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S11.E03: It's Not The First Time

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30 minutes ago, gonecrackers said:

Geez I never diagnosed Henry with anything. I said I think the show is portraying him as ..., & I don't like it.  I also said it's too early in the season to know for sure about anything yet, in so many words. Thought this was a board we can share our thoughts on but I"m not going to bother if this is what's going to happen, because it takes all the enjoyment out of discussing the show. 🙄

You posited "but they're almost portraying him as... 'special'."   And then your followup comments were basically he could still be, hold down a job, get married, be functional but they shouldn't have him on the show.  You are basically speculating he is special needs.    .

It's just very hard to understand how you made the leap to they are editing out to make him appear "special."  And when I saw the 'special' it just read very insulting to special needs children.  Making that leap to me makes it sound like because you find him odd, either he is special needs or they are portraying them to be. I'm really uncomfortable with equating odd with special needs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Boo Boo
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19 minutes ago, Boo Boo said:

You posited "but they're almost portraying him as... 'special'."   And then your followup comments were basically he could still be, hold down a job, get married, be functional but they shouldn't have him on the show.  You are basically speculating he is special needs.    When you share your thoughts, you should expect people to share theirs in response.

It's just very hard to understand how you made the leap to they are editing out to make him appear "special."  And when I saw the 'special' it just read very insulting to special needs children.

 

 

 

 

 

I have several special needs children, so to say I'm insulting them is insulting to me.

I was speculating on how the show is portraying him - that's it.

I won't make this mistake again this season. I'm out.

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11 minutes ago, gonecrackers said:

I have several special needs children, so to say I'm insulting them is insulting to me.

I was speculating on how the show is portraying him - that's it.

I won't make this mistake again this season. I'm out.

Don't leave b/c of my discomfort with the speculation.  

I have a nephew with autism and a cousin with Downs.  I find it upsetting when their conditions are associated with being weird, so that's where my sensitivity is.  

This board is us talking about an episode and sharing our thoughts.  If I speculate on something, I fully expect discourse about it.   Those were my thoughts in response is all!  I'll drop it.

 

Edited by Boo Boo

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18 minutes ago, Boo Boo said:

Don't leave b/c of my discomfort with the speculation.  

I have a nephew with autism and a cousin with Downs.  I find it upsetting when their conditions are associated with being weird, so that's where my sensitivity is.  

This board is us talking about an episode and sharing our thoughts.  If I speculate on something, I fully expect discourse about it.   Those were my thoughts in response is all!  I'll drop it.

 

I've always been uncomfortable with this speculation - what I'm uncomfortable with this season is the SHOW doing editing on him that is making him look more than just 'quirky' or awkward. I'm also uncomfortable with being told I'm being insulting to special needs when I'm a parent to several & a caregiver & will be 'till I can't anymore. I'm my kids only advocate, & not insulting anyone special needs - e v e r. If I'm insulting anything, it's production & the crap they pull. But if I can't post & feel comfortable not being attacked I won't bother at all anymore.

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7 minutes ago, gonecrackers said:

I've always been uncomfortable with this speculation - what I'm uncomfortable with this season is the SHOW doing editing on him that is making him look more than just 'quirky' or awkward. I'm also uncomfortable with being told I'm being insulting to special needs when I'm a parent to several & a caregiver & will be 'till I can't anymore. I'm my kids only advocate, & not insulting anyone special needs - e v e r. If I'm insulting anything, it's production & the crap they pull. But if I can't post & feel comfortable not being attacked I won't bother at all anymore.

I felt that the association of "odd" with  "special needs" is insult. That's all.  I wasn't attacking you nor was I suggesting you were insulting your kids, but I understand that's how it felt to you and for that, I am sorry.  

I'm good with moving on if you are!  

Edited by Boo Boo
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4 hours ago, Boo Boo said:

Yeah, I just notice that every time someone on a reality show is awkward, there are a lot of people that start diagnosing them with "on the spectrum" stuff.  I just thought the guy looks like someone who was likely a dorky kid, grew up attractive enough but still is in his dorky mindset and is now on a reality show and is nervous on camera!

I agree that there is always speculation on this topic, or my other favorite: He/she is gay. There have been a lot of awkward people on this show (my personal favorite is Neil), but I have never felt like any of them were anything but just that. Henry is the first one that I questioned (in my mind) if the weirdness went beyond that, but like I said, we haven't seen much of him yet and maybe it is just that he's an extreme introvert with massive social anxiety. Even if it is just that, I don't think that bodes well for him under these circumstances. And I do agree with @gonecrackers that the show is making a mockery of it with the music cues (circus theme, really?!?) and editing.

