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mhaines

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  1. Re: new pregnancy... He was groping. He was flailing around for anything to try and bring them back together and help her and him heal. This obviously shows he WASN'T fine. He was nearly begging her to include him, and she told him to f off. And its actually NOT an uncommon reaction for someone who loses a young baby to talk about another one not long after. My ex-husband and I did... we had a discussion with our doctor about it at the lunch after his funeral. She told me that parents go both ways on this, and she supports either decision. In the end our third child was born more like two years after the second, and that actually worked out well. Re: its hard on mothers because of hormones... This is very disrespectful to fathers. Just because my ex didn't give birth to my son or nurse him, doesn't mean that he doesn't still wake up at night with tears in his eyes because he misses his son. He was less personally affected by the miscarriage, but that had other complicating factors as to why. Our son a few years ago asked him, "Do you wish X had never died?" My ex thought about it for a few minutes, and gave him this answer, "I loved your brother very much, and I miss him every day, and I wish he hadn't died. But if I could go back and change it, I wouldn't, because it would mean I wouldn't have you and your baby sisters either. I can't think about choosing between you because I love you all." Maybe I'm just too personally connected to this topic, but I still have more sympathy for Jackson that April in this situation.
  2. It doesn't matter, that language is still included in divorce proceedings when there are no children involved (and I'm pretty sure its also on my divorce paperwork from that lists all of our children in the custody arrangements, also, but I'd have to double check.) My first divorce when I was 21 was childless, which is why I know this. (Brief marriage to a guy who thought it appropriate to end arguments by throwing me into a wall kind of thing.) No, it doesn't have anything to do with her "trapping him into the marriage". Legally, if she's pregnant while they are still married, then the divorce agreement has to include things like custody arrangements, child support agreements, and so forth, and he has the legal right to have those proceedings. "It was a home pregnancy test so it could have been false, or she could have a miscarriage" really isn't an excuse here. She intentionally concealed information from him that he had a legal right to know. Look, I get where they were going with this: even the thought of pregnancy is traumatic for both of them; she's partially in denial, and probably suffering from a lot of grief and PTSD from the previous child. I GET that, probably better than most. My second child died when five months old, and my sixth child was a miscarriage. Believe me I -get- how hard it is to keep a marriage together in the face of losing a child, or in our case, two of them. Obviously, as mine DIDN'T stay together... losing a second baby was just the last straw for us. Regardless of the emotional implications, though, legally she did the wrong thing. I'll be honest, too, having been through what I've been through makes me a lot less sympathetic to April in a lot of this. Yes, as the mother, watching your children die is horrible. Its no LESS horrible for fathers, and in some ways its HARDER on fathers because everyone turns first to the mother to give HER support, leaving him on the sidelines. Yes, its hard to get out of your own head and actually be supportive when you're deep into grief. But she's constantly acted like how he felt just didn't matter. I think they've -both- been very rigid, but I also have more sympathy for his position, because he was bleeding just as much, but tried to support her, whereas she just didn't give a crap how he felt, because she made it all about her. I do think given the fact that she walked in the room and said, "I need to talk to you" then he should have taken it as truth when she said, "I was just coming to talk to you." I'm also really not a fan of Catherine in this. She exploited every vulnerability in a heartless, ruthless way. If she was actually sincere in what she did, it might have gone a lot way to actually healing a lot of the pain between the two of them, and helping them be understanding parents together, even if they didn't end up married together. But she used that sympathy as a weapon, instead. I was grossed out.
  3. Yes, and possibly lose custody. The problem is, if you sign divorce papers and state that you have no children together, the paperwork includes a statement, "And XX is not currently pregnant." So she committed fraud when she signed the paperwork without disclosing she knew she was pregnant.
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