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S12.E07: How Do You Know If You're In Love?

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9 hours ago, qtpye said:

Way back in the day I briefly dated a guy who had less education and had a job that was not considered as ambitious as my job. I had no problem with it but his friends kept bringing it up constantly and talking about how he was "dating up". He could not handle it and became overly sensitive. We did not date for long. 

Hubby is less educated them I am, and same situation with our jobs.  We always knew I'd make a lot more money, and we had some serious conversations about that.  We were lucky in that our friends and family for the most part were very supportive.  That helped.  We will celebrate our 28th anniversary this summer.

But both parties have to be OK with it, sounds like the guy you dated wasn't, and Vincent may not be.  

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10 hours ago, qtpye said:

Way back in the day I briefly dated a guy who had less education and had a job that was not considered as ambitious as my job. I had no problem with it but his friends kept bringing it up constantly and talking about how he was "dating up". He could not handle it and became overly sensitive. We did not date for long. 

I had a situation-ship with a man who was doing less well than I professionally and he was actually pretty cruel about it. When I got a promotion and raise and moved into a place without roommates, he made a "joke" about how I didn't deserve the place. I said "Fuck you, I absolutely deserve it," and I was not kidding, and I made that clear to him. He didn't make that joke again (he was trash in other ways, though).

I have a friend who is married to a man with less education (she went to college, he did not) and a blue-collar job and who comes from a less affluent background than she does, and her parents don't like him pretty much solely because of that, but she and he are one of the happiest couples I know. However, I also have a friend who dated a man with less education and job stability than she did, and he was very insecure. He was constantly talking about how he wasn't good enough for her - which he was not, but not because of that (he was horrible). It's a conversation Vincent and Brianna have to have. If Vincent's income fluctuates, Brianna needs to be the financial backbone of the two of them, which she may not mind - but it gives her less flexibility to change jobs, pursue different and possibly lower-paying career paths, pursue entrepreneurship of her own, etc. I have a friend who is the breadwinner and has more education than her husband, and she hates her job but finding a new one is harder than it could otherwise be because she has to make a certain amount of money for their household to run. Brianna may not mind; they just have to talk about it.

11 hours ago, Hip-to-be-Square said:

I'm a meat lover so Jacob's diet wouldn't phase me very much, but I could see someone who is into salads and lighter meals not being into the monotony of steak and eggs over and over. 

As someone for whom cooking is a hobby, I just think it's boring to eat the same thing every day. It would mean we eat different meals, which is fine - there are people who have different dietary restrictions so don't eat the same stuff (e.g. my friend is vegan and her husband is not, so they don't eat the same meals). Jake can eat all the steak and eggs he wants, but I would not be joining him.

9 hours ago, JocelynCavanaugh said:

Ryan, sweetie, come here and let Auntie Joce shave your head. Time for a fresh start, hon. That skunk tail stuck to your noggin ain't it.

It's bad. Also is he flat-ironing it? His brother has curly hair.

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24 minutes ago, Empress1 said:

 

As someone for whom cooking is a hobby, I just think it's boring to eat the same thing every day. It would mean we eat different meals, which is fine - there are people who have different dietary restrictions so don't eat the same stuff (e.g. my friend is vegan and her husband is not, so they don't eat the same meals). Jake can eat all the steak and eggs he wants, but I would not be joining him.

 

I totally agree on separate meals or maybe expanding upon a date's meal to suit my tastes.  I could not eat steak and eggs exclusively for every meal every day like Jake, but I do eat various cuts of meat, some eggs, fruit, vegetables and bread daily.  I love to cook too and everyday I'm excited to cook myself fun and well balanced meals and I definitely give into my sweet tooth with dessert or candy.  Jacob could benefit from varying his protein with elk, buffalo, chicken, ground beef, goat, lamb etc and incorporating more vegetables in his diet.  

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11 hours ago, JocelynCavanaugh said:

This is an interesting observation, especially contrasted with her need for alone time. If someone told her she's actually an introvert, she'd probably refuse to hear them, but bringing up regular time to herself, unprompted, in a discussion of must-haves, is Intro to Introverts behavior. She loves to party and loves attention and being a "cool girl," but deep down, she's society's most maligned of all types. (I say this as an unapologetic introvert.)

