High Fidelity Quotes

[ElectricBoogaloo]

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[ElectricBoogaloo]

1.1

Rob: We're on the wrong side of the rock.
Mac: Rob, don't start.
Rob: Remember? Remember when we were in the park and we were listening to Talking Book and we were having such a nice day and that stupid fucking couple on the other side of the rock was just screaming at each other the whole time?
Mac: Yeah, I remember.
Rob: We promised that if we ever found ourselves on that side of the rock that we would remind each other to come back to our side of the rock, right?
Mac: Yeah. Yeah, we did.
Rob: So this is me reminding you.
Mac: Yeah, I remember. I just can't remember what it felt like, Rob.

Clyde: If I were to admit out loud to you right now that I truly, no joke, love this song, would you get up and leave?
Rob: Hell, I love this song. This is a great song.
Clyde: Yeah. 
Rob: Yeah. I don't love Rumours as a whole. I prefer Tusk. Controversial, I know.
Clyde: Yeah, no doubt.
Rob: No, Rumours is cool, Rumours is cool. I mean, The Chain, which is sick. Don't Stop's more like no, stop, please, stop. Second Hand News, yes. Go Your Own Way, yes. To me, this band's more about the drama. You know what I mean? Like you can hear it when you listen to the music. You have all that shit with Stevie and Lindsey and John and Christine and Bob Weston and Mick Fleetwood's wife. Lindsey, that other chick, I can't remember her name, Christine, and the fucking sound engineer. I mean, it's fucking bonkers. You can hear it when you listen to it. I'm still talking. I'm so sorry. Um, to answer your very simple question, yes, I enjoy this song.
Clyde: Follow up question - are you going to get up and leave now cause I don't know enough about Fleetwood Mac? 
Rob: Yes.

Kevin: What you listening to?
Rob: Weezer. 
Present day Rob: I lied. It was Frank Zappa. 
Kevin: Cool.
Present day Rob: All white guys love Weezer.

Rob: So here's how not to plan a career. One: split up with girlfriend. Two: ditch college. Three: go to work in struggling record shop. Four: become owner of said record shop and stay there for rest of life.

Rob: We liked all the same things - whiskey neat, pretentious films. But most importantly, music. Simon had a theory.
Simon: The things that you like are as important - no, no, no, more important than what you are like. 
Rob: Yes, yes! 
Simon: See what I'm saying? Movies, TV, film, literature, poetry. 
Rob: Shit matters.
Simon: It matters, right? And it's no good just pretending some relationship is going to fucking magically work if you don't like most of the same things.
Rob: Yeah, call me shallow. It's the fucking truth.

Rob: We've got a bit of everything: rock, electronic, hip-hop, pop. To quote our lone Yelp review, "Decently curated cuts, unpretentious location, owner's a little rude. Two and a half stars.” Half the neighborhood thinks we're washed up relics. The other half thinks we're nostalgic hipsters. They're both kind of right.

Cherise: I forgot - this song is dope as shit!

Cherise: What the fuck? Yo, that song was on the Monday morning playlist. I made it special for you all - special!
Rob: Yeah? Well, it's fucking Tuesday, dude.
Cherise: No shit. Today's fucking Tuesday? 
Simon: Yeah, it's Tuesday. 
Cherise: Oh shit.

Cherise: Simon, do you want to know what the next song is on the playlist?
Simon: What's the next song? 
Cherise: Can't Take My Eyes Off of You. 
Simon: Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons?
Cherise: Come on, Rob. Why is he starting? No! Lauryn Hill.
Simon: Oh.
Cherise: Oh? 
Simon: Oh gawd. 
Cherise: Why are you oh-ing? 
Simon: No reason.
Cherise: No, there's a reason why you're oh-ing. Look at me in my eyes and tell me what the fuck is wrong with Lauryn Hill. Why are you oh-ing?
Simon: Nothing. I just. Nothing is wrong.
Cherise: I know there's nothing wrong with her.
Simon: I mean, she shows up late to her concerts but other than that, I prefer the original.
Cherise: That's bull shit!
Simon: How can it be bull shit to state a preference?
Cherise: It's bull shit because it's a bull shit preference!

