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David T. Cole

Small Talk: Who to Marry, Where to Live, and Other Non-Show Stuff

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What a putz. He would have never gotten that far in my household, I'm a huge cat lover!

 

Wow, you really DO have manners, I would have smacked the shit out of him, thrown him out the house and told him if he ever called me again I would call the police.  Yes, I love cats.  

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Ever read the Bible?  Arranged marriages were common in biblical times, although most often chosen by the parents.  Adam and Eve being the first arranged couple, LOL.

Don't forget all the polygamists in the Bible too. LOL.

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Anyway, when I asked about matchmaking, I meant like a real in-person matchmaker. Do people still do that?

If they could do it in a way were most couples made it work I think most people would do it. Saves time! :-)

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I was a liberal till I came to my senses. Lived on an Indian reservation and saw the alcoholism, apathy, despair, flat affect, bad teeth, premature aging, obesity, but I didn't know what caused it.

Then I spent 3 years working with immigrants from the former Soviet Union and saw all the same things. Once I realized what socialism does to people, I became a conservative and never looked back. Those liberal socialist ideas of yours destroy human beings. So I couldn't live with a liberal, ever!

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Happy Father's Day to all you dads! You are the example your daughters look at for husbands. Teach them to be true to themselves and never settle. #bestdadsever

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Most bleeding heart liberals aren't exactly in love with Obama right now.

I would marry President Obama if my husband and Michelle would let me.  Now there's a reality show.

Edited by rulesoftravel
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GAAAHHHH!!!!

 

POLITICAL TALK!!!!

 

YOUR LEAD MOD IS GOING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK!

 

TAKE IT AWAY, TAKE IT AWAY, TAKE IT AWAY, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!

 

 

Seriously, there are only about 829,482,048,291,837,092 places to discuss politics online, and we prefer that this forum not be one of them.

 

Thanks!

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I just saw a trailer for Married at First Sight - UK. Starts tomorrow. I had no idea it was being run here. Can't wait! I think it's made by the same company as made First Dates (where people in a restaurant are filmed on their first date, addictive TV). I hope the UK version isn't the trainwreck we've just seen in the USA.

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Anybody here watching Seven Year Switch? Is there a forum for it yet? I looked, but didn't see one -

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Anybody here watching Seven Year Switch? Is there a forum for it yet? I looked, but didn't see one -

 

I hadn't heard of this yet...interesting! You can request a forum if you want. Instructions here :)

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Okay, did I fall asleep and miss the MAFS lookback? Next thing I know I'm throwing snark at 7YI... which I actually did fall asleep on.

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I just saw a trailer for Married at First Sight - UK. Starts tomorrow. I had no idea it was being run here. Can't wait! I think it's made by the same company as made First Dates (where people in a restaurant are filmed on their first date, addictive TV). I hope the UK version isn't the trainwreck we've just seen in the USA.

I couldn't find the UK version listed in my tv search. Do have more information like channel/network?  DaaY, time?

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Okay, I'm at my mom's this week and not really modding.

However ... do we want to pick another country's version of this show and watch it as a group? It would need to be one where we could get free and legal online access.

Think and discuss, and then maybe I can set up something in the forum once I'm back next week.

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Little known fact: We had a version of this show in Finland, which aired earlier this year. It was filmed last summer and the weddings happened a bit over a year ago. Two of the couples remained married and still seem very happy if their SM and blogs are any indication. One of the couples just never had that spark so they divorced, but they remain friends and actually just celebrated their wedding anniversary together as friends. I think that's a pretty fine job considering the total number of applicants was around 200 including all the people who were immediately turned down. Two of the participants were actually friends/acquaintances of the producers. They all seemed very genuine though, as did the experts. There will be second season this fall.

 

The only thing that really differed from the American version is that their sex lives weren't discussed on camera, or at least those discussions weren't shown, despite one of the experts being a sex (and psycho-) therapist. I was a bit surprised by that since it's not like Finns are conservative or anything. I think it might've just helped with finding sane people willing to take part.

 

There also wasn't much drama, probably because we're not very temperamental people, but I prefer that. It will be interesting to see if they manage to mess up the second season, since the first season paralleled the American version in so many ways.

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The few days I spent in Finland had me amazed at the progressive environment created through art, history and social and quiet natue of everyone I met. The US is rather garish and immature when it comes to sex whereas the rest of the world seems more refined.

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Can someone tell me how this website figures out what time something is posted?

I'm in Central and Eastern is an hour ahead;it seems the server or wherever this site originates is somewhere in the mid Atlantic according to the time it says my posts are made.

Just curious :)

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You select the time zone in your profile, so all the posts timestamps will reflect that. Which means that when you are quoted it will show that person's timestamp. I think. Not the most tech minded here.

 

Also, there is a Site Business area for the site where some stuff is explained, a place to ask questions, report bugs etc. Hope this helps!

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When I watch MAFS, I always think about the movie "The Way We Were" with Barbra Streisand pursuing Robert Redford.

 

When I was young (ahem) I had a girl-next-door, Kit Hoover kind of cuteness going on, which naturally some men are into and others are not. I had a crush on one of the latter type of guys at work, and made it a point to woo him -- flirting, joking, asking him out for lunch. We started dating and eventually got married, but you know the outcome, right? He left when he happened to meet someone who was exactly his type. Did he ever love me? Of course, but I never, ever hit that sweet spot with him on looks.

 

When I subsequently experienced one of those immediate, urgent thunderbolts myself, I could see in hindsight that what I had with my first husband was, in comparison, a pale and milky sort of love.