What Brianna said to Vincent was actually pretty mean, but I can believe that she didn't think of it that way. If he had clearly communicated at that moment, she probably could've seen his perspective and made a point to do better. Instead, he went to the dark place, sulked, and forced her to drag it out of him -- and even then, really wasn't explicit about the statement and why it bothered him. 

Haley is clearly not into Jake at all. She tried to fake it, but couldn't make it. Unless the editing is more deceptive than usual, the point of no return was when they had sex. Something about it didn't work for her, but she's trying not to say anything to humiliate him on camera. She's in a bad position; no matter how she handles this, she'll be criticized. "She should be nice and make herself love him because he's such a Nice Guy!" "She should be honest and quit stringing him along like that hag* Molly!" "Why didn't she just tell millions of viewers that he likes to role-play Cousin Larry and Balki during intimacy? Dr. Pepper could've talked them through it!"

The problem is not that Jake likes the '80s. Sure, it was a hideous, tacky decade full of stupid movies that everyone needs to stop quoting, but people are entitled to like it. It's the substituting of a heavy-handed quirk for a personality, and the glee with which he makes those around him uncomfortable by turning all conversations back to it. He reminds me of the kind of person who would eat a huge slice of raw onion while maintaining unblinking eye contact with someone who doesn't like onions: fuckin' weird. Random comparison, I know.

Related, but not totally correlated, is that Jake emits a frequency that some of us pick up on and others don't. It's like how some people like cilantro, but a few of us know it to be the Weed of Satan. We can't expect others to understand, because we're working with different equipment. But my radar, and a few others' here, are detecting the cruel potential lurking under Jacob's calm demeanor. I already sensed it, but when he went from zero to "you have a boyfriend," it was confirmed. He's scary. I think Haley is trying not to set him off, but she's unfortunately not very good at that. I hope they can part amicably and soon.

Ryan, sweetie, come here and let Auntie Joce shave your head. Time for a fresh start, hon. That skunk tail stuck to your noggin ain't it.

*beautiful, thin blonde, AKA, she who must be destroyed 

I had to quote all of this.  Amen to everything. 

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On 2/25/2021 at 6:55 PM, ShowFan said:

Here come the queen size beds again ..ugh...I’d be absolutely sleeping in different rooms and not share a queen. 
 

 

No way those are queen sized beds.  Definitely full size and way too small for two people. 

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I don't think we've seen enough of their relationship to attribute Vincent's outburst to insecurity - I don't think he cares what she does as long as she supports him. But I do think he has in some ways been subliminally pushed into that outburst by the show - he was beat over the head from minute one that she's bossy; now he's looking for it. Well, surprise, surprise, she IS bossy! Then add Pastor Cal sitting down and bringing this stuff up again so it's fresh in his mind, along with questioning him about how he tries to keep it together and not get mad. More thinking about it. Couple that with her propensity to jokingly push him to do what she wants and say snarky things that can be interpreted as rude when you strip away the baby voice and giggling, and there you have it. It's self fulfilling prophecy. It was bound to happen at some point.

He handled that terribly, but I do think they will get past it. She does need to realize that sometimes what she says is hurtful even if she says it in a joking way.

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21 hours ago, Ilovepie said:

I don't think we've seen enough of their relationship to attribute Vincent's outburst to insecurity - I don't think he cares what she does as long as she supports him. But I do think he has in some ways been subliminally pushed into that outburst by the show - he was beat over the head from minute one that she's bossy; now he's looking for it. Well, surprise, surprise, she IS bossy! Then add Pastor Cal sitting down and bringing this stuff up again so it's fresh in his mind, along with questioning him about how he tries to keep it together and not get mad. More thinking about it. Couple that with her propensity to jokingly push him to do what she wants and say snarky things that can be interpreted as rude when you strip away the baby voice and giggling, and there you have it. It's self fulfilling prophecy. It was bound to happen at some point.

He handled that terribly, but I do think they will get past it. She does need to realize that sometimes what she says is hurtful even if she says it in a joking way.

I do think he's insecure (my opinion, not fact) but I think it's to do with his past, not his present. He's had to deal with a partner making him not feel respected and possibly looking down on him because of lack of education past a certain point. So, I think it's making him look at certain jokes and comments as slights about him. He's weary of the same patterns he dealt with before. Bri isn't perfect but this is something he should have worked on before walking down the aisle.

