S05.E08:Calm Before The Storm

[Kroliosis]

Hmm I have the same Lularoe leggings as Kahlaab. 

[1011101010001]

1 hour ago, Kroliosis said:

Hmm I have the same Lularoe leggings as Kahlaab. 

Is he cross dressing?

[Kid]

11 hours ago, FrancescaFiore said:

Ximena seems to fancy herself a better catch than she is. Lady, you're 24, have 2 kids by 2 different dangerous, violent felons & you live off of a guy with ADHD's money. Maybe dial back the self-righteous judgments of Mike's flaws.

Testify!!!!!

And then daddy is suspicious of Mike’s intentions. He evidently had no problem with Mike when in America paying for her apartment and everything in it and, previously, her living with a hitman and her going into prison to visit and intentionally getting knocked up!  Evidently, daddy had no problem with any of that.

The other daughter seems so put together correctly.  How did that happen.

 

 

Edited January 31, 2022 by Kid

[Stuckathome]

2 minutes ago, Kid said:

Testify!!!!!

And then daddy is suspicious of Mike’s intentions. He evidently had no problem with Mike when in America paying for her apartment and everything in it and, previously, her living with a hitman and her going into prison to visit and intentionally getting knocked up!  Evidently, daddy had no problem with any of that.

The other daughter seems so put together correctly.  How did that happen.

I loved how her stepmother (who looks close to her age) was at first trying to be polite and not point out the obvious---when she mentioned the issues they had when they first married. That no one is perfect, each person has to listen and compromise, etc. Which is all valid---I felt like she just didn't want to point out all of Ximena's flaws there on camera, maybe the family isn't aware that Ximena has confessed some doozies to the camera crew already. Then she seemed frustrated and finally just spilled out what everyone in that room was thinking----if you dump him, your ass needs to get a job or somehow bring in the $$$ cause he has been supporting you and your kids and us this whole time. Agree with others that she doesn't want him but she needs him and she realizes that.....

 

Kim and Usman was just so cringe and gross...how is this woman this delusional???? She mentioned in her first episode she divorced after a long marriage (where he cheated), has she not been laid since ?? Not discovered the joys of a great vibrator? Or is she just that mentally ill that she seriously believed this man is sexually attracted to her? I could not believe that she brought her grown ass son into the conversation! And I loved his reaction to it too----he was absolutely right. What business is it of her son? I always cringe when single parents on this show bring in the kids so early or use them as pawns (Ximena)...but this is the first time someone used a "child" who was actually a grown ass man as a pawn! Hell, I think her son is almost the same age as Usman. He will be THRILLED this DIDN'T work out. 

 

Ben....gave me major PTSD flashbacks seeing the Lima airport and the city. Judging by that lack of traffic, he landed very late....if she is real and she lives in San Bartolo that is a loooooong drive to the airport. Not an easy haul if she is super young without a car and no family support for this scam. I predict he will actually meet her and still be on the hook for more $$ when he goes home cause remember he doesn't want/expect sex so....

[Mr. Miner]

For a second, I thought Noxema's dad was going to help Fartboy out and not give his blessing. Then tell him to pack his stuff and get the hell out of there ASAP!

[Welshman in Ca]

Did anyone else see what looked like a spider on Usman's back or was it just me?

[magemaud]

I had to rewind the scene when, out of nowhere, Kim threatened to sic her son on Usman because he wouldn’t have sex with her. Jamal was going to “cuss him out” all the way from San Diego? I’m sure Sojaboy was terrified! 

[magemaud]

4 minutes ago, Welshman in Ca said:

Did anyone else see what looked like a spider on Usman's back or was it just me?

Others commented on it in the live chat. I thought it was a tattoo but it looked 3D! 

[1011101010001]

Maybe one of his other super fans wears those giant lashes. 

[suzeecat]

24 minutes ago, Welshman in Ca said:

Did anyone else see what looked like a spider on Usman's back or was it just me?

If that was a spider it was HUGE!  GROSS! I thought maybe it was a medallion that he swung around to his back, or even part of his mike pack?  Dimensional, so definitely not a tattoo. 

What a cluster**** these two are!  Out of the blue, she throws her son into the conversation.  What the heck??? That should've been the best clue this woman is unhinged and get out while you can.  Man, she looked so BAD in the nightie, with her belly all hanging out . . .

