wagthedog

I don't have a huge problem with the Brandon/Callie sex. They knew each other and were attracted to one another prior to becoming foster siblings, let alone adoptive siblings. But obviously, that's not the story the show is telling. It is being portrayed as a problem. While I realize that's the nature of drama tv, it's unfortunate the show basically chose to cast a dark cloud over Callie's adoption. Why not just let it be this happy, joyous occasion? I don't follow twitter, but I understand from the previously.tv review that the showrunners were saying it would end in a satisfying place. Sorry, no. The journey matters as much as the destination. Callie just got adopted with a big 'ol lie hanging over her head. Gross. Not happy. Not satisfying.

IMO, there's two different things going on and it's a little difficult to parse it out. There's the cheating and I think everyone would agree it's understandable Matt was hurt by that. Then there's the lost virginity. Separate from the cheating, I don't think it's a great message to send that there's a problem with a girl who didn't save herself. If the roles were reversed and Matt wasn't a virgin (which, stereotypically, seemed to be the assumption) Mariana wasn't bothered by his lack of virginity. Matt wasn't going to be seen as less desirable or more disappointing because he'd had sex before. It's understandable Mariana would feel badly about the fact she cheated. Which is why I said it's unfortunate the show wrapped Mariana's virginity up in cheating because it made what was otherwise a perfectly fine, reasonable first time, something she felt ashamed about. And then Matt revels his own virginity which somehow suggests Mariana is now tainted because she's not a virgin. And there's the shame. Losing your virginity is not shameful. Yet in the media stereotypes are advanced that suggest boy loses virginity = healthy, normal, expected. Girl loses virginity = shameful, problematic. Who do these teen boys lose their virginity to if not teen girls? The Dani's of the world?

All of that, from my perspective, is about the consequences of sex, not shame and guilt over sex itself. The sex was all good until the pregnancy scare. No shame about having sex. No guilt about who he had sex with. Nothing unhealthy about the sex itself. To be clear, I'm not saying the show didn't do some good things with the Jesus sex storyline. I liked the dilemma Stef faced and it was good to tackle the teen pregnancy issue. They managed to show many facets. But that has nothing to do with shame/guilt about having sex. Girls face a double standard with regard to sex and it shows up all over the media. The female characters have yet to have their sexual experiences portrayed in a healthy way.

In my mind there's a big difference between consequences and guilt/shame. Yes, there can be more consequences for females than males when sex is involved, but that doesn't mean girls should have to feel bad/shamed/guilty about having sex (even if the condom breaks). Both Brandon and Jesus were portrayed as having healthy, normal sex. No shame, no guilt. Neither Callie nor Mariana got the same story treatment. To me, it's very stereotypical and an unhealthy way to portray girls who have sex. Plenty of girls have sex, enjoy it, don't get pregnant and it's fine. I'd be good with this too. Really, anything that isn't about sex = guilt/shame/bad for girls would be fine with me. But I don't think I would necessarily equate abstinence with self awareness or make a general argument that sex is a big deal. For some people, it is a big deal. For some people, it's just recreational. Either way is fine, as long as you choose what's right for you.