Rob: Number four on the top five heartbreak list is Justin Kitt. Justin was an odd choice. His top five recording artists were Jay-Z, Eminem, Linkin Park, Aerosmith, and The Dave Matthews Band. So yeah, he was kind of an asshole. He was also a stand up comedian which at the time seemed, I don't know, vaguely intriguing. But Justin had a thing. You know, some qualities that made being around him exciting - qualities like confidence and magnetism and a girlfriend. I suppose my mid-20s felt a little short on intrigue. We met in secret and talked on the phone in secret, had sex in secret, and we dreamt about how cool it would be when we didn't have to do things in secret. And then one day, we weren't doing things in secret anymore which was significantly less exciting. So naturally, I decided to have his name tattooed on my arm. In retrospect, we were both kind of assholes.

Cherise: Excuse me. May I help you?
Customer: No, I'm good, thanks.
Cherise: You do know there's an actual person standing right here in front of you - you aware? I'm here.
Simon: She's right there.
Customer: I'm sorry, I just thought Shazam would be easier.
Cherise: Oh, okay, so you thought Shazam would be easier. So it's so hard for you to open up your fine ass motherfucking mouth and say to me, "Hey, miss, I think this song is fly as shit. Do you by chance know who sings it?" At which point, I would say to you, "Yes, you motherfucking fine ass Italian stallion, I do know. It's Lescop. They are French and it's located right over here.

Rob: Nice work, you two. Just fucking quality, quality work. Scare away our only fucking customer and sexually harass him.
Cherise: Yo, what the fuck I'm supposed to do? The boy is fine and dumb, okay? Shit, it's my fault I'm the asshole in this situation?
Rob: No, that guy was a tool.

Cherise: The problem with these kids is that the generation is completely fucked up.
Rob: Their generation? Which generation are you a part of, Cherise?
Cherise: None! Because I have opted out.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

1.2

Rob: Making a playlist is a delicate art. It's like writing a love letter but better in a way. You get to say what you want to say without actually saying it. You get to use someone else's poetry to express how you feel. And then there are the rules. It's got to be entertaining. You got to tell a story. You can't be too obvious but you can't be too obscure either. You can't double up on songs by the same artist, unless, of course, that's your theme. Anyway, a good compilation, like so many things in life, is hard to do.

Rob: The most important track is number one. It's got to be familiar but also unexpected. But most importantly, it's got to make you feel good.

Rob: Track two. There needs to be an element of surprise because what you're saying here is: "Keep listening. There might be more here than you thought."

Rob: Closers are fucking tough. It's the last thing they're going to hear and thus the only thing they're going to remember so you've got to bring your message home.

