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S12.E17: Greece is the Word

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1 hour ago, Coffeewinewater said:

I love this post.

I will share a little tmi but wth, my husband had an affair and we separated a few years ago.  I never spoke to the other woman. The idea of calling her and degrading myself by letting her see me hurt or angry was never going to happen. I of course had words for my husband but once I got it out of my system I never again let him see me cry over that BS in front of him.  That's the only advice I have given friends.  Never hand over your power to the other woman by calling and begging or threatening her, she dont care.

All of this. The other person isn’t the one that made the commitment to you .... I never understood getting mad at the other person (that wasn’t in the relationship) they don’t owe you shit it’s the person who you were with that did you wrong. They are the one with the reasonability to keep it in their pants or at least end it with you before taking it there with someone else.   And just remember how you got them could easily be how you lose them. It’s Karma that Kenya was about blowing up couples with rumors of other people’s husbands cheating when her own was doing it. 

Edited by Keywestclubkid
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I feel like the cheating is the cherry on the shit sundae...the straw...the nail...the fork.  It would be one thing if you built a life with someone and it came out of nowhere, but this was really short-lived and based on what we saw, I can’t imagine his personality changing overnight.  He had to have been an asshat from the beginning.  It’s the disrespect in the form of mental and verbal abuse that we saw that should’ve led her to say enough. If any phone calls were made to the other women, it should’ve been to say, “thank you” and “keep him,” but agreed why bother?

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11 hours ago, byrd said:

I believe it stopped when she was pregnant. She said he was turned off by the growing belly. I don't think her belly had anything to do with it. Marc does not like Kenya , not sure what happened between them, but he's a control freak, and I think he's jealous of his wife. 

I wonder if Marc is someone who cannot see his wife as a sexual being after she becomes a mother. 

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12 hours ago, For Cereals said:

If any phone calls were made to the other women, it should’ve been to say, “thank you” and “keep him,” but agreed why bother?

Hello Barbara....?  This is Shirley.    Throw the whole man away sis.

 

tumblr_po8opksWFX1tsuwjjo1_400.gif

 

 

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When Mr Boofish asked me what I would do if he ever had an affair I said I would burn down the entire neighborhood. He responded "what did the neighbors ever do to you" and I said NOTHING but I'm not dumb enough to burn down my own house.  I do have a point I promise. Kenya "burned down the other woman house" because there is nothing there she cares about or is worth saving. There is no relationship. If she confronts HIM she risk never getting him back. Now why she would want him back is the question for a real professional. I personally would rather shit in my hands then clap than put up with Marc beige ass.

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1 hour ago, Boofish said:

I personally would rather shit in my hands then clap than put up with Marc beige ass.

It's always the light-skinned dudes!

giphy.gif

(No offense to you non-trifling light-skinned dudes out there.  Lol!)

 

Edited by luckyroll3
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2 hours ago, Boofish said:

When Mr Boofish asked me what I would do if he ever had an affair I said I would burn down the entire neighborhood. He responded "what did the neighbors ever do to you" and I said NOTHING but I'm not dumb enough to burn down my own house.  I do have a point I promise. Kenya "burned down the other woman house" because there is nothing there she cares about or is worth saving. There is no relationship. If she confronts HIM she risk never getting him back. Now why she would want him back is the question for a real professional. I personally would rather shit in my hands then clap than put up with Marc beige ass.

giphy.gif

Fam? you know this is why we outta Purell right?  bwahaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!  I really did have to think about how this would even work though.   Shield me, Father. 

38 minutes ago, luckyroll3 said:

It's always the light-skinned dudes!

giphy.gif

(No offense to you non-trifling light-skinned dudes out there.  Lol!)

 

giphy.gif

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Well.  In all the foolishment I don't know how to feel when I'm not mad at Nene.  Especially in light of such truths.   In the reaction to Kenya/Marc's separation announcement, Nene's first TH was shockingly absent of glee, nay, barren like my fuckless lands @Boofish.   Ya'll fuck Bravo, she was talking directly to the church lol.  She told the cameraman do ya'll remember when you let Kenya run that ole ashy {sic} cookie lady all up in Tanya's face?  and then I swear she stopped talking.  It made the one dim ember of affection I've ever had for Lenethia Leakes pulse the faintest glimmer of light.  

Pastor Leakes to congregation:  Church has Karma ever forgotten an address?

Us:  mm mm, not nevah

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18 hours ago, Showthyme said:

I wonder if Marc is someone who cannot see his wife as a sexual being after she becomes a mother. 

Great point, although I see it a little deeper. Marc is a ' HOE" ( not whore) and he don't know. His attitude is sorely because he's into someone else and not his wife. Marc was seeing this woman while Kenya was pregnant and never stopped. Kenya can be challenging but where her husband is concerned she's quiet as a mouse.  I know she wants to make it work but I believe this cuts to deep.  He humiliated his wife on national TV and has no regrets about it. Marc knew the cameras were present , he didn't forget that , yet he clowned and acted like a ass with no regard for her feelings at all.   I am sure this has been a humbling experience for Kenya to be embarrassed by the one person who's suppose to have her back.  I never liked Kenya's arrogant ass, but even she and Brooklyn deserves better than this. 

