imisspuddy
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Posts posted by imisspuddy
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6 minutes ago, seahag said:
(((Imisspuddy))) praying for you and yours
Thank you so much , Seahag!!
24 minutes ago, Thumper said:Imispuddy, I am so sorry. Are you able to be with her? ❤️ You are in my thoughts -- wishing you comfort and strength.
Yes, Thumper. Thankfully, she is close by and I'm spending as much time as I can with her. Today I played her favorite music for her. Her opera and Elvis. She always called him her boyfriend. ;) She is sleeping mostly and slipping away, but I think somehow she knows.
35 minutes ago, CarpeDiem54 said:Oh, @imisspuddy, I'm so sorry. {{HUGS}} Holding you close in my heart.
Thank you so much, Carpe!!
37 minutes ago, TexasTiffany said:I'm so sorry. Can I ask what happened?
Of course, TT. She has had dementia for 10 years. I've taken care of her since my father and brother died 23 yrs ago. I moved her to a wonderful dementia facility 8 years ago where she had a rebirth of sorts. Sounds funny writing that! But the kids and I (they were very young then!) really got to enjoy her again.
Then 6 years ago after she broke her hip, I had to move her to a nursing home. The staff there have loved her dearly and been great with her.
They and the other residents who are able have been coming in to say goodbye. They have told me how much they love her, always with tears in their eyes
Her dementia has progressed to the point where she can't physically swallow any longer.
Many years ago I got all her affairs in order. Her wishes were no extreme measures. I have taken no extreme measures. After my father died, i promised her I would never leave her alone. I have never left her alone.
It has been the longest goodbye.
Ladies, thank you. I don't know if I've made any sense at all, but writing all of this out has helped so much.
Your caring and concern are overwhelming
thank you
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I'm almost afraid to post anything OT on the other forum any more, so I'll post this here only.
My mother is dying.
And i can't even put together a coherent post.
Cricket, Pearlclutcher, Bronx Babe - sending love and prayers.
And for everyone in Irma's path - sending love and prayers.
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On 9/4/2017 at 9:00 PM, Bronx Baby said:
@Cricket, don't know if this will help, but I've been doing meditation and tai chi in order to deal with anxiety issues and depression due to job loss and the passing of my mother. I won't say these techniques are panaceas, but they've eased my tensions a bit. Still have crying jags, though.
I went through Wilma in 2005, my first Florida hurricane, and do not want to go through one again.
@BronxBabe - I PM'd you.
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@Cricket and Joe and @PearlClutcher so sorry for what you are both going through.
My prayers are with you. Sending hugs and love. xo
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7 hours ago, seahag said:
I sprained my foot this evening. While I am naturally klutzy, Mr. Hag is at fault for leaving a case of beer in the back hallway. I came in from outside and tripped right over it. As you can imagine, I gave him hell because I've been bugging him for 3 days to put it away. He's still stalling. "I'll get to it." It's always "will", "could", or "might"; never "doing" or "did". I had to reschedule a business meeting. He needs to understand that I am the major breadwinner. If Mama can't work, no one gets anything. Plus, it hurts like hell. End of rant. Thanks for listening.
Oh, Seahag - I feel your pain! It once took my husband 4 years - yes, 4 years, to change a light bulb in garage.
Hope you heal quickly!!
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30 minutes ago, ennui said:
Tombstone. (The film.)
Ladies!
I'll go into the way back machine: The Big Valley. Last episode of first season - Last Train to the Fair.
Cricket - have you heard anything yet?? Worried about you. {{ }}
Booney - congratulations!!
Dang - completely forgot last episode of RHONY was on!!!
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3 hours ago, Cricket said:
am celebrating my 35th anniversary of being cancer free.
That is great news! I think I said the rosary 6 rotations while I waited. I picked up the CD in the afternoon and took it to St. Mary's to bless it with Holy Water and prayed. It is in my bible now in Matthew 9:20 because I do not want Joe to put it in the computer to look at it. He did that when he had a MRI last fall. We will bring it to his newest surgeon down at Albany Med on Monday. He was radioactive for 5 hours after this test. Anyone here get a PET Scan before?
I love that you placed the CD in your bible. I do things like that. I believe that things have positive/negative energy, and for me, you can't get much better than the bible! And if it keeps your Joe from looking at it, all the better. I love that passage from Matthew. You stay focused on that.
