S02.E09: Leaky Faucets

[izabella]

The writers, imo, gave Callie some thoughtful dialogue when she questioned whether Wyatt knows how to take care of her. It's not so much that Wyatt is failing and it's not Callie blaming him, it seems more like a case of they're still both quite young and maybe not equipped to be in a relationship right now.

 

Callie is not emotionally healthy enough to be in a romantic relationship right now, and never has been emotionally healthy enough throughout this show.  That's one of the reasons why it has always irritated me that they have spent all this time on her boyfriends.  Who is Callie without a boyfriend?  Does Callie even know?

 

And it's 100% unfair for Callie to have expectations of Wyatt to "take care of her" or "protect" her.  He's a boy, not an adult, and he is still learning to be responsible for himself. 

 

Callie, with the help of parents and therapy, should wait to date anybody until she has her own head and emotions on straight and starts to learn what she wants for herself in her future.  Callie also needs to learn that, just because she likes a boy, does not mean she has to date him.  There is such a thing as having friends, although apparently not so much on this show.

Edited August 13, 2014 by izabella

[Eeksquire]

... I watched the first half of the show, was completely and utterly bored and turned it off, counting on all of you to fill me in on whether the second half was worth watching.  Sounds like it might be, but I am having a terribly hard time caring about this show when it's about the teenaged drama and there's very little Stef & Lena.

[GildedLily]

... I watched the first half of the show, was completely and utterly bored and turned it off, counting on all of you to fill me in on whether the second half was worth watching.  Sounds like it might be, but I am having a terribly hard time caring about this show when it's about the teenaged drama and there's very little Stef & Lena.

I'd watch the very last segment. By now you've gathered that Wyatt hits Liam and Callie is not happy and dumps him saying she can't trust him. There are some really nice Callie& Stef moments and a good scene with Mike & Brandon (love their relationship) as well as a pretty good scene of Mariana explaining to mat that her issues with her heritage are tied to her issues with Ana.

What doesn't happen (that based on the first half you might think would have likely happened)

--there's no Brandon/callie 1:1 scenes or otherwise after she sees him hit Liam. Presumably he takes her home but he walks in without her.

--Stef finds out about the Liam reappearance offscreen.

-- Ana isn't shown after Mariana bolts

--Jesus never finds out about Ana and exists in the bubble of the horrid Hayley plot.

[wagthedog]

when it's about the teenaged drama and there's very little Stef & Lena.

This was one of my favorite Stef episodes ever. Granted, I often don't like Stef so I may not be the best judge, but I really liked her this week.

 

And it's 100% unfair for Callie to have expectations of Wyatt to "take care of her" or "protect" her.  He's a boy, not an adult, and he is still learning to be responsible for himself.

Agreed. Although I think it's more Wyatt's expectation of himself than it is Callie's expectation of him. Seems like what Callie ultimately wants is an equal. Personally, I could see Wyatt being that guy once they each have a chance to work on themselves individually.

 

Callie is not happy and dumps him saying she can't trust him.

Did she dump him? I wasn't clear about that. It seemed like it, especially based on the conversation she had with the counselor about trust. But I guess it didn't feel final to me. Wyatt's heart is in the right place. So many guys would go fists first if put in the same situation. In some cases, that fighting mentality could be a dangerous sign, but with Wyatt I thought it was more a default. He's not a violent guy, he just didn't know what to do.

[possibilities]

The girl who plays Hayley, I wonder what she's like in real life

I don't know her, obviously, but I did read an interview where she talked about how excited and proud she was to be part of the show, because of how important it is, the way it deals with real issues and represents families that don't usually see themselves on TV. She came across quite sane and intelligent. So, hopefully she's just acting the hell out of her part here.

 

I don't think Callie is asking Wyatt to protect her. In fact, I thought that was exactly what she was so pissed off about, i.e. that he took on a role of her protector, instead of doing what she asked, which was to stay with her and be supportive-- a totally different and much more equal thing. It reminds me of how Emma was annoyed that Jesus wanted to take care of her, which she experienced as condescending and diminishing, because she can take care of herself and she wants a boyfriend who respects her as an equal.

