STOPSHOUTING

That black and white dress was my fashion nirvana for waaaaay too long. I believe this was the first 90210 episode I actually watched, based solely on the televised promise of virginity loss which, as a 13-year-old girl, seemed a much more relevant and edgy topic than any of the drugs-suicide-rape-drunk driving-etc., after school special-esque topics the show had brayed about up until then. Oh and, speaking of edgy shows, you should honor Tara's homeland and do an Again With This for classic Degrassi. I would love to hear your take on Claude's (CLO-de) famous bathroom suicide, where his striped socks peeked out from under the stall like the Wicked Witch of the West to haunt Caitlyn forever. Oh and, I really, REALLY wish Luke Perry would have refused to come out of his trailer before saying "enjoyed his other" ... "Best 30 seconds of your life, babe," would have been a much funnier, and more high school accurate, line read.

We had a dog that looked a bit like "Wally" and he was, objectively, the best dog in the history of the universe so SHUT UP TARA AND SARAH. YOU SMELL. So, there. Also, yes, that still of Dylan is so disturbing it deserves some sort of trigger warning. It looks like he has been digitally altered in some way. Or it's an ad for a children's hospital trying to raise funds to send stick insects to camp or something. There is no question that Steve Sanders wandered onto the baseball field from the set of an '80s gay porn video where he was teaching an aerobics class and, oops, he accidentally put on some other guy's headband ... If you know what I mean.

Oh and, 1190 wouldn't have been Harvard material, but it would have been a very good SAT score in 1990. This was out of 1600 -- test changed later in the '90s, after I took it, to a 2400 scale; adding an additional 800 points for the essay portion. That would be equivalent to an 1800-1850 score today, which would be 87th percentile. Not outstanding, but still quite respectable.

I was a fellow "gifted" nerdlinger around this time, too. (I even, gasp, skipped a grade in elementary school, making me class of '92, so Sarah would have been able to beat me up. Well, realistically, anyone would have been able to, but ...) I can vaguely remember that my SAT score was, yes, better than the Walshes', but I don't remember the lead-up to taking the test being that big a stressor. I didn't prep, though a few people bought books to do it, or took a one day review class ... But that was about the extent of it, even amongst the grade sluts like myself. I lived in the Northern half of the country, and was one of the few people in my class that actually took the ACT, too, because I was applying to a couple Southern schools that preferred it. My score actually ended up being more impressive there, even though I knew diddly squat about the test going in. Today, I live in the south, and most kids here don't even take the SAT, though the PSAT is still big due to its qualifier for National Merit Scholarships, which, PS, I'm hella pissed are now a big deal because, back when I got one, I only got a certificate at my high school honors night. Now, colleges boast about who has the most Merit Scholars in attendance (it's part of their ranking stats), so they actually scout them like athletes and offer full scholarships. I. Was. So. Ripped. Off.

Who knew, the only thing that makes Jason Priestly, circa 1990 and age 30, look slightly believable as a high school student, is Matthew Perry, age 35. Helen Mirren showing up at West Bev couldn't make Andrea credible as a teenager.

According to Wikipedia, Dylan was only in 16 episodes of season one, only two more than Dead Scott. I wouldn't have guessed that either. Tori was actually in more, and I literally don't think we've heard her speak yet on the podcast. Has she even had a D plot line?

Also, this episode totally won the sound editing and mixing Emmy, right? You say there is no sound editing Emmy? WHAT?!?!?!

Do we ever meet the Nana who macramed Brenda's tragic Twin Peaks outfit?

The still of Sufer Dude -- on rollerblades, WTF show? -- Brandon doesn't make him look cool, it makes him look like he's dying of cancer and shooting a commercial for some sort of inspiring Make-a-Wish-type charity that allowed him to play roller hockey one last time.

PS: You guys debating Dylan's President's Day sexual prowess, or lack thereof, is awesome sauce.

