S01.E04: Moving In

[SnarkKitty]

I do think Vaughn can benefit from having a more talkative spouse, but he has to believe what he signed up for is what's best for him. Right now he's still resistant. For her part, Monet could do with a little pulling back. Like, clearly brunch with your friends was not his thing (hell, I've been married a bazillion years and brunch with my friends would still not be MY husband's thing either!) So read the cues and readjust - "Okay, maybe brunch with the girls is a bit much, how about a couples dinner with my best friend/date and your best friend/date?" Give him somewhere to go, since it seems like she really is into him/making this work.
 

Did y'all see the look Vaughn gave Monet's little doggie when it DARED to shed on him??  Ohboy.  Mr. "Please Remove Your Shoes" is not going to do well in a pet house.

 

I'm willing to bet it takes no time at all before Vaughn adjusts to the dog. For one, he did let him crawl onto his chest; that was a promising start. He could easily have said "Yeah, I'm good" and nicely removed him. And they really don't shed. For another, it's damned near impossible to resist a Yorkie!  FWIW, I'm Ms. "Please Remove Your Shoes" and we're a pet house (Yorkie, I know, you're shocked. :D) NY/NJ Streets are nasty, yo!

[Joejoe317]

He will have to compromise with some of his weekend and holiday traditions.

It didn't sound at all like she was willing to. It is great that she has friends, but why wouldn't she compromise on her wording. For example, she was getting really pissed (can tell with her slapping the couch repeatedly) that he likes to relax on Sundays. Why doesn't she bring her friends over first to meet him? Why does it have to be Sunday? You know unwinding and preparing for your work week is important to him, so why not say at some point down the line maybe we can go to brunch. With her personality being aggressive about the situation isn't going to help. Don't get me wrong, his personality is very conflicting as well (example: on the episode he was getting upset on the honeymoon because she wasn't being assertive enough to find out more about him personally, yet he asks what her favorite thing was about him... She replied with your smile. How will this accomplish a get to know me stage if all they know so far is their physical looks?)

Also on the flip side, it didn't sound like she was compromising for him as you suggest he should compromise with her. His tradition of not doing anything on Sunday (I have to admit the no talking thing was dumb, think he was saying it because she talks all the time) is equal to her tradition of going to brunch. What I heard from her was she was still going to brunch regardless, which is fine (everyone needs friends), but he has to disrupt what he wants to do?

I think the argument can go both ways, but in reality (even married couples) should have their own hobby or "tradition" whatever it may be. Trying to force someone else to do something they don't want to do is far from a compromise, In fact it should be encouraged to have a hobby. Now I'm not taking this to an extreme and say to do it (the tradition) everyday, but once every 7 days is only about 4 times a month. Is that too much to ask for as an individual? I would suspect since Monet is really independent, she would understand this more than anything....

That being said, their communication skills are horrible. It is awful to see two people start an argument over something so ridiculous. This is why I think Monet and Vaughn will not work out. Watching this couple is the worst part of the show for me, it's like hitting a tension light switch when they get their 15 mins (yet I wrote about them... LoL).

Edited July 31, 2014 by Joejoe317

[heebiejeebie]

I'm sorry Vaughn but if one Sunday brunch seems like it ruins your life to the point you can't tell the woman you married to be on the TEEVEE what makes you uncomfortable about the specifics of the situation and offer alternatives, you my friend are resting in the trashcan nestled in an otherwise empty box labeled Massengill.  

 

i can see maybe being unsure about meeting all her friends at once.  But if you can prance and preen in front of a camera you can do so with a bunch of women.  Grow the fuck up and let those balls drop already.  At least to the point that if it does indeed go beyond all levels of personal comfort, be more than just the famewhore I suspect you are and tell her you are not up to meeting them and offer an alternative.  Even if it is just because you are pretending to be married for fame (little to none) and fortune (ditto).

 

If missing one Sunday of pressing your buttocks into the couch instead of meeting a half dozen women or so over bland waffles, and over hollandaised eggs benedict threatens to undermine your entire life's routine and state of contentment.   Yeah that box in the trashcan.