 

The thing for Wyatt to do would have been to tell Callie that he saw Liam, and ask her if she wanted to leave. This shows trust in her ability to make a decision and handle the situation. It even enables her to face something, if she feels ready, which could make her feel much stronger and more free in general.Taking action on her behalf, without her consent, robs her of those opportunities, and was self-glorifying. He panicked, and wanted to be the hero.

 

She strongly told him in the past that confrontation and violence was the wrong approach with Liam, had shown him earlier the day of the festival that she was nervous to be left alone, and when he disappeared to be a self-styled knight, not only did he leave her alone for a long time, but he also escalated a situation she was trying to de-fuse. I get that it's appealing to be a hero, but it cast Callie as the damsel and she's really not helped by being seen as weak and unable to handle things. She's handled plenty, and deserved to be informed, not to be frantically worried over or have her explicitly stated wishes ignored.

 

I still think Wyatt is basically a well-meaning guy, and more likable than most kids his age, but that doesn't mean he wasn't wrong in a big way, whatever his theory about what was good for her or fair wrt who should leave vs stay at the festival, and no matter how sincere he was about it. He was right in theory that it wouldn't be fair for Callie to be in the position she was in and that Liam should leave. But life isn't always fair and it's not his place to try to fix it for her, without her participation. In the disability rights movement, we have this saying: "Nothing about us without us" which comes from how people tend to think we're inferior beings who need to be managed and have decisions made on our behalf. The same thing applies to how men sometimes treat women, or how lots of people treat anyone they perceive as "needy"-- like rape survivors, people in poverty, etc. I love that this show works on this concept, of when it's appropriate to shield someone and when it's empowering to affirm their self-determination. The way the parents argued about Brandon's surgery, and whether or not he should decide or they should, is another example of this. Generally, though, the more someone has been violated, the more they benefit from being treated with respect and encouraged to state their needs, have them respected, and for them to practice self-direction. So I see why Callie is especially sensitive to Wyatt's tendency to want to rescue her. It's not that he wants to keep her helpless; it's that she's struggling with her own issues of control vs being controlled, and learning to trust that she can lean on someone without giving up her power. And here he is, stepping right on that exact landmine, and showing with his behavior that he doesn't really trust her ability to handle things, and she can't rely on him to do or not do what she told him makes things better or worse.

 

That said, I didn't feel clear that they'd actually broken up. Maybe it was implied, but I thought it was unclear. People on this show do fight without necessarily giving up on each other, so I took her outburst at him in that spirit.

Edited August 13, 2014 by possibilities

[Gulftastic]

I enjoyed the episode. Aside from Mike and Ana turning up at the festival, the rest of them being there was OK. Brandon and his girlfriend were going, and asked Callie to join them. Jesus had to think on the fly when his girlfriend called him out over the booty call. It was probably the first thing that came into his empty head.

 

Speaking of Jesus, every time you think he's as dumb as he's gonna get, he finds a new level.

 

I liked the little speech Mat gave about his absent father, and how he if he could hear an apology, it would make so much difference. I don't know if one of the writers has personal experience of an absent father, but they got that part spot on, certainly from my personal experience. It was good writing.

 

And, of course, Tool-Belt Stef. Hawt.

[GaiusB]

LisaM, on 12 Aug 2014 - 6:00 PM, said:

 

 

So glad that they finally had Callie go to individual therapy for the rape. it is about time. The Stef/Callie scene reinforced that Callie really needs the reassurance and guidance of a forever family - she doesn't need to forego that for a teen romance at age 16. I will be so pissed if they use the Quinns as a fake roadblock so that Brandon and Callie can have True Love. Not the show I am interested in watching.

 

Could care less about Hayley/Jesus except for that stupid tattoo which is going to cause an eruption from Stef and Lena. I think that they could do so much more with Jesus. He comes off as dumb as a bunch of rocks.

 

 

Agree in both cases. I hope they are not serious about return of Brallie, not even mention to plan for them as the endgame romance.