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4 hours ago, Racj82 said:

I do think he's insecure (my opinion, not fact) but I think it's to do with his past, not his present. He's had to deal with a partner making him not feel respected and possibly looking down on him because of lack of education past a certain point. So, I think it's making him look at certain jokes and comments as slights about him. He's weary of the same patterns he dealt with before. Bri isn't perfect but this is something he should have worked on before walking down the aisle.

I do agree he's dealt with this before with his ex, but I guess I wouldn't call it insecurity to want respect from your partner and to not be belittled by them. He totally over reacted though!

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2 hours ago, Ilovepie said:

I do agree he's dealt with this before with his ex, but I guess I wouldn't call it insecurity to want respect from your partner and to not be belittled by them. He totally over reacted though!

That's my point. He overreacted because of his insecurities. I wasn't saying wanting to be respected or valued is wrong or a insecurity. I'm saying that he's still holding that baggage and amplifying an issue that doesn't exist yet in this case.

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1 hour ago, Racj82 said:

That's my point. He overreacted because of his insecurities. I wasn't saying wanting to be respected or valued is wrong or a insecurity. I'm saying that he's still holding that baggage and amplifying an issue that doesn't exist yet in this case.

The issue does exist though so he was justified in saying something. Maybe you are right that his over the top reaction was a result of insecurities, but it could also be that he just doesn't handle conflict very well. He has basically said he stuffs it down and then explodes. I think we saw just that.

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On 3/1/2021 at 4:16 PM, LennieBriscoe said:

This is for you, scruffy73:

https://books.google.com/books/about/Remember_How_I_Love_You.html?id=D-0KuWUO9qMC&source=kp_book_description

Edited Monday at 04:19 PM by LennieBriscoe

I love him, too.

I went on Amazon and ordered this book.  It's due to come in by mid-March.

If anyone wants to read it after I do, send me a message with your address and I'll send it on to you.  

You can send it on to the next person who wants to read it---if there is one!

I'm serious!  All you Jerry Orbach lovers, let me know!

Gosh, he was only 69 when he died---gone too soon.

And to bring this back to MAFS--this is an interesting season.  I don't think we've ever had anybody quite like Chris.  The thought of him bringing a little Chris into the world is scary.  One Chris is more than enough.  

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But don't forget that Chris feels he has a responsibility to replicate himself at least 7 times...

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7 hours ago, seacliffsal said:

But don't forget that Chris feels he has a responsibility to replicate himself at least 7 times...

Which is absolutely disgusting

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On 2/28/2021 at 10:08 PM, qtpye said:

What the Hell happened with the story of Hailey pretending to be on a girls night out and then Jacob seeing all the couples run out of the lobby when they saw him? Is this something he made up in his head because he is always the side dick and never the main boyfriend or did this really happen? I am confused because he was apologizing to Hailey. Also, why the Hell did he think she had a boyfriend? Was this just to save his ego because anyone can see, wrongly or rightly, she does not like him?

The million dollar question.  I would like the whole story on that too.  What exactly happened that night?  Everyone is taking what Jake said about a boyfriend wrong.  He meant, why did she turn cold on him and go downstairs by herself without him.  He thought maybe she was having second thoughts about a past boyfriend .. IF she had one.  Any guy would think the same thing.  He didn’t say she had a boyfriend.  He was trying to figure out why she did a 180 on him.  A simple question.  He is getting a wrong rap and should get an answer on that night either on Unfiltered or Pastor Cal, who is useless ny the way.  He has favorites.  Pisses me off.

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On 3/1/2021 at 8:41 PM, JocelynCavanaugh said:

He reminds me of the kind of person who would eat a huge slice of raw onion while maintaining unblinking eye contact with someone who doesn't like onions: fuckin' weird. Random comparison, I know.

ETA: I may or not have actually taken the "random comparison" part seriously. 😬🤓

Edited by Scout Finch
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6 hours ago, Scout Finch said:

he did exactly that when they were eating a room service meal! He had a few slices, and kept looking over to see her reaction.

(that's the joke) 😁

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4 minutes ago, JocelynCavanaugh said:

(that's the joke) 😁

I was too focused on the "random comparison" bit, LOL. Can't believe it went completely over my head!

