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Tick, Tock: Quotes of Note


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Topher: [Tommy]'s a racist. 
Angela: He's not racist. But he's off to a good start.

Glass: If I defecated on the American flag, how would that make you feel?
Kavalry: Defecated?
Glass: Shit. If I took a shit on the American flag, how would that make you feel?
Kavalry: Confused.

Angela: You said Crawford had skeletons in his closet, so I went and I looked in his fucking closet.
Will: Oh. I didn't mean literally.

Angela: You trying to make me think that [Judd]'s one of them? The Kavalry?
Will: Well, there's plenty of good reasons for a man to hide a Klan robe in a closet, but I just can't think of any.

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Keane: On behalf of the American taxpayer, thank you for keeping our streets safe from rich assholes playing dress up.

Blake: What am I investigating?
Keane: Chief of police got hung.
Blake: Hanged.

Deputy Director: Seveenth Kavalry. Apparently it's a Custer's Last Stand thing but who gives a shit? They're just the Klan with different masks. They first popped up after the Victims of Racial Violence Act was passed. African Americans come to Tulsa to claim their benefits, they buy land, they start businesses - and we all know how accommodating white folks are when people of color dare to prosper.

Petey: Before I was recruited by the FBI to run the slide projector, I had a PhD in history.

Blake: Sir, I'm with the FBI. Are your civil rights being violated?
Man: Yes, ma'am. These people came into my place of business and they just grabbed me. They didn't read me my rights.
Blake: Okay, sorry. I was just kidding. I don't care.

Blake: What does this thing do?
Looking Glass: It's complicated.
Blake: Try me.
Looking Glass: It determines and exposes negative cultural biases to which the suspect might otherwise not admit.
Blake: So it's a racist detector.
Looking Glass: That's an oversimplification.

Blake: Who did he give the location to?
Looking Glass: Sister Night obtained the intel in a secondary interrogation.
Blake: Is that Tulsa for "beat the shit out of him"?
Looking Glass: I did not personally observe any violence against the suspect.

Blake: Hero number three is pretty much a god himself so for the sake of telling them apart, he's blue and he likes to stroll around with his dick hanging out.

Blake: Maybe the two of you were having an affair which makes no sense since your husband is fucking hot.

Blake: Men who end up hanging from trees with secret compartments in their closets tend to think of themselves as good guys.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Lady Trieu: So what have you heard about me?
Jon: Oh, uh, not much.
Lady Trieu: Come on.
Katy: You're the billionaire building the big clock down the road. You've been in Tulsa a year but nobody ever sees you because you don't come out.
Lady Trieu: Actually, I'm a trillionaire, what I'm building down the road is much more than a big clock, and I do come out but only when it's important.

Angela: You're fucking weird.
Wade: And you are adequately self aware to recognize the hypocrisy of that remark.

Angela: Did you know [Judd] was a racist?
Wade: He was a white man in Oklahoma.

Red Scare: Eww, what the fuck is this?
Angela: Some kind of oil. Guy squirted it all over himself and slid into a sewer grate.
Pirate Jenny: Did he have any lettuce or watch batteries on him?
Red Scare: Was he wearing a Rorschach and saying, "Tick tock tick tock tick tock?"
Angela: No.
Red Scare: Oh. Okay. Then new boss probably isn't going to give a shit about lube man.

Angela: Mind if I ask you why the FBI even gives a shit about my car?
Blake: Well, it got stolen right after Crawford was murdered and returned the night of his funeral. Now that could be a coincidence but however, I think we're talking about a thermodynamic miracle.
Angela: A what?
Blake: A thermodynamic miracle. It's the sciencey version of, uh, "It's all connected, man." My ex used to talk about them when he wasn't distracted by fucking quarks.
Angela: He sounds like a lot of fun.

Blake: People who wear masks are driven by trauma. They're obsessed with justice because of some injustice they suffered, usually when they were kids. Ergo, the mask. It hides the pain.
Angela: I wear the mask to protect myself.
Blake: Right. From the pain. So did nuns murder your parents? Or were you raised by nuns after your parents were murdered? Uh, no judgment. I used to dress up and fight bad guys, too.

Petey: Agent Blake's parents were the Comedian and Silk Spectre. They were both in the Minutemen.
Angela: Minutemen, like the TV show?
Petey: That show is garbage. It's full of historical inaccuracies.

Bian: Traditionally, my mother relegates interactions with the authorities to underlings, but in this case, she'd like to invite you to have tea in her vivarium. May I show you the way?
Blake: Ooh la la. Please do.