Simon: We need a ruling.
Rob: Hey, what's going on?
Cherise: This person who's clearly never been on the internet is trying to buy a fucking Michael Jackson album for her boyfriend. 
Rob: Shit. 
Customer: It's his birthday. 
Rob: Which album? 
Cherise: Which album?
Customer: Off The Wall. Do you guys have it?
Rob: Yeah, we have it. We do. Um, I'm very sorry but I don't think I can sell that to you.
Customer: Oh, okay.
Rob: Oh, but those fucking horn charts on Workin' Day and Night. All right, all right, yeah. Fuck it, fuck it. Let's do it.
Customer: Okay, great!
Cherise: Hold up, hold up, hold up. So this man gets a pass for horn charts?
Rob: I'll give a pass to anyone who's scaled Mount Olympus, Cherise.
Lewis: They were Quincy's charts, anyway. 
Rob: Exactly. How does it benefit society to hold Quincy's genius hostage just because the dude that sang over his shit ended up being a full-blown child molester? 
Customer: Allegedly. 
Lewis: Whoa.
Cherise: Where'd you get that from, Rob? From fucking Convenient Opinions R Us?
Rob: Okay, you still listen to a dude who raps in a MAGA hat.
Cherise: Are you fucking serious?  Having shitty politics and a second grade understanding of American history is a tiny bit different than being a goddamn child molester. 
Customer: Allegedly. 
Lewis: Jesus.
Cherise: Kanye West has a mental health issue!
Rob: You don't think Michael Jackson had a fucking mental health issue?
Cherise: Okay, cool. Great, great, great. So this is what I'm going to do - I'm just going to pop on some Charles Manson and we can all just vibe out to that. That sound cool for you? 
Customer: Charles Manson made music?
Cherise: Why? Would you like to buy that for your boyfriend too? 
Simon: It's actually oddly good. 
Rob: It is. 
Simon: But Cherise, what if the only artists that we were allowed to listen to were inarguably nice people with unassailably perfect ethics? We'd have to destroy every record in existence except for-
Lewis: Bono. 
Rob: Phil Collins. 
Lewis: Michael Stipe. 
Simon: Sufjan Stevens.
Customer: Hey, can you guys sell me the record? How does that work here?

Cherise: Yo, does she seem sadder than usual or is it the sweater?
Simon: Sweater.

Rob: Okay, here's what I got - Ziggy Stardust, Hunky Dory, Let's Dance, Aladdin Sane, and Station to Station.
Mac: What about Blackstar?
Rob: I know, I thought about that but what am I going to do? Not have Station to Station?
Mac: Omigawd, I can't believe you'd do that. You told me Blackstar was the best record of the last twenty years, how he burned out instead of fading away. 
Rob: I know. I said that. You're right.
Mac: How he absorbed the best of his modern influences while still maintaining the core of who he was as an artist. 
Rob: Oh, is that what I sound like? Is that what I sound like?
Mac: And how he used his death as reflexive creation and invited us in the innermost private experience a human being could have. And how the drums were the baddest thing ever. 

Rob: In that case, I'm going to go slip into something a little more domestic. 
Mac: Uh oh.
Rob: It's going to be hot. It's going to involve sweatpants. 
Mac: Oh.
Rob: And granny panties.
Mac: Uh oh. I think the ball's on the bed but the chain is at the cleaners.

Simon: There's an underground catstep show in Red Hook. 
Cherise: The fuck?
Simon: It's a sub genre of filthstep. Hasn't really caught on yet but you know, it could someday.
Cherise: I'm changing it up fo sho. I might check out this house party in Bed Stuy but that could be lame. Or there's this experimental dance group that my homie Bodhi's in. But you know what? As I say that shit out loud, it's probably going to be wack as fuck so I don't know.

Simon: We're going to go check out this guy Liam's show at DeSalle's. It's sort of like Unknown Mortal Orchestra meets Frank Ocean kind of vibe. But not like Channel Orange Frank Ocean, more like Blonde Frank Ocean with like just this large hint of Jeff Buckley.

Cherise: Ten minutes and twenty seven seconds. Pay up, sucker. 
Simon: No, you said under ten minutes.
Cherise: Yeah, and that includes the tenth minute.
Simon: I've decided it's actually easier for me to pay you than to argue with you.

Cherise: Hey, yo, Rob, you do know that that's not supposed to be an outside sweater, right?

Carlos: What's up, Rob? Cool sweater.
Rob: Unpopular opinion, Carlos, but thank you.

Simon: So how was it, you know, seeing [Mac], running into him?
Rob: You know that scene at the end of Braveheart where they rip all his entrails out and he's like, "Freedom!" but it's like a positive thing, you know, because he, like, inspired his people or whatever?
Simon: Yeah.
Rob: Like that but without the silver lining.
Simon: All entrails, no freedom.
Rob: Yeah, exactly.

Simon: Has anyone ever told you you remind them of Jagwar Ma?
Cherise: I'm sorry. He likes to impress people with his musical knowledge.