This storyline is dragging the show down.

 

Hayley/Jesus is horrible, but i am really looking forward to fallout from it. Can not wait for mums, Mariana and Emma reactions to that tattoo.

 

I find Mat/Mariana and Lou/Brandom interesting. Not as true love or anything like that, but is nice for sheltered Fosters to interact with characters, who bring them out of theirs comfort zone.

[galax-arena]

I love how much Teri Polo and Sherri Saum's characters have evolved this season.

I’m just glad that we seem to be truly past all the bickering and fighting between Lena and Stef. That was tiring to deal with. 

[wagthedog]

The thing for Wyatt to do would have been to tell Callie that he saw Liam, and ask her if she wanted to leave. This shows trust in her ability to make a decision and handle the situation. It even enables her to face something, if she feels ready, which could make her feel much stronger and more free in general.Taking action on her behalf, without her consent, robs her of those opportunities, and was self-glorifying. He panicked, and wanted to be the hero.

This is pretty much how I saw it as well. Ultimately, I think it's probably asking a lot of a teenage boy to figure all that out. It's a mature, level-headed thought process that might elude a still developing frontal lobe that manages, among other things, impulse control. Even though Callie was explicit about what she didn't want, it's not hard for me to see how Wyatt got way off track.

 

I don't have a bunch of material to judge from, but I don't recall seeing a show really deal with what it's like for the significant other of a person who was raped. I would imagine Wyatt has some pretty complicated feelings on the subject. I'm not trying to excuse him, but I can see how he would have anger issues related to Callie being raped. I'm not sure the exact timeline, but it seemed like it had only been a few days since Callie told him. He hasn't had much opportunity to process. Callie might not be the only one who needs counseling on the subject. 

[GildedLily]

Did she dump him? I wasn't clear about that. It seemed like it, especially based on the conversation she had with the counselor about trust. But I guess it didn't feel final to me.

I think they've been on a break since the end of Mother where she told him she needed time and space. I took his "I'm so glad you called" as that they hadn't really seen much of each other outside school since then. This whole I can't trust you thing, I didn't think was a breakup but more of an indicator that this break might end up being an indefinite thing (especially given that Wyatt's family lives in another state and he seems to have no reason to be in San Diego other than Callie which at their age is an issue in and of itself.).

[SparedTurkey]

 

What doesn't happen (that based on the first half you might think would have likely happened)

--Stef finds out about the Liam reappearance offscreen.

-- Ana isn't shown after Mariana bolts

 

(First time poster - bear with me) I love this show, but sometimes it drops the ball on things that can/should be shown. In this episode, I would have thought a scene with Stef being told about Liam AND Ana should have been shown. Stef sometimes, rightly or wrongly, blows a gasket, and I think having her react to those would be a nicer way to show - you know what, sometimes those gaskets need to be blown. Obviously not at the girls, but just in general. At least there was a nice Callie/Stef chat over it. By the look of the final scene, Mariana will be having some issues/attitude about the whole thing.

 

I also think, if I were Stef, I would have lost it at Mike. While the show doesn't suggest Mike took Ana to the festival to ambush either twin (hello convenient plot device), attempting to get Mariana to talk to Ana at all was hugely inappropriate, given Stef and Lena's absolute refusal of Ana's request in the letter. That he knew about. He may be Brandon's parent, but he isn't the twins and he overshot the mark by a mile. I wish Stef or Lena would ark up about it in a later ep but I doubt it will happen.

 

And finally, I will echo that I really like Callie/Mariana's sisterly bond - and that the show is keeps referencing it. If I were Callie, I'd totally take Lena/Stef/Mariana over a romantic relationship with Brandon. (Sometimes I swear Callie hasn't met Jesus for all the interaction they get).

[Kristen]

Well, since most of this episode focused on the various romantic entanglements of the entire teen contingent, about which I really can't bring myself to care, I think it's valid to focus on the really important stuff here:

 

 

Teri Polo in a tool belt!  With those arms!  

 

Praise Lesbian Jesus, yes!