[Joejoe317]

Yes I agree, except I fault both equally. They both are horrible at communicating.

I'm sorry Vaughn but if one Sunday brunch seems like it ruins your life to the point you can't tell the woman you married to be on the TEEVEE what makes you uncomfortable about the specifics of the situation and offer alternatives, you my friend are resting in the trashcan nestled in an otherwise empty box labeled Massengill.

i can see maybe being unsure about meeting all her friends at once. But if you can prance and preen in front of a camera you can do so with a bunch of women. Grow the fuck up and let those balls drop already. At least to the point that if it does indeed go beyond all levels of personal comfort, be more than just the famewhore I suspect you are and tell her you are not up to meeting them and offer an alternative. Even if it is just because you are pretending to be married for fame (little to none) and fortune (ditto).

If missing one Sunday of pressing your buttocks into the couch instead of meeting a half dozen women or so over bland waffles, and over hollandaised eggs benedict threatens to undermine your entire life's routine and state of contentment. Yeah that box in the trashcan.

Yes I agree, except I fault both equally. They both are horrible at communicating. You have to remember Vaughn isn't the only grown up in the relationship.

Edited August 1, 2014 by Joejoe317

[cerealboxkilla]

I don't like Vaugn, but Monet comes across as really loud and annoying to me. Whoever said she talks like she's speaking in a board meeting was correct. I think that's where Vaugn's accusations of Monet trying to interview him come from. I think her personality just rubs him the wrong way and so he's finding faults in whatever she does. However, I'm trying to imagine who Monet's ideal man should be and I can't picture who that would be. Maybe she's been single for too long and doesn't know how to be in a relationship. Vaughn just needs someone submissive and docile. 

Edited August 1, 2014 by cerealboxkilla

[Joejoe317]

I don't like Vaugn, but Monet comes across as really loud and annoying to me. Whoever said she talks like she's speaking in a board meeting was correct. I think that's where Vaugn's accusations of Monet trying to interview him come from. I think her personality just rubs him the wrong way and so he's finding faults in whatever she does. However, I'm trying to imagine who Monet's ideal man should be and I can't picture who that would be. Maybe she's been single for too long and doesn't know how to be in a relationship. Vaughn just needs someone submissive and docile.

I suppose so, but both have major flaws that most people probably can't tolerate. I don't know what they put down as their qualities, but maybe they were playing more fantasy than a reality, or just playing us on the tv.

[heebiejeebie]

I think for me Monet's contributions to the problem is more due to traits.  Vaughn it seems is more behavior.  I don't think Monet is deliberately refusing to be the bigger person.  I do think Vaughn has the realization he could if he wanted to.  I'm not sure if part of it is entrenched chauvinism or just his immaturity.  But where Jamie I think is deluded, Monet is mostly oblivious and I do think Jason and Courtney are trying (Doug is a bit of an enigma I think he might be overly self-aware and playing a role or he is just blandly and perhaps earnest to the point of boring).  My problem with Vaughn is he seems completely aware of where the divide lies and he seems to think he can't even stir himself to point out to Monet where that point is even if he isn't willing to reach across it.

 

I also get a really really big whiff of overwheening ego. I tend to think both he and Jamie agreed to do the show with the endgame in sight and the "marriage" being the work they have to suffer through.  And where Jamie came on hoping for some bland Ken Doll with washboard abs and a twinkle in his eye because that would validate her own aspirations to her desirability, I think Vaughn came on wanting to be the pretty one in the relationship.  Also with someone who magnified his own desirability.  However I also think he wanted to see whoever they matched him with swoon a bit in gratitude.  I think Vaughn wanted someone to spend weeks basically considering herself on camera to be lucky to have him. 

 

Overall Vaughn strikes me as rather overly aware of the whole set up and yet he is so self centered he does not even realize he could come off so much better if he looked like he tried and failed.  Again I find his attitude in terms of it being a matter of weeks he signed on for to be wearing when it comes to what I find to be pouting when all is said and done.  Loud pouting but pouting.

