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Wiendish Fitch

BURN!! Best Movie Insults

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Sometimes it's fun to let a fictional character do the heavy lifting of letting someone have it with a good verbal smackdown! What are your favorite burns, jabs, and insults from the silver screen?

Singin' in the Rain has some doozies:

Cosmo: Lina. She can't act, she can't sing, and she can't dance. The triple threat.

 

Rod: Lina, you're a beautiful woman. Audiences think you've got a voice to match. The studio's gotta keep their stars from looking ridiculous at any cost.

Cosmo: Nobody's got that much money.

 

Lina: Oh, Donny, you couldn't kiss me like that and not mean it just a teensy, weensy bit!

Don: Meet the greatest actor in the world! I'D RATHER KISS A TARANTULA!

Lina: Oh, you don't mean that!

Don: I don't... hey, Joe, get me a tarantula!

 

Don: Which of my pictures have you seen?

Kathy: I don't remember. I saw one once.

Don: You saw one once?

Kathy: Yes, I think you were dueling and there was a girl - Lina Lamont. But I don't go to the movies much. If you've seen one you've seen them all.

Don : Thank you.

Kathy: Oh, no offense. Movies are entertaining enough for the masses but the personalities on the screen just don't impress me. I mean they don't talk, they don't act, the just make a lot of dumb show. Well, you know

[demonstrates]

Kathy: like that.

Don: You mean like what I do?

Kathy: Well, yes!

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I'm sure I'll be back, but the first two I thought of were one from a ridiculous 80s movie that bombed and the other one I heard somewhere, but never even heard of the movie (Friday made in 1995)

From the first one: 

"I feel like a perfect ass."
"Nobody's perfect."

From Friday:

"You gotta be one stupid motherf**** to get fired on your day off."

 

 

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Everyone goes with Blake's "motivational" speech, but for pure vitriol, I go with Roma's takedown of Williamson in Glengarry Glen Ross:

 

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Once again @Wiendish Fitch great idea for a thread! Ooh there are some good ones over the years, but here are a few that stood out to me:

Ever After: “I would rather die a thousand deaths than to see my mother’s dress on THAT SPOILED SELFISH COW!

Toy Story: “You are a sad strange little man. And you have my pity.”

Duck Soup: “He may look like an idiot and act like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you: he is an idiot.”

The Mummy: “Hey O’Connell! Looks to me like I’ve got all the horses!”

”Hey Benny! Looks to me like you’re on the wrong side of the river!”

 

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Some Like It Hot (1959)

After Jerry [Jack Lemmon] ,who had been disguised as  a woman jazz bass player named 'Daphne' the almost entire movie to evade gangsters, tries to dissuade the wealthy would-be suitor Osgood Fielding III[Joe. E. Brown] from wanting to marry 'Daphne', at the end of the movie, he finally pulls off his wig and snaps  " I'm a man!" to which Osgood has the final line-

"Well, nobody's perfect!"

The movie's director  Billy Wilder  loved it so much, he actually entitled his own autobio Nobody's Perfect!

Edited by Blergh
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My Little Chickadee (1940): After a judge tries to railroad Flower Belle (Mae West), he asks "Are you showing contempt for this court?" to which she replies:" No, Your Honor, I'm doing my best to hide it!"

BTW, she evidently had said in court that IRL  when  put on trial for having written a play called Sex (in 1926!)

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These Three (1936):

Aunt Lily: I've worked my fingers to the bone! TO THE BONE!

Martha: Don't tell yourself that, Aunt, you'll start to believe it.

 

Vivacious Lady (1938):

Helen: Now, are you going to mind your own businesses, or must I really give you a piece of my mind?

Francey: Oh, I couldn't take the last piece.

 

Mickey's Christmas Carol (1983):

Scrooge: I thought you'd be taller.

Ghost of Christmas Past: Hmph! Listen, Scrooge, if men were measured by kindness, you'd be no - *bigger* than a - -speck of dust!

 

Animal Crackers (1930):

Captain Spaulding: You know, I'd buy you a parachute if I thought it wouldn't open.

 

Legally Blonde (2001):

Vivian: Nice outfit!

Elle: I like your costume, too! But when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated.

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Shakespeare. Specifically the Kenneth Branagh adaptation of Henry V. It starts out with the Dauphin of France trying to throw shade on Henry's claim to France and Henry is not amused.

Henry then responds to that insult with one of his own, to the Dolphin.

 

 

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There's one more favorite from Henry V, and it's hard for me to deny that the way Kenneth Branagh delivers the burn of:

Come thou no more for ransom, gentle herald:
They shall have none, I swear, but these my joints;
Which if they have as I will leave 'em them,

Shall yield them little

is so deliciously said. 

 

The Coen Brothers drop a lot of great burns. Many favorites are from Miller's Crossing

Tom Regan: All in all not a bad guy – if looks, brains and personality don't count.

Verna: Leo's got the right idea. I like him, he's honest and he's got a heart.
Tom Reagan: Then it's true what they say. Opposites attract.

 

 

 

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Follow the Fleet (1936):

Kitty Collins: [to the sailor trying to hit on her] Tell me, little boy, did you get a whistle or baseball bat with that suit?*

 

Little Miss Broadway (1938):

Willoughby Wendling: Bless my soul!

Sarah Wendling: Keep your soul out of this!

 

Good News (1947):

Connie: Boy, I wish somebody loved me the way you love you!

 

When Harry Met Sally... (1989):

Harry Burns: You take someone to the airport, it's clearly the beginning of the relationship. That's why I have never taken anyone to the airport at the beginning of a relationship.

Sally Albright: Why?

Harry Burns: Because eventually things move on and you don't take someone to the airport and I never wanted anyone to say to me, How come you never take me to the airport anymore?

Sally Albright: It's amazing. You look like a normal person, but actually you are the angel of death.

 

Bridget Jones's Diary (2001):

Bridget: Thank you, Daniel, that is very good to know. But if staying here means working within 10 yards of you, frankly, I'd rather have a job wiping Saddam Hussein's arse.

 

*Okay, it's not a great burn, but what makes this so fabulous to me is that Kitty is played by a young, blonde, and then-unknown Lucille Ball.

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The Color Purple: “You all was rotten kids. Made my life here hell. Course your daddy ain’t nothing but some dead horse shit.”

Edited by Spartan Girl
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The Avengers: “”I ergo I read that the council had come to a decision, but given the fact that it’s a stupid-ass decision, I’ve elected to ignore it.”

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The tennis instruction scene in Clueless-

Amber: Ms. Stoger, my plastic surgeon doesn't want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose.

Dionne: Well, there goes your social life.

I did not get that at ten.

 

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This classic line from Footlight Parade (1933):

Impresario James Cagney comes in with a woman with less than honorable intentions (ie. a gold digger).  His assistant (Joan Blondell) lets them both have it.  It's at the very end of the clip.

 

Edited by magicdog
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