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On 3/2/2021 at 10:27 AM, Hip-to-be-Square said:

I totally agree on separate meals or maybe expanding upon a date's meal to suit my tastes.  I could not eat steak and eggs exclusively for every meal every day like Jake, but I do eat various cuts of meat, some eggs, fruit, vegetables and bread daily.  I love to cook too and everyday I'm excited to cook myself fun and well balanced meals and I definitely give into my sweet tooth with dessert or candy.  Jacob could benefit from varying his protein with elk, buffalo, chicken, ground beef, goat, lamb etc and incorporating more vegetables in his diet.  

It’s probably just a phase he’s going through to bulk up.  I’m sure this won’t be a lifetime thing.  I ate a small thin steak and a salad to lose the 13 lbs I gained when I had my second child.  After I lost the extra weight, I went back to everything and was sick of steak.  Your body craves carbs and Oreos dunked in milk.  That was my thing when pregnant every night.  Seven Oreos dunked in milk.  Yum.  My husband sneaked them up the hospital, and I ate them in the bathroom stall as we weren’t allowed milk.  Gross I know, but where else could I hide?  The Nuns were watching every move.  Very strict .. no drugs during labor.  Catholic hospital.

 

 

 

 

Edited by Silver Bells
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18 minutes ago, Silver Bells said:

It’s probably just a phase he’s going through to bulk up.  I’m sure this won’t be a lifetime thing.  I ate a small thin steak and a salad to lose the 13 lbs I gained when I had my second child.  After I lost the extra weight, I went back to everything and was sick of steak.  Your body craves carbs and Oreos dunked in milk.  That was my thing when pregnant every night.  Seven Oreos dunked in milk.  Yum.  My husband sneaked them up the hospital, and I ate them in the bathroom stall as we weren’t allowed milk.  Gross I know, but where else could I hide?  The Nuns were watching every move.  Very strict .. no drugs during labor.  Catholic hospital.

 

 

 

 

Major husband points for sneaking you Oreos and milk into the hospital 🙂!  I absolutely love Oreos, especially the double stuffed variety.  You're definitely right about Jake eating a specialized diet to bulk up; he has a lot of muscle mass and probably has his food intake down to a science.  

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On 2/24/2021 at 9:25 PM, LennieBriscoe said:

Yep, next week's previews show Virginia greeting their guests while carrying a drink. Surprise!

Did Chris and his ex plot this Reality TV excursion in order for him to get some decent money in a short amount  of time? Did they always plan to stay together? Was visiting her for sex mid-filming one way the ex agreed? Was Chris telling the truth when he said he fears falling in love with Paige, who was supposed to be collateral damage to forget about? 

 I think Chris is despicable.  IDK why he went on this show. But I don't think it's to find love. And I don't think he's afraid of love otherwise he wouldn't say he loves his ex. He's just jerking Paige around....I think for sex. She needs to dump his ugly ass. Now Chris no longer wants to talk to the pastor. Every criticism is that's not what a "man" does. Well Chris, a MAN does not lead a woman on, or marry for some weird reason....especially when he's been sleeping with someone else recently enough to get them preggers 6 wks ago!

Producers STOP telling Paige to go back and talk! It's nean.

Edited by antfitz
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On 3/5/2021 at 7:16 PM, Silver Bells said:

The million dollar question.  I would like the whole story on that too.  What exactly happened that night?  Everyone is taking what Jake said about a boyfriend wrong.  He meant, why did she turn cold on him and go downstairs by herself without him.  He thought maybe she was having second thoughts about a past boyfriend .. IF she had one.  Any guy would think the same thing.  He didn’t say she had a boyfriend.  He was trying to figure out why she did a 180 on him.  A simple question.  He is getting a wrong rap and should get an answer on that night either on Unfiltered or Pastor Cal, who is useless ny the way.  He has favorites.  Pisses me off.

 Jake didn't let her explain. She tried repeatedly. Hes a certified jerk and really unattractive.

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On 2/25/2021 at 8:33 PM, princelina said:

problem with him was the sulking

Sulkers not marriage material IMO.  Had to comment because his sulking in my opinion going go get worse.  

On 2/26/2021 at 5:06 AM, psychoticstate said:

it's that Haley (at least on camera) hasn't once even asked him why he likes the decade so much.  

Seems like they have few conversations on air. She shows zero interest or curiosity.   All i really know about her is the countries traveled.  Can’t figure the angle MAFS is taking with this match up.  I’ve started ignoring some ie Chris and Paige. I think the put-upon poor woman Paige a mistake. She’s obviously capable of speaking up as on the phone. 
 