I have not had a PET scan. I have friends who have. No one said anything bad about it, if that helps. One person told me that she shook uncontrollably through all of hers. I understand this. My last biopsies, I did the same thing. You already know how normal that is, because when you're dealing with cancer, nothing is normal.
I'll be thinking of you both on Monday and sending good thoughts your way.
I also listen(ed) to inspirational CDs, affirmations, etc, because you really don't get much sleep on weekends like this...and it helped keep me more positive than not.
Sending hugs -
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My dearest BB,
I am so very, very sorry. I am so glad that you were able to get her into hospice and also to speak with your brother. Rest knowing you did everything possible to make your mother as comfortable as possible. My deepest condolences. May God's strength and peace see you through. Thank you for allowing us to share this time with you. xoxo
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7 minutes ago, Bronx Babe said:
I'm glad I called my brother and was astounded that he called back, although in the back of my mind I actually had a slight notion that he would. I don't know why.
I'm so glad you did and that it turned out the way it did. It sounds like, hopefully, some of the anxiety surrounding him will lessen and now you can just concentrate on being with your mother.
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BB: Once again, we are in a similar position. Tell your brother. Perhaps Hospice can be the one to make the call. I am hoping that when the time comes, the nursing home or hospice will make the call for me. That way you know you did all you could and no one can come back and excuse you of anything. Hugs.
Lord Donia: Sending hugs and good thoughts.
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53 minutes ago, Bronx Babe said:
Dear Friends,
I put Mom in hospice and yes, it was the best decision I could have made. She was brought first into the hospital as I had initially requested. They were attending to her and there was already a hospice nurse there to gently tell me that Mom could be immediately brought to Hospice By The Sea and that I could ride in their ambulence to see the place and get Mom situated. I couldn't believe it was that "easy" -- I just assumed I'd have to call a dozen hospice places and that the whole experience would take a lot of time and frustration but it really was like a band of angels helped to relieve Mom's and my suffering.
They put Mom in a lovely room that's decorated like "Old Florida" -- white shutters, wall art with shell motifs, a beautiful lamp with an abstract sea design. She was admitted Friday and one doctor said she could maybe last one night or two but now it's been three days and Mom is still hanging on. Everyone is amazed but I keep telling them that my mother has always been a survivor, and now she's in the fight of her life. I do realize it is now literally only a matter of time. The place is only fifteen minutes from where I live so I've been able to spend the night there and then visit her during the day. My cousin (who happens to be a nurse) has been by my side to lend support, and my best friend as well. I'm still dreading that final call, but in the meantime, I cling to the fact that Mom is still here, even though she really doesn't know I'm there. Her eyes are always shut although when I speak to her they flutter -- she can still hear I believe.
Hospice By The Sea is remarkable -- a complementary breakfast is offered to family who stay the night. There is a family room, snacks (cookies), coffee, etc. The staff is excellent. The medical technicians are treating Mom with dignity. They really are angels.
My dear, sweet Bronxoni,
. She knows. She knows.
Sending love and hugs.
I am holding you close.
xo
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8 minutes ago, Bronx Babe said:
I called upon Bronxoni a few minutes ago but she ignored me and kept insisting that Lisa Robertson will soon marry the Carlo Ponti lookalike and move to the Italian Riviera.
I told Bronxoni to lay off the cooking sherry.
I'm hoping upon hope that Mom won't need hospice but if they come around to evaluate and say that she does, should I assume they only have her best interests at heart? I swear to you I'm not any sort of paranoid person!
Like your mother, my mom also enjoyed her time at assisted living. She was leading a relatively "normal" life there but of course as you say a nursing home is another story entirely. Now she is a "patient" and not a "tenant" and that, I feel, also contributes to decline, even though it would probably be inevitable....
Yes, we are only human and no, you are not callous.
I think you and I should move to the Italian Riviera!!! And bring my Vikki Carr album along...
You aren't being paranoid, you are being a realist.
I would absolutely believe that hospice has only your mom's best interest at heart. They are not the nursing home staff with so many patients to care for/sign off on. They come in specifically to be with her and help her.
I'm sorry, I don't remember where you are located or where your mom is, but here outside of Boston, the hospice workers I have heard of are truly dedicated and wonderful people. It is more of a vocation for them and they take their work quite seriously. I'm not disparaging nursing home workers; it's just a different sort of work.
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Walnut Queen - my deepest sympathy also.
You are right. We aren't really the first generation. We lived with my grandparents. My parents took care of them all until they died.
