the-grey-lady

...Please say that I just not hear a late-20s man say that he would support the idea of his late-20s wife working...as if that's some sort of courageous stand he's taking Please. Jesus wept.

"Our lives never fail to be interesting"?! Whitney, your lives always fail to be interesting. ALWAYS.

I'm baffled by the musical choices on this show (although I like a lot of the songs). Are Counting Crows/Alanis Morissette/etc. supposed to be the songs Liz and her friends listened to in high school? And aren't they supposed to be 10 years out of high school, so in their late 20s? Because the songs that play on the cafe jukebox and whatnot are songs I listened to in high school, and I graduated 10 years before anyone on this show. Alanis Morissette's debut album came out in the mid-90s...when Liz would've been about five years old.

I can't believe I slogged through 40 minutes of...whatever that was. The host was obnoxious, the games were criminally stupid, the barnacles said nothing of any interest, and Whitney was...well, you know what she was like. We're all used to her. Me at the end of the "episode":

I don't think the show's producers have a great grasp on the definition of "steamy."

I thought Aspyn seemed a bit bratty in this episode. She's married, in her 20s, and planning to move away from Vegas herself in a year...but she's mad her parents are moving away from her? SHE'S planning to move away from THEM really soon anyway. Edited to add: I have to give Aspyn credit, though, for being perceptive. She is absolutely right that her parents suffer from a "grass is greener" mentality. She's got them figured out. And what on Earth have Kody ("At least it's not 50%!") and Christine ("I can't hear what the doctor is saying, la la la!") been saying to poor Ysabel? She spends an hour and a freaking half every day on those spine exercises, and then she's crying as if her scoliosis is her own fault? FFS, Kody, tell her that a medical condition she didn't cause and can't cure isn't her fault! Or did you forget that critical component of parenthood?

When Whitney leaned it to kiss Buddy, Mr. Grey (who never watches this show), furrowed his brow and said, "Is he into her? 'Cause, um..."

I am being driven insane by the new promo TLC keeps airing ad nauseum. Aspyn: It feels like they're running from something, but I don't know what they're running from. Me: I'm putting my money on any number of harebrained, half-baked decisions.

Is there some reason why the producers can't halve the number of participants on the WTA episodes? Who really cares about the opinions of also-rans eliminated on night freaking one?

Me every time Whitney/her parents/the nitwhits/the show's editors insist that Whitney and Buddy have some kind of undeniable sexual chemistry:

Kody: I got what I waaaanted, but now I'm worried 'cause I have aaallll this responsibibiiiiility! Me: Maybe you should've thought about the burdens of shouldering such responsibility before you "married" four women and sired roughly 311 kids. Seriously. Nothing makes that douchebag happy.

"I'm a little disappointed that I have to do a diet to start"?!?! Had she never seen this show or anything even tangentially related to weight loss? WTH did she expect?

No one forgot. Literally no one.

Oh, gawd, I forgotten about the loathsome scene of the Five Doofuses telling their traumatized children that they're moving! In three days! And they'll never go to their school again! And they can't tell anybody! What THE HELL were those chucklefucks thinking? And seeing them giggle later about how some of the kids (Paedon and Maddie, I think) had a hard time adjusting is infuriating. What did they expect, especially when they were playing up the whole, "Dad might be tossed into the clink at any second!" angle. And now you know they're going to use that incident as a plus for this move: "You can actually say goodbye to your friends this time! Yippee!"

Lauren: So our plan for the shirt is...blah blah blah blah... Me: IT'S A SHIRT. YOU WEAR IT. IT DOESN'T REQUIRE A PLAN.

I see what you did there. Well played, sir.

I keep thinking that the boring nothing-happens stories and the triumphant success stories (which are awesome) are lulling us into a false sense of security for another James K-sized (literally) disaster on the horizon.

Am I the only one who cannot stand the new season promo with Jessa twittering about how "you never know what's going to happen in the Duggar family!" Except...we all know what's going to happen in the Duggar family. Until the end of time. Courtships, marriages, babies, babies, babies. It's not like anyone even remotely familiar with the family is going to see these promos and think, "Whoa! Something new is coming! Maybe Joy Anna is starting her PhD! I bet Jeremiah is going to study in Italy! I've always suspected Jessa was considering a polyamorous lifestyle!" Newsflash, Jessa: there is nothing exciting and/or new about your family, except its sheer size.

Holy Hell, that convo between Kody and Meri re: Mariah and Audrey moving in had me cringing and covering my eyes in secondhand embarrassment. There is absolutely nothing between those two aside from seething resentments and barely-concealed contempt.

And, perhaps more importantly, she can wait for other people to praise her for being such a warrior and never giving up.

OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. Why does a 30-something woman require the praise and attention of absolutely everyone she knows to do absolutely everything she does, including GOING ON VACATION? I just answered my own question. "I feel like Buddy chose Chelsea over me and over this trip." Maybe he doesn't want to go to Alaska. Maybe he doesn't want to vacation with you right now. Maybe he's low on cash. Maybe Shark Week is about to start. HE DOESN'T OWE YOU ANYTHING. "What's altitude?" "I'm going to do a marathon in a week and a half! I should start training!" "My problem is that I don't eat enough." My eyes. They hurt from rolling them.

Christine: I remember when my grandpa died, and all of his wives banded together and really became close. That was attractive to me about plural marriage. Me: So you liked the idea of having friends? THIS. FUCKING. SHOW.

I snickered throughout that entire presentation, as Kody droned on (and on and on) about getting the max equity out of their houses, while the viewing public already knows that all four of them sit on the market to this day. The wives are going to Seattle...to buy hats. Seems like a worthy use of their admittedly limited funds.

This made me laugh like a loon. Such a fragile Southern flower, our Whit.

My favorite part was when Kody was all, "Meri has this way of pushing people along with her - or out of the way - to get what she wants." Me: So you're saying Meri is pushy and manipulative? Sounds like a real charmer. And did Kody honestly claim that he wanted to move back to Utah from the moment they arrived in Vegas? Perhaps my memory is failing me, but I could've sworn that he and the wives SAID ON THE SHOW that Kody had ALWAYS wanted to live in Vegas. Except apparently he never wanted to. Or something.