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Jodio

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Everything posted by Jodio

  1. I laughed and laughed at Dan's moral dilemma, and his seeking council with Carly, over whether to give the sainted widow the rose earned by her personal suffering, or to the fresh arrival he'd like to bang. Of course after all his pearl-clutching over Joe's behavior and heroic meddling on Juelia's behalf, he picked Amber. Dumbass. Is Juelia pregnant? She looked like she was mid-second-trimester in that yellow skirt. Joe certainly didn't make any friends among the editors. They're ripping him to shreds. Loved his saddest birthday evah and can't wait until his epic meltdown when Samantha starts doing the Paradise circuit. I used to think she was pretty in a 1970s Wonder Woman kind of way, but now she just looks like a witch to me.
  2. I really hate how they vacation. They go to some of the most fabulous places in the world, and all they do is sit around their hotel, fight with each other, and go on mainstream organized tours. They never seem to have fun, do anything spontaneous, or meet the locals or fellow travelers. They're so incredibly ungrateful for their wonderful opportunities to see the world and it makes me loathe every single one of them. Bible.
  3. This will certainly be news to Kris.
  4. If Kanye goes down the same path as her son Rob and disappears from the public eye, then yes, it is.
  5. Things more embarrassing than Scott's drunken behavior: Kris hosting a Vegas birthday party, Kris's shockingly young "friend" Corey, the horrific plastic surgery of Kris and her friends, and the skanky outfits worn by Kris and all her friends. Oh, and the heads-on-sticks of all of Kris's loving children who couldn't be bothered to show up to their mother's birthday party. That is all.
  6. Since I have no self-control, I just used the google to look up Jade's playboy pics. Now that I've seen her labia, I don't know if I can handle a whole season of her as the Bachelorette without picturing them super-imposed over her face, so my vote goes for anyone but Jade. And a big FUCK YOU to Chris about his superior "small town" values! Yeah, from what I heard tonight, small town values mean either doing softcore porn or judging/slut-shaming others for doing softcore porn. Becca=lipstick lesbian.
  7. Well, that episode was a hot mess. I'm pretty sure that poor pig went on a hunger strike to get the hell out of that madhouse, and chose death over returning there. I would make the exact same choices. Well played, pig. I don't even know what to say about that hospital visit other than WTF? Since when can you bring your dog to the hospital? And who gets hospitalized that long for bronchitis and sinusitis? I'd love to see the paperwork on that visit. And Dr. Wexler, Tori isn't getting booked for gigs anymore because her husband cheated on her, she's not getting booked because she's a public spectacle and totally unreliable. That's on her, not on Dean. I can't even believe I'm coming out of this being on Team Douchebag, but I really hope he gets the hell out of there and takes the kids with him. That woman is an emotional vampire and those kids don't stand a chance growing up in the same house as her. While I never went to medical school, I like to play a doctor on the internets and my formal diagnosis is Borderline Personality Disorder.
  8. Based on my experience, YES! On a personal note, when my sister had an out-of-wedlock baby with a man with no formal education who worked as a janitor, he was welcome to the family with open arms. However, when my mother found out that my brother was dating a medical student whose parents were born in Japan, that was a full-blown crisis. Word-for-word, she used the same language as Danny's father, going on and on about the trials and tribulations that mixed race children have. Basically, if you slap some garish make-up and streaked wig on Danny's father, you get my mother. For people like this, race trumps everything, including education, life choices, appearance, etc.
  9. Favorite scene: watching Jason unlock his car door with a key! I can't even remember the last time I witnessed this simple act, but it's been years and years. And his bald spot was shimmering in all it's glory during this scene, too. Poor Cassia. She's really just a kid and too stupid to realize that she's being set up as a poor man's trophy wife. Whoa, off-camera Danielle is a whole different person than on-camera Danielle. I was having Misery flashbacks every time she was on tonight. I think that the realization that he got reverse-scammed is really hitting Mo hard. I have to give him some props for being worried about Danielle's daughters; most men would have hit the ground running coming out of that furry beast of a lawyer's office. Despite this mess, I'm really very excited about their wedding!
  10. Canadian here, and 6th graders are definitely not 15. More like 11. Of course if he took the short bus to school, there's probably a lot more variation in ages there.
  11. My first thought was "he totally just described Osama bin Laden." Is this a last ditch effort to claim the $25 million, enter the witness protection program, and finally escape Tori's insanity? Sorry bro, but that ship has sailed. You're stuck with the crazy bitch. And your brilliant acting resume exists only in your head, so the opportunities to escape your epic gold-digging fail are non-existent. And your ex-wife just publically exposed you for the sociopathic con artist that you are, so there's that. Loved MJ's masterful seed-planting, as well. You could see the wheels turning in Tori's head when MJ, in her roundabout way, basically told Tori that Dean used the same game on Ms Goodhand that he used on Tori, and that perhaps the only reason he left MJ for Tori was for the Spelling money and Hollywood connections. Well played. Also liked that MJ, being a brilliant oracle, pretty much predicted all of Dean's behavior in the fateful pigtails/kitchen knife meeting eight years ago.
