Jack Shaftoe

More cringeworthy updates about the Liars, this time Hanna. Do Marlene and company think that the only people who like these characters are 12 year die-hard shippers? Or they had some 12 year old write this dialogue? The obsession with babies and marriages is weird and disturbing.

I would say the Liars were never really a family with Alison at all. Well, except Emily but that all happened off-screen, thankfully. In this show Alison constantly acts as if she has read the script - she gave the Perfectionists alibis for no reason, she thinks they are (or at least soon will be) really good friends for no reason, she immediately jumped to the conclusion of Taylor faking her death, she assumed Dylan had written Nolan's homework and not vice versa for no reason (IIRC), etc. Why is she even staying at that creepy college if Emily is so important for her? Go back to Rosewood, I am sure there are many job openings at Holis.

This show makes even late seasons PLL look good. It's so utterly terrible. Zero originality, mediocre to awful acting (the actress who plays Ava is terrible), unnaturally sounding dialogue. There aren't even enough people watching it to make snarking on it as worthwhile as late seasons PLL, so I will probably drop it soon. "I and the Liars were family and shared our secrets". Alison, you liar. You never even bother telling them what you did during the two years you were "dead". Mr Hotchkiss was killed too, that's comical overkill. And of course, Taylor's "death" was ruled suicide even though the body was not found. And of course neither Mona, nor Alison, told anyone where there were going because it's not like Spencering has ever gone wrong before. Damn, I miss Spencer, even late seasons Spencer, she was (mostly) fun even when she suffered from plot induced stupidity. Alison, not so much. It would have worked too, if it weren't for the meddling Shay who refuses to be cast on this amazing show. I would have yelled "Shut up, Dylan!" if it weren't for him being so bland that I couldn't recall his name at that point. Sad to hear about shipper threats but not surprised at all. I will never understand why these morons threaten actors. Threatening writers is a terrible thing to do but at least directed at the reason for the "problem". What do they want Sasha to do, threaten to quit unless the script is changed?

Newfound true friendship? Yeah, right. And of course they have a number one suspect and will be hilariously wrong about them. This show is basically bad PLL fanfiction.

Sofia Carson (Ava) is a bad, bad actress. Claire Hotchkiss is a bad, bad mother. This is a bad, bad show. A gum wrapper is the most important clue so far? What's this, Scooby-Doo? IIRC, Alison didn't fake her own death, she ran away and the idiot cops assumed the found body was hers. So Alison's mentoring was basically telling the Idiot Trio "Do nothing out of the ordinary"? The students referring to her with her first name is so annoying. So Ava saw Taylor but didn't recognize her? You know, Nolan's sister whose face should be instantly recognizable for any BHU student, let alone for the woman dating her brother. Why did Marlene feel the need to copy Tanner, one of the most annoying characters in PLL? Though, to be honest, I kind of liked it when this Dana told the not-so-grieving mother something along the lines were "Well, your son was a jerk who probably blackmailed them and they killed him for that". I mean, she has no logical reason whatsoever to make this leap of logic but it's a funny thing to say to Nolan's mother.

Mentor them?! What is she going to teach them, how to stumble around like clueless fools, accusing people at random until the villain gets bored and decides to reveal their identity for no reason? Is Mona going to teach them how to remain mentally stable?

Aria probably typed it on a typewriter without any prompting because she is exactly the kind of pretentious idiot who would do something like that. Also, I have to wonder how much of the book is based on her own life since neither she, nor Ezra, seemed to believe in the concept of writing about things you haven't experienced yourself. I have only now realized that one of the reasons The Perfectionists feels so awkward and forced is that it's basically glorified crossover fanfiction. And like most crossover fanfiction, characters are shoehorned into a setting and situations where they don't belong. Last but not least, unlike actual fanfiction where the writer is free to pick any characters they want, Marlene could only pick characters whose actors willing to join the cast of the spin-off. I am pretty sure she would have picked other characters if all the actors had been on board with the idea. Also, I read a bit about the book original and even the number of main characters is different, the setting is a high school, not a college, etc., so this crossover doesn't utilize properly neither of the works it wants to combine. No wonder it's such a hot mess.

Don't worry, Emily will get one too as long as enough people demand it on Twitter.

Yes, it feels more of a parody of PLL than anything else. Then again, so did seasons 3B-7B of PLL itself, so Marlene is continuing from where she left off. In other news, the ratings have dropped by 50%. I guess the viewers didn't like the pilot very much. Edited to add: For all of you here dying for an update on Aria and Ezra - Marlene came up with this truly terrible exchange of text messages between Alison and Aria. Of course, Aria's book is wildly successful and of course she has a baby now.

Obviously they disguised their voices. With state of the art voice changers or something. Maybe they were inspired by TV shows like Pretty Little Liars and used some ultra realistic face masks too. The gall of criminals today!

Truth is stranger than fiction, confirmed. Funnier, too.

So the police just decided to let the college security investigate a brutal murder? And here I thought Rosewood cops were incompetent. Speaking of incompetent, this Dana immediately jumps to the conclusion that homework assignments are vital clues about the murder. The idiot trio of protagonists decide to lie because it's not like Nolan was the kind of jerk who probably made literally everyone who got to know him dream of murdering him. Alison decides to give them a fake alibi because it's not like such lies have blown up in her face dozens of times in her face and the faces of her friends. Not to mention that for all she knows, one of the Idiot Trio could well be the murderer. Alison calling Mona a frenemy made me laugh, I admit. It only took two episodes for Mona to become a full blown caricature, with her "Beautiful Mind" episode. Nice to see that skimpy funeral outfits are still a thing, the Liars should be so proud of establishing that fashion trend. The actress who plays Ava has been pretty bad so far. Of course Toby and Spencer eloped and Hanna and Caleb have a baby because Marlene's writing is on the level of bad fanfiction. At least we didn't get to see it. Honestly, this show literally feels like a parody of PLL... then against so were the last several seasons of PLL and I stayed for the end, so maybe I will keep watching to the bitter end of this too. I can't say I like the new characters much, though. This mean girl/guy posse and fake posse stuff works better in a high school setting. If Caitlin's mother is about to run for president, you would think it would be easy for Caitlin to transfer to another college instead of lying her ass for no reason and pretending to care for Nolan even after his death.

If the Smollett case were from a movie or a TV show people would say it's too unrealistic and has too many plot twists.

And here I was wondering if the new protagonists would be just as dumb as the Liars. Alibi? I guess they assumed they were the main suspects for no reason and just had to lie, again for no reason. Talk about deja vu. 🙂

PLL should be right up your alley then. It usually embraces its absurdity in a hilarious way and is at its worst when it actually tries to seriously offer rational explanations for its absurd plot developments (that is to say, most of them). The explanation for why one of the main villains was seemingly everywhere and knew everything was literally "adrenalized hyperreality". I am sure they will give her love interests. I mean, they did it in the original series with Rowlins even though practically nobody wanted that relationship. I have to wonder how they are going to combine the protagonists who are college students (should we call them Liars or Perfectionists or what?) with Alison, Mona and the other older characters (not that those two are really that much older unless Marlene decides the show is set in 2025 or something). It would be pretty silly if they became confidants of the youngsters and still made the dumb mistakes they constantly made back in Rosewood but I am pretty sure that something like that will happen. In PLL we saw the Liars parents very early on, I wonder when we are going to see those of the new cast.