augmentedfourth

At long last, I am FINALLY caught up with my DVR! Phew! In no particular order: The case about the dry bar being the wrong color was the exact kind of stupid fluff I needed today. Just like JJ, I could perfectly envision the husband telling the contractor "yeah, white is fine, go with that" and the wife later being all "WHAT?!" Too bad the wife didn't realize that that's not the contractor's fault. Also, this exchange had me cracking up: JJ: How did you find the contractor? Plaintiff Husband: Very pleasant. She laughed, too, and then clarified what she meant, by a referral, etc. I agree that the whiny sack of pudding (perfect description!) who just bought his first house has never, ever been told that something is his fault in his entire life. When my husband and I first bought our house and then had kids, I always said if I could ban one phrase for the rest of my life, it would be "How was I supposed to know?" No one gave me the adulting/parenting handbook and I intentionally kept it from him out of spite. Sometimes you just have to figure shit out on your own and hope that none of the lessons are too expensive. I agree with the defendant's closing hallterview line: welcome to being a homeowner. There's always SOMETHING going on that needs to be dealt with, and you can't just shove it off on other people. Agreed that the plaintiff in the penthouse awning/harassment case was very nice to look at and that there was something more than a little off about the defendant. I don't know if I'd believe that the plaintiff never did anything to push his buttons a little bit, but I don't think I'd want to live next to the defendant, either. This is going back a bit, but I was highly entertained by the woman with the little yappy dogs who tripped over her own leash and got injured and the defendants' dog was just flopping around on the rug the whole time. As soon as JJ dismissed the case, the plaintiff started yelling, her dogs started up with the yapyapyapyapyapyapping, and the defendants' dog...*flop*.

The bank statements the plaintiff provided in the old new case were from May of 2013! I guess they kept this one sitting around just in case they needed a few minutes of filler. I'm finally all caught up. I don't even know what to say about the last new episode I saw, with the plaintiff in the wheelchair who sues everyone who looks at him the wrong way and then some. My personal favorite was him suing the court reporter for one lawsuit for not providing the transcripts on time. (As a court reporter, I've never missed a deadline, but if it's rapidly approaching, we do charge extra fees. Methinks that may have been what was going on there.) Did he really think JJ was going to hear any of his nonsense or did he just want to collect his appearance fee?

In these desperate times, I remembered the CreaClip*, the plastic guide for cutting your hair at home. I'd been planning to go to the salon before everything closed here in NY, but long story short, I didn't get around to it. For $44.99+$5.95 shipping, I got the set with the original, a mini one (which I will totally start using to cut my kids' hair, especially one's bangs), and a pair of scissors. I'll report back if/when I'm brave enough to use it! I usually wear my hair pulled back in a ponytail anyway, so here's hoping I don't screw it up too badly! And as everyone keeps saying, who's going to see me in the next couple months anyway? *I did not remember the actual name, but googling "Shark Tank hair cutter" led me to exactly what I wanted.

The overly-giggly defendant in the music festival case managed to perfectly match her lipstick AND eyeshadow to her shirt. (That may or may not have belonged to the plaintiff? Dunno.) Too bad it didn't make her any less obnoxious or more trustworthy.

"You ate the steak!" "No, it was a vegan kitchen." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. *deep breath* AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Amazing. A close second in that case was when the defendant said they had a "heated argument" about the air conditioning and the high temperature upstairs. Love it. The trampoline defendant came off as kind of dumb, but the plaintiff was a dick in the hallterview, saying she should get out of his state and go back to the state she came from. Sorry she's sullying your precious Washington? I don't even know. I agree that the second episode was kind of uncomfortable to watch, due to the litigants' serious issues.

I thought she did! If memory serves, the defendant got $500 on the counterclaim to teach the bratty plaintiff (and her mother) a lesson. JJ and Byrd were great together today in the "ex-fiancee needs a place to crash" case. And interesting move, filming the signing of the contract.

Dude, what the hell rolled out of Indiana in that case. I was right there with JJ - we went through a million kids with five million parents and grandparents and who lived where when, all for two jackets and a gumball machine? Not that I had plans to visit Indiana anytime soon, but it's definitely been crossed off the list. Someone backing out of a lease at the last minute is how I found my living situation my senior year of college. We were all lucky it worked out so well. Ah, those were the days. It was a shithole, but it was our shithole.