Rob: Dude, why'd you have to tell him about the shop?
Cherise: The fuck are you talking about? I didn't think it was classified information. We have no customers. I thought that was a bad thing, not a business strategy.

Simon: Hey, you guys want to go see Hot Chip DJ? I'm about to get the location.
Cherise: We know the location - 2007.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

1.3

Rob: So he's been back three weeks and he's met someone already. Cool. I mean, three weeks. How serious could it even be? I mean, what do people who have been together for three weeks even do? They have sex. Just constantly have sex.

Rob: Why are you getting rid of these [records]?
Cam: Spring cleaning. Nikki asked me to clean out the spare room and set up the nursery.
Rob: Babies don't like music?
[Rob looks through the albums]
Rob: Dude, you don't think your baby's going to like N.W.A.? Are you not the father?

Rob: Thirty bucks.
Cam: Thirty bucks? Run DMC's first record is in here.
Rob: Fine, forty five. But it's store credit.
Cam: I can't leave the house with records and just come back with different records.

Cam: You [and Kevin Bannister] went out for like a minute and a half and then you broke up and you spent like the whole summer listening to the Cure and drawing skulls in your bedroom.
Rob: So?
Cam: So that was the seventh grade and you're still doing the exact same thing right now.
Rob: I am not.
Cam: Are too! You're with someone and then it ends and then you freak out and shut down and spend like the next five years just spinning your wheels and muttering to yourself about what went wrong.
Rob: That's called dating.

Rob: I found [Lily's] profile and it's just all dogs and sunsets and flowers and cocktails and dogs and flowers and sunsets.
Simon: Gross.

Simon: Apparently [Lily]'s the kind of person that enjoys frosés.
Rob: What the fuck is a frosé?
Simon: Evidently it's something you do all day.
Rob: Sounds exhausting.

Cherise: He's in here.
Rob: Who's in here?
Cherise: Liam the dope ass fine ass Scottish singer is in the motherfucking store.
Rob: We should probably turn off his music.
Simon: On it.

Simon: I gotta go home and change my shirt.
Cherise: Into what? Your other shirt?

Simon: I've never seen Rob play a sport.

Rob: If Simon's theory is true - that it's not what you're like but what you like that matters - then Liam and I are exhibit A. We bond over books, tv, music, movies. We express our shared opinions on Joan Didion, J Dilla, dubstep, Escape from New York, sports, Mexican food. Yes, yes, no, yes, no, and yes.

Cherise: Okay, I gotta tell you the truth - I'm going to be late tomorrow.
Rob: You're late every day.
Cherise: You get me, and that's why I love you.

Rob: [Lily] just seems like, um, uncomplicated, I guess. And I just don't get how [Mac] could want that. If he wanted that, I don't get how he was ever with me. Did it not work because I wasn't what he wanted or did he change what he wanted because of what I am?

[ElectricBoogaloo]

1.4

Rob: We hate this place.
Simon: I don't know. They have oat milk.
Rob: Is this Mumford and Sons?

Cherise's revised flyer:
Front woman looking for a band
Once in a generation soul samurai front woman (Aretha meets Ann Wilson meets Wilson Pickett meets Cree Summer meets Prince but taller and not such a weirdo) weeks galactic cowboy supergroup. Influences include: Stevie  Wonder 1966-1977, only James Brown "Live at the Apollo 1963" (mostly side A), King Crimson but not so prog, Dungen but more Nordic, Cream but only Ginger and Jack. The tambourine on "While My Guitar Gently Weeps," the tambourine on Edwin Starr's "War!" Think Brian Eno producing Beyonce fronting Soul Coughing but with Daniel Ash on guitar.

Simon: You look like a high fashion ninja turtle.

