MAFS Social Media, Spoilers & Speculation

[Valegro]

10 hours ago, Yeah No said:

No I didn't mean he was getting a church annulment, only a legal one.  But if he is a Roman Catholic and wants to get married again he does have to have a legal annulment to qualify to get married in the church if that's what he wants to do, or so I have read.  The RC church does not allow divorced people to have a church wedding in an RC church but unless I've misunderstood something, they might allow it if the marriage has been legally annulled and the grounds for the annulment meet their criteria.  Not sure on that, though.

I know a case in which a woman got married to a man in a civil ceremony and later it was found out he was already married so she got a legal annulment.  She was later able to marry in the Episcopal church back in the 1950s because the grounds upon which she got her legal annulment were recognized by the church.

I know a woman who got divorced after decades of marriage and a couple kids and managed to get an annulment from the Catholic church by throwing some money and influence at the local parish. Her grandkids were horrified and angry and I'm still not sure how the heck she managed to pull that off.

[Elizzikra]

6 minutes ago, Valegro said:

I know a woman who got divorced after decades of marriage and a couple kids and managed to get an annulment from the Catholic church by throwing some money and influence at the local parish. Her grandkids were horrified and angry and I'm still not sure how the heck she managed to pull that off.

My godmother used to process the annulments for her church and it astonished me. She really bought into the line of bullshit the church uses to justify them too. 

I knew a guy who was married for years and had like, four kids. He had an affair and his partner wanted to get married in the church, so he divorced wife one, got an annulment and married wife two in the church. They went on to have two children together. I always felt badly for his first family - to be told that the marriage somehow "wasn't real" and the kids were "illegitimate" after all that time. What a farce. 

[gonecrackers]

10 hours ago, MajorNelson said:

I read he also claimed she had deceived him, and that was the main issue, not the not consummated part.

Well, I'd like to hear more about that one, except, I wouldn't believe him anyway. 😕🙄

53 minutes ago, Elizzikra said:

I knew a guy who was married for years and had like, four kids. He had an affair and his partner wanted to get married in the church, so he divorced wife one, got an annulment and married wife two in the church. They went on to have two children together. I always felt badly for his first family - to be told that the marriage somehow "wasn't real" and the kids were "illegitimate" after all that time. What a farce. 

Cousin of mine married a dick like this. Twenty plus years of marriage, 3 kids, & she discovered he had a 10+ year affair. She files for divorce but he's able to get an annulment & marries his bitch. Wtf

Edited March 20, 2020 by gonecrackers

[MajorNelson]

2 hours ago, gonecrackers said:

12 hours ago, MajorNelson said:

I read he also claimed she had deceived him, and that was the main issue, not the not consummated part.

Well, I'd like to hear more about that one, except, I wouldn't believe him anyway. 😕🙄

I found the article I read, it's from late February,  And correction, it was not that she had deceived him, but the show.  He also takes issue with her real name being Kwaneja Jones and  some folderol about that.

https://www.realitytvworld.com/news/exclusive-married-at-first-sight-star-michael-watson-seeking-annulment-from-meka-jones-claiming-show-defrauded-him-into-marriage-27281.php

[gonecrackers]

I'd say it's probable that the show deceives all of them to some extent.

Maybe she didn't tell him her real name because she read him right away & didn't want the psycho to find her after.

Edited March 20, 2020 by gonecrackers

[Ohwell]

I'm not putting all the deception on Michael.  A name change is a big deal, although I think she changed it because she thought Meka sounded better for tv than that other name.  

[Jax7917]

Anyone know if Katie and Derek stayed together ? They’re the only couple that could go either way at the end of the show .. as for long term , I know they won’t make it . 

[Retired at last]

@Jaclyn88, it's been reported a few places that they agreed to stay together at Decision Day, but are not together by the reunion. So, yeah - they made it for 8 weeks, but not 3 months more.

[Kiss my mutt]

I wonder if it was a mutual decision or if one ended it. Guess we’ll see. 

[Retired at last]

I am not a big fan of Katie, so I hope Derek ends it. That may bring her back to earth and show her that she is not the be-all and end-all of every man's world.

