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Sew Sumi

S10.E08: Five Pregnancies and Counting

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23 minutes ago, DangerousMinds said:

Lauren wasn’t even far enough long to know the sex of the fetus.

But by the power vested on Lauren and Si by no one, the heavy period became a boy named Asa. 

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3 hours ago, Skittl1321 said:

So I don't expect Bella to feel second to Asa, but I honestly honor the fact that they want Asa to be remembered

I certainly did not mean to imply that they should forget Asa.   I was just suggesting that eventually the deep despair that she was in would probably lessen over time.

    I am truly sorry for your loss.  

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I've known quite a few friends who've had early-term miscarriages and eventually it does go away especially if there are living children to take their place.  

Later term losses are different.  

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I truly hope Lauren never compares her loss to Joy's, but I will say one of the most helpful support groups I attend is run by a woman who had a miscarriage, 3 days after she peed on a stick, 10 years ago.  She has 4 living children now and is still deeply affected by the miscarriage.  So I guess something I learned is that everyone experiences it differently.  It's just really easy to judge the Duggars because they are generally insane, so it is tough to give them lee-way in this sort of thing. 

 

I haven't had an early miscarriage, so I cannot relate; but I have met many women for whom the pain didn't get easier over time. And I've met many other woman who just don't give it a second thought.  If your whole worth is on procreating, as Lauren's may be, I can see how it would be truly traumatic, and needing to 'count' it important to boost your numbers to validate yourself.  

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I'm one of the barely a second thought people.  When I went to an hour of counseling with the first one I was told that the healthiest mentally after a miscarriage tried to forget the due date, did not memorialize either the conception or due date, did not plant trees or any other thing, and absolutely did not have annual celebrations or commemorations.  It worked fine for that one and the following ones for us. 

I try very much not to comment on how other people handle it, but I admit I have trouble wrapping my mind around the Laurens of the world.  There is such a high early miscarriage rate that it seems misplaced to me to put that much emotional weight into such a high risk situation.  Did Lauren not realize how high the early miscarriage rate is?  I do hope Lauren learns to temper it all before her daughter gets a year old. 

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