Rob: Why should I care what a person like [Cat] thinks about me anyway?
Simon: Exactly.
Cherise: You should not.
Rob: She sucks.
Simon: She sucks.
Rob: I should WANT to be rejected by someone like that.
Cherise: How the fuck did you get from that to this?
Simon: What kind of mentality is that? No.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

1.5

Rob: Top five villains. Let's go with Hannibal Lecter - Silence of the Lambs, Drexl Spivey - True Romance, Heath Ledger's the Joker.
Cherise: Omigawd, can you be any more obvious? Come on now. What are you going to say next? Hitler? Zombies? What about the devil?
Rob: The Godfather - Michael Corleone, and...Wile E. Coyote.
Lewis: Solid finish.
Cherise: No, no, Corleone's no good.
Lewis: A veto from the peanut gallery?
Simon: Explain yourself.
Cherise: He is the protagonist of the movie. Just because he's a mean dude don't mean he's a fucking villain. It just means he's a mean dude.
Rob: What's the difference, Cherise?
Cherise: The difference is there's a line in the sand. If you're watching a film and you're rooting for a guy, the guy that you're rooting for is by definition not the villain. Now if we can't all agree on that, my God, tell me what is society supposed to do?
Lewis: I kind of see her point.
Cherise: I know you do!
Rob: Wait a minute. We root for villains all the time. We just call them anti-heroes.
Lewis: Like my dude Tony Soprano.
Rob: I haven't seen The Sopranos.
Cherise: What?
Rob: I know.
Cherise: Okay, first off, no one roots for the villain. That's quite literally the point. Second off, ain't no such thing as an anti-hero. That's the bull shit they feed us so that we don't notice that Clint Eastwood is a fucking asshole all the time.
Simon: Okay, we're just saying that there's no such thing as a great villain with whom you don't on some level identify.

Rob: Hey, it's me. It's Rob. Brooks. From, um, the, we went on a thing and, um, at the bar a few weeks ago and, um, we, uh, we were drinking and then we went back to my place.
Clyde: Yeah, we had sex. Hi, Rob.

Rob: What are you doing?
Clyde: Oh, you know, just picking up the dry cleaning.
Rob: Wow, that sounds super adult of you.
Clyde: Yeah, super adult. I remember that feeling as a kid just wanting so badly to be 18 so I could finally ave pressed shirts.

Noreen: He's across town at the Carlyle right now with his ridiculous midlife crisis ponytail and those dumb bangles  drinking Beefeater vespers at happy hour and basking in the sound of his own know it all voice to that dimwitted 23 year old Pilates instructor sugar baby. Frankly, I can't tell if I'm heartbroken or merely disappointed in his utter lack of originality.

Rob: That was like being a woman in a Michael Bay movie.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

1.6

Rob: What'd you do last night?
Clyde: I did that thing where you order enough Chinese that they send four chopsticks. And I'm rewatching The Sopranos.
Rob: I haven't seen it yet.
Clyde: What do you mean "yet"? It's been out for like 25 years. Did you grow up in a bunker?

Cherise: Rob, could you please Mr. Florida Recount over here that box sets count as multiple records?

Cherise: Before you even ask, I would be honored to be your plus two.

Cherise: If I accompany you to the playground, does that make me an accomplice?

[ElectricBoogaloo]

1.7

Clyde: Is there any music you don't like?
Rob: Phish.
Clyde: Don't do that! You know how much that hurts.
Rob: Seventeen minute guitar solos are not a thing.

Cameron: Did I ever tell you about the time that I met Anthony Kiedis?
Simon: Yeah.
Cameron: Not the Lollapalooza time. The second time.
Simon: Yeah, you've told me.
Cameron: When I was supposed to interview him for Stereo Go. You know I used to be a music journalist.
Simon: You've mentioned that.

Hammer: Hey, how much for this limited edition Hurley?
Cherise: The answer you seek is hidden behind the number on the price tag. Key word: price tag.

Simon: Top five songs about "me time."
Cherise: I Touch Myself by the DiVinyls.
Simon: It's a little on the nose for you, but I'll allow it. Uh, My Ding a Ling by Chuck Berry.
Rob: Cyndi Lauper - She Bop.
Simon: Dancing with Myself - Billy Idol. And?
Cherise: Okay, I got it. All by Myself by Celine Dion.
Simon: First of all, that's originally by Eric Carmen. And secondly, that song's not about masturbation.
Cherise: Or is it?
Rob: Violene Femmes - Blister in the Sun.
Cherise: Holy shit, that's what that song's about?

