Shira

This board is light years more entertaining than this crappy show right now, so I'm going to stop watching again for a month and pick up at the end of January to see if things are any better. (Doubtful. I took a month off from viewing in summer and apparently missed precious little.) I'll keep up here and with the recaps elsewhere, so if Ridge (my steamy TV boyfriend--don't tell the hub!) makes a rare appearance, I'll watch it the next day on the CBS website. Because it would be impossible for me to care any less about Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzende, Virgin Sister Surrogate, Sashay in her onesie outfits and cheap-ass weave, Carter working out shirtless but still painfully boring, Mr. Avant golfing in a hotel room, Mrs. Avant going mall shopping even though neither one of them has a job, Rick and Maya pretending that they care about Zzzzzzzende and Virgin Sister Surrogate more than their Perfect Life with a Half-Avant/Half-Forrester baby on the way, Creepy Jude Law, the Waffle and his wandering Ivy, the Bratz Doll...I can't be bothered to list the rest of the lameness. This show has sunk to a very bad low. Relying on all of the new, young actors (I use the term "actors" loosely) to carry the show is a very bad idea in my book.

Gotta love how Thomas was sarcastically asking Quinn if SHE was involved in the electrical misfire when HE was the one who torched Rick's house a few years ago. And blew up Rick's car. Oh, never mind... That's history and continuity, and this show doesn't play those silly reindeer games.

I know, right? I laughed when the doc said, "You're all family, right?" And then he got no affirmative answer but ushered all four of them in anyway. WTF?! And then Liam and Steffy left the room, so Wyatt and Thomas are BOTH in there with her? WTF again! {On a shallow note: That idiotic doc was all kinds of hot.}

I agree that she totally outfoxes him at his own game, but I think they could have some good hate-sex. I know a lot of people have said they want to see Waffles and Quinn have some hate-sex but for me, that would be like a fire-breathing dragon trying to mate with a jittery fieldmouse. Anyway, I'm all for Quinn tying up Thomas and giving him a good dominatrix beating, as it seems to be her thing. He badly needs it. Maybe it would even push him whimpering into Carter's arms?? Again, that's the only way to redeem this sorry character. Just make him a closet homosexual and let him open the door already.

I hated Brill, too. Especially because Bill was blathering on and on about how Brooke "helps me be a better man"--the same damn line he used on Katie before Brooke and is now using on Katie post-Brooke. That's his go-to line on this show: "You help me be a better man." I think he's even said that to Liam. And yet Bill is still pretty much an asshole. The Ivy/Wyatt scene was great yesterday, but here's the thing that really doesn't work for me with this scenario: Why the hell was Waffles so hellbent on keeping the Thomas/Ivy stuff a secret from his brother? Shouldn't his loyalty be THERE? I hate Steffy, but I'm glad she told Wyatt. And I notice Ivy still didn't tell Wyatt what exactly happened. It may have been "only making out", but please--half-naked and heavy petting on a bed? Might as well just stick it in and be done with it. The line was already crossed anyway. Don't forget Ivy's additional line: "I don't know how it happened." Hmmm...maybe start with the romantic dinner for two in the deserted house? I hate to say it, but Thomas with Quinn? Chemistry. It's like the hate-lust chemistry of Quinn/Bill.

And because I'm still pissed at the Ivy/Thomas situation (geez, it's only a soap, I know, I know, I need to back away from the computer...) The thing about writing villains the right way is that you have to "love to hate them." $Bill was fun. Quinn was fun. With Thomas, I just hate him, so: FAIL. Re: Ivy being a tease, which is sending me into rage black-outs (although I admit, tricknasty, Maya might be creeping in--lol!). One of my good friends is a guy and he used to say, "Don't invite the lion into the den and then tell him not to bite." Ivy is basically inviting the lion into the den and feeding it bloody chunks of freshly killed meat, but then saying "oh no you don't, you bad little kitty cat!" HAAAAAAAAAAATE!!! (And with that, I'll step off my raging soapbox.)

