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Hallmark/Lifetime Parodies: "City exec heads to small town where psycho-stalker is trying to take over endangered frog pond..."

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As not to include these in with actual movie discussion, I thought it would be a hoot to have a thread to parody both Hallmark and Lifetime movies in the most contrived, cheese-tastic way!  This IG account  has at least a dozen 'Hallmark Pitch' reels As well as The Holderness Family on YT

It might be fun to create our own pitches and scenarios - especially to get us through the barrage of Christmas movies over the next 2-3 months!

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Okay.....here's mine.  

I’ve got a Hallmark movie pitch

We already have so many….

There’s this woman….

Okay, you got my interest

She’s ex-military who just lost her service dog and copes by giving shelter to strays in an abandoned house

You had me at dogs

City council is tired of the eyesore and wants it demolished

NOOOOO!  Where will the doggos go?

Demolition company shows up and owner is 6’4 with dreamy brown eyes, perfectly ‘scaped beard and delicious dimples


Turns out he just started company after doing a couple of tours and he really needs this job to stay afloat

He’s ex-military too?  Who saw that coming?

Anyway, she clings to the front porch, refusing to let them raze the building.  He needs to pull her off, but – because it’s such a hot day, he removes his work jacket to reveal jacked biceps because, you know….ex military

God bless America!

She won’t budge.  He glimpses the sad eyes of all the dogs looking out the window from inside.  He pauses and pulls out his wallet to show her photo of his own service dog who just crossed over the rainbow bridge too

Again – didn’t see that coming

They trade dog photos, sparks fly and….

Say it….

They fall in love


Come to find out a third cousin twice removed of demo guy is also on the city council who lets them in after hours to go through all the records neatly labeled and filed in brand spankin’ new filing cabinets because small town councils don’t need to digitize records.

Pfft, technology!

Anyway – they find a manila folder that was misfiled…..

How convenient

…..with a map of the house which shows the date it was built deems it to be a historic property

Bingo!  But….the dogs??

Third cousin twice removed seems to be owed a favor by council head and cashes it in by having the house not only saved from demolition, but……has the zoning changed to where it can be renovated into a puppy sanctuary


And this very special zoning also allows for residential occupancy on top two floors so couple who fell in love can get married and live upstairs with the pups downstairs

Double yesssssss!

Oh, and the house also comes with a large adjacent lot so demo guy can store his equipment and run his demo company out of there too because very special zoning also allows commercial business on site while she takes classes to train dogs for service and comfort.  But not before adopting a few for themselves

I knew it!

It's called......'Reconstruct My Heart'

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