Maybe part of the difference is that our parents are more independent and we don't live together with parents/grandparents as we did in the past.
My grandmothers didn't even drive.
Put that together with advances in medical technology, raising a young family at the same time (as I did), and the fact that there isn't much health or care in "healthcare" and you have all the ingredients necessary for a nervous breakdown!
The hospice your mother was in sounds wonderful and I am glad she was in such a nice place. It must have made a tremendously difficult time just a bit more bearable.
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4 minutes ago, Bronx Babe said:
Does your family play Vicki Carr records?
OMG!!!! Are you kidding!!!
She was the first singer I remember seeing on TV as a very little girl. I have ALWAYS been in love with Vikki. I would play her album every Saturday morning while dusting the house. I still have that album. "It Must Be Him" ALL time favorite. Still know every word to every song. And I can't even remember what I ate for breakfast... :)
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10 minutes ago, ennui said:
Well, as long as we're on the subject, I think my favorite line is (and fingers crossed that it's taken with levity):
Rose: I just want you to know no matter what you do, you're gonna die, just like everybody else.
Cosmo Castorini: Thank you, Rose.
ennui - this made me remember the scene where Olympia Dukakis is lying on her bed sleeping. They wake her up and she instinctively says: "who died?"
I CANNOT tell you HOW MANY TIMES this happened to me in real life with my mother and grandmother. Honest to God. It's such an Italian thing.
I still laugh about this scene!!
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10 minutes ago, Bronx Babe said:
@imisspuddy, if only The Great Bronxoni would stop futzing around making predictions about shopping channel hosts and start paying more attention to my life.....
Wow, your mother really is a marvel! And it's interesting that you knew intuitively she didn't need hospice. I wish I could say the same about Mom, just not sure at this point. I want to trust the health care professionals who are taking care of her but a few people are so to speak whispering in my ear telling me that unless I call the nursing home 24/7 to find out how she is being treated, Mom will be "neglected" by the staff in one form or another.
I was going to joke with you that this is a time when we really don't want that crystal ball of yours....
In my mom's case they had to do an assessment of her needs before committing to hospice. I am guessing they would have to do the same for your mom, so you won't have any clear answer on her condition until they do? Even the nursing home staff can't know for sure.
My mom was in assisted living before the nursing home. It was a complete rebirth for her. Her time there was such a wonderful blessing for her and me and the kids. Yes, the nursing home is very different. As you said before, a catch 22. They put her in a wheelchair all day and then have to give her PT to "remind" her how to walk...
There will always be well-meaning people giving advice...you do want to keep in close touch, but if you call too often you might run the risk of your mom being labelled a "problem" and then what kind of care will she get? I struggled with this one, too, and with the medications they have her on, which I believe caused a lot of her recent decline.
Lately, I have a Jesse Stone quote in my head. "you can only do what you can do."
I don't mean to sound callous in any way - but we are only human.
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2 minutes ago, ennui said:
I think most of them are; I don't know of any hospice that is a physical location, aside from the administrative offices. Like I've been trying to explain, they have resources and experience, and they will help you. They are not the enemy. I hope you will at least listen to what they have to say. Do it for your mother.
We do have a "physical" hospice nearby. Many people with terminal diagnoses decided to spend their remaining time there, instead of at home. I have heard it is a beautiful place. More difficult decisions.
Since my mother is in already in a nursing home, the social working was recommending the "visiting" hospice, which means staff coming in to be with my mother for longer periods with one-on-one attention.
I think this is what BB's mother would have, too.
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2 minutes ago, ennui said:
I'm sorry, but that's kind of funny. :) Life can be such a roller-coaster.
I should have re-read before posting! It is funny, isn't it?
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My Dear Bronxoni,
Back around Thanksgiving, the social worker at my mother's nursing home called. My mother has had dementia for at least 10 yrs now and is 96. There had been a noticeable decline in her health, and the social worker thought it was time to call in hospice. She said they would be able to devote more care and time with her one on one than the nursing home staff. She said it would be a very good thing for my mother.
I did what I always do - I am in this alone, too, oh, except for when the family wants to criticize my actions - I went into a silent panic. I did not think my mother was anywhere needing hospice. But I also trust that the staff at the nursing home know what's going on better than I do at this point, so I said yes.
I spent a completely sleepless weekend wracked with guilt, shaking in fear.
Hospice came in, met with my mother, and decided that she was not ready for hospice. So that ended that.