[seauxheaux]

Lol I've given vaughn the most benefit of the doubt--though he's going to lose me with that woman cooking stuff next week. I could tell he was introverted right off the bat. He does give me on-the-low-heaux vibes though. I think something happened (or didn't happen) right away that just mentally made him check out. They're both unreasonable. If you're going to make this "marriage" work, they'll need to bond over more than sex and a dead parent. Real slick of the production staff to claim that the black couple had the so called most compatiblity but all we seen them do is bong and fight. I thought the match up team might have earnestly tried when I first started watching but now I don't. Still a tv show.

 

Jason and Courtney will be more interesting to me with a little conflict. At least they're trying but I don't want to see two strangers get married on tv and then be all lovey dovey constantly.

 

All things jamie still bore me, but if you're going to call my baby a "monster" right in my face, I'd wash my hands of you too.

[Ohwell]

I think something happened (or didn't happen) right away that just mentally made him check out.

That's been my thinking all along, that maybe he checked out on or shortly after the wedding night.  

[trimthatfat]

I wonder if Monet and Vaughn having sex on the first night hurt what was already a precarious situation. I get that they're grown and I don't judge them for having sex so early, but I definitely think they should have waited.

Edited August 1, 2014 by trimthatfat

[Ohwell]

Yeah, I certainly don't judge them for having sex the first night, but I think that they would have been better off had they waited a day or two.   Had it been me and my husband that I just met, I would have wanted us to just have some fun, talk and get to know each other, drink champagne and chow down on leftovers from the wedding reception.   

[crgirl412]

Not a fan of Vaughn!  He also is a model in Philly http://www.phillyfaces.com/model/vaughn/index.html so he's maybe used to being fussed over more than Monet is willing to do.  I believe he's on here for modeling  exposure way more than for marriage.  He's so clueless that he can't really think he was ready to look for a life partner (Yes, Vaughn, even on Sundays you have to speak to each other) whom he had never met nor seen!! 

 

I think Jamie is an interesting mix of truly having issues due to her messed up childhood and is desperately looking for love (but really needs the security aspect of it deep down) hence her citizenry in Bachelor Nation and now this show.  She's like Bethenny Frankle in some ways but way less messed up and has a much softer, vulnerable side to her. I don't think she's "fame whore" like many of her fellow BN citizens or any of the RHWoAnywhere.

[Ohwell]

But "monster" was such an odd choice describe her situation; it was just...weird.  I think she's weird.  I'm still throwing shade on her, and frankly, they are the least interesting of the couples to  me.  Doug can cater to her all he wants; I just don't care much about either one of them.

[absolutelyido]

I totally agree with you assessment of both couples, Sonoma. I think Jason & Courtney will make it to the end of the 5 weeks, but not for the long haul. 

 

It's hard to believe given their rough start, but I think Doug & Jaime by far have the best chance of making it for the long term. Their interaction just seems so natural and they read each other very well. They seem to have the most fun together of any of the couples.

She is forever traumatized and will always have the quirks and issues. It takes a special, patient, and loving type of man to nurture a personality like that. So kudos to Doug, he has handled her incredibly well.
I know some are turned off by the fact that Doug seems to be doing the emotional carrying in their relationship. That he shouldn't HAVE to make that effort. However, that may be the role he wants and is comfortable with. He's the sweetheart who will always cater to her demands and moods. Some relationships work very well like that.

 

I agree. Doug himself said that he wanted to be the best person he could be for her. I think it's a good thing to be with someone who makes you want to be your best. I've never gotten the sense that he is trying to be someone other than who he is, which would never work. I think he's too comfortable with himself to do that. He's just trying to be the best of who he is.

 

I think once Jamie is more comfortable and confident in their relationship, she will allow herself to nurture more.

 

Yes. When Doug was coming over to see her apartment she said that in the beginning when she didn't like him she wasn't really making an effort, but now that she liked him she was. She was talking about her appearance, but I think it also applies to her effort to be kind and nurturing to him. For a good part of their relationship that we have seen so far, she wasn't really trying. Now that she's smitten, I think we will see her trying harder.

