suomi

I send you sincere sympathy. Sometimes difficult early experiences (or very hurtful experiences at any age) cause a person to attack as a means of protecting their own vulnerability. Similar to "whistling past a graveyard." If that's the case with your dad then in a roundabout (and hurtful) way the times when he was unkind were times when his love for you or his desire to reach out to you overwhelmed him. I realized that about my dad but there was no way of talking about it so I had to just roll with the emotional punches. Sometimes, not always but sometimes, I was able to remind myself that his burden was perhaps even greater than mine. Small consolation... Maybe the next time around I will be the parent and he will be the child and I will either protect him from initial harm or teach him a better way of coping. Or maybe the last time around I missed learning something and I need to learn it this time. There are many possibilities but the end result is what matters. Maybe it's like that with you and your dad. I think every significant person in our lives is there for a reason. If that makes sense.

That was a classic moment. Erika could not believe that Garcelle went there! I like watching people lie, I like getting a feel for how they do it and then running earlier scenes past the truth meter. Erika is a very good liar. She stumbled a bit with the "I have a mouthful" delayed response but quickly went smooth and wide-eyed. Rinna is a very, very good liar, it comes naturally. Kyle is a shitty liar but she's also dumb as a box of rocks and that gets in the way. Dorit is a lousy liar because she totally goes overboard with being disingenuous. Camille stresses out over being a convincing liar and the stress gives her away. Kim is a good liar most of the time and doesn't give a shit about it when she isn't. Taylor goes bug-eyed when she lies. Denise tries too hard when she lies. Garcellle doesn't lie, sometimes she just doesn't tell the truth. LVP, as much I adore her, is a great liar. Who am I forgetting?

I certainly hope so. Because on this show you put your life out there and you own it, baby. It comes with the territory and everyone knows that. Not the first season but eventually. First you play and then you pay. Everyone knows that. Wait, were we not talking about Denise? Never mind, then.

OK, here is a fourth lawsuit because the one above that I posted on Oct 1 is the third one since 2019. (In that one he is accused of stealing funds from other attys in a shared action). Now a widow is suing him for fraud because he won a wrongful death lawsuit re her husband's death and then jacked his fee, which decreased the amount she received. Oct 29, 2020: https://theblast.com/146488/rhobh-star-erika-jaynes-husband-sued-by-a-widow-for-fraud

April 2018 The name “Swedish Death Cleaning” gets a lot of attention for good reason but once you learn about it, it’s a pretty sensible, practical way to deal with your possessions as you approach your later years. It’s based on a book, The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family From a Lifetime of Clutter by Margareta Magnusson. Magnusson embarked on the book after dealing with the deaths of her parents and husband and tried to figure out what to do with their possessions. Magnusson, a Swede, writes about the Swedish idea of döstädning, which translates to death cleaning. Dö means death in Swedish and städning means cleaning. The thrust of the book is to slowly begin decluttering so your death isn’t such a burden for those you leave behind. It's similar to other trendy thoughts on home organization and approaches to life, like hygge, which caught on last year. https://www.familyhandyman.com/list/10-things-to-know-about-swedish-death-cleaning/

July 2007

What an amazing saga! You described everything so thoroughly and with great insight and compassion. It probably will take longer than you would like but I am convinced that you will find peace of mind, or something resembling it. Because that's how you roll. Thank you for sharing.

Loved those! Another thing I haven't remembered in years. (The list is long, evidently). Thanks for the memory...

Talking about Hallowe'en candy in Janelle's thread got me to thinking about these. My sister and I loved ours that we got from our Nana during the 1950s. I can't accurately say how long we kept them each year but it seemed like a long, long time. Today's prices are not unreasonable, considering the artistry. http://www.sugareggs.com/page05.html

That is a trip! I have no frame of reference about him at that age. Nice looking guy. I remember him when he was much older. Speaking of... "proud Armenian Kimberly" - she got rid of her Armenian face a long time ago. She ran far from it, as far as she could. Still waiting to hear about the Baby Bar results...

Game recognizes game.

Awww, I know how you feel. Those were the days... and they went so quickly. You passed along good advice. Speaking of dust, about 30 years ago I found a cute little wooden sign with a ribbon hanger in a crafter boutique and I bought one for me and one for my stepmom. I lost mine along the way and when she died I kept hers. The script on the sign says You may touch the dust but please don't write in it When I move it goes in my purse with my toothbrush and inhaler and it's the first thing I find a spot for in the new house. I flove it and it always gets a laugh from kindred spirits who do not enjoy dusting.

You could try having them empty certain drawers or cabinets they can reach into laundry baskets or boxes. Pick your poison, obviously, because you or they will need to put the items back where they belong. Kitchen drawers or cabinets: tupperware, pots and pans, canned or unopened boxed food, pot holders and towels, a utensil drawer placed on the floor. Stuff they don't usually touch but see you use is a big treat. "Clean" the empty drawer or shelf with a paper towel and re-fill it. Good job! Socks, underwear, diapers, pull-ups, mittens, hats, gloves, pajamas. Stuff that's easy for you to put back if it comes to that. Toddlers love to be busy.

