S04.E06: Can't Buy Me Love

[RealReality]

29 minutes ago, humbleopinion said:

Raise your hand if you think RM and the little ed will mesh and mash their  last night in Milan....just threw up a little in my mouth.....

Even less chance of them getting sexy time on that mattress on the floor in the back of the store with Prince sleeping within ear shot....

That preview scene where Ed is rubbing her feet and begging for sex?  He has never looked worse, he looked like some hopeful dog.  Poor RM, time to pay the piper.  

4 hours ago, Neurochick said:

Lisa is a troll.  She looks like an ugly hobbit. 

I think Lisa might be giving Usman $$$$, which is why she's so possessive

 

I agree.  I think it's why she could Yoko ono all over the video.  

[magemaud]

15 hours ago, AZChristian said:

I depend on urban dictionary to fill in a lot of gaps in my education. 

Between urban dictionary and this forum, I learn so much every week! Brought to you (indirectly) by The Learning Channel

Just learned how to "dab" and it's very timely because it's like sneezing into your elbow! 

edited to add: I think I could learn to do this move better than the Floss Dance

 

Edited March 31, 2020 by magemaud

[mamadrama]

My dog, Bella, every time Baby Girl Lisa came on screen last night: 

[magemaud]

2 minutes ago, mamadrama said:

My dog, Bella, every time Baby Girl Lisa came on screen last night:

that's animal cruelty!

[mamadrama]

13 minutes ago, magemaud said:

that's animal cruelty!

Not to mention cruelty to poor Usman! 

[Spike]

30 minutes ago, mamadrama said:

My dog, Bella, every time Baby Girl Lisa came on screen last night: 

Okay I may have to steal her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[mamadrama]

6 minutes ago, Spike said:

Okay I may have to steal her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We fostered her pregnant mother. Bella never found a home so she wound up staying with us. She's a good dog. She likes to hold hands when we nap or watch TV. 

[Mrs. Landingham]

6 hours ago, humbleopinion said:

No, he has 2 drawstring sacks instead of the bucket....one to cover her head and one for his head in case HERS falls off during their sex "performances..."

Yep! She’s what is called a “double bagger.” 

[mamadrama]

14 hours ago, Gobi said:

You answered your own question. He can't take a train because he doesn't speak Russian or Ukrainian and wouldn't know how to get a ticket. (Let's pretend that the film crew doesn't have a translator.) I don't think that Anya would help him, either, because she wants no guilt over what could happen to him.

It's definitely possible to get around most of the bigger places, as well as many of the smaller ones, without a working knowledge of Ukrainian or Russian. When I first started writing for Lonely Planet I was given the Eastern European section and I spent a ton of time in Ukraine, Russia, and Belarus until they started advising us not to go there. The only language I spoke was English with a little German at the time. Restaurants, train stations, bus stations, hotels, etc. had most everything translated into English, Russian, and sometimes even German. I didn't even have a driver's license back in the US, and being from my part of the country there was no chance for public transportation, but I had no problem figuring out the train and bus system. In countries with a Cyrrilic alphabet, or in Hungary, underground systems and train systems can be figured out by looking at the stops NOT as "words" that you're trying to pronounce, but as a collection of letters or symbols. Just match them to the ones in your guidebook or in whatever directions you have. 

At any rate, it's possible. I had no more difficulty traveling around on public transportation in non-English speaking countries than I did in places like the UK or Ireland. David has been to the Ukraine on multiple trips, as he said in the first episode. It's not necessarily a special skillset to get around like that and anyone with average intelligence can figure it out. Therein seems to lie the problem, though...The longer his storyline goes on, the more I'm starting to think that David shouldn't be allowed out of the house on his own. 

[blubld43]

4 hours ago, mamadrama said:

It's definitely possible to get around most of the bigger places, as well as many of the smaller ones, without a working knowledge of Ukrainian or Russian. When I first started writing for Lonely Planet I was given the Eastern European section and I spent a ton of time in Ukraine, Russia, and Belarus until they started advising us not to go there. The only language I spoke was English with a little German at the time. Restaurants, train stations, bus stations, hotels, etc. had most everything translated into English, Russian, and sometimes even German. I didn't even have a driver's license back in the US, and being from my part of the country there was no chance for public transportation, but I had no problem figuring out the train and bus system. In countries with a Cyrrilic alphabet, or in Hungary, underground systems and train systems can be figured out by looking at the stops NOT as "words" that you're trying to pronounce, but as a collection of letters or symbols. Just match them to the ones in your guidebook or in whatever directions you have. 