[scruffy73]

On 3/20/2020 at 12:36 AM, MajorNelson said:

I read he also claimed she had deceived him, and that was the main issue, not the not consummated part.

I read on FB that he is a devout Catholic and she is agnostic so that is the issue he has with the show. They knew he was religious and put him with someone who is not a believer. IRL most religious people would NOT marry a non-believer. 

[humbleopinion]

Religious Dallas Dave used his reawakened Catholicism as his exit ramp..

While Amber was spiritual, she would have to come to terms to raising their kids in the Church... her converting wasn't brought up.

[gonecrackers]

Mr. Devout Liar ... have no idea how Michael can justify his abhorrent behavior.

[Liberty]

Just finished watching "Burn after Reading", and was amazed at the similarities between Chad Feldheimer and Zach.  It is easy to see how Zach sees Chad as an idol.

(Chad was the character, a fitness professional, portrayed by Brad Pitt).

I did not want to post this in the episode thread and possibly distract from the normal course of business there.

Edited March 21, 2020 by Liberty

[configdotsys]

On 3/21/2020 at 4:02 PM, gonecrackers said:

Mr. Devout Liar ... have no idea how Michael can justify his abhorrent behavior.

I don't believe for a second that he's anything other than a devout liar. 

People like him probably get off at seeing people believe the shit that comes out of his mouth. Critical thinking seems to be dying. So often today, anyone who deeply questions anything that seems dicey or shady is labeled mean or cruel. There are some suspicions that have been posted here that I totally disagree with. They gay comments about cast members being one of them. But this guy is wearing a neon suit that blinks Liar. 

Here's a guy with a degree in political science who worked summers helping kids at a camp, and doing other jobs on the periphery of education, al of which are admirable jobs. But he has zero education credentials and has never been a teacher. Telling people he was starting a job as a principal at a Catholic school? Putting aside the curriculum and instruction requirements, in order to be the principal of a Catholic school ANYWHERE, you need years of training and certification in catechism. A Catholic school is not an independent, for profit, charter school that can install the milkman as the principal if they want to. 

I'm just so sick of him and his "I'm adopted so I have trust issues." I'm sorry but I just don't buy that. That was a card that he pulled out when he realized he needed something to defend when called out on his disgusting behavior. 

 

Edited March 23, 2020 by configdotsys
was an update. not a permanent announcement

[princelina]

On 3/20/2020 at 4:55 PM, Ohwell said:

I'm not putting all the deception on Michael.  A name change is a big deal, although I think she changed it because she thought Meka sounded better for tv than that other name.  

Wasn't her mom named something like Tameka?  I just assumed she had named her the same/similar.  Maybe Meka hated the name her mom gave her (I already forget it but remember I didn't like it 😄) and named herself after her mom!

[Ohwell]

20 minutes ago, princelina said:

Wasn't her mom named something like Tameka?  I just assumed she had named her the same/similar.  Maybe Meka hated the name her mom gave her (I already forget it but remember I didn't like it 😄) and named herself after her mom!

According to the linked article that Major Nelson posted, her name was "Kwaneja." 😵  So yeah, you're probably right.

And so while I can understand why she wanted to change it, especially going on tv, that's still something that she kept from Michael so I could understand why he'd be suspicious.  She could have simply told him that after they married and I'm pretty sure he would have understood.   

[Elizzikra]

5 hours ago, configdotsys said:

 

I'm just so sick of him and his "I'm adopted so I have trust issues." I'm sorry but I just don't buy that. That was a card that he pulled out when he realized he needed something to defend when called out on his disgusting behavior. 

Edited to add: those of you who know my history: my cancer has recurred and I'm in treatment now. Had my first chemo a couple weeks ago and have the next one in early April. I feel like hell and am terrified of this virus so I'm on lockdown in my apartment and wearing gloves, a mask sprayed with Lysol and stuff to bring garbage downstairs or get the mail. Thanks for keeping me entertained through this hell with your snark. 

I think that Michael having trust and abandonment issues as a result of his adoption is the most believeable thing about him. I worked in adoption for a long time and it’s not uncommon.