I use a senior citizen budget carrier- Consumer Cellular. 250 minutes for $15 and unlimited for $20. I start every month w/ 250 and if I go over they bump me to the next level automatically w/o fees or penalty. A few months ago they added a filter (?) that labels some calls as Spam or Suspected Spam and I use the new Block and Report options on those right quick. They are easy to use but the exact same bunco messages start going to voicemail via a different un-blocked, un-filtered number. I guess CC recognizes the source even from a different number because it doesn't ring but the number shows in Missed Calls? I don't know if I am explaining it correctly, it's way above my pay grade, LOL I ordered a shed and added the shed company as a Contact. But the scheduler called using her cell phone and of course I didn't pick up for an unknown caller. I add WalMart delivery drivers as I learn who they are, the same w/ Domino's drivers but new ones always come along. Usually bunco emails are rare and I've never had as large a batch as this recent crop. It's like a switch was flipped or a gate opened. It seems odd that the volume of robo callers (which was down to nearly zero) jumped so high at the exact same time that the bunco emails started. A couple years ago at different times I got an email in Hebrew and in Russian. I never open suspicious ones (like those) and both times I called my banks and credit card companies and they took a heads-up report and told me to change my passwords. Nothing came of it but it sure is spooky when "someone" takes an interest in you out of nowhere. Especially the Russkies...

Mariah, Mariah, Mariah.

For the most part I have enjoyed a reprieve from robocallers during the past few months. It went from 3 or 4 every day to a couple a week to none for weeks at a time. A week ago today my phone started blowing up again, along with my email. I'm not sure which is the greater intrusion because both require many steps to clean up the uninvited clutter. There was one bright spot: I almost won the Jamaican Lottery yesterday! I say "almost" because the call went to voice mail, which nullified my win. Bummer.

Have we seen the trailer for Let Him Go with Diane Lane and Kevin Costner, scheduled for release on Nov 6? It's based on a true story. I won't go to a theater but surely it will stream somewhere later on. How about The Undoing on HBO? I don't have HBO but I read the novel it's based on called You Should Have Known. It was so good. I read about the huge differences between the book and the film and have pretty much decided to stay with the book. I started it a second time and have decided to read it more slowly, so it will last longer.

I tip my hat to you! I searched for over an hour (a couple times), found nothing and gave up. I was aware of Kanye's claim for many years and wondered where his dad fell on the BPP spectrum. I guess participating in a trial where the defendant was sentenced to death by burning answers that. Maybe it also sheds some light on why his dad didn't publicly mention/discuss it in later years. Again, tip o' the hat to you!

She does appear to have the Parkinson's mask. As much as Mika irritates me, I have great sympathy for what lies ahead. Falling (and not recovering from fall injuries) and acquiring pneumonia after a fall are her mom's greatest risks. My dad had Parkinson's Disease for 12 years and lived with me for the last 2 years of his life. He fell and fractured his hip and shoulder 72 hours before he died. PD is not genetic but often clusters in families; I am aware of it in 3 successive generations so far, here and in Finland. Frozen faces: 15 icy images that show what it’s like to lose control of your expressions What if you suddenly couldn’t smile? Or frown? Facial ‘masking’ is one of the common symptoms of Parkinson’s and – as photographer Chris Crossley shows in his stunning ‘Concrete’ images – losing this essential form of human communication is no laughing matter. Explain the concept behind your ‘Concrete’ project. Why did you decide to do it? [After being diagnosed with PD] Since I picked up the camera again, I would occasionally ask my subject if they wouldn’t mind placing their face in water and looking at the camera. I just liked the effect. The photos are incredibly stark representations – how did you get the reactions out of your subjects for each emotion? I told each model to choose their emotion beforehand without telling me. I then directed them to place their faces with their eyes open into water and look up portraying that emotion. The emotion would then be real, not staged. The models only told me which emotion they were trying to convey after the photo shoot. No more than eight shots were taken during the shoot because I could actually see the change from no control to full control show on their faces. Parkinson’s makes us stare and show less emotion on our faces than we would normally. None of the subjects had Parkinson’s. The aim was to give the ‘normal’ person I was photographing the small feeling of what the loss of control was like, even for a couple of seconds, and for me to capture it. The water acts as a distraction. Try opening your eyes with a face full of water and express an emotion like happiness, for example – it is very hard. Without the distraction of the water they would have greater control of their faces and I wanted to take that away. With Parkinson’s we sometimes show what we are feeling and at other times we give our faces no clues at all. https://parkinsonslife.eu/frozen-faces-15-icy-images-that-show-what-its-like-to-lose-control-of-your-expressions/

