Skittl1321

I truly hope Lauren never compares her loss to Joy's, but I will say one of the most helpful support groups I attend is run by a woman who had a miscarriage, 3 days after she peed on a stick, 10 years ago. She has 4 living children now and is still deeply affected by the miscarriage. So I guess something I learned is that everyone experiences it differently. It's just really easy to judge the Duggars because they are generally insane, so it is tough to give them lee-way in this sort of thing. I haven't had an early miscarriage, so I cannot relate; but I have met many women for whom the pain didn't get easier over time. And I've met many other woman who just don't give it a second thought. If your whole worth is on procreating, as Lauren's may be, I can see how it would be truly traumatic, and needing to 'count' it important to boost your numbers to validate yourself.

As someone whose first born was a stillborn (by late stage termination, at 29 weeks, so the cause of death was not unknown, the condition however was a tragic surprise very late in the game), I'm going to say the anguish will never diminish. My daughter is nearing 3, and my second son is 7 months. I miss my first child every single day. That doesn't mean my other children aren't being raised without 'full focus'. I don't think my daughter knows her brother's name yet, but his hospital hat is on the wall with the other two kid's, along with their going home outfit- a gift my first son was supposed to wear but was much too small to be put into when we had photos taken. We have a birthday party for him each year, so eventually the living kids will remember that too. (My daughter still remembers his party this year, but just that we decorated cookies, she remembers the sugar, not the reason). We also attend a family event put on by a community non-profit where they do a butterfly release to celebrate the 'angels' in families around the community. I WANT my living kids to know about their brother. My daughter's first name and middle name squished together spell my first son's name in it, and my daughter and younger son's name do too (though that wasn't intentional). We honor him in many small ways. His name is also on my "mother's necklace" and he gets a stocking at Christmas (the gifts in it go to the children's hospital. We give him presents appropriate to the age he should be, and then donate them to a kid that age.) He is not forgotten just because he never took a breath. He was real, and I held him after delivering him, stroked his head and sang him songs, counted his fingers and toes, and held onto his hand. His labor was the hardest of the three, as was his pregnancy. His nursery was in my house for more than a year before I finally opened the door and took it down. He was very very real. So I don't expect Bella to feel second to Asa, but I honestly honor the fact that they want Asa to be remembered. The naming theme makes sense to me, even if I find the family insufferable. Bella isn't their first child, she's the second- so a B name makes sense. My daughter isn't number 2 in importance (she isn't 1 either, she and my living son are firmly tied), but she is number 2 in birth order. It's the same with Bella.

My husband slept in my hospital room every night after both of my C-sections. A neighbor kept our toddler for my 2nd. The hospital has a double bed specifically for this purpose, so the partner can stay with the Mom. It was hugely helpful because I couldn't get the baby out of the bassinet without help at night. I needed him there. Especially the first where I had general anesthesia and couldn't even sit up on my own for a day because my recovery was so much more difficult. I would have been furious if he went home and left me with a newborn when I was recovering from surgery. Your second point- hell yes. Honestly, I'm not sure I believe anyone is having sex 5-6 times a week, children or not.

I think telling someone you had AIDS then was a pretty massive deal... even today it would be and it's no longer a death sentence. I get the idea of the song. I really love RENT. It meant so much to me in college. I'll Cover You was our first dance at our wedding. I remember previewing it with my parents to see if they realized it was two men singing... I was worried it would freak out my grandfather.

The costumers for Something Rotten really had fun with those. I don't even recall his being the most ridiculous one. That was a great show. I only saw it on Broadway, so never got to see Adam do it.

It's almost certainly a fad in the US; but the whole "greet the house" and having gratitude for your things is a very Shinto-belief. I suspect, that her religion influences her method heavily. Calling Shintoism a fad would be odd, certainly it has lasted much longer than pet rocks. Marie doesn't have you thank things to anthropomorphize them elf on the shelf style; but because you should have gratitude for all the things in your life. By thanking them for serving you, you can then release them.

Do the Duggars read American Girl books? Felicity with the nickname Lissy? I wanted to do that but my husband told me I was crazy to name my daughter after my favorite book character...