Also, what is up with all of the darn feral cats at the villa in Greece ?

Geesh ! 

Edited by byrd
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2 hours ago, byrd said:

Also, what is up with all of the darn feral cats at the villa in Greece ?

Spay or neuter your pets!

 

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On 3/8/2020 at 9:04 PM, LibertarianSlut said:

Does anyone know what Noelle is doing out in LA?  I’m just curious if she’s still in that college that Cynthia and Leon brought her to last season on the east coast.

I am almost certain she is not enrolled in school anymore, Cynthia said she was in LA trying to find herself...big talk for Noelle is enjoying life in LA on Cynthia's dime.

 

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1 hour ago, Baltimore Betty said:

I am almost certain she is not enrolled in school anymore, Cynthia said she was in LA trying to find herself...big talk for Noelle is enjoying life in LA on Cynthia's dime.

 

My understanding is that Noelle is no longer a student at Howard. 

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Alright, y'all.  I'll cop to it.  I've called out the other woman.  It was stupid and dumb and embarrassing and all I can say is you do stupid and dumb and embarrassing things when you are hurting.  The only other thing I'll say in my defense is that The Other Woman knew he was in a committed relationship with me, so I do think she did something dirty too.  The worst part was once I "sobered up" from my hurt and anger, I forced myself to apologize to her.  Trust me, there have been few things in my life that sucked as much as realizing I owed an apology to the woman my guy was fucking on the side, especially since she felt I deserved it and let me know exactly that.  And I had to fucking apologize.  UGH.  THIS IS WHY YOU CONTROL YOUR TEMPER AT ALL COSTS.  

Someone said above that Marc was likely a controlling asshole from the start.  I'd be willing to bet he wasn't, or at least it was mixed in with him building her up, making her feel like she's the best and only woman in the world.  He likely put her on a pedestal and then blamed her when she couldn't keep up his illusion.  I don't envy her for what she is goring through.  That said, I've got no time for her being all sad the other women aren't as supportive as she would like.  THAT is karma to me, not her being abused by her husband.  Additionally, I both felt bad for Nene and thought she was a jerk at the same time too.  Sometimes I think they should rename this show The Damaged Assholes of Atlanta.

Edited by lasu
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On 3/9/2020 at 6:23 PM, Coffeewinewater said:

I will share a little tmi but wth, my husband had an affair and we separated a few years ago.  I never spoke to the other woman. The idea of calling her and degrading myself by letting her see me hurt or angry was never going to happen. I of course had words for my husband but once I got it out of my system I never again let him see me cry over that BS in front of him.  That's the only advice I have given friends.  Never hand over your power to the other woman by calling and begging or threatening her, she dont care.

I respect this so much.  Usually when I see infidelity in a marriage, I say, all flippantly, “divorce him,” but part of it is that I don’t have the character to deal with the nuance, with the idea that human sexuality can be complicated and counterintuitive, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to reach that place of emotional maturity, but when people stay and really do the hard work even after an infidelity has occurred, I am in awe of them.  I think the worst thing to do is stay in a troubled relationship, like the one Kenya is in, the next best thing is for them to split, but the best thing is if both members of the couple can actually get past the infidelity and heal, which is kind of beautiful.  

2 hours ago, lasu said:

Alright, y'all.  I'll cop to it.  I've called out the other woman.  It was stupid and dumb and embarrassing and all I can say is you do stupid and dumb and embarrassing things when you are hurting.  The only other thing I'll say in my defense is that The Other Woman knew she was in a committed relationship with me, so I do think she did something dirty too.  The worst part was once I "sobered up" from my hurt and anger, I forced myself to apologize to her.  Trust me, there have been few things in my life that sucked as much as realizing I owed an apology to the woman my guy was fucking on the side, especially since she felt I deserved it and let me know exactly that.  And I had to fucking apologize.  UGH.  THIS IS WHY YOU CONTROL YOUR TEMPER AT ALL COSTS.  

Someone said above that Marc was likely a controlling asshole from the start.  I'd be willing to bet he wasn't, or at least it was mixed in with him building her up, making her feel like she's the best and only woman in the world.  He likely put her on a pedestal and then blamed her when she couldn't keep up his illusion.  I don't envy her for what she is goring through.  That said, I've got no time for her being all sad the other women aren't as supportive as she would like.  THAT is karma to me, not her being abused by her husband.  Additionally, I both felt bad for Nene and thought she was a jerk at the same time too.  Sometimes I think they should rename this show The Damaged Assholes of Atlanta.

Wow, I respect this so much too.  I think apologizing if you actually lost your shit is a great tactic, because now the cheaters don’t have anything “on” you, and you’re clean and they’re left sitting there knowing that you’re better than them, or at least your behavior in this specific instance is better.  They can’t bond over laughing behind your back.