Rob: Simon! Last hurrah. Let's go.
Simon: Cameron and the midlife crisis brigade slamming vodka shots and then close talking at me?
Rob: Come on. It won't be that bad.
Simon: I would literally rather listen to Creed.
Rob: Whoa.

Rob: A little warning is all I'm saying. A little warning would have been nice.
Hammer: Well you don't need warning. Look at you.
Rob: I'm sorry, I think I do need warning. I'm in flats and Mac's with Andre the Giant's hot cousin.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

1.8

Simon: To be honest with you, I find the whole courtship dating ritual to be a little bit juvenile. If I could, I would wake up, ideally, five years into a healthy relationship. Skip all the bullshit. Skip all the pain. What? You think Rob has this monopoly on heartbreak? Please. She's being dramatic.

Simon: Pick-up lines are the lowest form of first impressions - unless you happen to be extremely attractive.

Simon: Hey, guys,I'm looking for a shirt.
River: Oh, is it the shirt with the band that no one likes?
Dallas: Or the shirt with the band that no one knows?

Rob: Does it hurt? 
Simon: Does what hurt?
Rob: Your penis.
Simon: That's not how it works.

Dr: I have good news and slightly bad news. You are indeed HIV negative. However, you did test positive for chlamydia.
Simon: That's impossible. I've been with one guy in the last year.
Dr: Well, speaking of the realm of possibility, I can assure you of one thing: I have never misdiagnosed chlamydia.
Simon: But I have a steady boyfriend.
Rob: How many steady boyfriends does your steady boyfriend have?

Simon: What the fuck are you doing here? Did you come here to give me another antiquated disease with flowers covered in polio?

Simon: What are you buying me gifts for, man? I should be getting you something.
Ben: Well, my firm's throwing me a party tonight. I really want you to be there, and you don't have a shirt younger than Betty White, so-
Simon: That's what this is. This is the sweetest and most insulting gift I've ever received.

Dallas: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Why are you dressed like it's your first day being gay? You cannot leave the house in that shirt.
River: Yeah, no. Here, take mine.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

1.9

Cherise: You know, Rob, you're already enough of an asshole without all the sarcasm. I advise against it.
Rob: Well, I would advise not showing up three hours late and then talking smack to your employer.

Rob: Okay, here's a PSA for everyone who has kids - no one cares.

Rob: I pushed him away and I pushed him away until he had no choice but to go away.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

1.10

Simon: Basically I just realized he was being defensive because he felt bad that he put my Ian Curtis shirt in with his laundry. And because it's vintage, it's basically destroyed. But, you know, he didn't know, right? And honestly, it's like it's about time I retired that shirt anyway. I mean, how many white kids do we need repping Joy Division?

Cherise: Top five artists who reinvented themselves.
Simon: Cyndi Lauper - Memphis Blues. 
Cherise: No. Veto. 
Simon: What for?
Cherise: What do you mean what the fuck for? She didn't reinvent herself. She just woke up one day and was like, "I'm a blues singer." Does not count. 
Blake: Cyndi Lauper made a blues record?
Rob: Yeah, it's surprisingly unterrible.
Cherise: Listen, I'm talking about reinvention as in, like, becoming something else, you know what I mean? Like reinventing to become something better. Like the Beasties, the Boys, the fucking Go-Gos, the fucking Bee Gees, fucking Kraftwerk - all legendary.
Rob: Prince, Radiohead, Bowie, Iggy Pop, over and over.

Rob: My whole life, every place I've ever been, I've always had one foot out the door. I guess it just made more sense to commit to nothing, you know, just keep my options open. But fuck, man, that's just, that's suicide, by tiny, tiny increments.