[stanleyk]

I don't see why Ana can't write a letter to the kids, even if she can't see them. Why does she have to do it in person? Part of making amends is looking for the way that is best for the people you hurt, not the way you personally want the most. She and Mike were acting like she couldn't apologize if she couldn't meet face to face, and that's crazy.

 

Agree. The way Mike and Ana handled running into Mariana at the festival (assuming it was an accident) really bothered me. Part of the amends-making process is accepting that some damage you've done can not be made better: some people will not want to accept your amends and acknowledging that is part of recovery. And part of making amends is not doing additional damage by attempting to force the other person to accept. I thought it was hugely inappropriate of both Mike and Ana to speak to Mariana about the letter in the first place, and then try to insist she go somewhere to talk after she refused. Mike has been in recovery for some time and should know better.

 

On the lack of reality of Callie in particular bonding so quickly and feeling part of the family after only six months, I agree with other posters. I also find it somewhat unrealistic that Stef and Lena immediately felt that Jude and Callie were "their kids." I can only speak from my own experience as an adoptive parent, but I hate when media perpetuates this myth that the norm is immediate attachment. It can take months for both parents and kids to bond (also true for biological kids). Some parents and kids no doubt feel an immediate parental bond, but many people do not; it's something you may have to work at, or it may grow naturally over time. I suppose I shouldn't expect TOO much new ground to be broken (after all, this show is still pretending that Brandon and Callie are each other's penguins, despite the fact that they're children and teenage romances rarely last forever), but it's my pet peeve to see this tired trope of easy attachment played out again and again. And it's especially ridiculous here, where you have two older kids with complicated histories.

 

(As a tip if you have friends who are adopting, one of my least favorite well-meant comments from friends was, after I met my son prior to adoption for a brief time, lots of people gushed "you must be so in love with him!" and "it must have been so hard to leave him!" I understood where the comments came from: they are trying to communicate that they don't see my love for my son as any different than love for a biological kid, and that's a nice sentiment. But it put a ton of pressure on me, and I started to worry that I didn't feel sufficiently maternal towards my son, despite having spent no time caring for him and little time with him. The fact is that it is totally normal not to feel an instant bond to a child you just met, but you see that so much in movies and tv that it perpetuates this idea.)

 

[wagthedog]

Part of the amends-making process is accepting that some damage you've done can not be made better: some people will not want to accept your amends and acknowledging that is part of recovery. And part of making amends is not doing additional damage by attempting to force the other person to accept.

Agreed, although this situation seems a little complicated in that it's really Stef/Lena who don't want interaction with Ana to occur. As teenagers, maybe that's a choice that should be left up to Jesus and Mariana individually?

 

Also, I wonder what the show is aiming for with this Ana story? It seems like they're trying to give her a redemption story, but maybe they don't see this initial effort as the right way to go about it. Maybe there is still a lesson for Ana (and Mike) to learn about letting the people they hurt decide how the amends should be made. I am reminded of what Lena's mom said to her about parenthood, about how in order to make the sacrifices you must make as a parent you have to love your kids more than they love you. Said Dana, "their needs trump your wants."

 

I don't think Ana and Mike really understand the sacrifices of parenthood. They're both seem to be in this whoa-as-me state of mind. It's understandable, they have regrets, but if they love their respective kids and want what's best, they're going to have to sacrifice some of their own wants/needs.

[possibilities]

I actually think that's very true and very realistic, as with a lot of the annoying things people do on this show-- it's annoying because of how real it is, how believable, that people in recovery would mess up, or teens would do stupid things, or people who love each other would argue, or parents would try to decide for their kids instead of consulting with the kids about what to do about a major decision. And often this show does in fact set up annoying things only to highlight how wrong they are, rather than to justify them. It's hard to watch TV and trust it's not going to applaud stupidity, but that doesn't mean it necessarily will play out that way. With this show, I've been pleasantly surprised more often than not, to be honest.