The main reason I don’t think women should chase away their husbands’ girlfriends is not because it’s not effective—I don’t know if it’s effective.  I just know that it gives the woman he’s cheating with all this extra power that she isn’t entitled to.  I was in, let’s just say a grey area once, where I was seeing this guy very casually who had an on-again off-again girlfriend (a subject about which he wasn’t very forthright, and in which I took very little interest).  I only became interested in this guy and his semi-girlfriend when she started freaking out about me.  That made me feel important.  Since she didn’t have clean hands (it’s a long story and it happened a long time ago, but let’s just say she fucked with me first), I continued to go back and forth with her and taunt her a little, even after I put this guy in the rear view mirror.  Now I’m in an entirely different chapter in my life and i wouldn’t piss on this guy or his girl if they were on fire, and I think cheating is wrong (I always thought it was wrong), but that’s the main reason I urge women not to try to scare another woman off—it gives them a sense of superiority and importance that they do not deserve.  

I always love the advice Julia Roberts gives Susan Sarandon’s daughter in the movie Stepmom—if you have to see your ex who unceremoniously dumped you, tell him you have a new boyfriend and you guys laugh your asses off about him.  The best revenge is living well. 

And I definitely think Marc came to the table with mind-fucks galore for Kenya.  He also seems to idealize women until they can no longer live up to the super high standards he sets for them.  This is not his first rodeo, nor is it, I’m sure, his last.  I’m sure he knew all the games that guys play, such as giving women backhanded compliments, or giving her lots of compliments and then strategically ignoring her for no reason so that she gets insecure and clingy.  He seems like he likes to fuck with people.  And as Miranda said in Sex and the City, Kenya’s light was on aka she was ready to settle down and have a baby yesterday, so they got together, but they’re a match made in hell.  

I agree with the poster upthread who said they just don’t care.  Of course I’m sad for the child, but otherwise I’d like to see a permanent split.  I don’t think either of them is emotionally mature or unselfish enough to work through this, and they’ll punish each other forever.  Marc has already shown a predisposition for putting Kenya down in front of Brooklyn.  Also, I’d be wary about the quality of therapy they could get.  I do think Porsha is positioned to actually forgive Dennis and move on, but her therapist and Dennis both suck so much that I’m almost positive that Dennis will cheat and hurt Porsha again.  The fact that Dennis doesn’t participate in therapy and the therapist enables him by more or less putting words in his mouth to which he silently assents is not encouraging.  Until Dennis can fully articulate what he did wrong and, more importantly, what’s changed, I don’t think there’s a snowball’s chance in hell that anything will change, and I think Kenya and Marc have it worse. 

I think our society emphasizes forgiveness so much, almost as if it is a moral mandate to forgive someone who has wronged us, or our hearts are somehow impure (Dr Phil does this emotional manipulation a lot).  Yet there is very little data on how to forgive.  And the consequence of that is a bunch of people who claim they’ve forgiven when they haven’t, which makes them more confused and dysfunctional than they would have been had they been honest that they are struggling to forgive, and it is not something that they are capable of at this point in time.  And maybe they’ll never be capable.  And maybe the person in question doesn’t deserve forgiveness.  I think that’s what’s contributing to a lot of the emotional blackmail that goes on today.  To quote Ariana Grande, “fuck a fake smile.”  

(I’d rather go on these journeys with them than have the episodes be all sunlight and fashion though.  That gets boring).

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Adultery is more than just physical..

It is a betrayal of trust and loyalty.

For me..I would rather be alone.

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I think our society emphasizes forgiveness so much, almost as if it is a moral mandate to forgive someone who has wronged us, or our hearts are somehow impure (Dr Phil does this emotional manipulation a lot).  Yet there is very little data on how to forgive.  And the consequence of that is a bunch of people who claim they’ve forgiven when they haven’t, which makes them more confused and dysfunctional than they would have been had they been honest that they are struggling to forgive, and it is not something that they are capable of at this point in time.  And maybe they’ll never be capable.  And maybe the person in question doesn’t deserve forgiveness.  I think that’s what’s contributing to a lot of the emotional blackmail that goes on today.  To quote Ariana Grande, “fuck a fake smile.”  

I appreciated your entire post, especially this part. There's nothing wrong with forgiveness if you're truly ready to forgive. But forgiving someone 5 minutes after they've wronged you isn't realistic. Depending on what happened, it's a whole-ass process. 

But, as we know, only women are expected to forgive cheating. Men get to be human and be angry when they're betrayed, women? Nah. We're supposed to be content with whatever because "any man is better than no man." We're raised to fear being single because single=lonely/bitter. So, Porsha will put up with Dennis, Cynthia with Mike, and maybe Kenya with Marc. The bar is set so low for men you can practically trip over it.

Kenya's mindset is probably along the lines of "I waited over 20+ years to become a wife and mother" so she doesn't want to let go. It's heartbreaking when you think you're finally getting your happy ending after all the years of waiting, only for it to be a disaster. But when you have to audition for your spouse's love and affection, it's time to leave. 

That's one of the reasons why I don't think I could stick around after being cheated on. Not only because of the betrayal, but because I would be expected to.

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Forgiveness..absolutely/always

However, I would never be with that person again..

I would not subject my mind to nagging/tormenting doubts..

Putting up with excess baggage...just to have man around..

No

YMMV

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