Edited August 2, 2014 by absolutelyido

[ketose]

I was watching the first episode last night and the sexpert was talking about both Doug and Jamie both using the term "late bloomer" to describe themselves. That part makes sense, as they are the least casual about sex. Now, it seems to put them ahead in terms of relating to each other. They still have the most interesting banter, what they show of it. Money and Vaughn just have the most drama-filled fights. I actually see major trouble ahead for Cortney and Jason. Cortney comes off as kind of a flake and I'm starting to think her family didn't show up at the wedding because they didn't want to enable another bad decision.

 

As far as the "marriage is different" argument. I can see that TV shows treat it differently. They have no problem revealing when the couples had marital relations because they're married and it is more socially acceptable even though they only met a few days before.

[trimthatfat]

With Courtney and Jason, I could see Courtney doing everything she can to keep the marriage together. I honestly think they could go either way - divorced in a year or still married in 50. If anything will be their undoing this early on, it will be the money issue. Jason having a nest egg in anticipation of owning a home and Courtney not having a savings account will be a big problem down the road. I do give Courtney a slight pass for not having a savings account because I have several single friends in their twenties who have a similar financial situation - they spend their paychecks before they even get paid. Countless studies come out about how a majority of Americans are not saving the way they should so interestingly, Courtney's lack of saved income isn't a surprise. I say Jason gift her with Total Money Makeover and work with her on saving.

Edited August 3, 2014 by trimthatfat

[Ohwell]

Didn't Courtney say she had student loan debt?  If so, then she's definitely not alone.  However, if she went into debt because of spending (I did notice a lot of shoes, for example) then she'll need to work on her spending habits.

[trimthatfat]

Oh definitely-- Cortney's financial hole is not rare. Many people her age find themselves in this situation. Student loan debt is the major part of it, but most of time there are additional habits and behavior that contribute to the problem. I mean, what is she doing with the education she got from the student loan? I doubt she got her degree in burlesque. Also, she admitted she's not good with money and doesn't save. In the meantime, she still manages to have a huge wardrobe.

Been there, done that and I've seen many other people who have been there and done that. It didn't make us bad people at all and my intentions were always good, but it was also an indicator of something within me that had not maturely developed yet. I was a great girlfriend back then but would have made someone a horrible wife because my concept of responsibility and reality was quite different than it is now. I was in a different type of reality, and it kind of warped how I viewed everything else. Everything is great here! Nothing to see! I would stick my head in the sand to block out any negativity around my happy place, including the growing pile of bills.

 

Been there, done that, too! If not for Dave Ramsey and Suze Orman, I'd be exactly where Courtney is. So glad those days are behind me!

 

Are the student loans from the makeup school Courtney attended? For some reason, I was under the impression that cosmetology school is pretty inexpensive. Courtney strikes me as the type who enjoys spending on herself - expensive rent, drinks at the club, costumes for burlesque shows, and a cute, trendy wardrobe can add up. I find it hard to believe that the student loans alone are the reason why she doesn't have anything saved.

 

[Ohwell]

I know the couples got a free wedding and honeymoon, but I wonder if they're getting paid for being on the show.  If so, then the money could go towards paying off her debt and, assuming she's learned her lesson about finances, they could get a fresh start.  I was in debt, too, in my twenties, and it wasn't from student loans.  They should have put a plaque with my name on it in on Nordstrom's, I shopped there so much.   So yeah, been there, done that. 

[ketose]

I think those shows have some kind of stipend. I heard it being mentioned on Big Brother's live feed the other day. MAFS is similar because they are being filmed almost all their waking hours, I'm sure. I just wonder how much vacation time they ate up for the show.

 

I still wonder if this show was produced with FYI in mind or they were pitching it to multiple channels. I imagine the budgets are pretty tight. Usually, channels like VH-1 and E! focus their shows around rich people so they don't have to make things look expensive on their own.

[Secret]

I think those shows have some kind of stipend. I heard it being mentioned on Big Brother's live feed the other day. MAFS is similar because they are being filmed almost all their waking hours, I'm sure. I just wonder how much vacation time they ate up for the show.

I still wonder if this show was produced with FYI in mind or they were pitching it to multiple channels. I imagine the budgets are pretty tight. Usually, channels like VH-1 and E! focus their shows around rich people so they don't have to make things look expensive on their own.