At any rate, it's possible. I had no more difficulty traveling around on public transportation in non-English speaking countries than I did in places like the UK or Ireland. David has been to the Ukraine on multiple trips, as he said in the first episode. It's not necessarily a special skillset to get around like that and anyone with average intelligence can figure it out. Therein seems to lie the problem, though...The longer his storyline goes on, the more I'm starting to think that David shouldn't be allowed out of the house on his own. 

That makes sense.  Surely a rudimentary guide book would enable even the hapless David to figure it out.

His relationship with Anya doesn't seem particularly warm.  Maybe it's the language barrier, or maybe she is tired of his using her in his frantic search for a non existent woman.  I can't wait to see this fool try to find " her" in a city he knows nothing about.

[humbleopinion]

8 hours ago, RealReality said:

That preview scene where Ed is rubbing her feet and begging for sex? 
Poor RM, time to pay the piper.  

Poor RM, time to be the piper.....gag....barf

[My Girls]

1 hour ago, blubld43 said:

I can't wait to see this fool try to find " her" in a city he knows nothing about.

There are no words to describe my level of anticipation!  The "creep level" is off the chart.  I wonder if Ukraine has any sort of restraining order lol (assuming Lana's real)?  I can't imagine who would want anything to do with this creepy, desperate, pathetic loser that will not get the message.  Shudder....  Damn I hope she ends up being as big as him or a dude like him!

[Baltimore Betty]

40 minutes ago, humbleopinion said:

Poor RM, time to be the piper.....gag....barf

Honestly, I cannot feel badly for RM, she knew what was what when she was on line with Big Ed, she saw what he looked like (even with him adding a couple of inches) and she was the one getting her kid to call him, "Daddy."  She would be stupid if she thought sexy time with the troll was never going to happen.  If this is the price she is willing to pay to get out of her living situation then too bad for her, pay up, put out.

The funny thing is she does not even have to try to be nice, attractive or even in to his looks, he does not care.  BE just wants to "do it" with RM, make himself feel like someone cares about him and not a green card, it's a sham of a relationship and neither one of them cares that there is an ulterior motive on both sides.

Going back to the STD test, he asked, she got offended, cried on camera, left in a huff and a cab...next day Big Ed cries about how he is afraid he lost her but he loves her (what does he love about her?), she shows up to talk and suddenly the STD test is off the table like it never mattered and in that moment RM quickly realized she has all the power in that relationship and we got to see it happen.

[Baltimore Betty]

9 hours ago, mamadrama said:

My dog, Bella, every time Baby Girl Lisa came on screen last night: 

Aww, Bella is adorbs!

[RealReality]

12 minutes ago, Baltimore Betty said:

Honestly, I cannot feel badly for RM, she knew what was what when she was on line with Big Ed, she saw what he looked like (even with him adding a couple of inches) and she was the one getting her kid to call him, "Daddy."  She would be stupid if she thought sexy time with the troll was never going to happen.  If this is the price she is willing to pay to get out of her living situation then too bad for her, pay up, put out.

The funny thing is she does not even have to try to be nice, attractive or even in to his looks, he does not care.  BE just wants to "do it" with RM, make himself feel like someone cares about him and not a green card, it's a sham of a relationship and neither one of them cares that there is an ulterior motive on both sides.

Going back to the STD test, he asked, she got offended, cried on camera, left in a huff and a cab...next day Big Ed cries about how he is afraid he lost her but he loves her (what does he love about her?), she shows up to talk and suddenly the STD test is off the table like it never mattered and in that moment RM quickly realized she has all the power in that relationship and we got to see it happen.

It has to one thing to intellectually know that you have to have sex with this human troll doll who stinks of mayo.  

It's gotta be another kettle of fish when reality hits and you have to do it.  

[Dobian]

22 hours ago, Baltimore Betty said:

I know, even if David was using his GPS it would be unnerving if you made a wrong turn!  He seemed all too comfortable with driving around and finding an internet cafe, bet it is not his first time driving around Russia or the Ukraine looking for Lana or Anya or whoever.