Now they have her up and walking fairly long distances again. I got a recent phone call telling me they were doing more physical therapy and that my mother is "an amazing woman."
So things change daily.
I tell you all of this because now my nerves are shot (even more so than before), I am convinced that every time the phone rings, it's "the call," and I am just heartsick inside.
And as far as the DNR goes, I've had run around with that, too. As much as I know it's a necessary thing and the best thing to have, it is hell knowing I had to make that decision, too.
Nothing about what you are going through is easy. It is hell. You are not a whiny baby boomer. You are a loving daughter doing the best you can for your mother. Otherwise, you wouldn't be sharing any of this with us, or be wracked with guilt, or be so sad.
I wish more than anything that you weren't going through this; I really do.
Please be gentle with yourself and try to get rest.
I'm sending good thoughts and gentle hugs.
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Thank you, walnutqueen.
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1 hour ago, Gam2 said:
SuprSuprElevated, our sleep number bed was delivered today at 4:20 and it only took about 40 minutes to set up as opposed to the two hours they originally said it would take. Guess threatening to cancel our order got their attention after the 9:30pm delivery notice. Anyway, tonight is our first night. I've reminded hubs that we have to be patient and he's promised he will be. I'll keep you posted on our experience, if you want me to and thanks for all of your feedback!
Hi, GAM2
A little late checking in, but wanted to tell you that we have had our sleep number for about 5 years now. For us, it's been absolute heaven. Yes, it does take a few nights to find the right number, but once you do it is heavenly. Only problem for us, we just can't sleep on anything else now. I hope you love yours as much as we do ours!
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50 minutes ago, SuprSuprElevated said:
Wow Booney, what a great story about your mom. I have always believed that if my mother had been born 30 years later, in my era, she may not have married, and I'm almost certain she wouldn't have had children. The only thing that ever seemed to bring her satisfaction, was cleaning the house (my anti-cleaning is probably Freudian), and when we did well in school (boast-worthy things). I picture her finishing college (money ran out after 2 years), moving to Europe, and doing something with academia. Strange how I arrive at that, but it's always been the image in my head.
SSE - this is so much like my mother, it's uncanny, except her thing was the laundry. Never cleaned and as for cooking....OMG!! Not hard to be skinny the way I grew up...my dad always called her "The Best Can Opener in the West" (sounds like a Don Knotts movie!) because that's about what she did. My mother's dream was to travel and see the world. She had applied for a position in Saudi Arabia in the '40s and had her heart set on going. My grandmother stopped her by pretending to be sick...a repeating them in their relationship, sadly. She was an obedient Italian daughter from a different generation. In many ways, I feel sorry she never got to realize her dreams...
Just wondering if anyone has heard from OwnedbySetters? Seems like a long time since I've "seen" her.
Does this sight have dumb merge like the other one?
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My Dearest Bronxoni -
You ARE enough! And you are doing everything you can for her.
My eyes are tearing over and there is so much I want to say. I am in the same boat with my mother at the moment.
Just know we all care about you and are sending much love and bear hugs. xo
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16 hours ago, TexasTiffany said:
I thought this thread would be hopping. We like to talk about lots of things, but are rather quiet here. LOL
Anyhow, I wanted to tell about something weird that happened. I was watching the news last night. One of the lead stories was a young couple had been killed in a car accident. They were on their way to the airport about 3am. Their car was hit by a drunk driver. The young couple was killed but the drunk driver survived. I mention this because when they showed the picture of the young couple I recognized them. I mean, I don't know them personally, but I helped them last week where I work. We talked for several minutes. They told me they were leaving town in a few days and were buying gifts for their family. The intersection where their car was hit is about 4 miles away so I probably heard the emergency vehicles that night.
There's been lots of death in my family so it's certainly not the first time I've known someone who has died. It's weird though. I guess I'm still thinking about it because they were such a young couple in their mid 20's. Now they're gone.
I'm here, if that helps! Just no time to post - trying hard to get the time to read!
Can't tell you how mad your story makes me - life turns on a dime!
Small Talk: I Like Them All, I Just Can't Choose!
in Genre Talk
To all of you, my friends, here -
My mother passed away peacefully early yesterday morning just before 6. There aren't words sufficient to thank you for your kind words and sentiments. They have lifted me up. It means more to me than you will ever know.
I will be back when I can.
To all in harm's way today and to all of you in pain - my thoughts are with you and my prayers are for you.