This. Totally. I guess I just chalk it up to the fact this show airs on ABC Family and thus the teen angst relationship drama is just part of the deal, but I would love it if they would just let Callie be adopted and let Brandon and Callie be together or not. On a different topic, I'm a little conflicted about the Stef/Lena relationship drama. Seems like this rocky patch is a pretty natural part of a relationship. Between raising kids and being together for many years, it's easy to see how a relationship could get off track. You have less time for each other, you take each other for granted, don't communicate as well, etc. None of it seems insurmountable and I'm sure it won't be. The writers have taken great pains to make sure Lena hasn't done anything unforgiveable. But there's a part of me that has never been a Stef fan. Even though she has good qualities and good intentions, she just kinda gets on my nerves. There's something about Lena and Monty that's fun. So even though I don't want to see Stef and Lena break up, I wouldn't mind seeing Lena and Monty together. Yes, I believe those things to be mutually exclusive. What can I say? I believe Jude was at "Camp Child Labor Laws." Which I'm fine with. Even in real life not every sibling always makes it to every event of every other sibling. It's not like there was some critical interaction that needed to happen between Brandon and Jude. I have found myself fairly annoyed by the Mariana loses her virginity story. There's just way too much guilt and shame on tv regarding the sexuality of teenage girls. The cheating part obviously wasn't good, but when you look at the bigger landscape of how the show has dealt with the virginity of it's teenage characters it seems to suggest that sex for boys is normal and fine, sex for girls involves judgement, shame, guilt, drama. Brandon: first time happened before the show started, but the basic story was that he had sex, it was good, the end. Jesus: Had sex. It was good. Yes, there was the pregnancy scare, but that wasn't about guilt and shame, it was about consequences. Callie: first time was rape. And now there's this question of whether her choice of sexual partners is self-destructive. Mariana: first time was cheating on her boyfriend. It's too bad with Mariana's story because if you remove the cheating part, there was nothing wrong with the sex she had with Wyatt. It would be nice for these female characters to be depicted as having satisfying, healthy sex.

Me too. While this was an unbelievable, eye-roll inducing aspect of the story, I'm willing to fan-wank it as the writers just wanting to give Callie a face-to-face victory. She went through so much because of Liam but she never got the satisfaction of seeing him justly punished. So, what a triumphant moment for her to stand in front of him, healthy, safe and loved and able to basically slam the door on his incarceration. Agreed. Although I wonder if it's partly because it's hard to compare Connor/Jude to Connor/anyone else. Connor/Jude has developed over quite some time, been layered with subtle, unspoken moments and feels like something many fans have invested in. Unless Gavin and the actress/actor somehow had smokin hot chemistry (which I'm not convinced is possible with young teen actors) I think it would be hard to tell who else Connor might be interested in. As far as the Emma/Mariana coding issue goes, I'm glad the show chose this as a topic and I appreciate that they're trying to show it from multiple perspectives. Girls (and women) face this sort of thing all the time. The assumption tends to be that women are marketing, nursing and secretarial rather than coders, doctors and CEOs. Any of these careers is admirable, it's the assumption that's galling and limiting. I really appreciate that they've given Emma the confidence and self-awareness to state that she's the best coder in the group. As generalizations go, girls tend to be more prone to self-doubt. (ie, a guy could get a C and still think he's the best whereas a girl could get an A and still have doubts about her ability).

Is that ruled out at this point? Yeah, he texted Jude that he told his Dad he's gay, but that's really just an easy label to attach to something that may be more complex for some (many?) people. I'm not knowledgeable of the topic, but I get the impression that bisexual remains a label that people are less familiar with, less willing to use. Acceptance of homosexuality has progressed, but I'm not sure acceptance of bisexuality has done the same. Anecdotally speaking (and with an obviously limited sample size) when I hear the topic of bisexuality come up I hear many people associate with being "confused" or something because apparently if you don't fit into the binary labeling system some people don't know what to make of that. Anyway, I don't see Connor calling himself gay in a text as being some sort of definitive last word on the subject. Are there any asexual characters on tv? It would be interesting to see (although I imagine most shows would fail at handling it well). But I think this show might actually need to cut back on the issues it's trying to portray. I appreciate their willingness to tackle a variety of topical issues, many of which don't get much consideration on other shows, but I think one of the reasons The Fosters sometimes struggles in the way it addresses these issues is because it jumps from topic to topic trying to address as many issues as possible rather than taking their time with a few issues.

I'm not sure what the writers intentions are, but I guess I don't really care either. I think they probably want the audience to be into Callie/Brandon but I prefer Callie/Wyatt or Callie on her own. So, even when the writers make their intentions fairly obvious, it doesn't mean the audience is going to see it that way. That nice thing about this sort of story, where there's ambiguity, is that it opens up an interesting discussion. When no one is clearly right or wrong, how should a decision like this get made? Personally, I feel like Callie is old enough to make her own choice and that should be what the judge uses as his primary tool for making a decision. But I totally get why Robert wants Callie. What an extraordinary situation, finding out you have a daughter you've never known. And I imagine Robert believes his money plays a role in making him the right choice. He can give Callie not just a lot of stuff, but a lot of access. And I totally get why Lena and Stef want Callie. They've been through thick and thin with Callie. They've loved her unconditionally. They're as invested as it gets. And I think that regardless of where Callie ends up living, none of the relationships has to end. Part of compromise is everyone giving up something. They can all get a happy ending if they're willing to compromise.