You guys posit Brandon melting into goo in Palm Springs like it would be a bad thing. #BrandonIsStillTheWorst

Brandon's luring of Carla (Karla with a K, really?) up to his bedroom under false pretenses and the opening speech has all the hallmarks of a date-rape-in-action. I mean, she's just the maid's niece, who's gonna notice? How did I not hate Brandon with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns when I watched this series? Bad teen self, bad!

Weirdest resolution to a serious crisis ever. I'm so glad you guys mentioned binging and purging because my exact thought was, 'OK, she's gone from speed to bulimia and this is a positive resolution?'

To be clear, we all agree that the the non-bra wearing car thief is basically a clone of Kelly Taylor, right? Also, has Tori Spelling had more than a single line in any of the episodes so far? On the show her father, you know, created? Given what we know of her acting prowess today, how terrible must she have been that she's in the opening credits and has, so far, had less to say and do than any of the guest students of the week? I'm pretty sure the slow removal of her sunglasses in the intro is demonstrating the totality of her range at this point.

OK, going back and looking at those pictures, Brandon's girl-of-the-week is totally a nun, right? That's the look they were styling Miss Harvard Teen Mom 1990 as? The headband girl in the hair pic is smirking as she casts shade over her shoulder, like, 'Hey, at least I'm not that girl!' And if the costumers don't get a handle on Brenda's raging case of camel toe it might prove terminal. Poor thing.

Oh my God, I do not remember 90210 being this insufferably preachy-teachy. I recall it as a flat-out soap; all big hair, prom sex and exploding yachts, though I don't think I was actually watching during season one. (Given some of the podcast comments, I'm guessing that I'm roughly the same age as Sarah and Tara, so this is in my zietgest wheelhouse, regardless.) Gawd. Brandon is the absolute worst in this episode. The "if I never see that kid again" line made me want to invent a time machine solely jet back to 1990 and smack him around a little. Ugh. Gross. That's the line you give our hero, writers? In the immortal words of Cuba Gooding in Jerry Maguire you "don't shoplift the pootie." Put your latin homework back in your pants, Brandon! You can't feed a freaking baby ice cream, either, which you'd think someone on the show we had seen a human child before might realize. Not that bland teen mom is any better. Her parents are "out of town" for her Harvard interview -- also who the hell was watching the kid during their first date, because the baby appeared to be home alone asleep in that clip -- so she dumps the baby with some guy she's met TWICE now? Mom of the year, right there. Also, she had no sitter for her big interview, but that night she's got it covered forever? I mean, I didn't see the ep, just listened to the podcast, so I'm assuming the baby wasn't just asleep in the backseat while she was trying to mack on Brandon. Even then. Brandon? The worst. Full stop. PS: I was hoping that once she showed Brandon her baby, he'd tell her he was arrested last week for drunk driving and she'd be all, 'Get out, loser, I have a future!' The end.

100% Brandon is jealous of Dylan getting to school courtyard with his twin the way he does in his dreams.

Oh and, PS, I'm pretty sure Brandon and Back Hair are actually live-scoring the episode on that rad keyboard.

OMG Becky, I have THE EXACT SAME RALPH LAUREN COMFORTER AS THE WALSHES. Still. I'm not sure if this is cool or sad, or cooly sad.

Well, I just discovered this podcast and there went my day as I could not stop listening. So funny. I'm not a devotee of 90210, so started listening casually during a workout after running out of other podcast eps, and then just found myself laughing and laughing. I did watch this show back in the day -- I remember it became a big thing when they did their then revolutionary "summer season" -- but haven't re-watched since. The commentary on early '90s hair (which should qualify as a hate crime) and fashion alone is worth tuning in for. You could probably do a spin off based entirely on Steve's shirts. The sad thing is that I used to want to look like these girls -- Brenda and Kelly's prom dress was my fashion nirvana for a LOOONG time -- and I had a serious thing for Dylan. Do better 14-year-self. Seriously, beginning to question my sanity. Hoodie and the Blowfish was really cool right? Not just my teen memory? That, too? Alright, my world view is collapsing here. Anywho ... Great show. Thanks for the laughs.