Considering I just spent over a year dealing with my health insurance company over some bills and it still hasn't been 100% resolved, it was satisfying to hear JJ yell at the life insurance company over the phone. I was pissed off enough that I eventually wrote to my state senator and a staffer even started calling my insurance company on my behalf. Fucking insurance companies, man. (Though I'll add the caveat that the one time I had to file a claim with USAA when a tree fell on my car during Hurricane Sandy, they were easy to work with and I didn't have any problems at all.) I kind of saw both sides in the wedding musician case. On the one hand, no, the guy didn't have to do anything to help them out, since I don't think the defendants disputed that it was their fault the dates got mixed up. On the other hand, he did make $2800 for not actually playing that day. If he himself wasn't available to play that day, I'm guessing it's because he had another gig booked, meaning he actually got paid twice that day. And since there was a month between the two dates, it's also possible he could have booked another gig for the original incorrect date and gotten paid for that as well. Originally, I thought the case was going to be about the defendants not paying the agreed upon price because it was different musicians, but when I heard that the original contract was for $4000 and they paid $4000, I kind of lost sympathy for the plaintiff as well. Again, I get where he was coming from, that he himself didn't actually pocket the full $4000, but it's like they were all sort of throwing the original contract out. Also, it seems like it could have been a great opportunity for him, if the couple told everyone how he came through for them at the last minute, possibly getting him some new customers in the future, but instead, he dragged them to court and now they'll be telling everyone to stay away from him.

Well, don't forget, someone obviously could have stolen the dog because it was worth $1200! The defendants even had a receipt! Yes, I'm sure one of the neighbors took the $1200 dog out of the fenced-in yard, just to let it loose to kill some chickens. Sounds about right.

Yep, I also caught the "again" on the lost dog post. So you know how we sometimes criticize JJ for jumping to conclusions and making determinations before she hears the actual cases, etc.? Well, today was one of those days where the second I saw the defendant in the dog/chicken case and the bitchy look on her face, I just knew she was guilty of whatever she was being accused of. And she did not disappoint. I'm not a big fan of guns, but I'm also not a fan of loose potentially dangerous dogs, so I had no problem with the Adele-lookalike daughter doing what she needed to do to save the rest of her chickens and ducks. (And she seemed appropriately remorseful.) I live in a residential neighborhood in the suburbs, and one of our neighbor's pit bulls kept getting out, and after the third time, my next-door neighbor dragged it back and cheerfully informed the owners that if the dog showed up on his property again, he'd shoot it. Magically, the pit bull never got out again. (Bonus points to my next-door neighbor because I can count on the fingers of zero hands the number of times his well-behaved goldens have gotten out. Looks like his kids are equally well-trained to make sure the gate is locked.) Incidentally, just the other day, Facebook Memories reminded me of how entertained I was by a similar case a number of years ago, where the plaintiffs' dead pet chickens had names like Leia, Katniss, and Buffy. Still awesome. Like all the other two-parters we've had, this one really didn't need to be dragged out over two days. Everyone came off poorly here, and while I would have been satisfied by everyone leaving with nothing, the $400 for the TV was fair. I think the recording of the plaintiff, who had appeared so mild-mannered and reasonable, did change JJ's mind a bit. See, it can be done.

My mom's been staying with us a few nights this week while I recover from a tonsillectomy, so I have my JJ watching buddy back for a little while. At the beginning of the vacation rental case, I said to her, "This isn't going to go well for the plaintiff, he ate the steak," and we were highly amused at how accurate I was. 😄 The KISS costume case was amazing, and way more fun than all the loan/rent/car sale/babydaddy drama/whatever cases. More of those, please. The plaintiff in the last case was actually a woman. At least "Colleen" was displayed on the screen and the announcer used "her" in the introduction. Meh, whatever she/they/Colleen is doing, they seem to have it more together than the step-brother. Going back to the Burning Man case (which was also more fun than the standard fare), I too was trying to figure out why the plaintiff got all worked up about the defendant's girlfriend's fees not being paid, and I also came to the same conclusion that she might have thought she was going to be, um, rocking out in the RV with the defendant and seeing the girlfriend there spoiled her plans.

How did the girlfriend/daughter witness wind up on the wrong side? Did she get lost?