I've never had Popeyes before. We have one down the road from us, but honestly, I don't eat a lot of fast food anymore. (Though both my CFA and Hobby Lobby boycotts were companies that I did at one time spend a lot of money- HL especially. I just liked the fries at CFA, not the chicken.) My (gay) coworker LOVES CFA and calls it "discrimination chicken" whenever he eats it.

The local CFA here always donates to the PRIDE parade. I wish I could support them just for that, but I won't send my money to their corporate office. I haven't had CFA in like 20 years. I used to eat it a good amount in college.

OMG I love the name Felicity. Re: Ultrasounds. I posted more in the Kendra thread (which one is she married to?) But in my first pregnancy I had ultrasounds at 5-, 6-, 8-, 12-, 16-, and 20-weeks. Every single one was normal (5 weeks didn't show a heartbeat, but that's not abnormal, hence the 6-week one). All showed small fetal growth, but apparently the OB didn't think that was a flag. My integrated screen (serum/blood) was "low risk". My 24-week ultrasound follow up showed a cleft lip and no nasal bone, so I got sent for a level II ultrasound. My 25-week showed an extraordinary laundry list of abnormalities (see Kendra thread for list of specialists we were then referred to). Early ultrasounds completely missed that my son had severe genetic mutations (confirmed by amnio) and was incompatible with life. With my daughter I got a CVS early on. It showed a fairly rare chromosomal mosacisim, of a trisomy that is incompatible with life when non-mosaic. The amnio confirmed it was confined to the placenta (yay!). Confined placental mosaicism can cause interuterine growth restrictions though, so I had frequent scans to check for that up until 28 weeks (every 4 weeks) when they decided she was fine. Those ultrasounds took about half an hour each; her anatomy scan took nearly 90 minutes.

I think it is irresponsible of a doctor to not mention when termination is an option; but I agree that doctors need to make sure patients understand the options to carry to term and get referals to get information to care for a potentially disabled child after they are born. Do you mind me asking- you say "diagnosed", did your child not have Downs syndrome? Or is it only because an ultrasound is not diagnostic? In my case, when I found out my child was incompatible with life (they suspected trisomy 13 or 18; but it ended up being an incredibly severe chromosomal deletion) the doctor told me "It is unfortunate you are past the point of time where it is legal to terminate in our state. If you want to terminate the pregnancy, here are two clinics in the US that could do it. I wouldn't judge you if you choose to get on a plane tomorrow, but I'd recommend you get the genetic testing done so you have some answers about exactly what is happening; and we can better determine if the life expectancy is a few hours, a few months, or a few years. If you'd like to do that, in the meantime we can make seperate appointments with the pediatric cardiologist, urologist, neurosurgeon, plastic surgery team, nephrologist, opthamologist, and gastroentologist who will be part of your son's management team in the NICU and first year of life if he is born alive. In a few weeks, we will talk about convening a panel to talk about life-" That conversation could have gone either way "well, it's too bad your previous OB never mentioned anything was wrong until 25 weeks, what a weird coincidence, can't terminate" or "wow- you have no choice but to fly out of state and terminate this pregnancy, there is absolutely nothing we can do for you." or "oh man, that sucks- this baby is gonna die. Well, see you when you deliver."

Why was Tobias not wearing pants for so many of the scenes? Just to remind us about the denim shorts? Because he was just wearing them as shorts this season, it was never a "nudity" cover.

I thought some of the 90s jokes were as good as the Harry Potter jokes. From the laughter in our audience, many of them were lost on the kids who grew up with the books (vs. being in high school or college when the books came out.)

I came to previously.tv to see if there was a movie thread about Puffs Off Broadway (there wasn't) - good parody from the Hufflepuff point of view. It was amazing, and if anyone reads this before Saturday when the last theatrical showing is- I highly recommend going. (Or go to the play if you are in NYC.) A joke about this is even in that play.

Mirai also represented the US at the Vancouver Olympic games. She finished 4th- not too shabby.

