S01.E02: The Secret Stash

[PrincessPurrsALot]

Quote

Indie's bounty-hunter mom uncovers the truth about her felon fiancé; Gabby has a meltdown over a wedding dilemma, but their secret stash just might save the day; Haley's ex lays down the law; Tai is afraid that her romance with inmate Hottie is just a con.

Original air date 2022.01.14

[Drogo]

Max walking around town with his ‘roid-backne and an apparent dick in his ass is giving me life.  

Bring it on, goddesses of dumpster fires.

[1011101010001]

   35 MINUTES AGO,  DROGO SAID: 

“Max walking around town with his ‘roid-backne and an apparent dick in his ass is giving me life.  

Bring it on, goddesses of dumpster fires.”

I thought OF was supposed to be erotic.  Pale dude that looks like he should be on one of those dermatologist shows.  No thanks.

[renatae]

Gabby. Hottie. Tai.

Cue alternate universe. One in which everyone is hopelessly delusional.

Oh, right, already been done. Galaxy Sharp.

Edited January 15, 2022 by renatae

[Jeanne222]

Poor little Haley.  That girl doesn't have the brains God gave a goose!  She just stumbled through life doesn't she.

Gabrielle and her gravy train Christopher.  What will they do when the secret stash of money is gone?  I bet that attorney is collecting lots of fees to deal with that bunch.  $30,000 for wedding dresses!!!  That girl is delusional.

Indie and the bounty Hunter mom.  Lol this will not end well.

Where did Tara go?  Whatever with Max back and why does he have no color???  He's clear like water!  he needs a sun lamp!  Strange dude.

Santiba...where did they find her?

[1011101010001]

I don’t think I would patronize a funeral home that permitted filming of two (albeit pixilated) bodies while the cast members swore and talked about tawdry relationship issues.

[sempervivum]

It's a good thing this spinoff show isn't on for very long, because (as I kind of expected), it's only really about the 'civilians'. The prisoners are a few texts, photos, or tinny voices on a phone. So there's only really half the entertaining character potential. 

Why is Gabby rampaging through bridal shops and wedding venues when Chris is supposed to be incarcerated for 5 years, or did I miss something? I laughed when she claimed that second (abominable) gown 'fitted like it was custom' when there were huge folds of straining fabric across her belly.

Finding it hard to believe any financial institution would give Haley a mortgage, even with a $30K downpayment. Also, I would have guessed she'd be a vegetarian, so that Flintstones-style steak was surprising.

Poor desperate, delusional Santiba. Why would someone go through the effort to lose almost 100 lbs, which suggests some self-respect, but then throw it away on some random little jailbird? 

Looking forward to Bounty Hunter Mama giving Indie the whole truth and nothin' but the truth about Harry. It won't change Indie's mind, of course, but it'll make her look even more negligent for putting her kid in danger.

I find myself looking away when Max is on the screen. He's really creepy.

[SemiCharmedLife]

Gabby is running through Chris' money like there's no tomorrow.  She'll have $45,000 worth of wedding dresses and nothing else to show for it.   I hate to say it, but she makes me root for the felon.

[Adeejay]

I can't believe Gabby told her mom to kiss her arse.  Talk about disrespectful.  Her man received a $150K settlement.  She has already burned through $60K and now wants $45K for two wedding dresses.  This would leave $45K for the wedding and living expenses.  This has to be scripted, because no one can be that stupid.  

[Empress1]

5 hours ago, sempervivum said:

Why is Gabby rampaging through bridal shops and wedding venues when Chris is supposed to be incarcerated for 5 years, or did I miss something?

I had the same question. She's planning a wedding for when? Like what is the date? I don't think it makes any sense to plan a wedding to someone who is incarcerated, unless you're OK with the prison weddings we've seen some people have (which Gabby CLEARLY is not). But to plan for one on the outside when the person is still locked up makes no sense. Stuff changes, release dates change, wait until they're out. And in Chris's case, I don't think they have any idea when he's getting out - I don't think that's even been discussed. It's not like "he's due out in June so we're planning for July" - I don't think he has a release date, period.

I really really really want to know how Max and his friend went from matching on Tinder to doing porn on OnlyFans. Also he treats her like shit and she's pretty hot (I don't think he's good-looking at all), she can do better.