David: "Are you holding Lana hostage?  Give her back to me!"

Guy in the tank: Lowers cannon directly at David

Cameraman: Runs

[humbleopinion]

 RM, hold out..Do not seal the deal....say NO to the horizontal hokey pokey, no nutty buddy, no bumping with his ugly...

RM, milk his horniness...um... trembling anticipation...maybe strategic dry humping, over the clothes feel ups...you are not ready to see a naked BigEd and his itty bitty eddy....

RM, you are at your most powerful position now to negotiate with TLC to pay for your trip to San Diego.

Notes for the pitch meeting with the producers for your season on 90D....Guaranteed Rating's Gold:

Meeting Little Pony's Mare

Mailing packages to Prince with Big at his favorite UPS clerk...you drive the scooter, Ed behind you holding on with his dog in the backpack

Awkward meeting with Doppelgänger Kara

High Noon at the OK Corral encounter with Ed's Hostile, reluctant daughter

Additional Production Segments in San Diego for filming:

Visit a geneticist to give the facts about the chances of future offspring having BigEd's affliction

Office visit to the sperm bank with Ed being sent into the pocket door bathroom with a specimen cup to produce swimmers using well dogged ear Playboy and Hustler Magazines as motivation...hilarity ensues...

Big Finish for the Finale: Snip Snip...Vasectomy!

I'd watch all of this.....

 

[sasha206]

Unpopular opinion, but I think Tom is cute.

[Spike]

2 hours ago, Baltimore Betty said:

Honestly, I cannot feel badly for RM, she knew what was what when she was on line with Big Ed, she saw what he looked like (even with him adding a couple of inches) and she was the one getting her kid to call him, "Daddy."  She would be stupid if she thought sexy time with the troll was never going to happen.  If this is the price she is willing to pay to get out of her living situation then too bad for her, pay up, put out.

The funny thing is she does not even have to try to be nice, attractive or even in to his looks, he does not care.  BE just wants to "do it" with RM, make himself feel like someone cares about him and not a green card, it's a sham of a relationship and neither one of them cares that there is an ulterior motive on both sides.

Going back to the STD test, he asked, she got offended, cried on camera, left in a huff and a cab...next day Big Ed cries about how he is afraid he lost her but he loves her (what does he love about her?), she shows up to talk and suddenly the STD test is off the table like it never mattered and in that moment RM quickly realized she has all the power in that relationship and we got to see it happen.

And the first thing she said was a monotone “what.”

[RealReality]

1 hour ago, humbleopinion said:

 RM, hold out..Do not seal the deal....say NO to the horizontal hokey pokey, no nutty buddy, no bumping with his ugly...

RM, milk his horniness...um... trembling anticipation...maybe strategic dry humping, over the clothes feel ups...you are not ready to see a naked BigEd and his itty bitty eddy....

RM, you are at your most powerful position now to negotiate with TLC to pay for your trip to San Diego.

Notes for the pitch meeting with the producers for your season on 90D....Guaranteed Rating's Gold:

Meeting Little Pony's Mare

Mailing packages to Prince with Big at his favorite UPS clerk...you drive the scooter, Ed behind you holding on with his dog in the backpack

Awkward meeting with Doppelgänger Kara

High Noon at the OK Corral encounter with Ed's Hostile, reluctant daughter

Additional Production Segments in San Diego for filming:

Visit a geneticist to give the facts about the chances of future offspring having BigEd's affliction

Office visit to the sperm bank with Ed being sent into the pocket door bathroom with a specimen cup to produce swimmers using well dogged ear Playboy and Hustler Magazines as motivation...hilarity ensues...

Big Finish for the Finale: Snip Snip...Vasectomy!

I'd watch all of this.....

 

It strikes me that Ed wants to sleep with RM before bringing her to the states to make sure she is worth it.  

[Spike]

1 hour ago, Dobian said:

David: "Are you holding Lana hostage?  Give her back to me!"

Guy in the tank: Lowers cannon directly at David

Cameraman: Runs

As someone pointed out Lana is anal backwards.  David is searching high and low for anal.