Ive never heard of farting and belching being a sign of ADHD, just sayin'.  I had to laugh at the papa talking out of one side of his mouth that he doesn't trust Mike's intentions, then the other side agreeing that daughter needs to keep sweet in order to keep the gravy train running. 

[seacliffsal]

Ohhhhhh this episode! Alina is right up there with Kim about demanding sex.  The difference is that Alina got it last episode... I just don't understand all of these participants who don't understand that "no" means "no." Kim is delusional and although there's a part of me that wants to feel sorry for her I just can't because she is bringing this all on herself.  She really is ready to guilt Usman into having sex and thankfully he just isn't having it.  She is using the 'all I've done for you and given you' as well as 'what will my son think?'.  Why in the world would Usman care about what her son would think when she obviously doesn't care what he thinks (due to even being on this show)?

Although I think Caleb is a poser, I just can't with Alina's continually pushing for a commitment.  I think part of her plan is to come to the U.S. and get on one of the Little People shows (absolutely no evidence for this it's just my own opinion based on how hard she is trying to wear down Caleb and get a commitment from him).  I really thought their screen time was over so was a bit disappointed they were on this episode (and, unfortunately, the previews show them in the next episode).

Ben is also delusional.  And, I can't believe how he wants more children-it leads me to think that he believes his first marriage wasn't valid and wants to start over with someone he feels he deserves (i.e. is young and beautiful).  I hope his children are confident in themselves and their mother as I think Ben would ignore them in a second if he thought he could have children with his Nigerian scammer (similar to David [of Annie and David] and how he ignored his children-oh and Leida and Eric).  Once he realizes he has been scammed, he better not blame God and just take his own responsibility for this mess).

Oh, and Ximena and Mike.  Sigh.  She pretty much hates him.  Putting her big purse between them in the taxi said it all, as well as all of her criticisms and facial expressions.  Now, I don't think Mike is a prize, but she has absolutely no room to talk with purposefully getting pregnant with prison daddy.  I believe she stated earlier in the season that she makes sure prison daddy gets to regularly see his son, so she's not over him at all.  And then her own father acting all righteously about making sure Mike is "worthy" of his daughter.  The reality is that they are trying to distract Mike from her past by making out that he is the one whose life and choices should be questioned.  However, their true motives came out when the family was talking with Ximena and clearly laid out that Mike had been supporting ALL of them and she would have to get a job if she didn't accept his proposal (and I imagine that ALL of them will have to get jobs).  The only ones I feel for are her sons-they will end up getting hurt no matter what happens with this story.  But, wow, does this family have the long-term con in place (if they marry, Mike will be sending them lots of money and may well have to sponsor them to come to the U.S.).  Okay, this will sound super mean, but I wouldn't trust Ximena long-term because she knows some people and knows some things once she truly tires of Mike and has her green card.

[Kath94]

9 minutes ago, seacliffsal said:

Ben is also delusional.  And, I can't believe how he wants more children-it leads me to think that he believes his first marriage wasn't valid and wants to start over with someone he feels he deserves (i.e. is young and beautiful). 

Remember, his first marriage was an artificial construct after all.  (eyeroll)

[Mercolleen]

What did Mike "cook" that Ximena said was uncooked and would make them all sick? All I could see was plain spaghetti.

[Welshman in Ca]

8 minutes ago, Mercolleen said:

What did Mike "cook" that Ximena said was uncooked and would make them all sick? All I could see was plain spaghetti.

 

It was supposed to be spaghetti & cheese sauce, nothing else.

[Breedom]

"You were cold to me, Caleb". What does she expect?

I don't think there is a connection here. Their interactions seem very polite and formal, no let-lose-let's have some fun and see where it leads us. Instead, it's constant analyzing, explaining. I don't blame Caleb, it's Alina who won't let her commitment issues go. They need to fully experience being together, having fun, no questions, no guilt-trips, no constant explaining. At this point they should be farther along in the process but Alina can't seem to help herself. Talk, talk, talk, try to get a promise out of him. Girl, take a breather, stop fishing, stop looking for validation. Enjoy the time you have with him while you are together. There will be time to figure things out later. I think he is doing the best he can figuring things out for himself at his own pace. She needs to stop pushing it.