I'm not a Stef fan and I expect more than law breaking, especially from a police officer. But I can also understand where she's coming from. What wouldn't a parent do to protect their kid? From Stef's perspective, I imagine Robert feels like a pretty big threat. He's got a lot of money and is used to getting what he wants, he has basically ignored Callie's wishes (although I understand where he's coming from on that) and the judge favors bio parents (as, I think, most judges do). I can see where Stef would rationalize the end justifying the means. She and Lena took Jude and Callie in. A deep bond has grown, not just with the parents, but with the siblings. They're a family now. The idea that the court system could take that away is terrifying. As far as Connor goes, I find his behavior pretty normal/understandable too. He's attracted to Jude, but at 13, feelings of attraction can be confusing. And while society has come a long way, Connor still gets plenty of signals that dating girls is "normal" and dating boys isn't. Just because he's attracted to Jude doesn't mean he has to be certain. It sucks for Jude, but that too is the nature of dating. Sometimes you're more sure than the person you're interested in. Sometimes the person gets more sure with time. Sometimes they don't. Also, Jude gets a lot more positive re-inforcement at home. Jude knows he's safe. One of the high points of the series was Lena's talk with Jude about his nail polish. Connor never got that talk from his dad. As much as I enjoy their puppy love, I think the fits and starts of the Jude/Connor relationship is more true to life. ETA: True. But I think this is an emotional issue that goes way beyond when/how she sees Jude. It's about having roots and stability, two things Callie has been denied most of her life. She wants to belong to the Foster family. I don't find it especially convoluted. Unusual, but not unbelievable. I think it's great that no one is really in the wrong. Real life is full of gray areas and so are people. No one is all good or all bad. To me, it's pretty boring when I show telegraphs the outcome by making one side the obvious right side and one side the obvious wrong side. In this case, I can see where both sides are coming from and I'm rotting for Callie to get her happy ending, whatever that looks like for her.

Wasn't assuming she divorced a man. Just thought she specified "husband". Either way, whether she's hetero- or homo- I'd rather see her and Lena as friends. An affair in the Lena/Stef relationship feels very out of character.

I like how the show is handling Jude/Connor. With young actors I think less is often more. And actually, with tv romance in general less can be more. Not everything needs to be explicit. I thought the little finger cross at the movie theater a few episodes was more compelling than what you get with most tv couples. Yes, the story is a bit fragmented and drawn out, but I think that's fairly representative of exploring romantic feelings when you're in your early teens - lots of fits and starts, uncertainty, confusion. Whether you're gay or straight or something else or questioning, young love is crazy, weird, amazing, awful - all at once. And what's nice about this show is that when it gets a story right, like I think they're getting Jude/Connor right, it's not "good for a gay storyline." It's just good. Also loved the Callie/Stef interaction. I was skeptical of the bio dad story as a means to block Callie from getting adopted but I think they've used the ploy effectively. We've really gotten to see Callie's fears, the bond she has developed with Mariana, and the unconditional love of Stef and Lena. Maybe I'm just a sucker, but I've found it pretty believable and that includes Robert's actions in all of this. And it paved the way for Callie to grow as a character. After all these years of fending for herself, of protecting Jude (often at her own expense), of putting up walls to keep herself from getting hurt she finally turned to her moms. I thought she said mentioned divorcing her husband at one point. Maybe not. Anyway, that first weekend encounter, I wondered if the show was setting up a potential affair between them, but in this episode it felt like platonic friendship. To which I say "hooray!" because in crowded field of normal everyday things television lacks, stands female friendship that isn't compromised by competition for a man. Plus, even though I'm not entirely a Stef fan, I don't want to see a cheating/breakup story.