Configdotsys - I am so sorry to hear about your illness. I will keep you in my thoughts and am sending you lots of positive thoughts and energy in the days ahead. You go kick cancer’s nasty ass!

[MajorNelson]

Saw this yesterday, and it reminded me of someone on the DC show.

 

[configdotsys]

LOL

The lady who posted the stealing comment posted it under every picture posted there.

This quote is from one of the other pictures there. Yeah, I'd want him teaching my kids:

"We are conquers and we have the ability to change the world we live in.
Students with LD are just as smart as you and me and we need to lift them up in order for them to reach there potential"

Edited March 25, 2020 by configdotsys

[cinsays]

56 minutes ago, configdotsys said:

LOL

The lady who posted the stealing comment posted it under every picture posted there.

This quote is from one of the other pictures there. Yeah, I'd want him teaching my kids:

"We are conquers and we have the ability to change the world we live in.
Students with LD are just as smart as you and me and we need to lift them up in order for them to reach there potential"

wow, good thing he is not an English teacher

[humbleopinion]

 On behalf of all the LD students thinking...

Damn, that dude wouldn't know grammar if it came up and bit him in the ass...

[silverspoons]

On 3/21/2020 at 1:12 PM, scruffy73 said:

I read on FB that he is a devout Catholic and she is agnostic so that is the issue he has with the show. They knew he was religious and put him with someone who is not a believer. IRL most religious people would NOT marry a non-believer. 

If you are devout to any religion or religion is a deal breaker  this show is not for you. If Michael was really a devout Catholic, with a masters degree, the good job he claims, he should have had little problem finding someone to date and marry. I wrote my thesis on large study of women in religion (I was a stats major and was presented with the opportunity to do the study).  I traveled to 40 states interviewing women and finding a spouse when devout in whatever faith, Catholic, Baptist , Mormon, etc was not an issue, that was usually pretty easy. The issues I looked at came later in life with the support system within and outside of the religion.  I have a hard time believing that Michael could not have found lots of Catholic singles in his area. It is not like he was living in Utah. Plus unlike some faiths, the Catholic church is pretty flexible about you joining  or exploring another parish , you are not assigned to just one by address. 

I do not understand Pastor Cal role. He is not a therapist, as in what he studied, but that is the role he plays. I rarely hear him bring up religion yet some of these couples seem to have issues with it. 

 

Did anyone else see Katie's dog posting for her. I'm not joking. I guess because Katie can't post, her dog has been. Her dog is pissed because Derrick is making Katie pay for her share of health insurance. Katie's dog should be very grateful Derrick put Katie on the policy. She turned 26, could not be on Mommy and Daddy's insurance and Derrick had good coverage. She has a need for coverage because of her diabetes. Katie needs to learn insurance is not free. It is nice to be on Mommy and Daddy's policy for free till 26, but by 26 she should know it is going to cost money, and for a good policy it is expensive. Derrick has every right to make her pay her share, going from a single policy at work to a couple or family can be very expensive. It is not like he is fighting about $20, it is hundreds. 

[qtpye]

1 hour ago, silverspoons said:

If you are devout to any religion or religion is a deal breaker  this show is not for you. If Michael was really a devout Catholic, with a masters degree, the good job he claims, he should have had little problem finding someone to date and marry. I wrote my thesis on large study of women in religion (I was a stats major and was presented with the opportunity to do the study).  I traveled to 40 states interviewing women and finding a spouse when devout in whatever faith, Catholic, Baptist , Mormon, etc was not an issue, that was usually pretty easy. The issues I looked at came later in life with the support system within and outside of the religion.  I have a hard time believing that Michael could not have found lots of Catholic singles in his area. It is not like he was living in Utah. Plus unlike some faiths, the Catholic church is pretty flexible about you joining  or exploring another parish , you are not assigned to just one by address. 

I do not understand Pastor Cal role. He is not a therapist, as in what he studied, but that is the role he plays. I rarely hear him bring up religion yet some of these couples seem to have issues with it. 