[GildedLily]

 

 The thing for Wyatt to do would have been to tell Callie that he saw Liam, and ask her if she wanted to leave. This shows trust in her ability to make a decision and handle the situation. It even enables her to face something, if she feels ready, which could make her feel much stronger and more free in general.Taking action on her behalf, without her consent, robs her of those opportunities, and was self-glorifying. He panicked, and wanted to be the hero.

 

I still think Wyatt is basically a well-meaning guy, and more likable than most kids his age, but that doesn't mean he wasn't wrong in a big way, whatever his theory about what was good for her or fair wrt who should leave vs stay at the festival, and no matter how sincere he was about it. He was right in theory that it wouldn't be fair for Callie to be in the position she was in and that Liam should leave. But life isn't always fair and it's not his place to try to fix it for her, without her participation. In the disability rights movement, we have this saying: "Nothing about us without us" which comes from how people tend to think we're inferior beings who need to be managed and have decisions made on our behalf. The same thing applies to how men sometimes treat women, or how lots of people treat anyone they perceive as "needy"-- like rape survivors, people in poverty, etc. I love that this show works on this concept, of when it's appropriate to shield someone and when it's empowering to affirm their self-determination. The way the parents argued about Brandon's surgery, and whether or not he should decide or they should, is another example of this. Generally, though, the more someone has been violated, the more they benefit from being treated with respect and encouraged to state their needs, have them respected, and for them to practice self-direction. So I see why Callie is especially sensitive to Wyatt's tendency to want to rescue her. It's not that he wants to keep her helpless; it's that she's struggling with her own issues of control vs being controlled, and learning to trust that she can lean on someone without giving up her power. And here he is, stepping right on that exact landmine, and showing with his behavior that he doesn't really trust her ability to handle things, and she can't rely on him to do or not do what she told him makes things better or worse.

 .

I really appreciate your autonomy argument but I also think things need to be looked at situation by situation. And I just don't agree Callie should have been told about Liam's presence. You have a young girl who just told Wyatt how shed been having panic attacks and nervousness in crowds that seem to be tied to that specific trauma. I think the best action was to take her home without seeing the source of that trauma- she never has to know anyone made the decision for her. Should Wyatt or B or anyone go about making day to day choices for her? Of course not. But in this very unique, very charged situation, I think protecting Callie who has openly admitted to being in fragile place trumps theories about female empowerment. If I was Callie, I'd absolutely want my boyfriend to take me home without telling me about Liam. I'd expect him to actually. If I was there with a female friend, I would try to remove her from that situation without explaining it. And I would feel absolutely justified in that choice under those circumstances.

In lighter news, Mariana's hair appears to be brunette in the preview. I think we can all agree that's something to celebrate,

[RedFire2000]

In lighter news, Mariana's hair appears to be brunette in the preview. I think we can all agree that's something to celebrate,

 

Thank god, because that blonde color was hideous.

[wagthedog]

In lighter news, Mariana's hair appears to be brunette in the preview. I think we can all agree that's something to celebrate,

 

Esmerelda, the wig, is probably sad. LOL.

 

You have a young girl who just told Wyatt how shed been having panic attacks and nervousness in crowds that seem to be tied to that specific trauma.

I don't agree, but I appreciate your take on it and I think it's reasonable. Good example of how different reasonable people can draw different reasonable conclusions. Which is part of why I'm still rooting for Wyatt. His heart is in the right place. His desire to get Callie out of there came from a good place. The fighting, not good, but I could understand why that's where Wyatt ended up.

 

Part of the reason I don't agree, and this might be a little hair splitting and not fair since characters like Wyatt don't know and can't factor it into their thinking, but the therapist seemed to say it wasn't LIam so much that was the source of the panic attacks but rather Callie not trusting her own judgment of who to trust. I think Callie would have been ok to see LIam. What she needed was for Wyatt to meet her expectations so that she could validate her own judgment and decision to trust him. It's a tough situation for Wyatt because I think his actions were guided by the respect and love he feels for Callie. The last think he wanted there was to fail to meet her expectations. In this, I agree with possibilities, the show does a good job of letting things be realistically messy.