Lady Trieu: There's an expression I remember from when I was little. Your grandfather wants to know if you got the pills.
Regina: I remember one from when I was little too. Tell that old fucker he can ask me himself.
Lady Trieu: I haven't heard that one. It's quite beautiful.

Will: You're worried.
Lady Trieu: I'm not worried. I'm concerned.
Will: What's the difference?

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On 11/3/2019 at 7:43 AM, ElectricBoogaloo said:

Angela: You said Crawford had skeletons in his closet, so I went and I looked in his fucking closet.
Will: Oh. I didn't mean literally.

I came to this thread just to make sure this quote was here, that line was fucking hilarious.

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Carnival guy: What's up with the pandas?

Christopher Moltisanti: I came back for Italian food. You know how we like our squid now? With lemon and a little marinara.

Red Scare: How do you tell difference between Catholic church and Baptist church?
Panda: They're basically all the same. This one might be Episcopalian.

Angela: What did your ex say about the pills?
Wade: Nothing as of yet.
Angela: Did you tell her that it was important?
Wade: I communicated that, yes.
Angela: How about you pick up the phone and communicate it again?
Wade: Because she's doing a favor and when someone's doing you a favor, you don't lean on them.

Blake: You were in New York on 11/2, huh?
Wade: New Jersey, actually.
Blake: You still scared shitless? 
Wade: Excuse me? 
Blake: I've heard that people who were in the psychic blast zone still wake up in the middle of the night screaming.
Wade: I sleep great.

Blake: Market research. Is that your cover? So you watch a bunch of idiots and they tell you what they hate about the new flavor of Pringles so no one knows you're secretly Mirror Guy?
Wade: I know you know it's Looking Glass.
Blake: But you can have Mirror Guy if you want.

Blake: I bugged the cactus on your desk, and Angela Abar - sorry, Sister Night - was just asking about some pills.
Wade: You bugged my cactus?
Blake: Well, don't take it personally. I'm FBI. We bug shit.

Marketing guy: Okay, guys! What do you think of the cereal?
Little girl: It tastes like nothing.
Marketing guy: Okay. Could you be a little more specific? I mean, everything tastes like something.
Little girl: Well, this doesn't.

Cynthia: You have your pick of good women so why do you keep getting mixed up the ones that are just going to kick you in the balls?
Wade: I picked you. You're a good woman.
Cynthia: And for seven years, I tried to convince you that I wasn't going to run off with your clothes and leave you naked all by yourself.

Renee: I bet you're just as batshit as the rest of us.
Wade: Bats do shit in tunnels. Sadly, there's no way to settle that bet until we can assess your trauma relative to mine.

Renee: Of course they hated it. You can't call a cereal Smiley-O's and not put sugar in it.
Wade: All that sugar causes tooth decay, hyperactivity, and the big C. 
Renee: Come on. We used to eat buckets of sugar and we won Vietnam.
Wade: Technically, Dr. Manhattan won Vietnam but I concede the point.

Renee: I'm scared all the time, you know? I mean there's a squidfall and people just pull their cars over and turn their wipers on like aliens aren't falling from the fucking sky?

Keane: I know who you are, Looking Glass.
Wade: Are you even trying to disguise your voice, Senator?
Keane: Shit, am I still wearing my mask? Sorry. That is just incredibly rude.

Keane: You want to guess what that bad boy is for?
Wade: You're going to open up a portal in Tulsa. Drop another squid on us.
Keane: Come on. Where's the originality in that?

Keane: I'm going to show you something and after you see it, you're going to walk out of here and you're never going to be afraid of big teleporting aliens ever again. Because I'm going to set you free. In return, I'm going to ask you to do me a favor. Call it a squid pro quo.

Red Scare: Bullshit. Hooded Justice was around in '40s. Dr. Manhattan didn't exist till 1960.
Panda: So what? He could time travel.
Red Scare: He cannot fucking time travel.
Panda: I've watched every episode, man, and I'm telling you, Hooded Justice is Dr. Manhattan.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Blake: [Will] had to hide who he was because white men in masks are heroes but black men in masks are scary.

Lady Trieu: I've done a lot of research on memory. Total amnesia's extremely rare - unless you're in a soap opera. In real life, it almost never happens.

Blake: Who has a fucking trap door installed in their living room?

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Veidt: I don't talk to fans. I don't care how long it's taken you to get to Antarctica. And you may certainly not use my restroom. Good day.