 

Did anyone else see Katie's dog posting for her. I'm not joking. I guess because Katie can't post, her dog has been. Her dog is pissed because Derrick is making Katie pay for her share of health insurance. Katie's dog should be very grateful Derrick put Katie on the policy. She turned 26, could not be on Mommy and Daddy's insurance and Derrick had good coverage. She has a need for coverage because of her diabetes. Katie needs to learn insurance is not free. It is nice to be on Mommy and Daddy's policy for free till 26, but by 26 she should know it is going to cost money, and for a good policy it is expensive. Derrick has every right to make her pay her share, going from a single policy at work to a couple or family can be very expensive. It is not like he is fighting about $20, it is hundreds. 

Her entitlement is mind numbing.

[Liberty]

1 hour ago, silverspoons said:

...Her dog is pissed because Derrick is making Katie pay for her share of health insurance... 

It would be interesting to know how these married couples decided to split up their nuptial finances.  It does not sound like this couple decided to openly go 50/50 or take expenditures from a joint account.  Maybe Katie can get her parents to pay, just because she turned 26 does not mean she is not their daughter.

[Retired at last]

OMG to those posts from Michael. I edited one that he posted as his bio a few pages back, and that was atrocious! This one is awful, too. Why, oh why, don't people use proofreaders when they are posting something professional????  As smart as you and me are? There potential???? Make it stop!

[Ohwell]

I'm not snarking on Michael, but I wonder if he likes working with learning disabled children because he was learning disabled as a child?  

[Retired at last]

That very well could be, @Ohwell, but then he needs to be able to teach them strategies for working with that challenge. He does not seem to be a good role model to me. 

 

[silverspoons]

8 hours ago, Liberty said:

It would be interesting to know how these married couples decided to split up their nuptial finances.  It does not sound like this couple decided to openly go 50/50 or take expenditures from a joint account.  Maybe Katie can get her parents to pay, just because she turned 26 does not mean she is not their daughter.

I think before D-day they are suppose to keep things separate. The show pays for the apartment, power and gas bills and outings.  I would assume they both pay for their own cell phones , gas, clothes etc. The pre-nup or agreement the sign protects them if they own their car, investments  or condo that anything they own can;t be touched if they divorce on D-day.  This insurance thing was a choice by Derrick.  If they divorce, she can;t stay on his policy but would get a special open enrollment period to enroll in her state's marketplace. Katie's parents could sure pay for her marketplace policy but most likely it is not what she had with her parents policy. I can see that she feels entitled to a good policy. I can see her throwing a fit over having huge deductibles or that she can;t go over states lines or to the doctor she wants anymore. My son was on my ex's policy. My ex had an excellent job with a large employer and incredible health coverage. My son had a  medical condition like Katie needing regular meds and doctor's care and tests. My ex's plan let him go to the hospital in any state, he had a nurse manager make his appointments and make sure his bills were paid, he had $10 or less co-pays on any med he ever took, $20 to see his doctor, no deductibles. When he was forced off the plan , he saw the real world, one plan, could not go to his doctor, $3500 ded. and no nurse to call for help with special medical tests or needs.  He was just starting college and he changed his major to make sure he got a job that would get him back that same type plan he had before. 

It is weird Katie says no dreams for Derrick, but her dream job of working with kids part time in her own office , setting her own hours so she can be home when her kids get home , is a dream. It is a dream to be self employed , choose your hours, and be with your kids and have a part time career you love. It would be very hard to have this dream if she did not have stable man providing a great health policy to cover her condition. 

[Liberty]

16 hours ago, silverspoons said:

...Did anyone else see Katie's dog posting for her.... Her dog is pissed because Derrick is making Katie pay for her share of health insurance. Katie's dog should be very grateful Derrick put Katie on the policy....

 

14 hours ago, Liberty said:

It would be interesting to know how these married couples decided to split up their nuptial finances.  It does not sound like this couple decided to openly go 50/50 or take expenditures from a joint account. 

 

5 hours ago, silverspoons said:

I think before D-day they are suppose to keep things separate. The show pays for the apartment, power and gas bills and outings.  I would assume they both pay for their own cell phones , gas, clothes etc. 

So the dog posted after D-Day or doggie did not understand Katie would be responsible for her own expense before D-Day.

No matter, Katie is a jerk.

