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imisspuddy

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Everything posted by imisspuddy

  1. To all of you, my friends, here - My mother passed away peacefully early yesterday morning just before 6. There aren't words sufficient to thank you for your kind words and sentiments. They have lifted me up. It means more to me than you will ever know. I will be back when I can. To all in harm's way today and to all of you in pain - my thoughts are with you and my prayers are for you.
  2. Thank you so much , Seahag!! Yes, Thumper. Thankfully, she is close by and I'm spending as much time as I can with her. Today I played her favorite music for her. Her opera and Elvis. She always called him her boyfriend. ;) She is sleeping mostly and slipping away, but I think somehow she knows. Thank you so much, Carpe!! Of course, TT. She has had dementia for 10 years. I've taken care of her since my father and brother died 23 yrs ago. I moved her to a wonderful dementia facility 8 years ago where she had a rebirth of sorts. Sounds funny writing that! But the kids and I (they were very young then!) really got to enjoy her again. Then 6 years ago after she broke her hip, I had to move her to a nursing home. The staff there have loved her dearly and been great with her. They and the other residents who are able have been coming in to say goodbye. They have told me how much they love her, always with tears in their eyes Her dementia has progressed to the point where she can't physically swallow any longer. Many years ago I got all her affairs in order. Her wishes were no extreme measures. I have taken no extreme measures. After my father died, i promised her I would never leave her alone. I have never left her alone. It has been the longest goodbye. Ladies, thank you. I don't know if I've made any sense at all, but writing all of this out has helped so much. Your caring and concern are overwhelming thank you
  3. I'm almost afraid to post anything OT on the other forum any more, so I'll post this here only. My mother is dying. And i can't even put together a coherent post. Cricket, Pearlclutcher, Bronx Babe - sending love and prayers. And for everyone in Irma's path - sending love and prayers.
  4. @Cricket and Joe and @PearlClutcher so sorry for what you are both going through. My prayers are with you. Sending hugs and love. xo
  5. Oh, Seahag - I feel your pain! It once took my husband 4 years - yes, 4 years, to change a light bulb in garage. Hope you heal quickly!!
  6. Ladies! I'll go into the way back machine: The Big Valley. Last episode of first season - Last Train to the Fair. Cricket - have you heard anything yet?? Worried about you. {{ }} Booney - congratulations!! Dang - completely forgot last episode of RHONY was on!!!
  7. I love that you placed the CD in your bible. I do things like that. I believe that things have positive/negative energy, and for me, you can't get much better than the bible! And if it keeps your Joe from looking at it, all the better. I love that passage from Matthew. You stay focused on that. I have not had a PET scan. I have friends who have. No one said anything bad about it, if that helps. One person told me that she shook uncontrollably through all of hers. I understand this. My last biopsies, I did the same thing. You already know how normal that is, because when you're dealing with cancer, nothing is normal. I'll be thinking of you both on Monday and sending good thoughts your way. I also listen(ed) to inspirational CDs, affirmations, etc, because you really don't get much sleep on weekends like this...and it helped keep me more positive than not. Sending hugs -
  8. My dearest BB, I am so very, very sorry. I am so glad that you were able to get her into hospice and also to speak with your brother. Rest knowing you did everything possible to make your mother as comfortable as possible. My deepest condolences. May God's strength and peace see you through. Thank you for allowing us to share this time with you. xoxo
  9. I'm so glad you did and that it turned out the way it did. It sounds like, hopefully, some of the anxiety surrounding him will lessen and now you can just concentrate on being with your mother.
  10. BB: Once again, we are in a similar position. Tell your brother. Perhaps Hospice can be the one to make the call. I am hoping that when the time comes, the nursing home or hospice will make the call for me. That way you know you did all you could and no one can come back and excuse you of anything. Hugs. Lord Donia: Sending hugs and good thoughts.
  11. My dear, sweet Bronxoni, . She knows. She knows. Sending love and hugs. I am holding you close. xo
  12. I think you and I should move to the Italian Riviera!!! And bring my Vikki Carr album along... You aren't being paranoid, you are being a realist. I would absolutely believe that hospice has only your mom's best interest at heart. They are not the nursing home staff with so many patients to care for/sign off on. They come in specifically to be with her and help her. I'm sorry, I don't remember where you are located or where your mom is, but here outside of Boston, the hospice workers I have heard of are truly dedicated and wonderful people. It is more of a vocation for them and they take their work quite seriously. I'm not disparaging nursing home workers; it's just a different sort of work.
  13. Walnut Queen - my deepest sympathy also. You are right. We aren't really the first generation. We lived with my grandparents. My parents took care of them all until they died. Maybe part of the difference is that our parents are more independent and we don't live together with parents/grandparents as we did in the past. My grandmothers didn't even drive. Put that together with advances in medical technology, raising a young family at the same time (as I did), and the fact that there isn't much health or care in "healthcare" and you have all the ingredients necessary for a nervous breakdown! The hospice your mother was in sounds wonderful and I am glad she was in such a nice place. It must have made a tremendously difficult time just a bit more bearable.