Edited January 15, 2022 by Empress1

[Pepper Mostly]

Max is creepy, homely, and radiates sleaze. He thinks he's hot stuff! And best of all, he's dumb as a plank. He makes Vince look like a Nobelist. 

[1011101010001]

Gabby proves that an expensive dress cannot make one attractive: it can only enhance someone who is already attractive.  Sorry.

Many inmates earn time off their sentences for good behavior (sometimes even day for day).  But it can be revoked for disciplinary reasons.  If Chris did something bad enough to be thrown in the hole he probably lost some good time credits.

[MakingBacon]

I refuse to believe those dresses cost tens of thousands of dollars. No dress shop that caters to a clientele with the ability to spend $40k on a wedding dress would ever be that dinky. I just can’t see Chris giving Gabby thousands of dollars of his settlement for a car and apartment. I think she was supposed to use it for something else and she decided to just improve her living situation. This show has already proven the inmates don’t have to spend money to get women. The lawyer was correct, he can’t release money without his client’s consent or he could lose his license. Gabby having a tantrum in a wedding dress was awesome. It’s probably the first time someone other than her mother has told her no. I can’t wait until Chris finds out Gabby has thrown away all his money. 

[Back Atcha]

On 1/8/2022 at 10:41 AM, JenE4 said:

Gabby is already planning her wedding to Chris?! How did he purchase this $5000 ring from prison? Oh, this is a twist! The prisoner has $150000 and is sending money to the person on the outside!

Okay...Chris got $150,000 in a settlement.  Gabby has already spent $60,000 on this/that, and anything she wants.  NOW she's planning to purchase (2) wedding dresses for a total of $45,000.  GET HER A CALCULATOR (and teach her to use it).  Chris will have $45,000 remaining to pay for a wedding appropriate for those EXPEN$IVE dresses, get an apartment, furnish it, etc.  This idiocy might be enough to keep my interest for the season.  Wonder if Chris knows what a BEYOTCH his fee-ahn-SAY` is.

[Jeanne222]

Where did I hear $300,000?  The settlement?  Somebody else getting money?

Sounds like Chris is a bit high string and needs some anger management!S

Received a settlement from a guards attack.  In solitary confinement.  Run girly.

[1011101010001]

Did Gabby just let that $30k dress fall on the floor when she took it off?  I’m sure the eventual buyer would appreciate knowing that.

[Nuccganggang]

gabby is average looking, but her attitude is repulsive. she lives in the world of instagram filters. if she’s such hot shit, why is she settling for a convicted felon who is currently in the SHU? $150k is not that much money, especially since she’s already spent more than 1/3 of it and tried to spend another 1/3 on ill fitting dresses that she (maybe) will wear exactly one time (side note: if she actually ends up marrying that guy, i will eat my shoe.) she’s spent all of 15 min total on tv so far, and all she’s proved to the world is that she’s a total fucking moron.

i couldn’t care less about tai and her gaggle of inmates. moving on….

harry’s noncommittal “do whatchu wanna do for you, babygirl” in response to indie asking him if she should leave her family (including 1/2 of her children,) job, and home to move to ohio for him, is a gigantic red flag to anyone with half a brain, but indie is too stupid to realize that he’s nowhere near as into her as she is into him. matt sharp scraped the bottom of the intelligence barrels for the cast of this series, eh?

max is just gross. i made the mistake of googling his onlyfans handle and the word “p0rn” and was treated to some of his uncensored content. i know this surprises no one, but after viewing not only his extensive  backne AND upper arm acne, plus his shriveled raisin balls, i have concluded that he is 100% on steroids. 

[renatae]

20 hours ago, MakingBacon said:

I refuse to believe those dresses cost tens of thousands of dollars. No dress shop that caters to a clientele with the ability to spend $40k on a wedding dress would ever be that dinky.

I wholeheartedly agree! The fabric in those dresses looked really cheap. They weren't attractive at all.

Loved the stomping around because she couldn't understand permission given in writing earlier doesn't imply a blank check whenever. Simp. And someone get her a calculator STAT!

Edited January 17, 2022 by renatae