Chrissie posted an essay on Medium. “I’m not sure I’ll ever forget the experience,” Ms. Teigen wrote. “My mom, John and I each held him and said our own private goodbyes, mom sobbing through Thai prayer. I asked the nurses to show me his hands and feet and I kissed them over and over and over again.” https://www.nytimes.com/2020/10/27/style/chrissy-teigen-pregnancy-loss-essay.html?action=click&module=Features&pgtype=Homepage

I play solitaire on my PC while I watch the news because I can't just stare at the TV screen, it drives me nuts. I never turn the sound on but I got used to seeing solitaire interrupted by some Purex detergent commercials with a charming looking guy. A couple weeks I decided to find out who he is and... his name is Jordan Watson, he is from New Zealand and I do love me an accent. Turns out he wrote a dad book and churns out dad videos (his youngest daughter is in the Purex commercials). His mother emigrated from England to NZ where she met his dad, who is Maori. So I have a new boyfriend and I'm still working out how to break it to Jason Mamoa. Bonus: I have to see Lisa Bonet's face everywhere and Mrs Watson is never visible. I need to tell Jason before he hears it elsewhere, I owe him that much at least. Jason has two kids and Jordan has three kids, and they both do Haka and I, evidently, Have. No. Shame. Maybe he will make you laugh.

MJ - overdose, Prince - overdose, Bruce - brain swelling after drug use, Brandon - fatally defective round in a prop gun used while filming a movie, Bob - the most deadly and least detected form of melanoma (under a toenail) spread throughout his body for years after he refused recommended medical treatment (amputating the toe). Brandon's death was a straight up accident; the other four died after ingesting drugs or ignoring medical advice - it seems likely that Kanye is projecting his own medical issues. If... if Kanye's dad belonged to the Black Panther Party during the late '60s and early'70s, that was its heyday. It's odd that he never spoke on the record anywhere, anytime about his membership, no interviews, not a single quote, no vintage photos. There were 5000 members in chapters across the country by 1969-70 and it can't be denied that its many valid social justice aims were tainted by extremely violent tactics. It started with armed-carry "cop watching" to monitor and challenge police brutality in Oakland CA, and blood drives and free sickle cell clinics and free breakfasts for tens of thousands of children in inner cities... and degenerated into a series of murders, torture murders, raging gun battles, Panther and police officer and prison guard deaths, prison escapes, courtroom escapes, and a judge and jurors taken hostage and killed. They squandered their initial credibility with limitless violence. They scaled back somewhat when they suspected how deeply they were infiltrated by the FBI which had sworn to obliterate them along with numerous other activist organizations but there was too much damage to overcome. COINTELPRO was the name of that FBI program. It's hard to explain what those years were like. The reach of the BPP's core leadership was international in scope, Jane Fonda and Donald Sutherland took up their cause. The names come back: Fred Hampton, Bobby Seale, Huey Newton, Bobby Hutton, Eldridge Cleaver (a rapist who practiced on Black women before moving on to White women, and author of Soul On Ice), George Jackson (author of Soledad Brother), Angela Davis... but the details overwhelm memory. My roommate and I went to some Panther fundraising breakfasts at a park in Fullerton that were sponsored by a SoCal chapter in 1969, but we were not especially warmly received after we could not donate anything beyond the cost of the breakfast. I came across a flyer for the breakfasts a few years ago when I was going through some old boxes while packing to move. Our plans changed one morning when the breakfast turned into a riot with a huge police presence as we approached the venue, which we observed from a hill at a safe distance. I look back now and wonder "What were we thinking? Were we thinking?" Not too long after that we stopped going to large anti-war protests in El Lay when we realized that too many guys too often were herding the females up front to directly face the police lines. As if our mini-skirts afforded us some protection? I cannot say. It is impossible to obey a command to disperse when your exit is blocked by guys who won't let you go anywhere. I remember that we carried large edition newspapers rolled up because they became a baton that could be discarded at a moment's notice and my exit once again was blocked and I thought Fuck. This. I am done. But getting back to Kanye, with his history of delusions and fantasies and the lack of any BPP mentions by his father, I don't know what to believe.

Arrested development plus ancestor worship divided by desperation due to zero paying guests for six months = Stop it! Just. Stop.

Joe says eh and uh entirely too often considering that he makes his living by speaking in public. What a pie face. His face looks like a big ol' pie crust with the two teeniest, tiniest raisins in the box used for eyes. He has no lips, none. Ugh. He used to wear glasses with a magnification that made it look like he actually has eyeballs. Those were the days, my friends. Did Madame Speaker call Mika "Micka" during her first few sentences and "Mike-a" a couple paragraphs later? Uh oh. She got just a thank you at the end of the conversation, without a Sooo Much. The final guest got a Verrry Much. I hate myself for watching this morning, even though they actually worked the third hour to accommodate Madame Speaker's schedule (?) and they goaded T into tweeting by repeatedly saying that his phone had been confiscated. This concludes my take from the shallow end of the pool.