Your post reminded me to look. This article was posted April 3, 2014, which was about a week after the marriages were filmed.

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/a-e-networks-orders-married-693478

The article states that a decision was still being made about which channel, but that it was filmed for A&E as a network.

Edited August 4, 2014 by Secret

[Pollock]

Vaughn strikes me as the type of men who really only wants an uterus and a maid. Because of the edit I mean, I wouldn't dare judge him in his real life based on this but on the show, it feels like it.

When I hear : 

- I want traditionnal gender roles.

- I want silence when I come home from work.

- I'm not interested to do something other than nothing on sunday.

here's what I hear : stay home, cook for me, take care of my kids, be quiet, all your life should revolve around me, the Provider. All of that without an ounce of gratitude for the life his wife will provide him because "it's traditionnal gender roles". 

 

In this show, he's presented the opposite of how Doug is. I think Doug wants also being able to provide alone for his family (who wouldn't really!?!) if his significant other (key word : significant) if she chooses to be a housewife. But he strikes me at the type who would be eternally greateful for the good, homey life his wife will be able to offer them, not taking it for granted and always be deserving of it. 

 

Again, I'm just talking about the editing. In real life, maybe Doug is the grade A+ entitled asshole and Vaughn the most deserving man ever. Who knows, really?!

In the original show, one of the women experienced the bitch edit like Vaughn. The man who married her (it didn't work out right off the bat too) went out of his way to say in the press later she was a lovely woman and it wasn't shown.

[Secret]

Despite many protests to the contrary over the years, editors can only edit what you give them. I'm not saying Doug is as good or Vaughn (or Jamie) as bad as being portrayed, but I have a hard time believing all of it is due to editing.

Some people don't do well being followed around by a camera crew. I think it is safe to say Vaughn is one of those people.

[ketose]

Again, I'm just talking about the editing. In real life, maybe Doug is the grade A+ entitled asshole and Vaughn the most deserving man ever. Who knows, really?!

In the original show, one of the women experienced the bitch edit like Vaughn. The man who married her (it didn't work out right off the bat too) went out of his way to say in the press later she was a lovely woman and it wasn't shown.

Where are you reading about the Dutch version? I'll admit I didn't search too hard or anything.

 

 

Despite many protests to the contrary over the years, editors can only edit what you give them. I'm not saying Doug is as good or Vaughn (or Jamie) as bad as being portrayed, but I have a hard time believing all of it is due to editing.

Some people don't do well being followed around by a camera crew. I think it is safe to say Vaughn is one of those people.

I have to say that from Twitter alone, Doug and Vaughn seem the same as they do on the show.

[Pollock]

Where are you reading about the Dutch version? I'll admit I didn't search too hard or anything

Using google chrome and the automatic translation, or google translate, I read danish tabloids online for "gift ved første blik".

First this article : http://ekstrabladet.dk/flash/filmogtv/tv/article4828437.ece

Then, the links at the end of it. And because I'm a truly sick person, when I had all the participant's names, I searched them to know what happened.

 

 

If you don't have the patience to read bad translations and make sense of it (not that my english is perfect) in a nutshell : 

200 people responded to the casting call for the show. When they knew what it was really about, 180 fled the scene ! Out of the 20, they kept 3 couples too.

The couples married spring 2013 in a civil ceremony. A prenup was signed beforehand protecting everybody assets if I understood correctly.

There was a team of experts too : a priest, a sexologist and a psychologist and an anthropologist. The priest (a woman ; women can be priest in Denmark since 1947), was never shown in her religious capacity but in her advice and guidance ones. None of the couple had sex during the honeymoon (I guess we have to take their word for it !). They all had to move in one or the other's appartment too. All participants had a full time job to provide equality in the relationship.

 

- Simon (30) and Mie (28) stayed married almost a year, divorced in march 2014. Fun fact : the show didn't pay for their divorce. In Denmark, divorcing is possible online for roughly 130 USD so they did it and made a point they shared the cost.