Edited March 26, 2020 by Liberty

[silverspoons]

6 hours ago, Liberty said:

 

 

So the dog posted after D-Day or doggie did not understand Katie would be responsible for her own expense before D-Day.

No matter, Katie is a jerk.

The Dog posted after D-day. It was very recent and the dog now has a private account because of comments. I think it seemed like  Derrick only made her pay after they were having problems and maybe papers were filed to split? It was such a short time maybe only 1 month had gone by so who knows if he let the first month slide or he used money from the show to pay month 1.  The dog said that he loves only Katie (so the dog does not seem to love Dog Daddy Derrick anymore?) so it seems like maybe it is just Doggie and Katie living together now and they have to pay this large amount of money for health insurance and Doggie does not get as many treats. If you watch 90 day fiance , it is close to what happened to Colt and Larissa. Colt put her his policy, which was a very good one, they broke up very quickly. She accused him of making her pay too much for the policy. He was ordered to keep her on till the divorce (Larissa was seeking medical care for mental health issue and needed coverage) and then the day the divorce went through she had to buy a plan (and she was not happy about it, learned Colteeeee's plan was actually really good and a bargain after she had to buy marketplace). 

 

I do wonder if the show, cut out parts about the money with this couple. Remember he wanted he to get rid of her condo and move in his place. Her place looked nice, but I would assume a two story condo with outdoor space is expensive in that area. They are both in grad school. Maybe "dreamer" Derrick or so the edit is, was trying to be real about money and say lets take the cheaper apartment. He is the one working full time , it sounds like she is doing an internship for hours so she can become licensed in her field, which is fine but it is not bring in much money. Him adding her on his policy I guess was not cheap, makes sense, going from single person to a family plan can be expensive. Maybe that added expense , and her wanting to live in the more expensive condo, were issues. I wish they had some sort of money expert on the show. Money is a huge issue in marriages. I watched MAFS South Africa and one of their experts just dealt with money on that show. There could be factors like Derrick job is paying for his masters since it is in the same field he works in and Katie is taking out big loans. Fighting about money would be real but I guess fighting about dreams makes for better TV? 

[Caseysgirl]

So, I was watching an old “Catfish” episode ( season 7 episode 34) Nev and Tallulah meet Taylor ( who looks absolutely like Taylor on MAFS) and she’s looking for a boyfriend who new her in high school.  It turns out it was a scam and they called her out on it leaving her on the sidewalk with no ride. Could this have been our Taylor’s first foray into reality TV?  I’m not the detective some on these forums are, but I just thought it was interesting.

[Retired at last]

OMG, @Caseysgirl, I remember that one and they were so mad at her for scamming them and only wanting to be on TV. I am going to look for that one and see if it is the same Taylor!

ETA - I don't think it is the same girl. Hair is similar, but she was 26 in 2019, lived in Ohio, was a day trader, and then moved to LA. And then they ended up in Atlanta where her big plan was exposed.

Edited March 31, 2020 by Retired at last

[Lovecat]

58 minutes ago, Retired at last said:

OMG, @Caseysgirl, I remember that one and they were so mad at her for scamming them and only wanting to be on TV. I am going to look for that one and see if it is the same Taylor!

ETA - I don't think it is the same girl. Hair is similar, but she was 26 in 2019, lived in Ohio, was a day trader, and then moved to LA. And then they ended up in Atlanta where her big plan was exposed.

Here's some more info, with video.  Though the hair and the voice is similar, I don't think that's MAFS Taylor, either.  The article has the best last line ever, though:  "Internet fame isn't worth the dad glare and disappointment of Nev Schulman."  Bwah!

Edited March 31, 2020 by Lovecat

[Ohwell]

Nah, that's not "Taylor" Taylor.

[princelina]

6 hours ago, Ohwell said:

Nah, that's not "Taylor" Taylor.

Too bad - it would have been hilarious 😄 

[ReadMeLattice]

On 3/21/2020 at 5:42 PM, configdotsys said:

 

I'm just so sick of him and his "I'm adopted so I have trust issues." I'm sorry but I just don't buy that. That was a card that he pulled out when he realized he needed something to defend when called out on his disgusting behavior. 

