lachesis

Cindy Crawford and her 10 minute long infomercials for some type of face cream are driving me nuts. What is wrong with a simple 30 second commercial that can't get the point across? No, she's gotta invite her "friends" over for a "get-together" and talk about this magic melon that was discovered. I just want to get back to watching my shitty daytime television, Cindy, give it a rest!

The Dollar Shave Club commercial: the guy goes up to the cashier to pay for his box of razors and the mush face cashier says "That's not enough." She then proceeds to list off things on his person to make up the cost of the damn razors. Cashier: How about the watch? Customer: It's my grandfather's watch. Cashier: It's nice. The belt? *checks price on register* And the shirt too. *checks price again* Shot of the customer in his tightie whities, the cashier knocks an empty cup out of his hand and says "Thank you". Another dude comes in and smacks the customer on the ass while he leaves. All while another female customer looks on in... wonderment? Fascination? A thought of "Is that going to happen to me?" She doesn't even serve a purpose in the whole 30 seconds, why show her at all? This commercial is so poorly done and horribly executed, I'd swear it was produced by a high school freshman film student. What irritates me most of all though, is that fact that I've seen this crap so many times, that dialogue and direction above was pretty much verbatim.

Maybe I've blocked it out. I actually don't remember that! There's another new KFC ad and it's even more annoying than the original one featuring Dumb Darrell. This campy Colonel can go away now. Now, I love me some KFC and my family enjoys it as a treat once in a while, but no freaking way will I buy this product with scary fake Colonel doing the shilling.

Hate. Hate hate hate hate hate!! I'm old enough to remember the real Col Sanders and this dude ain't him. I have no idea who Darrell Hammond is and I'd like to keep it that way. He's almost as creepy as those perfume ads that used CGI'd Grace Kelly and Marilyn Monroe in their ads. *shudders* Do not even get me started on Orville Redenbacher's resurrection a few years back.

What the heck? You don't get charged extra for guac at Subway? I always get charged an extra 50 cents to a dollar. I've always wondered what happened if an agent was in the bathroom or eating lunch. Heaven forbid State Farm allow a break once in a while. I'd be pissed if I was enjoying some birthday cake and some doofus "jingled" me away to a flood in their home. And in my good shoes too!

"You gotta gotta swipe it left, you gotta swipe it left!" The annoying song defeats the purpose of the anti-smoking PSA. I totally didn't understand the concept until I asked my niece why they were swiping left! Those new dating apps are beyond my comprehension...

There is not one, but TWO commercials with screaming goats in them. Not kidding, you guys... Screaming. Goats. Geico and Sprint must have the same advertising firm because that is just awful.

The latest Red Bull commercial features Santa's reindeer waiting outside for Santa on Christmas Eve because apparently the dude's always late. One of them goes inside to check on him and Santa flies out of the cottage with Red Bull wings and the bag of toys over his shoulder. I usually hate Red Bull's advertising, but the one poor reindeer that goes "And... and us?" when Santa starts flying away just gets me. Oh, the feels, little reindeer friend! (at least they now get Christmas off!)

I saw the first season when it aired and am now catching up on the rest of the seasons on amazon prime. Almost finished with season three... I've really had to power through this season. It seems like every character is insufferable and grating... I did like Nicki when she was working at the courthouse. She seemed less rigid and so pretty in her work clothes!

Haven't seen the spin mop one, but thanks for the warning about the woman's voice. I seem to have some kind of trigger with certain voice pitches that irritate the crap out of me so now I can watch out for it and be on guard.And what is up with those extra long commercials anyway? Sometimes they go on and on and I forget what show I'm actually watching. Rosetta Stone, Dragon speech to text software, and some kind of weight loss pill are the culprits that come to mind so far.

There's a Gwen Stefani sound-a-like for a gold samsung galaxy. "I'm so fanc-ay, you already kno-ow, I'm in the fast lane, blah blah STFU!!!" I can't take it anymore!!!! Also: I didn't recognize Kenny Rodgers in that ad. I just thought it was some random guy annoying his fellow card players!

I recall on an episode of "Hotel Impossible" the host was helping some owners from I think Florida who actually had one of their rinky looking rooms double as a wedding chapel! He was able to catch some guests in the parking lot and the guests stated that if they knew the name of the hotel, they would have never chosen it for themselves. The talk about the reservation site reminded me about that tidbit. I suppose if you don't know the name, you can't look up the yelp reviews to see what people really feel about the place! I don't know if it would be worth the discount to me, to be honest.