I found the comment true to life. At 16, most kids are still pretty me-centric. So, while it wasn't the most sensitive comment she could have made, I think it was a fairly real one. As was Kiara's response. Also, when it comes to troubles in your life, it's all relative. You could argue that all of these problems are first world problems and that all of these characters should be grateful for the blessing of winning the birth lottery that had them born in the US and not a third world country. It's a huge generalization, I know, but the point is that from Callie's perspective, her situation right now is tough. Of course, other people have it harder, but that shouldn't preclude her from being able to share and process what's hard for her. And hey, if Kiara gives her a little side-eye to remind her that things could be a lot worse, that's good too. Even though Callie has had a lot of bad breaks, she's had a pretty good one too. It's easy to forget the good stuff sometimes. It's nice to have friends who can remind you.

Much as I was not a fan of the whole "long lost bio dad" story, I think the show has done a pretty good job of making both sides relateable. While I think Callie should stay with Stef and Lena, I can totally feel for Robert Quinn (and Sophia for that matter). I can understand why Robert Quinn changed his mind. Also, thank you show for not including homophobia among his reasons. It's really just a case of he got this life changing news and he wants a relationship with his daughter. That's something worth fighting for. And obviously Lena and Stef also have a relationship with Callie that is worth fighting for. Each side feels like they are best for Callie. Ironic, this kid who couldn't find a home, now has two loving families desperate to have her and yet her situation remains unstable. I hope Robert does eventually come to see that he can have a relationship with Callie after she is adopted by the Fosters and that Callie is open to it (which she probably would be if he back off a bit). As far as Sophia goes, yeah, she's been manipulative, but it's in the setting of mental illness so I find it pretty forgivable. She needs treatment and understanding. Not judgment. But from Callie's perspective Sophia is a meddling brat so it's understandable that Callie isn't having it right now. Maybe I missed something that was delved into at some point, but I'm not clear on whether the full extent of Sophia's illness is known to her parents. When they all spoke after the car accident Sophia caused, the Quinn's seemed quite willing to believe Sophia just wasn't paying attention. But after Callie explained what actually happened demeanor between the three Quinn's suggested to me (or maybe I saw what I wanted to see) that there was some history and awareness on the part of the parents. The Quinn's seem nice enough. Maybe a bit distant. Sophia definitely seems lonely. I don't know a lot about mental illness but I'm under the impression it can be genetic and that highly stressful situations can sometimes cause the mental illness to assert itself in more obvious ways. On unrelated notes, Jesus' girlfriend, WTH? Mariana and her teammate forming their own dance team in accordance with the rules? Seems like a bit of a cheat, but since I"m ok with the outcome, I'm ok with fanwanking it. Ana pregnant? Is Mike the dad? While it feels a little soapy, I still give the show credit for finding new ways to keep the characters off balance. I'm curious to see how this impacts Jesus and Mariana. Even though I thought Stef chose the wrong tactic when she went to Mrs Quinn, I still love that Stef and Lena are such fierce advocates for their kids.

I agree the transcript thing feels like overkill, but I've always been under the impression that foster kids (especially older foster kids like Callie) do get a ton of crap dumped on them. If anyone has experience with the foster system, I would appreciate reading your thoughts on the topic. If it is true, than I think the show is doing a good job of showing Callie, even with Lena and Stef in her corner, is still in a very unstable situation. She never gets to feel totally safe, totally at home.

Generally, fighting over a guy is not what I want to see out of two female friends - cliche, derivative, terrible role modeling for younger viewers, etc. But in one sense I'm willing to give this episode a chance because I think this fight will prove to be short term. It's not something that will destroy the Maya/Riley friendship. By the end of the ep lessons will be learned, everyone will hug and it's all good. On the other hand. I'm also not fond of another tv cliche, the one in which the nerd stereotype character can't get the girl of his dreams. So, while the Riley/Maya relationship may be ok by episodes end, my favorable impression of the show might not be.