[magemaud]

49 minutes ago, suzeecat said:

If that was a spider it was HUGE!  GROSS! I thought maybe it was a medallion that he swung around to his back, or even part of his mike pack?  Dimensional, so definitely not a tattoo. 

I had to screenshot it. I think it might have been a leaf from that floral heart on the bed  

[Stuckathome]

OMG how could I forget Mike's attempt to cook dinner for his "family." WTF was that?? I mean, I saw him pour in milk and I heard him say he made a cheese sauce, but WTF? It looked like buttered noodles which apparently were undercooked. Thought firefighters knew how to cook? Don't they take turns cooking for the squad?? I am starting to think Mike is a volunteer firefighter in the same sense Dwight Schrute was a sheriff's deputy on "The Office." Guessing his brothers are actual firemen and they let little Mikey play around and walk the Dalmatian. WTF does he feed dad and gramps at the house? I laughed at her smiling and telling him it was delicious while the other side of her mouth told the kids to not eat it or it will give them colic. LOL....Ximena ideally would have never met Mike in person----I am sure she is sad that Covid restrictions went away and he was able to travel. Otherwise the $$ would have kept rolling in as she continued to go visit prison baby daddy and whoever she is hooking up with locally. The scene of her getting ready with her family reminded me of that Reba song "Fancy" lol

Jasmin and Gino====that resort and island look to die for!! OMG. I admit I turned off this episode with 10 min left, but based on previews I know already that his ex lets her know he shared her nudes with her. Did that actually get revealed this episode? WTF. This is the one time she deserves to go ballistic and I would have tossed him off the edge of the cliff at that resort. Oops clumsy fell! 

 

Ella & Johnny---her family is ridiculous. She is ridiculous. Johnny, don't do it man, don't! 

Spoiler

couples thread says that it comes out she cheated on him and had sex with a dude at her birthday part. WTF?? Who...what...how? I mean, living out in ranch country I don't know how people have any friends to hang with, but she has such a rager of a party she manages a hook up? 

 

[magemaud]

So while I was rewatching, I couldn’t resist taking a photo of BGK showing off her  fupa. I couldn’t believe the compliments. Usman said “Sexy mama” and Kim said, “Not bad for 50, huh?” To which Usman replied, “Looking good, girl.” He’s really sending mixed messages and leading her on. 

[FrancescaFiore]

11 hours ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

14 hours ago, Adeejay said:

I am confused as to why Usman moved in with Kimbaaly. 

 

Because that’s where the cameras were?

Because that's where the gravy train was.

[mmecorday]

I think Usman tells Kim he prefers how she looks without makeup so she'll look as awful as possible on camera.

[Mr. Miner]

12 minutes ago, mmecorday said:

I think Usman tells Kim he prefers how she looks without makeup so she'll look as awful as possible on camera.

Mission accomplished!

[1011101010001]

Last time I checked undercooked pasta didn’t cause colic or diarrhea.

54 minutes ago, Stuckathome said:

Thought firefighters knew how to cook? Don't they take turns cooking for the squad??

They specialize in chili which may explain his gas problem.

[1011101010001]

24 minutes ago, mmecorday said:

I think Usman tells Kim he prefers how she looks without makeup so she'll look as awful as possible on camera.

And he won’t have a weak moment and give in.

[Breedom]

41 minutes ago, magemaud said:

So while I was rewatching, I couldn’t resist taking a photo of BGK showing off her  fupa. I couldn’t believe the compliments. Usman said “Sexy mama” and Kim said, “Not bad for 50, huh?” To which Usman replied, “Looking good, girl.” He’s really sending mixed messages and leading her on. 

Love this screenshot showing Kim in all her glory! However . . . how embarrassing for her, yet she will never understand. She thinks she looks good but how? Did she somehow get pregnant? Now I'm embarrassed at how Usman is looking at that. What could he really be thinking? He needs to high-tail it outta that room now. He IS sending mixed messages. He said earlier that he doesn't find her attractive. Own it, guy . . . no one except for Kim thinks she's attractive. Go back to your own room. End this. This behavior does not bode well for your career. She is making a complete and utter fool of herself and dragging you along for the ride.