Edited by lordonia

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Lordonia

So from your experience, if you are not a person's type & they are not initially attracted to you, the marriage or relationship is less likely to work out?

I think I agree with this. A lot of people (especially viewers of MAFS) really stress how attraction is not that important & that feelings can develop. That is also what the experts keep saying, too.

This tv show is all about matching couples & seeing what happens, so they should try to get to know each other for the sake of the experiment. But, truly, how many relationships work if one person is going against their nature?

Also, I think men are less likely to stay if not physically attracted, than women are. I think our society pressures women more to overlook a man's physical attractiveness.

For instance, if a woman does not find a man attractive or her type, people say things like "she thinks she's too good for him" or "she must think she is attractive/good-looking" or that she is "stuck up" or "shallow." Conversely, when a man does not find a woman attractive, those things are rarely brought up. It's like, well, he just wasn't attracted, what can you expect?

What do you think, is there a difference between men and women in this issue?

Edited by Meliss
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I don't know.  I have had that thunderbolt type of chemistry with 4 guys and of the 3 I dated, oh gawd.  Yea, parts of the relationship were great but other parts, not so good. All were roller coasters of emotions.  I'd rather have mental chemistry and baseline attraction than the other way around.  At least that's how I feel now!

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Lordonia

So from your experience, if you are not a person's type & they are not initially attracted to you, the marriage or relationship is less likely to work out?

I think I agree with this. A lot of people (especially viewers of MAFS) really stress how attraction is not that important & that feelings can develop. That is also what the experts keep saying, too.

This tv show is all about matching couples & seeing what happens, so they should try to get to know each other for the sake of the experiment. But, truly, how many relationships work if one person is going against their nature?

Also, I think men are less likely to stay if not physically attracted, than women are. I think our society pressures women more to overlook a man's physical attractiveness.

For instance, if a woman does not find a man attractive or her type, people say things like "she thinks she's too good for him" or "she must think she is attractive/good-looking" or that she is "stuck up" or "shallow." Conversely, when a man does not find a woman attractive, those things are rarely brought up. It's like, well, he just wasn't attracted, what can you expect?

What do you think, is there a difference between men and women in this issue?

In General: I think you'll find that men are either physically attracted or not almost immediately. That doesn't mean they won't still have sex. When they do, the women think that means the man is attracted. Not necessarily. This is a source of huge confusion among women and is also why any woman looking for a long-term relationship is advised not to sleep with a man right away.

 

Women are sometimes kind of "meh" about a guy at first, but can warm up to him over time if he's good with some courtship and presents himself well. That's what we saw Doug do with Jamie, and even if that was largely fake he did show us what that looks like.

 

Biologists say that there are ancient survival strategies at the heart of these attitudes, not cultural pressures. A male who jumps at the chance to mate with anything available will leave more offspring behind. A female, though, needs to be more selective about who fathers her children so that she's getting the best genes and the best provider for them.

 

Things like this fascinate me. :)

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In General: I think you'll find that men are either physically attracted or not almost immediately. That doesn't mean they won't still have sex. When they do, the women think that means the man is attracted. Not necessarily. This is a source of huge confusion among women and is also why any woman looking for a long-term relationship is advised not to sleep with a man right away.

Women are sometimes kind of "meh" about a guy at first, but can warm up to him over time if he's good with some courtship and presents himself well. That's what we saw Doug do with Jamie, and even if that was largely fake he did show us what that looks like.

Biologists say that there are ancient survival strategies at the heart of these attitudes, not cultural pressures. A male who jumps at the chance to mate with anything available will leave more offspring behind. A female, though, needs to be more selective about who fathers her children so that she's getting the best genes and the best provider for them.

Things like this fascinate me. :)

Yep, I was meh at first with my fiance but once I got to know his personality I was like "dang, this man is hot". Attraction can grow but I'm sure in this pressure cooker of a situation not being attracted to the person sure doesn't set it up for success

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Filipinos are considered the most hospitable people in Asia. I can testify this myself since I’m happily married to a Filipina. She has all the traits I want my wife to have. She is just so perfect to me. Now, she’s bearing our first child. I am so excited! I am so happy being with her.

 

I met my wife in an Asian date tour. Since then, my life changed for the better. She was the one who filled this emptiness in me. She literally completed my life. Right after our marriage, I began embracing the Filipino culture. I studied some traits, culture and traditions and applied it to myself and to our home. I guess, this is a good act to show my wife I value her culture.

 

Behaving like a true Filipino is not hard nor is it easy but it came naturally to me. Now, I’m enjoying our married life. In 5 months’ time, we’ll be welcoming our first baby, our first blessing. We’ll raise the baby with pure love and affection. I’ll teach our child the good traits his mom has.

 

What about your marriage story? Share your experiences and let’s talk about it.

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Moved over from the episode thread:

4 hours ago, Madding crowd said:

So many people have this thing where they don't want someone who wants them back and it is so destructive.

I was listening to Dax Shepard's podcast and he mentioned that he didn't understand any of the Weinstein type power shit, because what turns him on is being wanted. Like, forcing or manipulating someone into bed or chasing someone who wasn't interested would be completely un-sexy to him. It just struck me as such a normal thing to say, and I wished more of the men on MAFS could be like him.

His guest during that episode was Ashton Kutcher and when the talk turned to golf, they both said they didn't play and had a hearty laugh at the thought that their wives would be okay with them going off for 5-6 hours for 18 holes and a hang with the guys for a drink while the wives stayed home with the kids. Of course Ryan wouldn't see a thing wrong with it!

Edited by 2727
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