[magemaud]

1 hour ago, humbleopinion said:

Meeting Little Pony's Mare

I think RM is more like a "Filly"

38 minutes ago, sasha206 said:

Unpopular opinion, but I think Tom is cute.

you must be attracted to his "debonairness" 

[Spike]

1 hour ago, humbleopinion said:

Mailing packages to Prince with Big at his favorite UPS clerk...you drive the scooter, Ed behind you holding on with his dog in the backpack

I was watching that Taylor Swift doc on Netflix and she was walking around with a cat in a backpack.  This must be a thing.  I assume the animals are housebroken or strangers may wonder about what products you use.

[magemaud]

1 minute ago, Spike said:

As someone pointed out Lana is anal backwards.  David is searching high and low for anal.

That was me! Thank you Spikey for your continued support of my comments. Although we have only chatted here briefly, will you be my Forum Husband? 

[Spike]

2 minutes ago, magemaud said:

That was me! Thank you Spikey for your continued support of my comments. Although we have only chatted here briefly, will you be my Forum Husband? 

If you don’t mind me hogging the blankets.

[sasha206]

4 minutes ago, Spike said:

If you don’t mind me hogging the blankets.

Can we be a throuple?

[humbleopinion]

Little Pony=BigEd

Mare= His Mommy

Filly=RM

Pinto=Prince and any future foals

Gelding=Ed post vasectomy, shooting blanks thankfully....

 

 

[Gobi]

1 hour ago, Spike said:

As someone pointed out Lana is anal backwards.  David is searching high and low for anal.

Is her last name Laro?

[Spike]

5 minutes ago, Gobi said:

Is her last name Laro?

Stimilon

[magemaud]

1 hour ago, sasha206 said:

1 hour ago, Spike said:

If you don’t mind me hogging the blankets.

Can we be a throuple?

No Sister Wives, sorry! 

[RealReality]

1 hour ago, magemaud said:

That was me! Thank you Spikey for your continued support of my comments. Although we have only chatted here briefly, will you be my Forum Husband? 

If he really loves you, he will write a song about it and make a video featuring your ghost.  Accept nothing less than the best. 

[jackjill89]

Usman with the towel on his head and sunglasses -- such a great disguise for him to get into the club swarming with all 50 of his fans for his big release party. That whole set up was hilarious. I love that BGL thinks he's a big celeb when he's at best the last act during an open mic night. If that. 

Usman, hate to break it to you, but Lisa will NEVER be your ticket to fame in the US.

[Spike]

20 minutes ago, jackjill89 said:

Usman with the towel on his head and sunglasses -- such a great disguise for him to get into the club swarming with all 50 of his fans for his big release party. That whole set up was hilarious. I love that BGL thinks he's a big celeb when he's at best the last act during an open mic night. If that. 

Usman, hate to break it to you, but Lisa will NEVER be your ticket to fame in the US.

I have been trying to count how many teeth he is missing.

[Rt66vintage]

On 3/29/2020 at 10:59 AM, humbleopinion said:

BigEd would get his teeth rattled loose from  RM's pristine white sneakered foot (how does she keep them spotless on the streets of Manila) or a heart stopping blow to his sternum...a whiff would be into the multiple adipose folds of where his pudgy, flop sweated face stops....

Why oh why hasn't Ed taken a shower yet? The greasy hair at the 2pm meet-up? It looked like it could soak up a Bounty paper towel. Cripes!

On 3/30/2020 at 8:13 AM, mamadrama said:

 

Sorry @mamadrama, I forgot what I was going to say, but your travel post was very interesting.

20 hours ago, greekmom said:

So far all I can say is David needs some good skin cream and a hat.

Ok, what do we think, toupee yea or nay? Is this a possible poll idea? He did brush it backwards this episode, though not at all roughly. 

6 hours ago, RealReality said:

It strikes me that Ed wants to sleep with RM before bringing her to the states to make sure she is worth it.  

I have a strong feeling that if RM gives it up too soon, maybe even on this first visit, ol' Ed will dump her. I think he'll immediately feel guilty and ashamed of himself, blames Rose, hate Rose. Btw, I vote for RM to shave her legs. Was this an unfortunate surprise to Ed? I'm remembering all the American girl softporn 8x10s plastered on his walls at home. 