Her new game: Trying to take a little of her power back by using her son. She is a shameless embarrassment, not thinking at all of how her son - and his friends are going to see her behavior and the begging for sex. Lady, go back home and hibernate for awhile and work on yourself.

25 minutes ago, mmecorday said:

I think Usman tells Kim he prefers how she looks without makeup so she'll look as awful as possible on camera.

You have a point there!

[Auntie Anxiety]

3 hours ago, Stuckathome said:

Or is [Kimbelly] just that mentally ill that she seriously believed this man is sexually attracted to her?

She actually believed she looked great in her Walmart Plus Size peignoir nightie, so yes, she’s got to be mentally ill.

[CruiseDiva]

26 minutes ago, MrBuhBye said:

Last time I checked undercooked pasta didn’t cause colic or diarrhea.

In his defense, perhaps Mike cooked the pasta al dente and Noxema was unfamiliar with it prepared that way. As for the sauce, maybe he was attempting an alfredo sauce and had to make do with what was on hand in her kitchen. The scene at the table was uncomfortable to watch and I felt sorry for him.

[magemaud]

29 minutes ago, Breedom said:

He said earlier that he doesn't find her attractive.

I don't remember exactly what he said, but it had some confusing double negatives in it like, "It's not like I don't not find her attractive..." HUH?

9 minutes ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

Walmart Plus Size peignoir nightie,

I don't think that's plus size but judging by the way it fits, it SHOULD be! She's stuffed into it like ten pounds of bologna in a two pound casing. 

Edited January 31, 2022 by magemaud

[Stuckathome]

The only part of that whole cringeworthy encounter where I was Team Kimbaly was when he demanded she bring him his bags and she basically said she was not one of his boys, get his own damn bags. Seriously, grown ass man you want to storm out of the room (I don't blame him but WTF did he go there in the first place) take your own damn bags! LOL 

6 minutes ago, CruiseDiva said:

maybe he was attempting an alfredo sauce and had to make do with what was on hand in her kitchen.

So, you look around, see what she has available or what the supermarket has on hand that you are familiar with and google a recipe. Or ask her or her boys what their favorite food is.......the fact that he sort of winged it just made me shake my head and think yeah, this guy has a learning disability or SOMETHING doesn't fire properly in his head. It isn't just lack of experience with women---can't believe he ate that crap and thought it was good. 

[magemaud]

7 minutes ago, CruiseDiva said:

In his defense, perhaps Mike cooked the pasta al dente and Noxema was unfamiliar with it prepared that way.

That was the stiffest "al dente" I've ever seen. It looked like it was just out of the box and never made it into the boiling water at all. 

[Granny58]

On 1/30/2022 at 1:45 PM, Mrs. Hanson said:

SLD

what is SLD?

[FrancescaFiore]

19 hours ago, nutella fitzgerald said:

Why is Kimbally getting her son involved in her negotiations for the yammy yammy?

Guilt trip/victim complex. It's what older women seem to do when they're out of options. I once had to evict a psycho 55 year old lady from my flat and she brought her grown-ass adult son to court with her and claimed I was going to cause her child (who never lived with me) to be homeless. It's a desperate move that psychos pull. Darcey Silva does it too. "How could you do this to my daughters?" Um, you're the one being rejected here. Your kids don't really care, they have their own lives & are probably mortified that their mom is chasing after guys young enough to be their sons.

[Kid]

4 hours ago, Mr. Miner said:

For a second, I thought Noxema's dad was going to help Fartboy out and not give his blessing. Then tell him to pack his stuff and get the hell out of there ASAP!

He was not going to do that!  Mike is the ATM!! 🤣🤣🤣

[Gobi]

1 hour ago, Granny58 said:

what is SLD?

LSD for dyslectics.

[jennyf]

Mike dumped a packet of something into the pasta. At first I thought it was salt but maybe it was cheese powder…then he added some milk. So that’s a pretty disgusting way to make a cheese sauce. 

[glitterpussy]

I'm pretty over this bunch but I was dying when Ximena was taking fake bites of that disgusting mess Mike made! And telling the kids in Spanish not to eat it! 🤭 Honestly, who would think that was edible?! He is a mess and in no way a fit husband for anyone. Even Ximena.

