Ria

I hate the witness protection program story. It’s just ridiculous and completely pointless. And after the Cheeseman is arrested he goes back to being Miles (not Nick) the professor. How does an accountant become an English professor anyway? I’m pretty sure that’s not how the program works. The Bob Hope episode was just dumb. I think Sophia stealing the Pope’s ring is alright. It’s not as if the Pope came to their house and it has some funny lines. But I don’t like the subplot with the detective.

Dorothy not wanting to date a cop at least made more sense than Blanche not wanting to date a pharmacist. Now that was dumb. I never understood the problem with Dorothy dating Eddy the love machine. This was a woman who didn’t date much and had sex even less. Let her have some fun. When it ran its course, so be it. What was the problem that she had to dump him? And I hate Eddy’s line that the good ones always want more than sex. Maybe they’re just not that into you Eddy.

She’s really been gone 10 years already? Hard to believe. They’re all so vibrant and alive each night, I forget most of them are gone.

V is for vows. As in Dorothy’s “I do vow too.” “ I do vow too.” “I feel like one of the Shirelles.” How could that wedding ceremony go wrong?

There’s a point at which that IS a sign of low IQ or some mental challenge. Forrest Gump also took everything very literally. My neighbor’s son with ASD also is that way although not low IQ he’s low functioning in daily life. It’s puzzling how she managed to date a professor, doctors and lawyers being such a dingbat. I guess back then smart men didn’t need smart women as long as the woman was cute, warm and ditzy.

I actually think Rose is plain stupid. She’s been shown before to not grasp simple English sentences. Like when Blanche says they’re all in the same boat and Rose asks “what’s this boat she keeps talking about?” Or when Dorothy is talking about her gambling problem and says “I’ve lived with the temptations and learned to handle it” and Rose says “Dorothy’s lived with the Temptations! I’ve never even been to one of their concerts”. Or when Al dies in her bed and Sophia says “he bought the farm” and Rose thinks he really bought a farm. The police say their neighbors aren’t who they think they are “you mean we invited the wrong people to dinner?” There are dozens of instances like that.

Watching the episode where Dorothy brings Angela over from Sicily. It’s impossible to believe Dorothy didn’t know of the feud between Sophia and Angela. The Christmas party that started it was in 1955. Dorothy was an adult. It’s unbelievable Sophia wouldn’t have told her all about it. And how could she never notice her mother and aunt never talked again? The episode could have worked as well, and made more sense, if Dorothy knew but was trying to patch things up.

I’ve always liked the scene in the Mel Bushman episode where Rose is practice interviewing Dorothy and asks “Isn’t it true you have a drawer full of retirement brochures and you’re just waiting for the first sign if dribble on your mother’s chin to lock her away forever?” Followed by the look on Sophia’s face and Dorothy’s response “Those times when Ma makes me crazy, I go into my room and have some pretend time”. This show had so many great scenes and lines.

Blanche always described George and their marriage in such glowing terms, if this were real life, I’d think she was exaggerating and presenting a distorted memory of him. Sophia and Rose adored their husbands, yet we knew they had faults. Sal had a gambling problem, enjoyed going to the bar for beer and sometimes seemed not the brightest bulb. Charlie was cheap, a bad businessman, prone to doing stupid St Olafian like things like wearing ski masks to the bank and was afraid of doing adventuress things. But according to Blanche, George was nothing but handsome, charming, top of his class at Vanderbilt, army captain decorated for bravery, brilliant, successful etc and they had the perfect passionate marriage. He never seemed like a real person. Just a perfect fantasy.

Blanche did often say she never cheated on George. Which always makes me wonder how she delayed the torch for the Tokyo Olympics (held in 1964). Surely George wasn’t a torch bearer. Dorothy says something like “how soon we forget the Tokyo Olympics” and Blanche answers something like “so 50,000 people had to wait for the torch. It got there eventually”. I doubt if the writers even know. Maybe she and George were making passionate love in view of the runners. 🙂

No, I don’t buy Rose has a daughter going to Oxford. Anymore than I buy the sensible woman we saw Rose introduce as her visiting mom is the same person who Rose claims spent her elderly years trying to fit a cow into the front basket of her bicycle.

O is for obituary. “Blanche Devereaux, 65”. Blanche: “65!?” Dorothy: “And dead”

There are episodes where the girls are being so nasty to each other it almost would fit to say with sarcasm “the heart attack says thank you for being a friend”. 😏

I have no idea what the purpose of that episode was other than to make Sophia the most petty uncaring mother possible.

I think making Rose’s mother, sisters and daughters so normal, if not necessarily nice, makes Rose seem somewhat psychotic with her St. Olaf stories. Either she happened to be adopted into one of the few normal families and most of the town is as she describes (there’s some evidence of that), or she’s living in a make believe world of kooky and idiotic St. Olafians. But it would have been so much funnier if her family lived up to her stories. Instead of kooky, we mostly got bitchy (except for her mom who could as easily been Blanche’s mom).

I think this show’s one true weakness (for me anyway) is in trying to make cruelty and meanness funny.

I never liked that episode for a variety of reasons. But I think we’re supposed to ignore Big Daddy cheating on Blanche’s mom and Mamie abandoning Blanche just because an interracial marriage wasn’t possible at that time. As if that lessens the cheating and lying and makes it OK. They should have had Big Daddy and Mamie have a relationship after Blanche’s mom died. Then the audience could sympathize with Mamie for Big Daddy not marrying her.

H is for Horseracing. Sophia frequents the track, Blanche has a pass to the jockey’s lounge, Rose went to help her paint a horse accurately and Dorothy nearly lost everything gambling again.

I hate the Gil the lying politician episode. It has not aged well at all. Dorothy and Rose were horrible in this ep. I don’t know how Blanche forgave them. The whole premise is offensive. Her best friends don’t believe her because if she sleeps around a bit, she must also be a liar. She’s blamed for ruining a man’s campaign by seducing him (?!) as if he had no say in the matter. There’s no wife mentioned so I’m not sure what the issue was to begin with. And it ends with Blanche blaming herself because since she enjoys sex it’s all her fault. Throw in some dumb lines about Blanche’s earrings being visible in a photo shot from behind at a distance, Dorothy’s stupid amazement that Sophia must have guessed about Gil’s sex change just because she felt he was hiding something and Rose snottily telling Blanche they couldn’t even believe her now when she said they were best friends and this episode ranks as one of my least favorites.

E is for Ebb Tide.

Z is for baked Ziti, which both Sophia and Angela can most likely make deliciously despite insults to the contrary and curses on each other that their sauce never cling to their pasta.

Yes, that drives me crazy. Of course Rose is dumb enough to not realize the test would be concerned with hours of bulb life, not seconds.

V is for Rose’s Fred Flintstone Vitamins.

S is for Stem and also for Stern, Blanche’s two favorite parts.

M is for Monkey. Even if she’s just a traffic cone named Fifi.