I completely agree that Thomas is a predatory asshat. What inflames the situation for me is that Ivy is lapping it right up. She can't say "no no no!!!" with the big Maya doe eyes, but then kiss him passionately and parade around the (otherwise empty) house in ridiculously skimpy lingerie, well aware that he's foaming at the mouth for her. In no way am I saying "she deserves it" if he has sex with her. I'm just saying that she's being a royal tease and that's not cool in my book. Donna did the same thing with Owen--making out with him extensively, but then jumping off the bed at the last minute, saying "oh no, we can't! I'm married to Eric and he's in a coma!" I hate that shit from women. Say no and OWN it; don't say no while batting your eyelashes and lifting up your skirt. (Uh oh, I feel another rage blackout coming on...)

Well, that's it. Another character bites the dust for me. Ivy, darling, when you sashay downstairs in a Frederick's of Hollywood negligee, boobs busting out the top and ass hanging out the bottom, you can no longer give the "doe eyes of innocence" and wonder why Thomas is all over you like white on rice. I'll say one thing--this show has really created sympathy for Wyatt. It's pretty bad when the supposed vixen of the show is feeling bad for him instead of macking on her vanilla-flavored boyfriend. I disagree--for me, he was the only character who managed to get a little heat out of Hopeless, who was otherwise asexual, particularly with Waffles. (Actually, she was way worse with Thomas in the Adam Gregory version. My god, those two together = watching paint dry.) Hope had fabulous romantic chemistry with Oliver (glad he's outta there, he was completely wasted on this show) but no heat. And I think Wyatt has "fun/real" chemistry with Ivy. Too bad she just took a hard left turn at Skank Road. Had to laugh when Thomas said "I admit, I lay it on a little thick." YA THINK??? Geez, dude. Dial it down about a thousand! It's great to be desired by a guy, but this is just outright creepy and soooooooooooooooo fake, I don't know how or why Ivy is lapping it up. But...but...but...they're not blood related and they've only seen each two times before she came to L.A.!!! I have to laugh that multiple characters have to keep squeezing that line into their dialogues so that the audience won't vomit continuously about the incestuousness of it all. In fact, I wish that every time somebody says the word "cousins", there's a flashing chyron across the screen that says "NOT BLOOD-RELATED." Where was all the "NOT BLOOD-RELATED" when the Ivy and Steffy cousins SL was chugging along? Oh yeah--they weren't trying to get it on. I maintain that the only way to redeem Thomas's character is to make him gay and all of this is just gross overcompensation for not coming out of the closet. I could totally see him with Carter. Does Bell just want a villain that every viewer hates? If I'm getting THIS creeped out, the villain angle isn't working. Villains have to be fun and interesting to watch--like Quinn was.

Never mind Thomas designing the baby couture line for Forresters R Us--after today, my vote is for him to start designing for Serial Killers R Us.* Dude is scary, not sexy. I don't get how he's a playa with all the ladies. If I were Ivy, I'd be filing a restraining order. Here's another thing I don't get: Various people keep referring to him as following in the footsteps of "Ridge the Playboy." I wasn't watching back in the day, but didn't the RM version of Ridge just ping-pong between being married to Taylor and Brooke? That's just being a waffle, not a playboy. *Creeps R Us is catchier, but doesn't quite go the distance for him.

Hold on to your hats, people! Inspector Waffles is on the case! *groan* Can't he go over to Spencer Publications for a while and check on how things are going under his presidency? (Is that what his title is over there? I've forgotten his VIP title because he's always over at FC, smooching with Steffy and gossiping about vasectomies. I know he has some big-shot title at SP but I just don't get how he's holding down the fort at two "major" companies at once. Maddeningly stupid. Don't be sorry, I'm right there along with you. Sure, Ridge told Brooke, and that was a major (!!!) F-up on his part, but she keeps going on and on to him about how she cares about him and how they're friends, so at the very least, she should be acting like a friend and not like Pam-in-Training. (I swear, those two put TMZ to shame, because if there's a story to be hidden, they've leaked it.) I loved when Ridge asked her "couldn't you have told him you were searching for one of your boyfriends?" because my god, it's so OBVIOUS that Brooke has no boyfriends and therefore nothing to do but turn into the giggly office gossip. She doesn't have to lie for Ridge, but it would've been the truth to say "I was searching for somebody I care about" and leave it at that. (Or maybe add: "Liam, you're being wildly inappropriate, unprofessional, and embarrassing, going over my personal browsing history" and stopped him in his assenine tracks.) She didn't have to name every name and go into the Who, What, Where, and When like Lois Lane on crack.