[FrancescaFiore]

I normally don't like to bag on women's appearances, but since Kimberly is so fixated on bedding Usman and we saw her in what she considers to be her sexiest pink lingerie with little red hearts, drinking champagne after slathering herself with the array of cheap lotions and perfumes we saw (cliché AF, what is she,14?), I can't help but mention how physically unappealing she is. The yellow horse teeth. The excess weight. Her annoying, put-on little girl voice. And when Usman pulled back her robe... was I the only one who noticed her weird-shaped boob? Of course he doesn't want her! Why does she need him to tell her that? It's obvious in every conceivable way. 

[OFDgal]

On 1/29/2022 at 11:51 PM, magemaud said:

He explained in the preview that he was "already in a relationship" with his She-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named ex-wife before she got to Nigeria so he had sex with her. He must have learned his lesson from BGL and now has stressed the Kim is his potential girlfriend and they wouldn't have sex until he decides if their relationship is a "go" or not. He'll probably hold off until she's at the airport, ready to board the plane home, then tell her she's his girlfriend but sorry, it's too late to consummate things this time. This way he can dodge the sex bullet but still keep her hanging on from thousands of miles away. 

Kim wouldn't get on the plane if he said that to her. lol

[Rebky]

I agree with whoever said that KimBELLY is beyond delusional - she is mentally ill. I mean, showing off that belly that is bigger than my once ready-to-pop-the-baby-out stomach. I was literally smaller. Again - spot on with the black bags under her eyes.  Who manufactures the mirrors she looks into? Fantasies Are Us?? She is making such a fool of herself (which makes her perfect for this shit show!).

Also, Hemina always looks greasy and dirty to me. Yet she is supposedly super clean. Again, WHAT? There is no way in hell I would ever be attracted to Mike, but she is no prize herself. 

[Mrs. Hanson]

2 hours ago, Granny58 said:

what is SLD?

Specific Learning Disability.  If someone has an IQ between 90 and 100 (I have also read that 85 to 115) yet they are failing or struggling, we take that IQ number, the highest number in academic testing, use a grid and if they fall under a certain number in the .667 column, they qualify for services, if the parents agrees to an Individual education plan.

So Mike has an IQ between 90 and 110 but struggled in school in an academic area, my guess is reading and or writing.  He can't read the writing on the wall, right?

53 minutes ago, Gobi said:

LSD for dyslectics.

I actually made a slip up and said that on Friday!  "Jason" has LSD!  We were laughing so hard!  I was like, I hope he has the good stuff!

 

Edited January 31, 2022 by Mrs. Hanson

[Matty]

The men these women have to put up with for a meal ticket. I’m talking about Ximena and Mike but there are plenty of others through the years on this show. She has to pretend she has one iota of attraction or interest in this guy for a new sofa and dining room table plus whatever else he bought her. How sad. Didn’t she say she was a manicurist. She should go back to that and work seven days a week to earn her own money. She will feel so much better about herself and won’t have to deal with the farting, the dirty snot rags and every other disgusting habit. It would be so worth it. 

[TzuShih]

19 hours ago, Mrs. Landingham said:

And I swear the app’s voice sounds incredulous, like “is this human really asking me to say this drivel?” 

Or alternatively: "Do you mind if I rephrase this for you?!"  🤭

[Breedom]

2 hours ago, FrancescaFiore said:

And when Usman pulled back her robe... was I the only one who noticed her weird-shaped boob? Of course he doesn't want her! Why does she need him to tell her that? It's obvious in every conceivable way. 

Arm raised! Yes, I noticed it. Both were weird looking. What on earth possesses her to think that a young guy would move her to the very top of his list of potential women for his mate/lover/spouse or anything else?

1 hour ago, Rebky said:

I agree with whoever said that KimBELLY is beyond delusional - she is mentally ill. I mean, showing off that belly that is bigger than my once ready-to-pop-the-baby-out stomach. I was literally smaller. Again - spot on with the black bags under her eyes.  Who manufactures the mirrors she looks into? Fantasies Are Us?? She is making such a fool of herself (which makes her perfect for this shit show!).