I just read about the birth on NBCnews- three thoughts 1) It took a midwife 20 hours to determine the baby was breech? Who was this midwife? Josie? Almost no one in the US does breech vaginal births anymore- she should have been in a hospital from the beginning! 2) Over 10 pounds?! Did she have undiagnosed gestational diabetes? Or untreated? 3) She is quoted as saying the baby has his father's nostrils. Really? That's the feature you pick? (After my recent C-section I was told I had to wait 18 months to start TTC again, due to repeat placental abruption and uterine rupture risk. I wonder how long she'll wait. My care was by CNMs in a clinic associated with the top hospital in the region. They easily integrated care with the MFM team when I had high risk concerns; and handed off care to an OB for the C-section seamlessly. Huge fan of midwifery for prenatal care, but a CNM.)

It's like she doesn't understand there are other things, quite honestly worse things, than Downs syndrome. That diagnosis is not good. I'm not sure I even understand bringing up that the baby doesn't have Downs. Something is very clearly wrong, whether it is chromosomal or not. I understand the trying to rationalize that maybe it will be okay. I had a horrible horrible in utero diagnosis. The doctor was very realistic that my child had no chance of survival. The nurses tried to cheer me up by telling me that miracles happen, and that many of the conditions were things medicine could fix now. Then I got more news from various specialists. It was really unrealistic to try to give me hope at all. There wasn't any. But when you hear that sort of thing about your baby, all you want is for there to be some.

You'd need to use #Ilovemykids I seriously have a friend who does that on every photo of her children. She's not a religious type, so it isn't just that.

They do seem to cover more ground in LA. They almost always end at the studio, and usually start somewhere residential. They often stop off at random spots along the way. I'm amazed he was able to drive in New York (or LA, really) and sing like this at the same time. It's like an accident waiting to happen!

He's spending a lot of his own money to keep that show open.

Right, I forgot about those. My OB doesn't use those because a positive usually results in a follow up on CVS or amnio so she starts there if the screenings or prior pregnancies suggest it. But they would show sex. And can be done as early as 10 weeks. Thank you! Probably what she had done.

A CVS can be done at like 6 weeks, though they reccomend waiting until after 10 weeks because it can cause birth defects if done too. Fewer OBs do them though so more people use amnio, hitch is done 2nd trimester. I know some women like to have these tests just to find our the sex! Kind of crazy for invasive testing. I wonder what Erin gets early testing for. I mean it's good to be able to prepare if there are fetal abnormalities, but finding out late would still work for her. After an anamoly scan at 20 weeks she would be able to consult with doctors if necessary. It's not like they would terminate. Most people who won't waive this test. Does anyone know of a test that says anything about maternal health this early (that also shows baby sex)? I've never heard of a CVS for that, and never heard of maternal testing that determined sex.

Oh, I thought the blog said Erin was pregnant. It is Whitney. Either way- I see no problem with naming, and telling people the name while the baby is in utero.

Knowing she has had several losses, I totally understand it. No matter what happens, this baby is Kaci and Kaci is a member of their family. I couldn't imagine having to have named my son after he died. (He was named at 20 weeks, and died at 28ish.) Already I regret he never got a real middle name, we just used my maiden name on his cremation papers. If the parents think of the child in terms of being a member of the family, the baby is one. Just because my son wasn't born alive doesn't me he wasn't my son. Although I logically knew it was correct, it broke my heart to have doctors call my son "the fetus". Every moment of his last month was living hell, and that only made it worse. (And don't think I'm a pro-lifer who believes life begins at conception. I'm as pro-choice as humanely possible. I think a child becomes a member of the family when that family decides it does, or upon birth.) Since Erin and Chad do believe life begins at conception, their daughter has been alive for quite some time. Our next baby, not even conceived, already has a name. On the other side though, s/he won't get a nursery until we bring home a living child.

It seems like that is the entire appeal of religion. Having lost a baby, the idea that I may get to see him again is the only thing that ties me to religion. I feel like I have to believe somehow I will see my son again. It's just too horrific to think of otherwise. Even if it is completely delusional, it keeps me going. But I just can't figure out which religion it ties me too. Because I just cannot get behind the hateful God so many others seem to believe in while claiming him to be loving.