Oh, Ridge, I feel your pain: You work with a bunch of flaming idiots. How can KKL stand going from the lead actress to the office gossip? She's right on par with Pam now. All she needs now is a recipe to bake and bring into the office every single effing day. And Waffles? I can't even formulate a worthy thought about him; it's just too exhausting. Okay, I'll half-form a thought: Why the fuck would he EVER bring up vasectomies with Brooke, at an office no less? It's just so... no, never mind. I can't even.

This show is getting so boring, predictable, and annoying. On at least every episode, there's somebody spilling the beans about something that doesn't concern them. Or spying. Or eavesdropping. Or gossiping about what the main storyline people are thinking, doing, or saying. That was all kinds of FORCED today with Waffles and Brooke. Why on earth would he comment on her browsing history? And then go running to Caroline with the info? So lame. I still love Caridge. They're the only thing that's keeping me hanging in there. I still find them sweet and natural together, even with this completely UNsweet and UNnatural SL. My god, could Thomas get any creepier? Lurking in the doorway while she's getting an ultrasound? Gross. Dude is like a serial killer.

Wasn't that vomit-inducing? "Oh, I'm just so happeeeeeee!!!! I never imagined in my wildest dreams that one day all of my dreams would come true!" Is she stealing lines now from the 1950's version of Cinderella? She's certainly got the doe-eyed delivery down pat. And it's just so gross because she deftly and passive-aggressively maneuvered her little sister into this stupid situation, all within a week's time. The scene with the Avant parents was very good, right up until Nicole asked them if they had known what they were getting into before they had a baby. Nicole, you dummy, that's why they're trying to WARN YOU! Isn't that what all that was about anyway? Helping her NOT make a big mistake based on their hindsight, experience, and wisdom? But nope! It's all "She's right--we didn't know what the hell we were doing when we were her age either. Alrighty then, let's support this half-assed plan!" That scene with the doctor/sperm insertion was just too technically graphic for me. I really don't need to see Nicole in the stirrups, hear about the pinches of the speculum, and see her wince. GEEZ! I'm surprised they didn't follow Rick into the sperm donation room and get the low-down on that, too: "Okay...I'm getting closer...here comes my future baby!.....AHHHHHH!" (Yes, I'm going to go wretch now.)

What on earth is with Brooke saying today to Eric, "I had no idea that Nicole's mother felt so strongly about this." Had she heard one word of what was coming out of Viv's mouth while she was trying to talk some sense into Maya and Rick? It was a pretty impassioned appeal. In fact, I think Brooke & Eric's response was bordering on disrespectful to Maya's parents, giving the Avants' (very valid) concerns lip service but basically whatevering them. And...we're back to more sperm talk! Rick's little swimmers have been washed and prepped, everybody! Aren't you so glad to be made aware of the status of his sperm sample? Ugh, this show. (But who knew that sperm had to be washed?!)

Yeah, it's pretty bad when the BIGOT on the show is the dude who's making the most sense. Julius and Viv today had their acts together, calmly stating their cases--or rather, defending their daughter, who is TOO DAMN YOUNG to be a surrogate. But nooooo... as long as Brooke & Eric are signing off on it, it's back to the "Full Steam Ahead Plan"! Grab those porno mags and a cup, Ricky, because Nicole is ovulating and there's not a minute to waste! Rage black-outs indeed. I don't think I've hated a SL on this show this much since Taylor gave up her baby to Brooke because he was crying too much, they "weren't bonding", and Rick told Taylor they weren't getting enough sleep. (Where the hell is that baby, now? Somewhere in the middle of the sea on a sailboat with Nick?) This show should just stay the hell away from the pregnancy SLs because they're so unbelievably bad at them. No doctor worth his/her salt would go through with this assenine surrogate plan with a teenage virgin who looks terrified. I am not unbiased when it comes to Rick and Maya, because that crap with them bullying Allie mercilessly and then getting off unscathed still doesn't sit well with me. That was flat-out heinous, especially because Allie had mental issues and couldn't properly defend herself. (Anybody else would have--or should have--told them to shove their post-coital ice cream up their asses, and massage their own damn feet.) However, I think even if I were seeing this dreadful surrogacy SL with brand-new eyes, it would annoy the hell out of me just on the basis of this: Nicole is too damn young to be asked for this "favor". And she totally feels like she owes them and can't say no because it would disappoint them. As her parents said, she does feel beholden to them, and I'm sure Rick & Maya know this (because I cannot even begin to count how many times they've asked each other: "Have we asked Nicole for too much?" and then the other one will reassuringly say, "Let's tell her again that she can back out any time she wants!...But isn't this SO exciting that we're going to have a baybeeeeeee?!"). But since they're speaking to her with their faux kind voices and their lame looks of concern, she thinks they're being nice to her. It's foul play to the nth degree and stinks of passive-aggressive coercion to me.