 

And *if* something like that led you to lie about things, wouldn't they be things like your upbringing? Or things that were super private? I've known people who, for example, pretended their childhoods were better than they were because of trauma histories. I could understand that kind of dishonesty at the beginning of a relationship if you got scared/had flashbacks/your abandonment issues were acting up/something like that. What on earth would ADOPTION and feeling unwanted as a child have to do with being a yoga teacher, or the mileage on your car, or saying someone had to sleep with you on your honeymoon?

Edited April 2, 2020 by Lm2162

[gingerandcloves]

1 hour ago, Lm2162 said:

And *if* something like that led you to lie about things, wouldn't they be things like your upbringing? Or things that were super private? I've known people who, for example, pretended their childhoods were better than they were because of trauma histories. I could understand that kind of dishonesty at the beginning of a relationship if you got scared/had flashbacks/your abandonment issues were acting up/something like that. What on earth would ADOPTION and feeling unwanted as a child have to do with being a yoga teacher, or the mileage on your car, or saying someone had to sleep with you on your honeymoon?

I agree. I could seeing lying if you're avoiding something that you know will get you in trouble. But lying over things that have no consequence? Very, very strange. Michael never seems to have a straight answer for anything.

[Elizzikra]

Quote

What on earth would ADOPTION and feeling unwanted as a child have to do with being a yoga teacher, or the mileage on your car, or saying someone had to sleep with you on your honeymoon?

SOME (not all) adopted children grow up feeling a tremendous sense of shame. In our society, parents are supposed to love their children more than anything. So when a parent places a child for adoption (or loses a child to foster care who is later adopted), the child grows up internalizing that as rejection. "Mom didn't want me." Children, developmentally, process this differently than adults. Very young children cannot understand the concept that the world once existed without them in it. Children whose parents divorce often go through a period of time believing that the divorce was because of something they did - even when told differently by a parent, they still believe it on some level. Developmentally, kids have a hard time seeing outside their own point of view.

So when you're adopted, you don't see that as "mom was too young or too sick or too poor to care for me so she gave me to someone who could." Instead you see "I was a bad kid" or "my mother didn't love me enough to keep me." And if your mother, who according to society, should love you more than anything else, doesn't - well there would have to be something wrong with you, yes? So some adopted kids grow up just constantly feeling ashamed or as though they are unloveable; not good enough to keep. Add to that a set of learning disabilities, which can make a kid feel even more different, stupid, and unworthy and you get... Michael. 

I'm not trying to excuse Michael's behavior. He knows he's lying. I just don't think that he has done the type of therapeutic work that he would need to do to understand why he lies all the time, even when it's easier for him to tell the truth. Most of Michael's lies seem to start out being about making himself look better - have a higher salary or a loftier job title or a more accomplished career. I think most of the time when he lies, he is trying to make himself seem worthy of respect or love. I think it's an instinctive response for him, which is why his lies aren't well planned and usually don't stand up to scrutiny. 

Honestly, I feel sorry for him. I think there is a nice person under there. I think he has been tremendously impacted by various aspects of his childhood and I feel like he has a great deal of empathy for children going through similar situations. If he gets help for himself, he could one day be a wonderful advocate and support for those children. But he needs help - and a lot of it.

Quote

But lying over things that have no consequence? Very, very strange.

It's not uncommon for adopted children who have issues with lying to lie about completely inconsequential things - even when it would be easier for them to tell the truth.

Edited April 3, 2020 by Elizzikra

[gonecrackers]

Wasn't Michael adopted by his grandmother?  He's still in his own family, right? I'm not downplaying what happened with his mother, but, I think that would differ from someone growing up in foster care without ever having a family of origin.

We don't even know if his background of being rejected is true because he lies so much. I don't trust his sister either because she appears to be an enabler to me.

I think Michael is having a perpetual pity party & likes to play victim. People get tired of that shit real fast, especially when they become victim to his lies & deceit.

[Elizzikra]

1 hour ago, gonecrackers said:

Wasn't Michael adopted by his grandmother?  He's still in his own family, right? I'm not downplaying what happened with his mother, but, I think that would differ from someone growing up in foster care without ever having a family of origin.