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20 minutes ago, Ilovepie said:

I agree that there is always speculation on this topic, or my other favorite: He/she is gay. There have been a lot of awkward people on this show (my personal favorite is Neil), but I have never felt like any of them were anything but just that. Henry is the first one that I questioned (in my mind) if the weirdness went beyond that, but like I said, we haven't seen much of him yet and maybe it is just that he's an extreme introvert with massive social anxiety. Even if it is just that, I don't think that bodes well for him under these circumstances. And I do agree with @gonecrackers that the show is making a mockery of it with the music cues (circus theme, really?!?) and editing.

I'll have to rewatch and see if I pick up on it.

Anyway, @gonecrackers I am sorry for coming off so strongly!  I do want to hear your views!

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3 minutes ago, Boo Boo said:

I'll have to rewatch and see if I pick up on it.

Yes, listen to the music that is playing for each of the wedding scenes. You honestly don't even need to look for spoilers or look at the spoiler thread to know what's coming- you can always tell what narrative the producers are going for with the music choices. It's really obnoxious. My personal favorite was the sad, sad music that always accompanied any scenes with Amber and Matt.......

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1 hour ago, Boo Boo said:

I felt that the association of "odd" with  "special needs" is insult.

Maybe some do, but we don't here. We're an odd family with odd kids & I'm an odd parent. We're cool with it, because to us "odd" isn't necessarily a bad thing. We've had compliments on our "odd" family, so there's that too. It's how they're portraying Henry through editing, etc., that I find upsetting.

1 hour ago, Ilovepie said:

Henry is the first one that I questioned (in my mind) if the weirdness went beyond that, but like I said, we haven't seen much of him yet and maybe it is just that he's an extreme introvert with massive social anxiety. Even if it is just that, I don't think that bodes well for him under these circumstances. And I do agree with @gonecrackers that the show is making a mockery of it with the music cues (circus theme, really?!?) and editing.

^ This is what I mean.

38 minutes ago, Boo Boo said:

Anyway, @gonecrackers I am sorry for coming off so strongly!  I do want to hear your views!

Thank you.

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6 minutes ago, gonecrackers said:

Maybe some do, but we don't here. We're an odd family with odd kids & I'm an odd parent. We're cool with it, because to us "odd" isn't necessarily a bad thing. We've had compliments on our "odd" family, so there's that too. It's how they're portraying Henry through editing, etc., that I find upsetting.

^ This is what I mean.

Thank you.

I totally agree -- odd is not bad; I think I reacted more b/c I've seen people comment in a negative way.  Your family sounds lovely.  I'll rewatch for the edit.  I'm sure I missed what you found upsetting. 

Thank you for coming back, sharing a bit more of your story.  And I'm sorry for the knee-jerk reaction!  We're both coming from the same place!  

Edited by Boo Boo
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20 minutes ago, Boo Boo said:

I totally agree -- odd is not bad; I think I reacted more b/c I've seen people comment in a negative way.  Your family sounds lovely. 

While I've been watching Unfiltered one of my kids stopped & saw Amelia's bridesmaids rolling down the aisle & her face was priceless. A combo of WTF, mouth hanging open along with a slow head shake... there's different kinds of 'odd' in the world LOL.

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Just now, gonecrackers said:

While I've been watching Unfiltered one of my kids stopped & saw Amelia's bridesmaids rolling down the aisle & her face was priceless. A combo of WTF, mouth hanging open along with a slow head shake... there's different kinds of 'odd' in the world LOL.

LOL, YES!  

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10 minutes ago, LennieBriscoe said:

I do not like Bennett in that sad moustache (the show with Jamie). Adds a weird sleazy vibe, IMO!

Perhaps James Taylor-ish.

Mud Slide Slim-esque.

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I thought Bennett looked better without the mustache, too.  I liked Henry’s clothes; thought he looked nice.  

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2 hours ago, Kareem said:

I thought Bennett looked better without the mustache, too.  I liked Henry’s clothes; thought he looked nice.  

I agree, I like Bennett without the mustache but it would seem like a vacation/Covid mustache.

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4 hours ago, Ilovepie said:

Yes, listen to the music that is playing for each of the wedding scenes. You honestly don't even need to look for spoilers or look at the spoiler thread to know what's coming- you can always tell what narrative the producers are going for with the music choices. It's really obnoxious. My personal favorite was the sad, sad music that always accompanied any scenes with Amber and Matt.......

This is interesting and I will remember to look for it in the future!  I have always hated when people start "diagnosing" someone or calling them gay based on their portrayal on reality shows.  But I must say that this is the first time ever that I have thought a cast member actually was "on the spectrum" and I am feeling it with Henry.  (And just for the record I worked with special ed students for 30 years which is why I feel qualified to judge.  I am also married to a guy who  has very "aspy" tendencies - he graduated before that was a diagnosis 😄   The difference is I got to know him while dating and chose him myself.) 