That was so glaring and hilarious that Ivy actually spelled it out for the audience today: "We are not related by blood! Your parents are Ridge and Taylor and my parents are John and Aussie Lady, so we are IN NO WAY blood-related and therefore, we're fair game!"

I was on a break from this show when Mr. Avant first burst onto the scene, so I missed all of his drama with Maya and the wedding. But he is cracking me up right and left now! Today, arriving at FC during the stupid Halloween party set-up: "Is any work being done around here???" (Something we've ALL wondered, Mr. Avant!) Then to Zende: "You're not being realistic. Picture Nicole big as a house, carrying Rick's child, and tell me that you wouldn't go running for the hills." This guy shoots from the hip and I love it! Re: Thomas and Ivy. Please, make it stop! I wish Ridge would've walked in to catch Thomas hitting on Ivy so he could've sent him packing again. Something's gotta be going wrong in the Paris office that Thorne can't handle...pretty please? Any sane, unselfish person who really cared about her sister would see that terrified deer-in-the-headlights look that Nicole was giving in the doc's office and would tell everybody that they need to put this cockamamie surrogacy plan on hold indefinitely. Ya know, instead of hugging her husband in raucous glee that they can proceed full steam ahead, while Teenage Virgin Sis is shaking like a leaf in the corner.

Sometimes I get the distinct feeling that Brad Bell pairs up all of these characters with the same last name just so he won't have to re-do the opening credits again. Because GMAFB with Thomas and Ivy. Are we really supposed to believe that every single woman that enters Thomas's orbit immediately wants to throw her panties at him? Why oh why can't they just make him gay? It would all make so much more sense, because he's totally overcompensating by inappropriately hitting on every single woman who walks through the door. Pam better hide under her desk. In fact, I wish she would. The lemon bars schtick was older than Moses about three years ago and yet they're still going there every effing week. (I did have to laugh when Charlie said she came up with a great Mexican/French recipe for coq au vin with rice and beans. They need to drop the lemon bars in favor of the bad cooking stuff, if they're going to go there at all.) Now she's announcing a first trimester pregnancy to anyone within earshot. ARGH, enough already!

I'm trying really hard to forget that H*** even existed on this show, so I cringe every time she's mentioned. She's like the theater equivalent of not saying the name "MacBeth", or the scary dude in Harry Potter whose name cannot be mentioned. And if they do break up Wyatt and Ivy for [she Who Shall Not Be Named], there's going to be some television breakage in this house. Tired of the idiots in charge trying to make us believe that every man alive wants H*** and the Bratz Doll. I'm still annoyed that Liam gave Ivy the heave-ho for the Bratz Doll, especially after telling the Bratz Doll a month earlier that he was choosing Ivy. Although now Ivy is with the Spencer brother who has a brain and is good in bed, so it all worked out for the best. AMEN. And insert Rick into the scene, with that dumb-ass bald-on-the-sides hairdo, trying his damndest to look "earnest" about not pressuring Teenage Virgin Sis to carry the half-Forrester/half-Avant spawn. And then as soon as Nicole exits, there's a lot of faux earnest "we are just soooooo lucky to have Teenage Virgin Sis willing to give us this gift! We're going to be the BEST PARENTS EVAH!!! We're not pressuring her, are we? We better tell her again that she can back out any time if she doesn't want to give us the BEST GIFT EVAH!!!" I get why Zende is upset that his new girlfriend is about to get knocked up with her brother-in-law's baby. He wants to be out partying and living the life of a young guy in L.A., not holding his pregnant girlfriend's hair back while she barfs in the toilet every ten minutes. That doesn't really spell fun. And I'm all for the Avant parents interfering, whether Nicole is an "adult" or not. Somebody has to put a stop to this nonsense, and if no legitimate doctor is telling them this is WRONG on so many levels, then they should be hammering the point home 'til the cows come home. And because it can't be said enough: JUST ADOPT. Sheesh.

