, but it's just me and my husband.  The worst thing that ever happened to it was the cat we fostered sitting on top of it for a few years, which discolored it a little and I had to have it cleaned (thankfully she never clawed the furniture).  If I had the  brood from this show living in my house I would have known better not to buy it.

Oxyclean is the bomb for upholstered furniture and carpet.

[tribeca]

I totally get wanting to keep furniture and house clean.  What I did not like is how Darlene talked to her dad and insulted his home.  The home that was okay for you to live in when you need a place to stay.  Darlene has always looked down on her family. It’s not a good trait.  
    Harris really knows how to lash out and hurt people.  She really needs help in the boyfriend department or better yet stay single for a while.  

[kassa]

It actually would have been amusing if instead of staining the couch in the first place, Becky and Ben were proactive and covered it with the Conner afghan  - a desecration of a different type.  Then she'd be telling them to uncover it, and they'd be saying they weren't going to be the ones staining her precious white sofa, etc and therefore they had no choice but to protect it.

I know it's a sitcom, but I hate when they play violence for laughs. Don't get me wrong - I loved Louise picking up that bat and chasing the kid out. But the realist in me was picturing how in a real world aftermath, after the adrenaline wore off, they'd be peering out the windows, wondering if the freak was going to come back and burn the house down around them.  Chances are not, but do you really know?

Something I liked about the original recipe was that they didn't drive over cliffs like that without there being repercussions. Something would be kind of resolved, but then Dan and Roseanne would wistfully acknowledge what it really meant, make a worst case scenario wisecrack, then scene. 

[qtpye]

On 11/30/2022 at 8:14 PM, Browncoat said:

I hate Kai.  

Also, just turn over the couch cushion to hide the stain.  Plus, don't buy a white couch.

On 12/2/2022 at 2:09 PM, ams1001 said:

My favorite was "you can't kick a guest out without 30 days notice." Uh, you were invited to stay a few days; that doesn't make you a tenant.

On 12/2/2022 at 2:31 PM, Colorado David said:

Not to mention theft of $40, one call to the cops and he's jailed.

They made Harris look like an idiot for:

1. Inviting someone to come live with them without asking Dan/Louis, which is not okay

2. Making Kai such a shit that anyone could see he was taking advantage of her.

Of course, Harris was raised by Darlene. I can't expect her to have any common sense or consideration.

On 12/2/2022 at 5:54 PM, Yeah No said:

Stupid plot.  So easy to solve too.  Like buy a freaking couch cover.  Not a full slip cover, just one that tucks in at the edges and goes over the pillows, back and arms.  They're cheap and available in discount stores for under $25.  I have one on my couch.  It goes in the washing machine.  It's the same color as my couch which is beige.  This is not rocket science but this show continually makes these people unbelievably stupid.  And making the rest of them act like such jerks about it is so immature.  This isn't the schoolyard 50 years ago when kids step on your new sneakers to "break them in".

And for how many months now we haven't even heard a peep about this new house and suddenly "poof", it's all ready to move in like let's roll out of bed and just go on over like out of nowhere?  Because you KNOW how realistic THAT is......🙄

On 12/6/2022 at 7:56 AM, tribeca said:

I totally get wanting to keep furniture and house clean.  What I did not like is how Darlene talked to her dad and insulted his home.  The home that was okay for you to live in when you need a place to stay.  Darlene has always looked down on her family. It’s not a good trait.  
    Harris really knows how to lash out and hurt people.  She really needs help in the boyfriend department or better yet stay single for a while.  

She thinks she is better than everyone. Yes, the Connor house has always been a mess and Dan should follow Darlene's house rules, but Darlene is never grateful for anything. 

This episode made me wish Becky and Ben were together. Ben even gets along well with Beverly Rose.

[Bastet]

1 hour ago, qtpye said:

They made Harris look like an idiot for:

Harris has consistently been an idiot about men.  In addition to the hilarity of Dan's reactions to Kai, the only other good thing about the storyline is it at least showed progress that he's an age-appropriate loser, and it took her far less time to realize he's a loser.  We'll see if that progress continues.