[GildedLily]

Which is part of why I'm still rooting for Wyatt. His heart is in the right place. His desire to get Callie out of there came from a good place. The fighting, not good, but I could understand why that's where Wyatt ended up.

 

The last think he wanted there was to fail to meet her expectations. In this, I agree with possibilities, the show does a good job of letting things be realistically messy.

I'm obviously not rooting for Wyatt and Callie but I agree with you that his heart was in the right place. I had zero issue with the fighting-like I outlined above my problem was that he ran around searching for Liam to get him to leave when that obviously was not going to work instead of just moving his and Callie's nice afternoon to somewhere else. But once Liam said what he said about what happened between him and callie, I had zero issue with Liam decking him or with B taking the opportunity to throw a couple punches. I think if Wyatt hadn't punched him after that comment, I would have been mad at Wyatt.

Callie was tough on him, not totally fair and it was sad, even as a Brallie fan whose spent a lot of this season scowling during Wyatt's scenes, to see him looking so defeated and so confused when he was nothing but well intentioned and earnest. It reminded me why I liked him in 1A. I think her reading him the riot act had to do more with the fact that their relationship isn't working for her for many reasons and she knows that and less with the actual fiesta events. This gave her an opportunity to end it with less guilt about hurting a guy who has been nothing but good to her and on paper is good for her.

[possibilities]

I'd absolutely want my boyfriend to take me home without telling me about Liam.

That's interesting, GildedLily. I guess not everyone wants the same things. I have actually been in a situation similar to Callie, and I would have been very upset if someone had steered me out of a situation or left me uninformed.

 

Besides what I said in my previous message, I also need to know if the person I was avoiding is around, because if so that means I could run into them again sometime, and I need to deal with that possibility and plan for it. And also, if my companion is suddenly urgently trying to get me to leave a place we've been having a good time, it would push all my buttons about why they were doing that. I realize it's possible to be subtle, but I also think it's risky because what if she wants to stay, and tries to convince him not to leave? The longer they stand there having that conversation, the more likely that Liam is going to come into her view without her being prepared.

 

The key, though, is that people communicate and respect what they've been told. If you would want your companion to shield and remove you, I am assuming you would tell them so. Callie and Wyatt didn't specifically discuss what she wanted if Liam showed up, but she did say she wanted him to stay with her and (previously) to not engage in confrontation or violence.

 

I think it's one of those things where emotions were running high for all parties, and it just got out of hand, because they were all young, unprepared, and inexperienced. And that seems pretty real to me, which makes it all the more compelling. Most of the time on TV, someone is definitely the villain and someone is definitely the wounded innocent, and here (other than Liam), even the people who make mistakes are not really bad, they're just handling a very stressful situation in a messy way.

 

I also think there's something to the observation that Callie is looking for a way out of her relationship with Wyatt anyway, and she feels guilty about that, so it was easier for her to blow up at him than if she was 100% invested and madly in love.

[jace]

I really disliked Mike in this episode. First, he knows how Stef and Lena feel and not only does he say they're basically "wrong," he insist on breaking their rules for children that are not his. He and Ana have been sober for a hot minute. His last go at sobriety had him drunk in short order. Who does he think he is, exactly?

Then his non apology to Brandon basically says, that's what family does, they hurt you. That's a nice excuse for his behavior. How about you try not to hurt your son, how about that? Just really dislike his attitude. Sometimes we hurt the ones we love, would have been a nicer way of saying that, followed by, "I am going to try not to anymore." Instead we get this twisted view of love and family and equating with hurt and pain. Not me, no thanks.

I miss Lena and I miss Jude. The teen drama is just not for me. So can't really waste more words on it.

Here's what I hope for next week. The whole season with Brallie has been about are we over each other. Is this something we can move past. Callie has come to the conclusion each time that she is over Brandon. Brandon is even saying, hey it's not because of Callie. Suddenly when Callie is very hurt she's suddenly not over Brandon? I don't know, I am hoping for a nice clear cut, yeah we're over each other. It's time to put this to rest for a couple of seasons. It would be nice if they kiss and both realize, nope not there at all.