I believe he was adopted by a member of his bio family - I can't recall if it was an aunt or a grandmother.

The research seems to indicate that children do better on a variety of outcomes when they remain with biological family members than when they are placed with non-relatives. That doesn't necessarily eliminate feelings of rejection and inadequacy - even though someone in the family "kept you," you were still "rejected" by someone who was supposed to love you more than anyone else in the world. This isn't every adopted person's experience but it's not uncommon. 

[Soup333]

I have a friend who was adopted by her grandmother because her mother had substance abuse issues. Unfortunately, the grandmother did not want to take on the responsibility of raising her three grandchildren and that became a known fact throughout her upbringing. So now as an adult she definitely has feelings of inadequacy. Honestly, this is a source of friction in our friendship because she constantly compares how we were raised. I understand. I really do but I could do without the passive-aggressive comments about how she wasn't "privileged enough" to be a Girl Scout/go on a road trip. It wasn't as if my single mother was rich by any means and I'm not braggadocious - I couldn't imagine being married to someone like this because it's just a lot of work to maintain a relationship where you have to constantly shore up someone else's self-esteem by downplaying your own experiences. 

[gonecrackers]

52 minutes ago, Elizzikra said:

I believe he was adopted by a member of his bio family - I can't recall if it was an aunt or a grandmother.

The research seems to indicate that children do better on a variety of outcomes when they remain with biological family members than when they are placed with non-relatives. That doesn't necessarily eliminate feelings of rejection and inadequacy - even though someone in the family "kept you," you were still "rejected" by someone who was supposed to love you more than anyone else in the world. This isn't every adopted person's experience but it's not uncommon. 

I still doubt him intensely. Once someone lies, particularly so frequently & indiscriminately, it's impossible to believe anything anymore. He may have had bad experiences growing up, but could be embellishing for sympathy's sake so people won't bother him as much about his lies. (Not diagnosing, but, covert narcissists are notorious for this). That won't work for very long with people either. Even if it's all true, he's a grown ass man & it doesn't excuse the way he treats others.

23 minutes ago, Soup333 said:

I have a friend who was adopted by her grandmother because her mother had substance abuse issues. Unfortunately, the grandmother did not want to take on the responsibility of raising her three grandchildren and that became a known fact throughout her upbringing. So now as an adult she definitely has feelings of inadequacy. Honestly, this is a source of friction in our friendship because she constantly compares how we were raised. I understand. I really do but I could do without the passive-aggressive comments about how she wasn't "privileged enough" to be a Girl Scout/go on a road trip. It wasn't as if my single mother was rich by any means and I'm not braggadocious - I couldn't imagine being married to someone like this because it's just a lot of work to maintain a relationship where you have to constantly shore up someone else's self-esteem by downplaying your own experiences. 

This is an example of that working against someone in forming lasting relationships. I know personally how tough it is to relate to others when you've had an atypical & perhaps quite difficult life. How much do you say, do you say anything, can you relate to anything at all... it's tough. But it still doesn't excuse pulling the victim card or lying all the time, which won't win anyone over either.

[cinsays]

14 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

Honestly, I feel sorry for him. I think there is a nice person under there. I think he has been tremendously impacted by various aspects of his childhood and I feel like he has a great deal of empathy for children going through similar situations. If he gets help for himself, he could one day be a wonderful advocate and support for those children. But he needs help - and a lot of it.

It's not uncommon for adopted children who have issues with lying to lie about completely inconsequential things - even when it would be easier for them to tell the truth.

this!  lying is awful and it makes no sense to me why he does it but I have not lived his life to be able to understand

he does need help

[athousandclowns]

On 3/21/2020 at 12:05 PM, Retired at last said:

I am not a big fan of Katie, so I hope Derek ends it. That may bring her back to earth and show her that she is not the be-all and end-all of every man's world.