Yeah, the wording in the contract was very precise, and that's what ultimately did her in. If memory serves, it said she would be there unless she was with another laboring client. I think even JJ felt bad for ruling the way she did, but with all the noise she makes about contracts and what's in writing, she was kind of forced to. I'm sure the midwife changed the language in the contract the moment she got home, though. (And I have to admit, as a "I am absolutely giving birth in a hospital where they have all the good drugs and life-saving measures" kind of mother, I am a little morbidly curious about whether the first client might have had a happier ending had she not been laboring at home all day with the midwife.)

After the way that crazy-ass landlord kicked that door down, hell, I'd be jumping out the window if I saw her coming after me. She was definitely one of the more repulsive litigants we've had in a while, and that's saying a lot. Bonus points for her being the plaintiff, losing, AND having to pay on the counter-claim. I love those cases, truly. And while JJ often doesn't award money for assault cases if there were no medical bills, she did today to prove a point, and I am 100% okay with that. On the flip side, yeah, I think she was off base in the tattoo case. I get that there's a lower bar re: evidence in small claims, but I still think it should have been more "prove your leg got infected from his shop" vs. "prove her leg DIDN'T get infected from your shop," because how can you really prove a negative? I do not have many nice things to say about the dumbass dogsitter who left pitbulls she didn't own alone with two little dogs she didn't own (okay, the slow-moving witness was there, but does she really count?), so I'll just stop here.

Yeah, I think JJ missed the mark with the shopping cart case. Sometimes I DO park right next to a loose shopping cart in the lot...so I can take that cart and not worry about having to track down another one. That said, I also believe that the defendant had "taken ownership" of the cart and it did get away from her, based on her chasing it across the parking lot. She had a bit of a nasty attitude that really came out in the hallterview, so even though I don't agree with JJ's logic here, I also didn't lose any sleep over the judgment in favor of the plaintiff.

Bobcat defendant guy totally was the one driving. I thought he slipped once in the hallterview (but didn't care enough to rewind and check), and then after that one instance, there was a lot of "we" in there, like "we drove this way" and "we got stuck" and so on. I feel like if it had been the other guy driving, the defendant definitely would have used "he" and not "we". That said, the plaintiff's witness was working as his employee (or his agent, as JJ likes to say), and while he probably didn't give the defendant express permission to drive it, he certainly didn't try to stop him in any way, and initially was fine in joining him on that joy ride. I don't blame JJ for not wanting to untangle that one further and thought the ruling was fair.

I thought the sock girl was great, and my husband thought the entire pitch was dumb. I maintain that I won that argument when the sex button couple came out, because that was one of the worst pitches of the season. I appreciated the editing of the wife giving the husband the side-eye when he started going off the rails. So they bring this product out, go through the cutesy demo, and then he's all about "the app! the app! the app!" Barbara was overly bitchy to the date spread woman, but she was spot on here. Also, is the app really going to replace, like, just texting your partner the eggplant emoji and a wink? That doesn't have a monthly subscription. Like someone else said, the castor oil couple had me until they started making all those claims and showing the picture of the hair growth. I knew at least one of the sharks was going to call them out on that, and I was surprised it wasn't Mark this time. I also didn't think Kevin's deal was all that wonderful, and I wonder if it went through after the show.

My job assignment on Monday ticked almost every square on the Judge Judy Bingo card. To quote Stefon from SNL, it had everything! It was a hearing involving complaints made against a contractor and what, if any, repercussions he should face. It was just the last day of testimony, but damn, they were going down the JJ list: The contractor claimed the client kept wanting to add on extras and swore she'd pay him at the end. Of course, this was never put in writing because he "trusted her." (PUT EVERYTHING IN WRITING, FOOLS.) He also claimed that she stole the original contract out of his van and modified it, like adding things and crossing things out. He was eager to point out the lines that weren't his handwriting. However! When presented with the booklet of laws (some of which he was in violation of), he couldn't read from it because he forgot his glasses and simply couldn't read anything. (Despite reading the contract five minutes earlier.) My personal favorite: When asked about any other documents he had, he answered, "Oh, they're at home in my filing cabinet." It took every ounce of willpower I had not to scream "WHERE DID YOU THINK YOU WERE COMING TODAY?!?" I forget when this case actually started, but I know it goes back to at least August, because that was the last time I did a piece of it. THIS IS YOUR JOB ON THE LINE, MY DUDE. BRING YOUR DOCUMENTS. He also claims that when he went to collect the rest of the money he felt was owed to him, the client hit him in the face, chipping his tooth. I believe there was actually a police report and an order of protection, but I did not personally see either of them. The guy's wife was called as a witness as she was there when the hit allegedly happened, and she kept answering with "uh-huh" and no one called her out on it. (All together now: UH-HUH IS NOT AN ANSWER.) There was some fuckery involving photographs. But at least there were photographs. The transcript is over 100 pages long and will take me forever to edit (especially since my headers are going wonky and I need to call tech support tomorrow), but at least it was somewhat entertaining.