They divorced because real life happened to them : little things kept bugging them (he's ultra clean, she's messy), it builted, they finally called it quits. They had the added pressure of being the only successul couple at the end of the show. People recognizing them, telling them they were cute together and all that so they felt the need to stay longer together than they would have and didn't encouraged them to discuss the issues before they became too hard to overcome.

 

- Jonas (27) and Lykke (29) (her name means Happiness.... I had a hard time figuring out why I couldn't find her name "lost in translation" ! Hahah!) stayed married after the show, moving in together but she left him a month later after a huge fight. It came as a surprise for Jonas, he wanted to work further on the relationship because his family don't believe in divorce etc... She didn't. 

 

- Martin (29) and Mette (31). They divorced at the end of the program. Mette is the one who got the bitch edit. She didn't do too much interviews after the show. I only found one where she said basically the same thing as Martin (who seemed to milk a bit more his celebrity like Jonas) : she was too aware of the cameras, never could relax so tension built = bitch edit. Martin said that the producers choose to show only the awkward moments, the silences and her rejecting him and made a point to say they talked a lot and she was a warm loving woman. http://www.altfordamerne.dk/kultur/film-/gift-ved-forste-blik-derfor-gik-det-ikke-med-martin-og-mette/

Mette never thought Martin was a good match for her and never understood why the experts had paired her with him. They were not at the same phase of their life. Martin, from his own admission, is, at 30, still an adolescent in his head. Mette is level headed woman. They had nothing in commun.

They had bearly any contact after the show.

 

Because the show was a success, there will be a second season airing during automn 2014. The show is moved from DR3 to DR1 (the main channel of the group). There is a new priest, male this time. They extended the search for the couples geographically and the age bracket is broader too.

 

ETA : grammar and spelling. My english is shaky, should have used google translation after all !

Edited August 5, 2014 by Pollock

[PityFree]

Thank you so much for this info, Pollock! That was very interesting!

 

I'm glad they made them sign prenups. I assume they did that in the US, too. I'm sure a prenup eased Jason's mind when he learned about Cortney's debt. 

Edited August 5, 2014 by PityFree

[zxy556575]

Thanks so much, Pollock! It's interesting that they're expanding the geographic range, because even the U.S. couples in the NY metro area had some difficulty finding a location that suited them both.

[MsPH]

Thanks for the info, Pollock! I had no luck when I was trying to find it earlier. But I did learn that apparently there will be an English and an Australian version as well sometime soon. I will be watching.

[ketose]

Very informative, Pollock and your English is quite good.

 

I watched the casting special On Demand again, now that I know who's who. In this show they introduced more of the final 50. Maybe a dozen or so had segments. They also had a few fake-out pairings, like Jamie and Jason. Interestingly enough, they didn't have a clear reason why those two weren't right for each other.

 

Also, that group in the beginning where a bunch of them high-tailed it out of the room? None of the 6 were in that group. Doug had stubble in early interviews as well. Maybe he just wanted to shave for the wedding. They seemed to need 3 matches for the show because there were a couple of potential back up couples from what I could tell in case someone got a severe case of the Jamies.

[zxy556575]

Not that the episodes don't repeat multiple times, but there may be some weirdness with next week's -- it's in my DVR guide as "Intimacy" on Tuesday at 9pm, but the original air date is listed as 7/14, so it wasn't being reflected as a new show and I had to automatically set it to record.

[StayingAfterSunday]

 

ketose, on 04 Aug 2014 - 10:59 PM, said:

    Where are you reading about the Dutch version? I'll admit I didn't search too hard or anything

Using google chrome and the automatic translation, or google translate, I read danish tabloids online for "gift ved første blik".

 

First this article : http://ekstrabladet....icle4828437.ece

Then, the links at the end of it. And because I'm a truly sick person, when I had all the participant's names, I searched them to know what happened.

 

 

 

Wait.  That's interesting.  I've been reading online that "two of the three couples" from the Danish version of MAFS are still together.  Those must be old reports, or just false ones.  Am I missing something? 

[StayingAfterSunday]

Been there, done that, too! If not for Dave Ramsey and Suze Orman, I'd be exactly where Courtney is. So glad those days are behind me!