Very well said! I will use KimBELLY from now on - what a great description. I think she genuinely thought she would knock Usman's socks off (or something else) with her natural beauty and svelte body that "looked pretty good for 50". Yeah, right.

 

I felt sorry for Peru-guy. I'm not saying I like the guy, but to fly all the way to another country for a no-show had to be devastating, especially after he shared every thought in his head about her to his kids, ex and friends. They can now be involved in the humiliation. Personally, I would share this info with very few people until it came to fruition and I was sure this person and their intentions were real. I suspect this ghost will never appear in a future show, but we'll see.

Thankful that not much was shown on Ellie and Johnny. So boring.

[lilysmom]

4 minutes ago, Breedom said:

Arm raised! Yes, I noticed it. Both were weird looking. What on earth possesses her to think that a young guy would move her to the very top of his list of potential women for his mate/lover/spouse or anything else?

Very well said! I will use KimBELLY from now on - what a great description. I think she genuinely thought she would knock Usman's socks off (or something else) with her natural beauty and svelte body that "looked pretty good for 50". Yeah, right.

 

I felt sorry for Peru-guy. I'm not saying I like the guy, but to fly all the way to another country for a no-show had to be devastating, especially after he shared every thought in his head about her to his kids, ex and friends. They can now be involved in the humiliation. Personally, I would share this info with very few people until it came to fruition and I was sure this person and their intentions were real. I suspect this ghost will never appear in a future show, but we'll see.

Thankful that not much was shown on Ellie and Johnny. So boring.

I would agree with everything you said, except for the fact that she texted him and told him not to come. I understand that he was already at the airport, ready to go. It would be hard to just turn around and go home, but it would be so much smarter.

Edited January 31, 2022 by lilysmom

[Granny58]

2 hours ago, jennyf said:

Mike dumped a packet of something into the pasta. At first I thought it was salt but maybe it was cheese powder…then he added some milk. So that’s a pretty disgusting way to make a cheese sauce. 

that sounds like Kraft mac and cheese (which I love, but I'm not a foodie.  I just eat)

[Granny58]

oh, also...anybody else bugged by Kimbelly constantly wrapping her hair around her head?  That drives me nuts.  Leave it alone.  

[Auntie Anxiety]

16 minutes ago, Breedom said:

I felt sorry for Peru-guy. I'm not saying I like the guy, but to fly all the way to another country for a no-show had to be devastating, especially after he shared every thought in his head about her to his kids, ex and friends. They can now be involved in the humiliation. Personally, I would share this info with very few people until it came to fruition and I was sure this person and their intentions were real.

Well, that makes much too much sense! And, if I remember correctly, didn’t he get catfished before (at least one time that he owns up to on tv)? What a schmuck. But he’ll hand-wave it off, because God’s will.

[seacliffsal]

Kim was fairly aggressive to Usman as she grabbed his arm and tried to prevent his leaving.  She also continually tried to touch his face, etc. I'm surprised that Usman reacted as calmly as he did because if someone grabbed me to try to force me to stay I would have done my best to get away (which may include trying to hit the other person who is trying to restrain me).  Does she think she can get away with things like this because she is female?  As another poster wrote, it's a good thing for Usman that there is a crew there witnessing/recording events.

Of course Ellie's mom thinks it's perfectly fine that Johnny has to fly to Dubai and stay in a hotel for 2 weeks, but that Ellie shouldn't have to do anything.  However, it does sound like Ellie's parents have had to financially help her due to her "romances." 

[magemaud]

17 minutes ago, lilysmom said:

she texted him and told him not to come.

So he decided to come anyway, against her wishes, then he was "devastated" that she didn't meet him at the airport? What did he expect? As far as she was concerned, the visit was canceled. 

[jennyf]

16 minutes ago, Granny58 said:

that sounds like Kraft mac and cheese (which I love, but I'm not a foodie.  I just eat)

Nothing wrong with Kraft mac and cheese. But to make an actual sauce, you have to mix the powder with milk (and maybe butter). Mike skipped that step and just dumped it all in with the questionably cooked pasta. Maybe he should stick with the cleaning, as he said. 

[magemaud]

5 minutes ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

didn’t he get catfished before

not only was he catfished before by someone else, this is the second time Mahogany has canceled his visit.