Comparing Kass to Tony is ludicrous. Tony has an abrasive personality but he actually controlled the vast majority of Cagayan. Kass made one move, a terrible one that gave all the power to Tony's tribe. Tony had some abrasive interactions, notably with Kass and one after tribal where he got spooked after receiving votes.
Kass literally fought with everyone on the season, her ego was hurt by Sarah so she turned on her after having fights with her. During the Morgan episode they spent the whole time bickering, she flipped the bird to Trish after sending her home. Toyed with Spencer's emotions at the final 4 vote. She also weirdly convinced herself that she heard Tony call her a b*tch which the show proved absolutely did not happen. She was a horrible person.
Tony's energetic which gets mistaken for obnoxiousness, but almost everyone he's played with likes him excluding Kass. Joe Reid and others find him obnoxious but he's likable to me. I agree there's double standards in Survivor with women and people in the mom role. But Kass is the worst example, better examples of people who played good games but were hindered because of that were Monica and definitely Dawn.