[emmyG]

2 hours ago, qtpye said:

This episode made me wish Becky and Ben were together. Ben even gets along well with Beverly Rose.

I would donate to a fund for Ben to leave Darlene for Becky.

[qtpye]

1 hour ago, Bastet said:

Harris has consistently been an idiot about men.  In addition to the hilarity of Dan's reactions to Kai, the only other good thing about the storyline is it at least showed progress that he's an age-appropriate loser, and it took her far less time to realize he's a loser.  We'll see if that progress continues.

It is particularly jarring that no one has addressed Harris's issues with many and how it relates to her father abandoning her as a child.

She is desperate for any type of male attention but maybe Kai will be a wake-up call.

[ESS]

I loved this episode I got laughs out of it. The best parts for me was Louise she was awesome!! She was the MVP as they say. I hated Kai and I hated how Harris just up and insulted Louise in her own house she had no right to do that, it really made me mad and what's worse was that she didn't even ask Dan & Louise if Kai could stay at their house. That said I loved it when Louise threatened him with the bat that was great and deserved. Now Harris as a character I don't like her. but then she turns around and is good, so it's complicated for me so I go back and forth with her and I don't know how feel about her and Louise bonding even more. In my opinion I really wish we'd get more/some scenes between Louise and her other grandchildren specifically Mary and Beverly Rose (I'm still upset about that story time Beverly Rose/Louise scene that wasn't even seen) I think scenes with them would be really awesome and cute in terms of Beverly Rose. 

Edited December 8, 2022 by ESS

[Bastet]

22 hours ago, qtpye said:

It is particularly jarring that no one has addressed Harris's issues with many and how it relates to her father abandoning her as a child.

Darlene has apparently quit putting any effort toward being a parent, but it's always nice the rare moments we get a scene between Harris and Mark; he'd be a good person to point out her daddy issues, since he's the other kid David abandoned and thus has the best chance of getting past her initial defensiveness.

[One Tough Cookie]

On 12/7/2022 at 4:54 PM, Bastet said:

Harris has consistently been an idiot about men.

Well, look at the role model she had for 18 years.☹️

[qtpye]

On 12/8/2022 at 4:40 PM, Bastet said:

Darlene has apparently quit putting any effort toward being a parent, but it's always nice the rare moments we get a scene between Harris and Mark; he'd be a good person to point out her daddy issues, since he's the other kid David abandoned and thus has the best chance of getting past her initial defensiveness.

Or, sadly, Mark might have the same issues, which also ends up in him picking shitty men as well as he gets older.

[ItCouldBeWorse]

On 12/6/2022 at 1:14 PM, kassa said:

It actually would have been amusing if instead of staining the couch in the first place, Becky and Ben were proactive and covered it with the Conner afghan 

Did everyone notice that Darlene had an afghan bolster-shaped pillow on the couch?

Even if the rest of the family were not eating on the couch, getting a white fabric couch with a young child in the house is not a great idea, and possibly not fair to the child, even if she tries to be careful.  I almost thought they were trying to make it seem as if Beverly Rose had peed on the couch, which is something that even a toilet-trained young child could accidentally do in her sleep.

Edited December 13, 2022 by ItCouldBeWorse

[mostlylurking]

On 12/12/2022 at 7:06 PM, ItCouldBeWorse said:

Did everyone notice that Darlene had an afghan bolster-shaped pillow on the couch?

Yes I loved that!

Whoever is dressing Harris has to stop with the chunky sweaters tucked in.  I hate this trend, we were discussing it in another forum.  It doesn’t matter what size you are, it just looks clunky.

[One Tough Cookie]

On 11/30/2022 at 9:25 PM, cdnalor said:

Shoulda done like my grandma and left the plastic on the couch

Was your Grammy Marie Barrone?😉