phlebas

I imagine every morning started like this: SERENE: Good morning! BRANDON: Any morning when I can gaze into your eyes and know in my soul that I am a being of pure love and am blessed beyond all measure is definitely a good morning. I assume they broke up when she was arrested for attempted murder.

I do kind of miss the days where they had to cling to a pole and the last one clinging won. All medical had to do then was be ready for splinters.

Or get Frannie to do it.

I would watch a reality show that was just an hour of Sharleen in a grocery store. I guess it's time to fiddle with some VPN settings

You can stick a fork in Brandon and Serene. Hate to see it, but this was such a weirdly intense relationship right out of the gate, it's amazing it lasted this long.

Oh no. This is a huge tragedy. Why god why. There is no justizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...... So Peter is at large in Calgary? Great. Someone change the battery in Barb's tracking anklet.

I think it's probably Frannie too, unfortunately. She's a surprise challenge beast, which is enough reason for the others to take her out first chance they get. Love to be wrong, though.

You can tell by the two weeks of silence how enthusiastic everyone is about this season.

Oh that's right. I still have to beat him with a tire iron for making Jess cry.

If they really want to ramp up the drama, hide the letters from home with another auction item. "You win this bowl of black-eyed peas with a side of cornbread.... AND a letter from home!" You don't tell them when a letter is coming up, you don't let them bid on the letters, maybe you let the winner pick one more person to get a letter to torpedo his or her own game. That will encourage bidding on EVERYTHING, and no one will hold their money to the end. I'm just sick of endless obstacle courses and puzzles. Bring back the auction. Make 'em cling to a pole. Make them run around naked with various railings all set to testicle height. Pay the Specialist to appear on every season, and give him a vote at FTC.

My forebrain says she wouldn't have anything to do with Paradise. She can get ogled in NYC. My lizard brain says "Ariel in a swimsuit on my TV for several weeks" and then starts broadcasting white noise.

So he was able to resist Ariel because Kaity had already given him multiple knees to the doodle, emotionwise, and just wasn't in the mood?

I agree, but I think the host could matter without redoing the entire show. Remember when Katie Thurston was melting down in the bathroom after things imploded with Greg? Kaitlyn came out and talked her off the ledge -- something Chris not only couldn't have done, but it wouldn't have occurred to him to try. But Kaitlyn had some relatable experience. This is why I'd be interested in a double-host role, one man and one woman. Maybe Kaitlyn and Jesse, maybe a different pair. When the lead or any of the contestants start to lose it, the would have someone to talk to. We'd get more insight into what's going on with them than we get from a staged ITM. You could have moments in each episode where the host is less someone who counts roses and more like Jeff Probst in the chat before the Survivor tribal councils. As it is now, Jesse could be an app. Or Julie Chen.

In the Chicks in the Office recap podcast after the show, Ria dressed as a clown and read all the DMs that led to that weirdo Jess story. She seems to have learned to not dabble in the spoiler games if you're not ready.

Great scoop, Ria. Barstool is like the New York Times. Leave Jess alone.

I am going to start pre-hating this Undercover Brother twist now. For like nine reasons.

Zach's moving to Austin? I thought he already lived in Austin

My first Bachelor season was Arie's. Like Zach, he had a GREAT group of women. Like Zach, he was boring AF and didn't deserve them. But I hope Zach & Kaity end up as happy as Arie and (eventually) Lauren

I should not have tried to out-drink Jesse. I can't operate this chat room now

Avoid the rush, hate them from the start

Cheer up, Gabi - we're #1 on Twitter!

Ha ha, wrong thread

nvm