[Scarlett45]

20 hours ago, greekmom said:

So far all I can say is David needs some good skin cream and a hat.

Purely superficially, don't you think David would look more attractive in drag? With long hair and a full face of makeup? HIs features are soft and his cheeks slack a little (but for 60 not that bad).

 

For the record this is not a comment about drag performers (which can be very talented artists), I was just looking at his face and thought it would be an interesting exercise to sit him in a makeup chair. 

 

Carry on everyone......

[Honey]

On 3/30/2020 at 7:41 AM, Mu Shu said:

And good looking 30 something Nigerian women aren’t trawling Club BarCode looking for a forty something, supremely untalented “musician”. I feel for those poor kids if Sofaboy is the hottest act in town. He’s that guy who always stinks up karaoke night being all serious about his singing.  Guy is awful. 

You would think the real Souljaboy, who is an American rapper, would sue this clown for using his name.  I had to laugh when I was watching Pillow Talk and a couple of them said that they've heard of Souljaboy.  Yeah you have, but the one you've heard of has no connection to the one we see butchering music on this show.

[magemaud]

12 minutes ago, Rt66vintage said:

Ok, what do we think, toupee yea or nay? Is this a possible poll idea? He did brush it backwards this episode, though not at all roughly. 

I posted a photo of him brushing it and how the hairline was just too perfect to be real. Then his hair fell forward, right back in place, however he does appear to switch his part from side to side

[Honey]

9 hours ago, RealReality said:

It has to one thing to intellectually know that you have to have sex with this human troll doll who stinks of mayo.  

It's gotta be another kettle of fish when reality hits and you have to do it.  

She needs to take a lesson from Hazel.  She didn't sleep with Tarek (on his first visit anyway), and he still paid for an apartment for her before he left to go back home.  Tarek may have been a dweeb, but he was a whole lot better looking than Ed.....and 3 feet taller.  😉

[Kyanight]

24 minutes ago, Rt66vintage said:

Btw, I vote for RM to shave her legs. Was this an unfortunate surprise to Ed? 

It most likely was.  He (and Lisa) should REALLY have studied the culture or at least read up a BIT on the country where their new love interests reside.  Lisa is constantly making rude comments about the country because she expects it to be on the par with the U.S. 

Likewise for Ed, women in MANY countries don't shave their legs.  Rose is freaking dirt poor.  Why should she have to go buy razors to do something no other (or few other) women bother doing in her country?  Yes, this would really bother Americans, but the people of the world are not expected to live up to OUR personal standards just because we might want them to.  I'm willing to bet that Rose never once even gave this issue a thought.

And I totally think David wears a wig.  lol

Edited March 31, 2020 by Kyanight

[humbleopinion]

38 minutes ago, Rt66vintage said:

I vote for RM to shave her legs.

RM...just shave  to your knees...BigEd wants you to be smooth like his co worker Kara...

If he asks to shave you himself, that's extra pervy...punch him in his snout and walk out the door....

 

[deirdra]

48 minutes ago, Rt66vintage said:

Ok, what do we think, toupee yea or nay? Is this a possible poll idea? He did brush it backwards this episode, though not at all roughly. 

Or Hair Club for Men plugs, since he lifted his bangs to show us his hairline. I've never seen a man with natural hair like this so fixated on pampering it; they take it for granted and occasionally run a comb through it.  David brought his full sized brush, comb, shampoo, conditioner & hair dryer with him. And probably a package or two of darkest brown dye. He obviously hasn't gotten the message that lighter shades work better with your skin tone as you age.

Edited March 31, 2020 by deirdra

[nytonc]

On 3/30/2020 at 10:02 AM, Laurie4H said:

Right and she is 45.  I’m 45 and many of my friends who are in their late 30’s to 50’s look much better than her.  Some haven’t even changed that much looks wise.  I’ll bet if she just aged naturally she would just have a few more wrinkles and look her age (depending on genetics, time spent in the sun, and if she was ever a smoker).  But all her Botox makes her look 10 years older than she is.  

Is David for real?  Sometimes I wonder if some of these people are actors. 
If Stephanie is for real I hope she doesn’t get sick overseas.  I can’t imagine anything worse then getting sick so far away from home.  Away from your family and friends and your own home and bed. 