YEP. I kept expecting Pam to take Caroline's hand, lead her to the restroom, and hold the stick for her while she peed on it. While Charlie waited with his ear to the door, ready to report back to the company at large: "CONFIRMED! TWO LINES ON THE STICK! CAROLINE IS KNOCKED UP, EVERYBODY!" Geez. I can't even be entertained by this crap because it's so insulting. I might have to take another break from this show. Or a really big nap.

What the hell did I watch today? Was Waffles rehearsing a commencement speech? Auditioning for Up with People? Trying to channel Oprah? He was making me nauseous with all of that treacle about "Live your best lives! Be the best you can be! Work together and work it out!" And you know what, Waffles? Spiteful Steffy IS the real Steffy. I did love it when Steffy told Ivy she looked beautiful and Wyatt winked and said, "Wait until the robe comes off!" Caroline has the worst poker face EVER. The writing and direction is sucking lately because every scene with her has to end with a "GUILTY!!!!!!!!" look. Enough with that already. What exactly is the big deal if people find out she's preggers now? She and Ridge said they want a baby. Why are they making such a mountain out of molehill? (But her black dress today ROCKED.) I need this show to stop pretending that Katie and Ridge still have a nostalgic spark for each other. I know, right? It was painful and hilarious at the same time watching that "informational" session: Surrogacy Rep: It's a REALLY, REEEEEEEEALLY BAD IDEA if somebody you know is your surrogate. Maya channeling Bambi with the big doe eyes: But everything will turn out okay? I can still ask my teenage virgin sis to carry the baby so it will have half Forrester and half Avant genes? 'Cos that's super important to us! Surrogate Rep: Well, WE HIGHLY DISCOURAGE IT. If your sister hasn't even had a baby of her own yet... Maya: But as long as we have a good relationship? Surrogacy Rep: Oh, fuck it...do whatever the hell you want! Maya: HOORAY!!! 1/2 Forrester and 1/2 Avant!!! Full steam ahead!!!

UGH!!! So I made the mistake of not fast-forwarding through Rick and Maya yesterday. I can't even believe the nerve of those two. Sure, Rick--you just keep on telling yourself and Maya that her teenage little sister's reaction would be FLATTERY to be asked to carry your spawn for 9 months and push it out for you. GEEZ! I cannot believe these two a-holes! I think I'd rather see them asking Nicole to bring up some snacks and rub their feet after sex in Eric's bed. I just hate that they even considered it a possibility to ask Nicole for this "favor" at this point in her life. And why do they need a kid pronto? They just tied the knot! Once again, this show annoys the crap out of me by painting adoption as the WORST OPTION EVER. Especially in this situation, when Rick and Maya's rationale is that they want their child to have "Forrester/Avant genes." Give me a break! Why exactly do they need a short, self-entitled, self-centered, mean-spirited spawn? Nicole: Run for the hills! Zende isn't worth it.

Today's show took me all of about 5 minutes to watch because I fast-forwarded right through Nicole & Zende (sheesh, they make Carter look dynamic!) and Maya/Rick's baby talk. Just not interested. At all. Totally thought Ivy was already wearing the bedroom line when she had on that super-skimpy white tank top. Who wears this stuff to the office?! I thought it was funny when he dropped to the floor for push-ups--a self-awareness that he is not in the best shape!

It is distracting for sure, but I'm actually glad he's not going the fix-it route. There are too many people in Hollywood, and certainly on this show (looking at YOU, Hunter Tylo and JMW) who have gone sooooooooo far overboard with the surgery. It's a good message to just be yourself, flaws and all. I don't think people should photoshop themselves unless they're hideously embarrassed with one of their features and it's holding them back mentally. I think women (especially actresses) have it a lot worse than men, who tend to look more distinguished with age (Paul Newman, for one).

Then again, that hair is REALLY big. I'm guessing here's what's hiding in it: http://static.ddmcdn.com/gif/bears-in-backyward-pool-150821.jpg Is she aiming for this look? https://pmchollywoodlife.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/loretta-lynn-kacey-musgraves-beauty-hair-side-by-side-cmas-lead.jpg?w=600