BTW I LOVE LOVE NEON!  Had hunter green livingroom with pink neons a d tried to find coppersmith to do windows but failed then.  Now I see pictures of copper all over the place.   Gorgeous.  

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On 2/28/2021 at 4:00 AM, nutella fitzgerald said:

How did I never notice the matches based on skin tone before?! Will I ever unsee this?

Laughing bc I’ve noticed the same similarity with the white couples.   Hmm, except for C and R you think?

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11 hours ago, Ms.C. said:

Sulkers not marriage material IMO.  Had to comment because his sulking in my opinion going go get worse.  

Seems like they have few conversations on air. She shows zero interest or curiosity.   All i really know about her is the countries traveled.  Can’t figure the angle MAFS is taking with this match up.  I’ve started ignoring some ie Chris and Paige. I think the put-upon poor woman Paige a mistake. She’s obviously capable of speaking up as on the phone. 
 

BTW I LOVE LOVE NEON!  Had hunter green livingroom with pink neons a d tried to find coppersmith to do windows but failed then.  Now I see pictures of copper all over the place.   Gorgeous.  

My whole bedroom is Hunter green and pink.  Hunter green velvet comforter with pink shams and throw pillows LOVE IT.

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On 3/12/2021 at 12:13 AM, antfitz said:

 I think Chris is despicable.  IDK why he went on this show. But I don't think it's to find love. And I don't think he's afraid of love otherwise he wouldn't say he loves his ex. He's just jerking Paige around....I think for sex. She needs to dump his ugly ass. Now Chris no longer wants to talk to the pastor. Every criticism is that's not what a "man" does. Well Chris, a MAN does not lead a woman on, or marry for some weird reason....especially when he's been sleeping with someone else recently enough to get them preggers 6 wks ago!

Producers STOP telling Paige to go back and talk! It's nean.

Chris is a woman hater.  I knew it the minute I heard him say he wanted someone "submissive". He wants a compound of women to torment. 

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On 2/24/2021 at 8:44 PM, Suzy Rhapsody said:

We’re only a few episodes in, but I’m voting Vincent the #1 husband of the pack right now.  No one is perfect, but he seems to be the most balanced of the group.  I really want these two to work out. 

Just finished and sadly he seems to have become as unbalanced as Briana's TV. 

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Finally getting around to bingeing the season. I’ve found that I much prefer watching all episodes at once rather than week to week. Just going to dump my thoughts so far here.

Clara looks like pre-nose job Ashlee Simpson. Everyone has been mentioning Gwen Stefani, but I just see Ashlee. 

I liked Erik at the beginning, but he’s been getting on my nerves the last few episodes. I hate to be mean, but to me, he tries to act tough and all that, but he’s just this scrawny twerp with horrible posture. I don’t know if this is how he’s built or if he does it unconsciously, but he like scrunches up his shoulders. It annoys the crap out of me. 
 

The way Virginia was acting when the fight with Chris happened, all twitchy and stuff, I’ve seen people on “Intervention” look the same way. Yes, 26 is young but it’s not *that* young. The amount of partying she does is crazy, and her skin shows it. 
 

Someone earlier in the thread said how Vincent has a dad bod but they find him sexy. God, I could not agree more. I just swoon every time he’s on my screen. I get where he was coming from at the end of this episode about the things Brianna was saying, but I also think he overreacted. 
 

Jake creeps me out sometimes, but I find some things he says hilarious. I do sort of feel bad for him though because I do think he wants this and went into it for the right reasons. The age difference there with Haley is just too big IMO. 

 

No words for Chris. His voice and mumbling can get off my screen at any moment. I loved every minute that he wasn’t there for the first half of this episode. It was so nice not to hear his vocal fry. Master manipulator.
 

I will say it’s much more fun watching Chris and Paige scenes when you think of them as plants for drama. And honestly, it’s the only way I can reconcile how Paige is acting with going back to him, etc. But I won’t blame her 100%, because like I said, he’s a master manipulator.

 

I have managed to avoid all spoilers so far of who stays together or not. I’m rooting for Vincent and Brianna, and Ryan and Clara. I think Virginia and Erik will stay together on Decision Day but not sure if they’ll stay together for the long haul.
 

Off to watch some more…

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