 

Are the student loans from the makeup school Courtney attended? For some reason, I was under the impression that cosmetology school is pretty inexpensive. Courtney strikes me as the type who enjoys spending on herself - expensive rent, drinks at the club, costumes for burlesque shows, and a cute, trendy wardrobe can add up. I find it hard to believe that the student loans alone are the reason why she doesn't have anything saved.

 

The answer is probably best summed up in two words:  New and York. 

[aradia22]

Hi everyone! Miss me?

 

I 100% believe that no one in any of these pairings should give up any lease or tell their roommates to look for someone else to rent their space. It's a five week relationship that could very easily end in divorce and it is not easy to find a nice, affordable place in New York. Jamie has a really nice apartment. I do not see the point of them getting a place for a five week experiment where most of the first week is already over. Maybe if production arranges it it'll be fine but using their own money and moving in all of their stuff? Nope. Do you know how long it takes to find a place and furnish and decorate it?

 

Is the burlesque a hobby for Courtney or a job? That is, is she getting paid to do it? Regardless equating her time doing burlesque to his job as an EMT... What are you trying to say, show?

 

Jason and Courtney are very cute together.

 

"65% of Americans live together before saying 'I do' but those couples are 50% more likely to get divorced that those who move in together after their wedding." That seems like a crazy statistic to me. I would think that people who have lived together before getting married would have already experienced all the little quirks and habits that reveal themselves when you live with someone and that they'd have already gotten over those arguments. I would believe that people who live together without being married are more likely to break up because that encompasses a whole range of relationships but the way that statistic was presented I have difficulty rationalizing it. Maybe it's that couples who won't live together before marriage are more traditional and therefore less likely to get divorced anyway? I don't know.

[ketose]

My best guess is that people who live together before marriage have been in a relationship longer than a couple that doesn't move in until marriage. Basically, the seven year itch kicks in after a shorter period of time because the couple has been living together like a marriage for a few years (or months) before the married couple.

 

The weird thing is that the 50% of marriages end in divorce figure is after 5 years. That means even fewer marriages last over 20 or 30 years.

[ramble]

It's been a few years since I did research on marriage vs. living together but as I recall the stats about living together & a higher divorce rate were quite surprising, at least for what I expected.

I also remember reading in some of the finer print of divorce studies that when second marriages & after are filtered out the divorce rate drops. Hum, I don't think I'm explaining that right. I know what I mean but my brain won't form it into words. lol. Statistically once you get divorced you're more likely to get divorced again & the more often you do the more often you will. Crap I'm almost confusing myself. I think I could be an "expert" with how clear I'm being.

Edited August 12, 2014 by ramble

[ketose]

I think you're saying that the first marriage is the one that will statistically last the longest.

[aradia22]

 

Hum, I don't think I'm explaining that right. I know what I mean but my brain won't form it into words. lol. Statistically once you get divorced you're more likely to get divorced again & the more often you do the more often you will. Crap I'm almost confusing myself. I think I could be an "expert" with how clear I'm being.

Ahahaha. Love you. We should go sign you up for next season. If there will be one. You could totally be the spiritual advisor. I continue to find him useless. Also, why do none of the experts offer their advice once the set the couples up? It seems like they could benefit from some counseling... well, at least Monet and Vaughn could. 

[trimthatfat]

 

 Maybe it's that couples who won't live together before marriage are more traditional and therefore less likely to get divorced anyway? I don't know.

 

That's exactly it. I read a study years ago that said that those who opt not to live together prior to marriage tend to be somewhat religious (and traditional, accordingly), so basically, they're a group that would be less likely to pursue the divorce route even if the marriage is not satisfactory.

Edited August 12, 2014 by trimthatfat

[ketose]

That's exactly it. I read a study years ago that said that those who opt not to live together prior to marriage tend to be somewhat religious (and traditional, accordingly), so basically, they're a group that would be less likely to pursue the divorce route even if the marriage is not satisfactory.

Or they are more likely to work out problems to sustain a satisfactory marriage. Which leads us back to MAFS. Their "social experiment" postulates that pushing people together and marrying them will give them more opportunity to keep a relationship going.