mynextmistake

Thank god, I thought this was a recent picture. It looks like something you’d see on Mob Wives, or something that Blanche would have worn on the Golden Girls.

I wouldn’t necessarily mind a strip club on the same block as my kid’s school. One of my roommates was a stripper and she said you were safer on the block housing her club than you were anywhere else downtown. A well-run club, like the one she danced at, is wiling to do quite a bit to avoid trouble with the neighbors. They don’t put up with violence, prostitution, or drug use (she said any hint of any of that got reported immediately to the police, because the club wanted to maintain its reputation as a legit business) and they always have quite a bit of Security stationed both inside and outside to make sure that the dancers can come and go safely. Plus they tend to only be open after school hours and are *very* serious about keeping minors out. Of course, that’s a well-run club. There are many that aren’t.

Oh, Jinger. A cheetah-print maxi skirt and gold blazer? Together? You’ve been doing so well!

How was Josh able to afford to live there? They couldn’t have been paying him that much at the FRC?

I am a busty woman and my boobs used to look like that even when I wasn’t pregnant. Finally, a friend told me she thought I should go to Nordstrom with her and get a proper bra fitting. I did, and it turned out that those cute Victoria’s Secret 38 DD bras were doing nothing for my 36 F chest. I looked like a different person in a well-fitting bra. I suspect Joy would too.

This is what frustrates me when we talk about Jinger and Jeremy. I feel like a lot of assumptions are made that aren’t backed up by any evidence. I think people assume that because Jinger is a Duggar, her marriage is exactly the same as all the other Duggar marriages. But i’ve never seen any evidence that is the case. We don’t ever see Jinger asking Jeremy for permission to do anything, or Jeremy telling Jinger what she can and can’t do. In fact what we have seen is Jeremy talking about wanting Jinger to become more self-confident, praising Jinger for the things she is good at (like photography), and encouraging her to try new things. I know Jeremy is a poseur and does a lot of things for show, but given how happy Jinger and he seem to be together I really doubt he’s putting up a facade of treating Jinger like an autonomous human being and then telling her behind the scenes that she has to wear skinny jeans or else. I think they might have a different kind of marriage because Jeremy is a different kind of guy. He’s not the typical Duggar spouse, an inexperienced homeschooled fundie who’s never seen a girl’s collarbones before and is barely out of his teens. He’s definitely a conservative Christian, and I don’t agree with his political and social views, but I do think those views are more flexible than those of the average Duggar/Duggar spouse, and that Jinger gets more autonomy and freedom than her sisters/sisters in law. I don’t know. I just feel like Jinger is slowly feeling her way into adulthood and becoming her own person, and I feel like we are doing her a disservice by saying, with no facts to back it up, that she’s still a personality-free automoton who only reads and wears pants because Jeremy tells her she can. Why not give her the benefit of the doubt and allow for the possibility that she’s actually making her own choices for a change?

I’m going to guess that either she’s carrying multiples or she was pregnant before the wedding. It’s not just how big she looks overall; it’s the proportions of her belly to the rest of her body. She’s definitely put on some weight, but if you look at her face and upper arm it’s pretty clear she hasn’t put on enough weight to give her a belly that size with a singleton pregnancy at 5 months along. And she had gotten pretty thin before the wedding, so it’s not like she started out with a huge belly to begin with. In comparison, I had a friend who had twins last week. She wasn’t Joy-sized until about her seventh month, and her girls were both well over 7 pounds at birth.

Yeah, I just don’t see Jeremy as some Svengali who is running Jinger’s life for her. I have seen no evidence that suggests that he alone is making the decision about whether and when he and Jinger should have kids. It may be true that if she had married some other random fundie she would be pregnant already, but she didn’t choose to marry some other random fundie; she chose to marry Jeremy. And, given what we’ve seen of Boob’s reaction to Jeremy in general, I imagine it probably took some determination on her part to make that happen. In fact, I have a sneaking suspicion that one of the reasons Michelle and Boob are so lukewarm about this marriage is that Jeremy and Jinger portrayed Jeremy as a lot more fundie than he actually was during the courtship process. I think at heart he’s probably much more of a standard evangelical Christian than he is a Gothardite extremist. Jeremy is in many ways a tool and I understand why some people find him impossible to like. I personally don't like him all that much, frankly. But I also have no doubt that he genuinely loves and cares for Jinger, and that she genuinely loves and cares for him. I don’t think either of them is in a hurry to have children. Jinger in particular is probably enjoying her new life of relative freedom with a guy who actually loves her for her and enjoys her company. I just don’t see her sitting at home pining for a baby. She doesn’t even seem to enjoy her nieces and nephews all that much.

I’ve noticed that in all the pics i’ve seen of Jinger lately, she’s wearing dresses or skirts. Did she give up on pants?

I love how Jill told Johannah that the recipe called for peeled apples but she just dumped them in peel and all because eh, who cares. It was like an object lesson in how the Duggars do life.

Many families choose to cosleep with their young children. It’s not “inappropriate” to do so. Sharing a bed with your infant can be risky, but you can purchase cosleepers, which are essentially bassinets that hook to your bed. It makes night feedings much easier and many parents feel it helps with bonding. Our daughter slept in a cosleeper for about 9 months before we moved her to her own crib.

Wow. Somebody obviously bought Jessa a thesaurus. And a ghostwriter. It’s not that I think Jessa’s dumb, because I don’t. She seems to be the sharpest of the adult Duggar offspring (I say seems because it’s not really possible to tell how smart Jana and JD are since they hardly ever say anything) but she’s so woefully undereducated that there’s no way she could have written that. It’s actually really sad to see Jessa and Jinger, who also seems to have some sparks of intellect, fumble their way through writing and speaking because I always think about how much different their lives could have been if JB and Michelle had either homeschooled them for real, with a challenging, age-appropriate curriculum, or sent them to school. They did all these kids such a terrible disservice. It’s maddening.