Maybe JJ just saw Wicked, where Glinda is originally Galinda. "With a Ga!" If I were a client of the counselor plaintiff in the dating/rent for marketing work/whatever case, I would be finding someone new, despite his claims that he SAVES LIVES!!!! That was a man who is unaccustomed to not getting his way, the point where it was almost getting scary. Don't get me wrong, the defendant was no saint for accepting the rent money after knowing him for, like, ten minutes, but overall, she came across much better than he did. (Though I'm sure in his mind, it's the opposite.)

Let's have a round of applause for the defendant in the construction worker case, who showed up with all her business records (that even existed in the first place), knew how to find what she was looking for in a timely fashion, and was also dressed appropriately and had shiny hair and all her teeth. She lost a few minor points at the end for arguing with JJ about her counterclaim, but was otherwise one of the more competent litigants we've had in a while. (All right, tow truck defamation guy was pretty on the ball, too, but he just had to hand over screenshots of social media posts and let those two idiots dig their own hole.) I literally said "Oh noooo..." out loud to the TV when the high school girlfriend so proudly announced they were starting a family in the hallterview. OH NOOOOOOO.

Me: Why is Carisi on scene, in the van, wearing a bulletproof vest, instead of lawyer-ing in an office somewhere? Why is he running through the streets and climbing fire escapes to rescue women like that? So unrealistic! Ugh, this is such blatant fanservice! This show has no shame at all! Also me: *watches appreciatively*

Maybe not enough people "mistakenly" thought they were sisters, tee hee. But yeah, all of you have already covered how repulsive this woman is and everything that's wrong with her and why she needs a good slapping. I also hope the daughter's boyfriend is a good guy and can finally provide her with some love and stability. Truck Idiot's idiot mother can also go take a long walk off a short pier.

I agree with the doctor's overall point, but we said right off the bat in the Fourth household that it's not a problem that's ever going to be solved on Shark Tank. Initially we thought his continually glancing over toward Mark while Lori was talking could have been some clever editing, but then he kept talking over her while she was trying to agree with him. He definitely got flustered by what Mark said, but he was so desperate to be RIGHT that he lost a potential ally. Oh, and PSA - don't use a general surgeon for a bowel resection if you can help it. You definitely want a colorectal surgeon specifically because things can go wrong quickly and easily.

I was thinking the same thing, that regardless of what actually happened, she was one of the more chilling litigants. Total sociopath. Not that we'll ever know, but my hypothesis is she was pregnant, found one of the less reputable adoption agencies, and basically sold the baby to the highest bidder. While it may not be the most legal of strategies, were I the plaintiff, I'd find a way to go steal the dog back. What's she going to do, call the cops? Chances are, if he pulls out the court order saying the dog is his, they won't do much beyond a half-assed "well, don't do it again."

My memory's a bit fuzzy here, but I seem to remember a case in the past year or two where the plaintiff was a woman who had been attacked in her apartment (or rental home), had the police reports and everything, and the defendant rental company was trying to screw her over when it came to the lease, and I don't think JJ looked upon that favorably. While she does sometimes seem a bit harsh and there have been times where I've disagreed with her tone, I think her biggest issue is the women who come in with such allegations, but hey! they took money from the guy in question anyway. (And didn't pay it back, of course.) I think JJ has even said a couple times, even if a guy does start acting inappropriately, the fastest way to get him to leave you alone is to pay. him. back. Again, while I do think she can be too dismissive, I also agree with her that those types of bullshit cases do a disservice to the actual victims. My takeaways from today: For some reason, the plaintiff in the towing case made me smile when she said she was suing for $360 when the bill was only $350 because she didn't have exact change and just handed over what she had. It was one of the more honest moments on this show lately. Even JJ was like, "Yeah, okay, sounds good." I still have no idea how the contina (?) works. Or was supposed to work.