It is possible to have Botox & fillers that look natural, although the lips are very tricky.  It’s not easy to avoid the duck look but a careful Dr or Technician can do a respectable job. I think it’s reprehensible that anyone continues to inject these two. They don’t know when to stop and they will NEVER be satisfied. I’m sure they don’t wait the recommended amount of time between injections either. I can’t begin to imagine how much money they’ve spent on upkeep!  Maybe they inject each other?  Anyone wanting to couple with either sister better have substantial income to keep her preserved. 

[Scarlett45]

3 minutes ago, nytonc said:

It is possible to have Botox & fillers that look natural, although the lips are very tricky.  It’s not easy to avoid the duck look but a careful Dr or Technician can do a respectable job. I think it’s reprehensible that anyone continues to inject these two. They don’t know when to stop and they will NEVER be satisfied. I’m sure they don’t wait the recommended amount of time between injections either. I can’t begin to imagine how much money they’ve spent on upkeep!  Maybe they inject each other?  Anyone wanting to couple with either sister better have substantial income to keep her preserved. 

Botox and fillers only tend to look natural on very thin post menopausal women (who have something to fill) because if you gain two ounces of fat or retain too much water your face starts to look SWOLLEN rather than plumper. 
 

I think Darcy started working out and losing some weight when she first got into the reality tv scene and she didn’t like the loss of fat in her face and bust (which often happens when you lose weight), she tried to correct that, and then the drinking and gaining weight back.....

She was a naturally pretty woman to start with. 

[azprimadonna]

I am voting for real hair, but the wrong color hair dye for his current pasty skin.   Many 60 yr. old men still have thick heads of hair.  I also think David may have been ill or lost a lot of weight; hence, the huge shirts he owns and saggy moobs.  

[Splithair]

On 3/30/2020 at 3:26 PM, humbleopinion said:

 

Rain forest waterfall effect....fill the bucket and pour over your head and shoulders for a refreshing cleansing...preferred by SJB after sudsing his face and head...he looks so happy when scrub a dub dubbing dabbing himself....the last time we saw joy on his face since LGB landed in Nigeria

 

 

FTFY

Edited April 1, 2020 by Splithair

[mamadrama]

1 hour ago, azprimadonna said:

I am voting for real hair, but the wrong color hair dye for his current pasty skin.   Many 60 yr. old men still have thick heads of hair.  I also think David may have been ill or lost a lot of weight; hence, the huge shirts he owns and saggy moobs.  

It looks like a wig/toupee but if you look at pictures of him as a young man he's always had that weird, fake looking hair. So either he's worn a wig since he was a teen or he misses his hair and is trying to recreate it with a bad toupee. 

[deirdra]

5 minutes ago, mamadrama said:

It looks like a wig/toupee but if you look at pictures of him as a young man he's always had that weird, fake looking hair. So either he's worn a wig since he was a teen or he misses his hair and is trying to recreate it with a bad toupee. 

Like Lyle Menendez?

[Splithair]

5 hours ago, magemaud said:

I posted a photo of him brushing it and how the hairline was just too perfect to be real. Then his hair fell forward, right back in place, however he does appear to switch his part from side to side

I had a teacher in high school that had toupees of different lengths, so that he could wear a different one each week and make it appear as if his hair was growing.  Then after 4 or so weeks, back to the shortest one.  The longest one would look downright shaggy, to the point you would think "Damn, he needs a haircut."

[Spike]

27 minutes ago, Splithair said:

I had a teacher in high school that had toupees of different lengths, so that he could wear a different one each week and make it appear as if his hair was growing.  Then after 4 or so weeks, back to the shortest one.  The longest one would look downright shaggy, to the point you would think "Damn, he needs a haircut."

Over the weekend growth spurts lol.

[blubld43]

7 hours ago, mamadrama said:

It looks like a wig/toupee but if you look at pictures of him as a young man he's always had that weird, fake looking hair. So either he's worn a wig since he was a teen or he misses his hair and is trying to recreate it with a bad toupee. 

I think it's his hair with a box of hair dye.  I've seen a number of older men make this same mistake, Paul McCartney even had that same look for a while and you know he can afford the best.  That brown just isn't going to look natural, you need the shade variations.