Classy. I bet she got the breast friend used and saved the difference.

She looked more irritated than sad, I thought. I don’t think she wanted to be filmed. Poor thing probably realizes that the fact that her stomach hasn’t gotten back to it’s normal size combined with her proximity to a can of ginger ale is going to have dozens of people speculating that she’s pregnant.

I’m so sorry, Churchhoney! I wasn’t offended at all. I’m sorry if it sounded that way. I just felt bad about derailing the thread with a theory y’all had already talked about. I’ve read back some, but I haven’t gotten through the whole thread yet.

I knew I forgot something! That and a sentence about the seasons of life.

I think they have a template. Dear (Jill/Jessa/Jinger/Joy) and (Birdbrain — conveniently works on all 4 SIL), Happy (first/second/third/fourth) Anniversary! We are so (pleased/proud/happy) to see you (growing/living/embracing) your faith in Jesus and your (love/affection/poorly-concealed disdain) for one another. You are a (sweet/precious/incredible) couple whose (faith/devotion/discipleship) is an example to everyone. We (love/enjoy/look forward to) your visits with your children (Israel/Samuel/Spurgeon/Henry/Fetus)*. We are so (glad/grateful/blessed) that God laid it on your hearts to marry. (Truly/Sincerely/Respectfully), Mom and Dad *Alternate Wording for Jinger — We look forward to the time when you reject your Godless days and start embracing your Christian duty of delivering one child a year until you reach menopause).

I’ve seen a lot of people saying that Michelle hates Jana. I don’t really pick up on that. I don’t think Michelle likes any of those kids except Josh and Josie, and I’m not even sure she likes Josie so much as she sees her as a walking poster child for her pro-life agenda. I know people think she likes Jessa, but I don’t get that either. I don’t think she’s any fonder of Jill, say, or Joy, or any of the boys who aren’t Josh than she is of Jana. Sometimes it seems like Michelle has Stockholm Syndrome. I think she regrets marrying JB at 17. I think she resents having to deal with his constant complaints of “baggage” and reminders that she was a dirty whore as a teenager because she dated boys and mowed the lawn in her bikini. I think she does not like children or being a mom. I think initially she felt trapped and sublimated those feelings into becoming a perfect Gothard wife because otherwise she would have quietly drunk herself to death in the laundry room. And now I think she toes the line because she likes the attention and material gain from the TLC show. Jana is quiet, but I don’t think she’s stupid and I think she has the best memory of what life was like before Michelle got a steady stream of Starbucks and Jim Bob realized the girls would be more relatable in relatively normal clothes than they were in home-sewn prairie dresses. I don’t think she wants that life.

Sorry. I’m newish.

Oh dear. Well, at least she’s practical?

Has it occurred to anyone else that staying single is Jana’s way of controlling her fertility? Jana’s spent her entire life raising other people’s kids, one after another after another. She’s seen the poverty and neglect that are almost unavoidable in Gothard families. I could see her wanting to avoid having 10+ kids of her own. But at the same time, I think she is the most indoctrinated of the older girls. No way in hell that she’s going to use birth control, even NFP, or refuse to be joyfully available to her husband at will. By marrying at, say, 30, her age alone would probably limit her family size to a maximum of 6 or 7 kids. Still a large family, but a manageably large one, not the impossibly huge kind she had growing up. Of course, this assumes that she is still able to find a partner at 30 that she would consider marrying. Maybe she and one of the unmarried twentysomething unmarried fundie men have some kid of arrangement where they pretend to ignore each other for years and then announce on her 30th birthday that God has laid it on their heart to court. Ok, kidding about that part. But i’m Serious about the rest.

How did Jessa react? I don’t think Jeremy would have been drawn to Jana. She’s too quiet and conservative. Jeremy is clearly trying to appeal to younger congregants for his church. His schtick is the “conservative Christian meets modern hipster” vibe that seems popular in churches these days. He needed a wife who would complement him in that way. Jinger is perfect — youthful, outgoing, interested in traveling, willing to wear modern clothes (including pants) and have Instagram document her entire life. Jana would have just been trailing behind Jeremy in her frumpy clothes and never saying anything. It wouldn’t have worked.

Jinger is really rocking that look. Retro faux-tweed full skirt, form-fitting striped blouse, high-heeled, boots, side pony... she really looks good here. And no bump! Although this is one of many pics lately in which she's been wearing skirts. I hope she hasn't given up on pants. She is gazing at Jeremy, but there's something... sassy about her pose. The hand on the hip, maybe? Anyway, it's not the standard Duggar staring adoringly at headship shot. Perhaps there's still hope.

Where would she be, though? I mean, Derrick is loathesome, but I doubt he killed her and buried her in the backyard.

I just don't get these people. The biggest joy I get out of parenting is watching my daughter become her own person. I love watching her assert herself and develop her own attitudes and opinions. I love her strength and her spirit. I love watching the interactions she has with others. I love telling her she can be anything she wants to be and knowing that she believes it. I believe my role as her parent is to nurture her, to teach her to treat others with compassion and tolerance and love, and to give her the skills she needs to operate in the world. I believe my role as a Christian, as hard as it is, is to let go of her when it's time and let her go out into the world and change it for the better. I think if Jesus could see the Duggar kids, dependent and needy with no self-confidence and no shreds of personality, and know that Jim Bob and Michelle purposefully raised them to be like that in his name, he would weep. I know I do.