Lady Trieu: Back in '85, you manufactured a trans-dimensional being and then teleported it to New York City.
Veidt: That...is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
Lady Trieu: That's its brilliance! A giant alien squid to stave off nuclear holocaust. Only the smartest man in the world could come up with that. And no one even gives you credit for it. 
Veidt: Who are you? 
Lady Trieu: Well, Mr. Veidt, I'm the smartest woman in the world.

Veidt: Redford won't even return my calls. He said he would've won even without my help. As if some cowboy actor could attain the presidency.

Lady Trieu: I believe the actual Dr. Manhattan is hiding out on a moon of Jupiter.
Veidt: And what, dear girl, is that belief based upon?
Lady Trieu: Manhattan emits a very specific radioactive frequency. I built a subspace antenna to scan the galaxy and lo and behold, I got a ping. So a few months ago, I launched a probe and in exactly five years, 72 days, nine hours, and 17 minutes, that probe will be orbiting Europa, taking photo images of the Big Blue Cheese himself and beaming them back here to me.
Veidt: It seems like a lot of effort just to be an intergalactic paparazza. So, what do you do when you got your candid shot of Manhattan? Sell it to the tabloids?

Lady Trieu: I'm your daughter.
Veidt: That's impossible. 
Lady Trieu: Why? 
Veidt: For one, because I've never given myself to a woman. Like Alexander the Great, I believe such hedonistic activity is a distraction.

Phillips: Why did you make me wear a mask?
Veidt: Because masks make men cruel.
Phillips: That's what you wanted? For me to be cruel?
Veidt: I had eight years to kill. Having a worthy adversary helped keep me sane.
Phillips: Was I, master? Was I a worthy adversary?
Veidt: No. But you put on a hell of a show.

Lady Trieu: I have to admit, I was pretty surprised when the images from the probe came back, and I saw you, and your message. Were those bodies that you made the letters with?
[Veidt nods]
Lady Trieu: Wow. There must be a cool story behind that.

Veidt: Good God, Robert Redford is still president?
Newspaper man: Yeah, tell me about it. Hey, you know who you look like? 
Veidt: No, tell me. 
Newspaper man: Adrian Veidt. 
Veidt: Huh. 
Newspaper man: Ozymandias, huh? Not exactly, I mean, but, well, you could do birthday parties and shit.

Blake: That's Senator Keene Sr, isn't it? Never would've had him pegged as a secret racist.

Blake: You look stupid in those panties.

Angela: What are you doing here? 
Blake: Just getting kidnapped, held against my will. How about you?

Blake: Adrian?
Veidt: Ms. Juspeczyk, what a pleasant surprise.
Blake: Aw shit. Am I dead?
Veidt: No. But the night is young.

Lady Trieu: Thanks for catching Dr. Manhattan. That's the only way he wouldn't see me coming. But absorbing atomic energy without filtering it first, it's gonna pop you like a water balloon every time.

Wade: So this is where you sent it from? The big one, back in '85? 
Veidt: You told him? 
Blake: I didn't say shit.
Wade: You knew? Did they tell everybody in the FBI?
Veidt: You work for the FBI?
Blake: I'm their top vigilante hunter.
Wade: You slaughtered half of New York, single-handedly. Unassisted mass murder on a scale not seen in human history.
Veidt: I saved humanity, you ignorant hayseed. Now if you'd kindly stop distracting me, I would very much like to save it again.

Blake; What's she going to do with his power once she's got it?
Veidt: She claims she's going to fix the world.
Wade: How do you know she won't?
Veidt: Because she is clearly a raging narcissist whose ambition knows no limits. It's hubris, literal hubris. Anyone who seeks to attain the power of a god must be prevented at all costs from attaining it. But, believe me, that girl will not rest until she has us all prostrate before her, kissing her tiny blue feet.
Blake: Raging narcissist, huh?
Veidt: Opus esse uno, unum cognoscendi. It takes one to know one.

Blake: You're under arrest.
Veidt: Ha! That's funny. You got me for a moment.
Blake: I'm not joking.
Veidt: Oh, Laurie, please. You have no proof. 
Wade: I do. This is your confession, explaining to Redford what you did and how you did it.
Veidt: So I suppose the FBI is going to arrest the president, too?
Blake: Sure, why not?
Veidt: Because the world will end.
Blake: Yeah, people keep saying that, but it never seems to happen.

Wade: That guy talks too much.
Blake: He surely fucking does.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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