Swedish Chef

That's amazing, Pamela. I was on TWOP back then, but was never active on The Bachelor board. None of my regular hangs were ever that cozy, although Elise Sewell used to post in the ANTM board, which was pretty great. My user name is the same from my TWOP days. I was all about Idol, SYTYCD, and ANTM back then (ANTM mostly because I loved Potes's recaps).

I started watching TB back when it started. I was a lot younger then, and I think I was one of those "right reasons" viewers, which made me find the show gross and frustrating. So I quit for a long time, and only recently started watching it again. Chris Soules's season. (I know.) I found myself just randomly watching the first episode, and it was hilarious. So I kept watching, and discovered that I had become a wrong reasons viewer, and now the show was awesome and hysterical. That being said, I have never found anyone on this show attractive, but it sounds like I missed the ones who were, during my long Bachelor-verse hiatus. The massive stupidity that becomes apparent the moment they open their mouths kills it for me every time.

Let me just say how excited I am to watch JoJo continue her war against pronouns. Tonight she took things to new heights when she pondered whether her "feelings for him [ben] are the same as his feelings for mine". For MINE. That's unprecedented, people.

I really enjoyed Ryan. I love that song and he did a terrific job with it. I, too, thought Natalie was a train wreck. The whole thing felt strained; when Kelly sings it, it feels effortless and breezy. Adorable kid, but she is straight up first-round cannon fodder.

Those twins, man. They are so obnoxious and self-involved, they'd drive the twin fantasy straight out of the mind of any man who encountered them. I had a lot more sympathy for Olivia tonight, even though I still think she's a PITA. Can't decide if the best part was Becca calling Ben "Chris" or the chicken flapping around amidst the bachelorettes. Oh, Chicken Lady, you left too soon.

So Ben said "I love you" to two different women. Big deal. The real offense was when Ben said "for Lauren and I" to those defenseless baby turtles. Run, little turtles, away from the terrible pincers of Ben's atrocious use of English! I can see he is about to tell you how he "should have came" to help you earlier!

That pretty much proved to me that they are not going to find the next Kelly. What a snooze. I think La'Porsha, Avalon, and Mackenzie are the only ones left whom I still enjoy. The rest are meh to bad. Sonika's Since You Been Gone was bloodless and dull and undid a lot of the good will she earned from me last week. Too bad that Olivia is going, but she still has some growing to do vocally. I could see her becoming something in a few years, though, which is more than I can say for most of the remaining contestants. Thank Jeebus I don't have to listen to Gianna butcher another song next week. Small favors.

I liked Alisan fine, but I am not totally sold. Her tone is very much on the "bright" side, and I prefer warmer voices. I also had Linda Rondstadt's version of that song in my head, which is just as technically impressive, but benefits from Rondstadt's richer tone. I look forward to Alisan's future performances, though, and she may win me over. I, too, liked Mary Sarah and would love to hear her old-fashioned voice on a modern song in future rounds.

Does anyone else think he looks like Glen Campbell? That's all I can see when I look at him.

Oh, Kelly. You will always be my idol. She is just the best. It's hardly fair to have her perform next to these contestants. She's just so wonderful. I have had the pleasure of seeing her live in concert, and she is just an amazing singer and entertainer. And she broke poor Keith. I really enjoyed La'Porsha, but I think Olivia is my favorite. I agree with you all that she is the most Kelly-like of the bunch. She seems the most versatile, which has always been Kelly's hallmark. And one last thing about Kelly: she sings standards really well, and it would be awesome, given their rapport, if we could see Harry and Kelly perform together. You know, since they didn't give us "Stuff Like That There" tonight. (And it speaks volumes abput Kelly's versatility that she could throw down equally well with Keith. I'd include J. Lo, but Kelly would simply destroy her.)

When I was very little, I believed I could walk only when holding my dress. If I let my dress go, I fell down. Perhaps the same goes with the bachelor(ette)s, except with glasses of booze and speech.

The biggest loser in this episode was not Amanda. It was pronouns. Yikes. In addition to trying to make "I's" happen as a a possessive pronoun, we had several uses of the profoundly stupid "between him and I". Hypercorrection run amok. Throw in a "I would have came" or two (thanks, Ben!), and voila! You get to watch grammar die over two hours of hometown visits. I've been wondering this whole season if Amanda has had a nose job, and seeing her family has convinced me that she has. There is no sign of that nose among her family members, who all have larger and wider noses than she does. Looking at JoJo's mom, I remember Martin Short on plastic surgery: It doesn't make a 55-year old look 35; it makes them look like a 55-year old who has been in a fire.

Best moment of the episode, hands down: Leah getting all weepy and emotional on the beach talking to Ben, while a pig loudly grunts in the background. A porcine pin deflating Leah's drama balloon. This whole episode reminded me of why I don't really mind eating pigs. I worked as a docent on a lovely, little educational farm; you know, the kind of bucolic setting out of Charlotte's Web, where there is a representative of every kind of animal and a big communal barn. The pigs were the meanest, least pleasant animals on the farm. Even the piglets constantly bit and would mob attack your ankles. (Boots were a requirement.) I loved the goats. LOVED the goats. I would have stayed in their pen all day. They are smart and hilarious and affectionate. But pigs? Horrible creatures that God somehow had the foresight to make delicious. That scene of swimming with the pigs was straight out of my nightmares.

You're right. They keep acting like they want another Kelly Clarkson. Well, Kelly Clarkson only happened because America voted her through at the semifinal. Simon Cowell would never have advanced her to the finals. Not happy that they are giving so much power to the judges this year.