I hope he dumps  her ass too.  Watching this episode I am shocked that while talking to the girls she keeps saying we’re not clicking.  I don’t see it happening.  How embarrassing to leave to table twice storming out. . I saw psycho behavior going from zero to a thousand and what she was raging about to him didn’t make sense.   I’m done! He comes crawling with his tail between his legs for what? Then she’s a curled up with him the morning?  Don’t make me jealous. Don’t write something when your 15 years old either ,because you don’t write poetry for me.  If he did she’d call him a nerd.   

it was very hard to watch Katie and the loose cannon that is Brandon.  I’ve never been involved with anyone who was violent so have no opinion if that’s his thing    I’ve never been involved with anyone who would bob their head like a rooster and try and taunt someone they work for either .  Real mature move to storm out only to be there the next day locked in the car.  What’s his job again loading kegs at festivals?   
I agree this is the worst season of all.  

Edited April 3, 2020 by athousandclowns
So many mistakes

[Booger666]

IIRC, Michael said mother passed from cancer when he was a toddler and his aunt raised him.  He also said he and his cousin were like siblings.  While it is a sad he lost his mother so young, it sounds like he wasn’t “abandoned” and his aunt raised him as one of her own.  I think he uses being adopted as an excuse because he is a compulsive liar.

[Kira53]

1 hour ago, Booger666 said:

IIRC, Michael said mother passed from cancer when he was a toddler and his aunt raised him.  He also said he and his cousin were like siblings.  While it is a sad he lost his mother so young, it sounds like he wasn’t “abandoned” and his aunt raised him as one of her own.  I think he uses being adopted as an excuse because he is a compulsive liar.

This is not the typical adoption story but Michael has found that it works better than, "my mother died when I was a toddler and my aunt raised me."

[Elizzikra]

3 hours ago, Booger666 said:

IIRC, Michael said mother passed from cancer when he was a toddler and his aunt raised him.  He also said he and his cousin were like siblings.  While it is a sad he lost his mother so young, it sounds like he wasn’t “abandoned” and his aunt raised him as one of her own.  I think he uses being adopted as an excuse because he is a compulsive liar.

Kids still feel abandoned but parents who die while they are young. As adults we understand logically that our parent didn’t choose to leave but young children can still feel abandoned and “less than” children raised by their bio parents.

[Yeah No]

On 3/25/2020 at 6:44 PM, Ohwell said:

I'm not snarking on Michael, but I wonder if he likes working with learning disabled children because he was learning disabled as a child?  

My husband is dyslexic and has had a hunch for weeks now that Michael might be a dyslexic just based on some hard to explain stuff he sees coming from him.....unrelated to the lying of course.

8 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

Kids still feel abandoned but parents who die while they are young. As adults we understand logically that our parent didn’t choose to leave but young children can still feel abandoned and “less than” children raised by their bio parents.

I hear what you're saying and I know you have said that Michael has no excuse for his behavior, so I agree with you that his family situation might be an excuse for his feelings, but not in how he is engaging in some pretty nasty mind fuckery with people.  I'm sure that his family situation is true of a lot of people whose reaction is just to exhibit annoying and frustrating neurotic tendencies, even those like @Soup333's friend, but there is no excuse for being a pathological liar, even though I have read that it's often not even under their control.  Supposedly pedophiles don't have control over their feelings, but no one would have sympathy for anyone that acted on those feelings nonetheless.  So I don't have much sympathy for Michael.  He's an adult and should know better.  He wants to help kids but he needs to help himself FIRST before he can really help anyone else.

[NowVoyager]

What gets me about Michael is that he is such a bad liar. My God, the way his eyes dart around, the lowered eye lids when he looks at Meka, the avoidance of eye contact at other times, the pursing of his lips, the fluttering of his fingers--- his body language all but screams: LIAR! For the life of me, I cannot understand why he was ever picked for this show...

I feel bad for Meka. People have been giving her shit for being angry or harsh; but, I don't feel like it's fair to judge her reaction being matched with a compulsive liar.

On a personal note, my oldest & dearest friend of 25+ years is a liar about certain parts of his life. Like Michael, it's painfully obvious. Things to do with his sexual orientation & his family background I've learned to take with a grain of salt. However, I picked him. Our relationship grew organically. I wasn't blindly assigned to him as a perfect match by this stupid show.