  14. OMG!!!! Are you kidding!!! She was the first singer I remember seeing on TV as a very little girl. I have ALWAYS been in love with Vikki. I would play her album every Saturday morning while dusting the house. I still have that album. "It Must Be Him" ALL time favorite. Still know every word to every song. And I can't even remember what I ate for breakfast... :)
  15. ennui - this made me remember the scene where Olympia Dukakis is lying on her bed sleeping. They wake her up and she instinctively says: "who died?" I CANNOT tell you HOW MANY TIMES this happened to me in real life with my mother and grandmother. Honest to God. It's such an Italian thing. I still laugh about this scene!!
  16. I was going to joke with you that this is a time when we really don't want that crystal ball of yours.... In my mom's case they had to do an assessment of her needs before committing to hospice. I am guessing they would have to do the same for your mom, so you won't have any clear answer on her condition until they do? Even the nursing home staff can't know for sure. My mom was in assisted living before the nursing home. It was a complete rebirth for her. Her time there was such a wonderful blessing for her and me and the kids. Yes, the nursing home is very different. As you said before, a catch 22. They put her in a wheelchair all day and then have to give her PT to "remind" her how to walk... There will always be well-meaning people giving advice...you do want to keep in close touch, but if you call too often you might run the risk of your mom being labelled a "problem" and then what kind of care will she get? I struggled with this one, too, and with the medications they have her on, which I believe caused a lot of her recent decline. Lately, I have a Jesse Stone quote in my head. "you can only do what you can do." I don't mean to sound callous in any way - but we are only human.
  17. We do have a "physical" hospice nearby. Many people with terminal diagnoses decided to spend their remaining time there, instead of at home. I have heard it is a beautiful place. More difficult decisions. Since my mother is in already in a nursing home, the social working was recommending the "visiting" hospice, which means staff coming in to be with my mother for longer periods with one-on-one attention. I think this is what BB's mother would have, too.
  18. I should have re-read before posting! It is funny, isn't it?
  19. My Dear Bronxoni, Back around Thanksgiving, the social worker at my mother's nursing home called. My mother has had dementia for at least 10 yrs now and is 96. There had been a noticeable decline in her health, and the social worker thought it was time to call in hospice. She said they would be able to devote more care and time with her one on one than the nursing home staff. She said it would be a very good thing for my mother. I did what I always do - I am in this alone, too, oh, except for when the family wants to criticize my actions - I went into a silent panic. I did not think my mother was anywhere needing hospice. But I also trust that the staff at the nursing home know what's going on better than I do at this point, so I said yes. I spent a completely sleepless weekend wracked with guilt, shaking in fear. Hospice came in, met with my mother, and decided that she was not ready for hospice. So that ended that. Now they have her up and walking fairly long distances again. I got a recent phone call telling me they were doing more physical therapy and that my mother is "an amazing woman." So things change daily. I tell you all of this because now my nerves are shot (even more so than before), I am convinced that every time the phone rings, it's "the call," and I am just heartsick inside. And as far as the DNR goes, I've had run around with that, too. As much as I know it's a necessary thing and the best thing to have, it is hell knowing I had to make that decision, too. Nothing about what you are going through is easy. It is hell. You are not a whiny baby boomer. You are a loving daughter doing the best you can for your mother. Otherwise, you wouldn't be sharing any of this with us, or be wracked with guilt, or be so sad. I wish more than anything that you weren't going through this; I really do. Please be gentle with yourself and try to get rest. I'm sending good thoughts and gentle hugs.
  20. Hi, GAM2 A little late checking in, but wanted to tell you that we have had our sleep number for about 5 years now. For us, it's been absolute heaven. Yes, it does take a few nights to find the right number, but once you do it is heavenly. Only problem for us, we just can't sleep on anything else now. I hope you love yours as much as we do ours!
  21. SSE - this is so much like my mother, it's uncanny, except her thing was the laundry. Never cleaned and as for cooking....OMG!! Not hard to be skinny the way I grew up...my dad always called her "The Best Can Opener in the West" (sounds like a Don Knotts movie!) because that's about what she did. My mother's dream was to travel and see the world. She had applied for a position in Saudi Arabia in the '40s and had her heart set on going. My grandmother stopped her by pretending to be sick...a repeating them in their relationship, sadly. She was an obedient Italian daughter from a different generation. In many ways, I feel sorry she never got to realize her dreams... Just wondering if anyone has heard from OwnedbySetters? Seems like a long time since I've "seen" her. Does this sight have dumb merge like the other one?
  22. My Dearest Bronxoni - You ARE enough! And you are doing everything you can for her. My eyes are tearing over and there is so much I want to say. I am in the same boat with my mother at the moment. Just know we all care about you and are sending much love and bear hugs. xo
  23. I'm here, if that helps! Just no time to post - trying hard to get the time to read! Can't tell you how mad your story makes me - life turns on a dime!
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