Oh my god, I am horrified right now. The commercial I just saw depicts a group of office workers in a meeting. One of the worker's stomach growls and freaking GMORK from The NeverEnding Story comes out of his chest Alien-style! I was only half watching tv at this time, so I was truly startled when I happened to look up from my tablet. I don't even... Oh, yeah, the advertised product? Beef jerky. I'd rather see 'em mess with Sasquatch and I hated that ad campaign!

That Wayfair commercial with the singing people needs to be launched into the sun. There is one woman that sings "...and with 70percentoff who knows what I'll FIIIIIIIIIIINDDDDDD" in the most godawful off key voice I have ever heard. It's in heavy rotation unfortunately, so I'm diving for the mute button regularly.

Cawowine has a wittle brudder! I caught a few seconds before I left for the day and he has the same speech impediment. Poor kids. I hope for their sake, Cweepy Gwandpa E-Hawmony sets up some speech therapy after their commercial stints are done so they don't go through life as adults talking like Elmer Fudd. My grandfather was forced to drink Ensure the last couple of years of his life. He said he wished he was allowed a beer to chase it with because it tasted terrible.

Man oh man I had to switch the channel when this ad came on the third time. Not impressed, Dish. If you want to catch this girl's attention, get some of those futbol menfolk dancing around in skimpy costumes! Maybe I'll give you 30 seconds of my time depending on hotness of said menfolk. I'm all about equal opportunity. ;) Speaking of Dish, I hate that stupid kangaroo. First she screws off at work watching movies on her tablet, then she takes a nap while on a road trip with a woman and her fighting kids. She then fails to break up the two boys reenacting American Gladiators on top of the couch. I miss the Boston Hopper family... "Meatloaf *bang bang* and some beeahs!"

The newest Cheerios commercial features a little girl lecturing the viewer about beta-something-or-other that comes from oats and how that helps to lower cholesterol. So how much credit do I get for attending Professor Snot Nosed Gingham Dress' class?

When I watch tv at night, I don't expect to have the bejeebers scared out of me during commercial breaks. I have never been a fan of horror movies (even the parody ones that the wayans brothers do). I have an extremely active imagination and live alone. Thanks, Adult Swim.

Aquarius, you got it right! It's all in the pronunciation.

I haven't seen that one, but I hate it when companies make up words that don't even make sense when the original word is just as good in context. Sammich is funny, Samwich is just dumb.

Sorry to double post... I just saw THIS: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hLmP73eAHB8 Newest commercial with the Direct TV marionette wife. It's called "Am I pretty?" The marionette wife is in her robe at the foot of the bed and the human husband is sitting on the bed. Wife asked if her husband thinks she's pretty because he goes on an on about how much he hates wires. Husband says no, you're awesome blah blah blah. This appeases Wifey and thus she takes off her robe and starts doing a sexy dance for Hubs. Holy actual fuck I thought the lemonade one was bad. They just get worse!

Captain Morgan's White Rum has a reggae-type jingle (no idea if it's a real song) that goes "Uh oh... we're in trouble, something something something..." and my brain automatically fills in the rest with "pop-o-matic bubble". I blame being a child of the 80s. It drives me crazy because it gets stuck in my head for DAYS at a time!

Sarah Silverman in some type of board meeting when her disposable coffee cup from that morning is suddenly anthropomorphised and comes on to her like it was an ex-bf right in the middle of the meeting. I find this highly creepy not just because it's a walking, talking, smarmy paper cup, but because it reminds me of every time I go to a bar and some douche tries to hit on me. Same. Exact. Tone of voice. *shudder*

Picture it: a serene yoga class and a bunch of people gettin' their nirvana on when suddenly... A crappy ringtone startles everyone and Maxwell the fucking geico pig stands up and chortles about a notification or some shit from geico. Then the phone rings again and he answers "hi mom." Take that crap outside, you rude jerk. I'm officially done with the pig. He is bacon to me.

Ugh, that song,,, gigaaaaaantic gigaaaantic gigaaaaaa-kill it with fire!! I have issues with repetitive sounds and that kind of crap doesn't help.