  12. I haven't had a response to the "Like" I threw his way, either. So I decided to up my game and get down to bezness tonight. I sent him the following message: "I just wanted to say that I really like your profile and you look super handsome in your pictures. Have you ever been to Canada?" After I fired that off, I decided to explore his profile and Shit. Got. Real! Notable Q&A's: Would you strongly prefer to go out with someone of your own skin color / racial background? Mo: Yes Say you've started seeing someone you really like. As far as you're concerned, how long will it take before you have sex? Mo: 3-5 dates In summary, when it comes to his beloved fiancee Danielle, the woman who literally sacrificed the roof over her childrens's heads so she could be with him (and who also spends her days dry humping his reluctant forearm), Mohammed has a chastity belt surgically grafted to his skin. However, when it comes to randoms he meets on OkCupid, he's got a condom burning a hole in his wallet after 3-5 dates. Awesome.
  13. I just checked and he hasn't even viewed my profile, either. I'm gonna wait another day or so, then up my game and send him a message. I'm in his perfect bezness demographic; older, moneyed, single, and no kids. Not to brag (okay, bragging just a little), but other OKCupid users have rated me as "hot." If he has any interest in Canadian citizenship, he'll bite.
  14. Okay, I'm in! We are a 69% match. I wonder if he has any interest in Canadian citizenship. We shall find out.
  15. I'm in Alberta. I'm not sure if you're male or female, but we're in Canada, so it doesn't matter! We can have a long life together watching crappy tv and snarking on the internets. Sounds about perfect to me. And I promise I can pull off a strapless wedding dress (Danielle, I'm looking at you).
  16. The full frontal nude pic of Kim perfectly encapsulates her only talent: being photographed buck-naked with her mouth hanging open.
  17. Toaster Strudel, will you marry me? Since we met online because of this show, I propose that we honor it by offering to appear on the next season (I'm Canadian).
  18. All she needs is someone pissing on her and bitch will have come full circle. Remember back in the day when she wanted to put the sex tape behind her and become respectable? Heh.
  19. Edited to remove insensitive post. Sorry!
  20. I totally want in on this! I have no actual medical training, but I'm sure I can play a surgical nurse on the internets. I'll also provide a dull butter knife and melon baller for the procedure. Of course if you feel more comfortable opening up the incision with a lemon zester, I'll have to dig deeper into my kitchen tool drawer for that.
  21. I spent most of the episode summing up frivolous expenditures (horse and buggy, jewelry, tent) and running those numbers against the bankruptcy total. But I was immediately sidetracked by the student housing rules. Guests can only use the bathroom in case of an emergency? What qualifies as an emergency? You'll definitely pee your pants before you can make it to the gas station two blocks away? A curfew for grown adults? WTF? If I was independently wealthy, I'd be offering those girls full ride scholarships to my University up here in Canada. Rules: please disconnect the fire alarm before hot boxing in your dorm room and if your friend passes out drunk, please turn him over onto his side so he doesn't choke on his vomit and die. And props for the continuity on this show. I see the clinical depression is still there (all of them), as well as the personality disorder (Nonie).
  22. AshLee, if you're wondering why Graham didn't get a date card, it's because the production staff obviously hates you and doesn't want to give you any airtime, other than footage of you acting like a fucking bitch. It's no wonder that all the other women hate you after your nasty passive aggressive behavior on tonight's episode. When you said "Graham is obviously the best catch here," you should have been thankful that I wasn't there to shred you to pieces. What kind of bitch thing is that to say to the women dating the other men there? I cannot wait until Graham dumps you; it's inevitable. /rant I'm a woman, so I'm immune to her charms, but can somebody please explain to me why Jackie keeps getting asked out on dates? She is painfully boring. Are all these men all just seeking the answer to the age-old question: does the carpet match the drapes? As soon as I saw Brooks sashay down the beach, I immediately thought about Des and pictured her furtively watching the episode on her iPad in a closet, alternating between frantic masturbation and desperate weeping. While Chris writes rhyming poetry in the next room. I don't know about Marcus and Lacy's date in the cenote. I wouldn't call wading through batshit infested waters romantic at all. I was hoping that all their vaccinations were up to date. And then I kind of hoped they weren't. Hehehehe.
  23. Yes, she sure did. And I would, too, if I was making millions off a bitch who's loading up on wedding jewelery every couple of years. We look at Kim and see porn star turned reality star, Lorraine Schwartz is seeing retirement condo in Cabo. Well played, ma'am. Had to laugh at the bare walls in Kanye's Paris apartment. For a self-proclaimed lover of the arts, there was not one piece of art to be seen. Nothing like instructing the staff to hide the valuables when the grifter relatives are coming to town. Looks like Bruce finally got his balls out of Kris's purse after all these years. Loved that he didn't cave to the haircut request and Kylie's act of rebellion with the blue hair was icing on the cake.
  24. Sarah said she and Robert can't keep their hands off each other. Heh. Where was the big AshLee meltdown I was anxiously awaiting? Is Graham just waiting until he's on home turf so that he can grab his pets before going into hiding? Because you know that she's not going to take that inevitable dumping well. Not at all. I think someone forgot to deprogram Marcus and Cody on their way out of the Bachelorette bubble. These guys are way too quick to fall in love. I didn't realize the franchise Stockholm Syndrome could take the form of a chronic condition.
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