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CletusMusashi

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Everything posted by CletusMusashi

  1. I didn't think it was that bad. Another three eps that don't get any better than the first three and I'll probably see a shiny object someplace and wander off, but even without being able to live-watch this week it was easier to sit through than either of the other two shows usually are. Low bar? Why yes. What other bar would one possibly use with this franchise? I mean, it's pretty much in "Simpsons" territory at this point. The terrible seasons greatly outnumber the great seasons. Anyway, about this show... I've got some drunken notes scribbled down a gas bill envelope here. Let me see what I can still piece together. Two words starting with an S is probably "switch spear..." OK, why the fuck would you take one of the simplest weapons in the universe, and one that for thousands and thousands of years was the item to use, on land, in water, against small fish and frogs, against people with or without armor, against whales, elephants, and everything else... hey, I know a good tech upgrade! Let's make the blade less securely fixed, while vastly increasing the potential for corrosion and mechanical failure... why, exactly? In case you meet a magical bad guy who can only be killed by edged weaponry but has no fear of being hit with big-ass clubs? "Hair-eyes" is an easy one. I thought the way the high school kids had their hair greased down in front of their faces was a pretty funny in-universe joke. Do they all have posters of Daryl in their lockers? Are they smuggling half-rabbits into the school to have claim-fights over? It's moot now that everyone's blended, but I liked "The Shanes" better than "The Goldbrickers." Felix is is like a plausible, subtle pre-evil Shane-like character, and it works. I know, he's not obsessed with Rick and Lori, because he doesn't have that option, because Rick's not even on the show, but the comparison still feels close enough. And the actor is nailing it. He's literally the only person there who is playing it as straight and earnest as they would if they were actually on a much better show. And then Huck is also a pre-evil Shane, except from one of those episodes of "Adventure Time" where the Ice King is forcing everyone to listen to his gender-flipped fanfic stories about the other characters. And then the other group consists of Cowardly Lion, Flying Monkey, Thick Dorothy, and Random Immigrant From Failed Attempt at Gritty Reboot of Tim Burton Universe. So, yeah, the Shanes are mostly the better characters. Not that I mind watching Thick Dorothy, though. Tell me again, when they were deciding which objects were better than solid pointy sticks, which one of them said "I know the perfect weapon! This really fucking big heavy wrench! I'm sure that no matter how tired I inevitably am I'll be able to swing it around super fast and effectively, because I saw the Joker do it in a 90s cartoon once!" Yeah, even being spoiled ahead of time by everyone here making fun of it, the lighter thing is beyond stupid. And they wasted so much camera time on it, too, like they were so proud of how brilliant the move was! Everything else I wrote down is a bunch of drunken squiggly slurs. (Which means I'd probably fit right in with the writers of this silly spinoff.) Maybe I'll remember some of it later. Oh! I do remember one. Think they milked that fucking tiger poem to fill enough screen time? That was a brilliantly subtle use of "sampling." Second only to that stupid song from like ten years ago that kept playing the entire "Muensters" theme twice. Oh, and how could I forget this one? High school super-nerd who presumably had internet access to vast swathes of pre-zombie-apocalypse media doesn't know what the word "ass" means? No. I am absolutely one hundred per cent drawing the line right there. That is the single most implausible thing about this entire show.
  2. Spoilered in editing because I just realized it refers something that doesn't happen until a later episode: Please let it be . And please let Although I would also settle for the ghost of Alpha's head haunting and taunting him. Or FPP and/or Rosita just giving absolutely no fucks and smacking him around a bit.
  3. You all know I loved the Kingdom, cheesiness and all, hell, I especially loved its cheesiness, but even as someone who has more swords in his living room than he has dishes in his kitchen, I find it amusing that the medieval cosplayer town gave up immediately when their furnace broke. And Arby's is still a thing in Ohio. Probably because the southern part of the state still has so many illegal pot farmers, and, well, when a horse wanders onto one of their landmines, they've got to do something with the evidence. Perhaps the company's decision to add horseradish was an afterthought, and they named it because it was sauce for the horse meat that they were selling. Not that I mind eating there. Best meal I ever had was at Arby's. A lazy eighteen year hipster suckup became manager of a company that I was working at, because everyone else was busy actually working, and then he immediately began purging the place of anyone who'd ever thought he was a little bitch, which was everyone, even bitches a head shorter than him. So everyone moved on forward with their lives, or at least so I thought. Until about ten years later, when I wandered into an Arby's and listened to him pretend that he was running the whole district, while the obvious actual manager kept loudly interrupting the conversation while reminding him to mop. And he just kept trying to talk to me like we had always been great friends, because he was just hoping that my blue collar peasant brain wouldn't remember, and maybe I could get him a better job to backstab me at... and while he did it, that little bitch made the most satisfying beef and cheddar that I have eaten in my entire life. Even if it was horse shrapnel.
