the-grey-lady

Steven: I'm thinking of taking my son back to America. I'm not sure how Olga will take that idea. Me: BADLY. Colt: I'm not sure what to do about this situation. Me: Well, I can tell you what not to do. I recommend not standing there like a simpering, spineless loser while your friend refers to your finance as "that bitch." Leida: I just want to Eric to stop paying his child support. Me: HE CAN'T. GET THE FUCK OVER IT.

Let me make sure I've got this... Veronica [for the last, oh, two years or so]: My father is the worst! He's a murderer! A cheat! A scoundrel! [Hiram advises her to cheat to outwit a cheater.] Veronica: Maybe my father isn't so bad. Um, okay. And yes, I know children of abusive parents have a hard time breaking free of them, but this show is not illustrating that dynamic at all. Instead, Veronica seems to exist to suit the show's bizarre plot device of the moment. (ATM, a speakeasy. With no alcohol. Run by a 16-year old.)

We need to start a revolution to bring back the word "simp." Let's be honest - it suits Heather perfectly.

Yes, but I'm sure Leida's rich parents hire people to follow her around with umbrellas 24/7, just in case.

I've been with Mr. Wanders for just shy of 16 years (10 married). I'm pretty sure I've seen Olga cry more during the course of this show than I've cried in the past 16 years. Is Steven seriously complaining that he's getting less attention than a TWO-WEEK-OLD BABY? Run, Olga. Grab that helpless baby and run.

No can blame you for being unsure if actual videos existed. Whitney isn't exactly known for her follow-through.

#everybodyknowsshoesarefascinating #especiallyjanellesshoes #hahajustkiddingjanelleisntinterestingatall

Kalani: I'm really nervous that Ausuelo won't know how to do basic baby things. Me [loudly]: Yeah. It's almost as if it's not the best idea to get pregnant by a virtual stranger. Mr. Wanders and I were rolling during Jay's heartfelt profession of love to Ashley, capped by his earnest promise to "give her the d." I attempted to look deeply into hubby's eyes and repeat the speech, but I kept laughing too hard to continue. I promise to keep trying.

Gotta do it...#griefishorny See also...#hashtaggingisnthard #ijustateicecreamfromthecartonsothecaloriesdontcount #thebrownsarenowherenearascuteandcleverastheythinktheyare

#noargumentthere #thebrownsarenotnearlyasinterestingastheythinktheyare #heresahashtagaboutmylaundry #itsinthedryer #ivebeenignoringitmostofthedayanddeserveacookie

The awesome commentators on this board should take over writing hashtags for the Browns. We are WAY better at it.

Ooh, I want to join in! Let's see...#myhairisstilldamp #someonebringmecoffeestat #shirtfromtargettwoyearsago #comfyfadedsweatpants #notafashionplate #justateeggs #iwonderifwehaveanycake #thekitchenistoofaraway #writingthesestupidhashtagsmakesmefeellikealameo And yet somehow I think my life is more interesting than Maddie's.

How many ripped t-shirts does Tarik own? And where does he get them? Other than that pressing question, I've got nothin' else. This was possibly the worst tell-all ever, because it actually, you know, told nothing.

Emiley's mom is so amazingly needy and insecure; I can't blame Emiley at all for wanting to be elsewhere. And did I honestly hear Laura's mom (and reproductive expert Laura) lecturing Anna on how women ovulate? You've never discussed this before? With a 15-year-old?

Have y'all ever noticed that, despite the fact that Whitney swears up and down that she is JUST FINE THANK YOU at her current weight, she never contradicts any of the fawners who go on and on about her obvious, massive, gobsmacking weight loss? She totally accepts every compliment, no matter how incorrect and (supposedly) unwelcome it is.

What is with all the comments from her blithering sycophants (on every video) about how much weight she's lost, how small she looks, how visible her abs are, blah blah? WHITNEY DOESN'T WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT, REMEMBER? SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO TELL HER HOW THIN SHE LOOKS.

Oh, Jesse and Darcey...please shut the f up. Jesse: This is full-on crazy. Me: THEN LEAVE. Darcey: This isn't a healthy relationship. Me: THEN QUIT TALKING TO HIM. Let's give a big LOL for Darcey climbing forlornly into bed fully dressed, bustier, hair extensions, and all. Jon [to Rachel]: I quit my job, and, um, I've got a bunch of debt. Anyway...wedding tomorrow. Jon [to producers]: I want Rachel to trust me. Me: I CAN'T IMAGINE WHY SHE WOULDN'T. A confidential note to the TLC promo writers: two people, and two people only, are "shocked" by Angela's discovery: Angela, because she either cannot or will not see what's right in front of her; and Michael, because he can't believe anyone could be so stupid.

I think you mean that "werking" would be done at the "klerb." That was painful to type.

Corky's response to Murphy having dated Donald Trump ("Please tell me that was back when you were drinking.") and the natural Murphy/Avery banter ("Head like a melon!") were really nice touches. Like a few others, I thought the early scenes felt stilted, but this cast has a ton of chemistry, and I fully expect them to settle into their roles in the weeks to come.

That's a nearly impossible choice.

So many awesome little moments in this episode, especially the look on Lucious's face when Treasure's song started, and he watched the two DJs getting won over by it; and watching the new CEO move from total cringe-worthy speechifying (complete with Becky's "Let's celebrate YOU!") to demonstrating actual ability to get through to Tiana. "You forgot the watermelon," had me rolling.

Nothing epitomizes the stupidity of "purity culture" like watching Josiah and Lauren steal away for a few moments before the wedding...with three of Lauren's minor siblings looking on uncomfortably. Si and Lauren lean in for a kiss, and then...nope. It all feels so unnatural. Joy: Watching my siblings grow up...I mean, I know I'm grown up, too. Me: Joy, you are fetal compared to most adults.

Or for my favorite (gag) part: when Dean hinted that he (Tarik's BROTHER) joins in said orgies. Did I just dream that? Please say I did.

You intended this question to be rhetorical...right?

You're just jealous because you haven't found your (gag) twinflame.