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4 hours ago, LennieBriscoe said:

I do not like Bennett in that sad moustache (the show with Jamie). Adds a weird sleazy vibe, IMO!

 

4 hours ago, humbleopinion said:

Perhaps James Taylor-ish.

Mud Slide Slim-esque.

 

4 hours ago, Kareem said:

I thought Bennett looked better without the mustache, too.  I liked Henry’s clothes; thought he looked nice.  

He kinda looked like one of The Beatles from the Sargent Pepper era.

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The first season I would not mind seeing more reception of the couples.

Edited by humbleopinion
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Well, @gonecrackers I do feel even worse about my posts to you after watching the first scenes with Henry from last night.  He certainly does seem like he's got something other than nerves going on.

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3 minutes ago, Boo Boo said:

Well, @gonecrackers I do feel even worse about my posts to you after watching the first scenes with Henry from last night.  He certainly does seem like he's got something other than nerves going on.

Don't feel bad; I was upset anyone would think I would insult special needs, given my own family. I feel angry for Henry because I think they're pulling weird edits on him, so IF he's got something going on it's even worse for them to do that to him. It's what production is doing with him & how that's pissing me off this season.

In the previews they show Henry telling Cal there's been a "pattern of dishonesty" with Christine. I don't wish this on either of them, but edits do change depending on how they want to spin things, so we'll see what that's about.

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6 minutes ago, gonecrackers said:

Don't feel bad; I was upset anyone would think I would insult special needs, given my own family. I feel angry for Henry because I think they're pulling weird edits on him, so IF he's got something going on it's even worse for them to do that to him. It's what production is doing with him & how that's pissing me off this season.

In the previews they show Henry telling Cal there's been a "pattern of dishonesty" with Christine. I don't wish this on either of them, but edits do change depending on how they want to spin things, so we'll see what that's about.

And I do get how you felt and so sorry about that! 

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23 minutes ago, Boo Boo said:

And I do get how you felt and so sorry about that! 

We're good, thanks! 🙂

This season is still definitely better (so far) than previous, but that bar was set pretty low...

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I would love to be a fly on the wall and watch Henry at his job as a recruiter in the health care industry. I'd be interested to see if his habits of reduced eye contact, one-word answers and occasional tics carry over from his social life to his work life.  Some people have anxiety in their personal life but are dynamos in their work life.  Henry may be the same.  Or not. . .

gonecrackers, stick with us.  I love reading your posts.  (You, too, Boo Boo.)

Edited by rebel2u · Reason: Punctuation is hard.
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On 7/30/2020 at 6:20 PM, humbleopinion said:

Agreed.

Henry is very particular and persnickety about how he expects things to be. His Pa alluded to his fussiness.

He wants a put together wife, who knows how to dress well, comport themselves well. Makeup done. Hair styled well.

Olivia is a terrifically sweet girl who is not concerned with designer labels and spending big bucks on shoes.
Christina Is that pulled together woman...elegant posture, poised smile, dressed impeccably...her wedding dress well appointed.
Henry needs to start impressing Christina when he has her alone before she has judged him a dud.

Henry gives off the impression that he is calm but he runs at a higher idle than Bennett.

Didn’t you see him twitching during brunch with mom?   He was totally self conscious.   I don’t see the high idle.  Just the tragic self consciousness.  

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On 7/30/2020 at 6:33 PM, cardigirl said:

My impression of Bennett and Amelia is that they are performers and used to being on stage and performing roles, so they are going to be able to come off better in front of cameras than others who are not so used to it. They did seem pretty genuine in their admiration for each other on their wedding day, but I'm still getting a vibe from Amelia that this is a big lark for her.  She said she falls in love with everyone and easily, so, I don't think she's too worried about whether or not this is for a lifetime. 

As for Olivia and Brett, I'm hoping against hope that somehow he softens up. This show never goes for subtle though, so I doubt they're going to do it this time. 

I feel bad for Henry AND Christina, because neither one of them got what they hoped for.

The other two couples seem great.  I'm rooting for them.  Miles and Karen and Woody and Amani seem good so far.

Amelia wants kids and her biological clock is ticking.  And she’s got a lot residency to do.  No lark IMO.   More like trying to get on with life while still meeting big commitments.   I hope they make it.   

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17 hours ago, rebel2u said:

I would love to be a fly on the wall and watch Henry at his job as a recruiter in the health care industry. I'd be interested to see if his habits of reduced eye contact, one word answers and occasional tics carry over from his social life to his work life.  Some people have anxiety in their personal life but are dynamos in their work life.  Henry may be the same.  Or not. . .

gonecrackers, stick with us.  I love reading your posts.  (You, too, Boo Boo.)

Thank you, & I would love to see what Henry is like sans cameras & in his work life too.

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