  4. Okay, first of all, it's hard to believe "Blaze of Glory" was not already used as an episode title for Season 5 Buffy. Second: That bowling-ball head zombie brought back some Halloween memories. I'm gonna put spoiler tags on it, because it's kind of a long story, but honestly even if I wanted to reveal spoilers I don't have any. It's just a way of making the page easier to scroll through . Third: I think the main focus of WDWB is on the wrong group. I would much rather watch Felix and Female Slater go through their day, trying to catch up to the kids, with just enough scenes of what the kids are doing to make all the inevitable near-misses make sense. And.. yes. I did just feel the boot of George Carlin's ghost when I typed that. Sorry, George. You're right. A near-miss is called a hit. A collision is a near-miss. And this show, which has thus far avoided being quite as bad as the other two in the franchise, is a near-mess.
  5. I think, before going through a tire-fire zone, I would probably have tried to rig up some kind of mask, just by cutting off maybe the tops of my socks or the bottom of my shirt or whatever. Even if what I improvised was a miserable failure, it would still be less stupid than assuming that a giant pile of burning tires would be harmless for me to breathe near. I think Slater would be the girl who's partnering with Non-Evil Gay Shane. And Screech and Zack have sort of fused together into one know-it-all. Felix! How do I have trouble remembering that? It's one of those awesome names that nobody seems to actually have!
  6. She's like "Wow. If you were only, like, 97.5 per cent nerd, we'd be humping already, but.. sorry, dude." At least get him a Coral hat. Chicks dig the hat.
  7. Yes, good idea. Travel when your primary sense is compromised but the zombies can still hear and smell fine. Well, okay, actually they smell awful, but you get the gist...
  8. The Kit Kat commercial makes me wish they had vampires instead of boring old zombies. At the least the night scene is visible for once.
  9. They need a better bowling ball fighter. Like Fred Flintstone or Janeane Garofalo.
  10. Okay, I want to like the smart kid, but he really is fucking pretentious. And, unlike with Eugene, nobody seems to notice.
  11. That's why they don't have any members of Rick's clan. Homer is like kryptonite to the Grimes family.
  12. Do the costume trick. They don't eat bananas. Dress up as giant bananas.
  13. Please let Chekhov's Bowling Ball squish some zombies this week.
  14. I should be more worried about the gay kid's feelings, but I'm too busy saying "They have internet?"
  15. These kids need to work on their "walking away immediately" skills.
  16. On the contrary. I respect her more for knowing that the show sucks now.
  17. The concept of horseradish is easily tainted. When I was little, my sister and I misheard it as "horserash," and, even when we were corrected, the imagery stuck. So I was well into my teens before I actually found out how awesome the stuff is. Land mines well spent, in my opinion. Bearing in mind that once any horse meets the protagonists it's doomed anyway.
  18. Different parts of the body are more sensitive than others. Poke yourself in the chest, and then poke yourself in the eye. Her skin and bone and muscle are apparently more resistant to knives and bullets than her eyeballs are. I would imagine the same to be true of Homelander. The only question is how weak his weak parts are. I mean, if his eyeball can still stop a 9mm or something, good luck poking him with your finger.
  19. Perhaps this means I'm a twisted person, but I personally am loving the over-the-topness of this show's violence and grey morality.
  20. Not as good as the first two. For one thing, I'm not a big fan of the "overly-complicated riddle as clue" trope. There were also some really big questions detracting from important scenes. Like "Why are they still leaving that dead body on the floor of their hideout? If they don't want to be seen by the neighbors digging a grave (which, to be honest, ought to be the kind of thing Jessica's neighbors are used to by now... kind of like the sound of gunshots...) wouldn't they at least have moved it into the basement or something? And, "Why didn't Jessica just stab Artemis in the neck?" Would have been a hell of a lot quicker for both of them. Hell, "Why not just shoot her?" It's not like anybody on this show seems to report gunshots to the police. I don't really care much about the vaccine story. I prefer the show to be focused on Jessica, the scooby gang and their direct antagonists. I also do not like Ian. I mean, I get him. I understand him as a character. But I still wish they'd kept Sam and killed him instead. Wilson's schtick with the cereal box eyepatch is probably exactly what I would do in that situation. Also, I quite agree with his assessment of urban traffic.
  21. Goodbye, Sam. I liked you. And when you get to Assumed Protagonist Heaven, say hi to a guy named Eddard.
  22. I'm not denying that there are plot holes. Hell, I'm not even clear enough yet on the details of the actual overall big plot to say that I buy it... But this was a very enjoyable pilot, and I am ready to go watch episode 2 right now.
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