humbleopinion

Yes. Everyone except Zack and Michaela knows that their days married to a stranger are numbered.

Unfiltered: Jose’, Myrla, Johnny, JOtis Myrla is feeling muy chula and shimmied her tatas for us in her cute pink dress, pink shoes, pink lips…. Jamie trying and failing in her sizes too small green jacket paired with her too tight too short LBD creeping higher and higher into her lap. She’s all rolled up like an armadillo, sit up straight lady… Divine Miss M is not wrong to decline to be a dog mom if she is not feeling it, the care of Hype is on Gil. I was distracted by coveting those Chanel slippers hanging off her toe during their dog conversation while eating chocolate chip cookies. Gotta hand it to Myrla…she is a open book…rightly proud of her mom and sibs’ accomplishments. Jose’ is always angling to gloss over the unpleasant and he is not wrong to say no to Rachel’s Switzerland dream when all she is going to ever get out of their marriage is Vegas, NYC and Denver. Dallas will be a bonus. Who is prouder of their chest…Myrla or Jose’? Johnny depresses me week after week….Johnny’s giving Bao mixed signals and less than a week in, he making a break for it… See Johnny run. Run, Johnny Run….

Jose expected Rachel to get horny when he said his credit score was 815….hahaha… Jose, however does get hard when he checks his credit score….he’s so impressed with himself….

Hope the dog, Hype takes a sh*t in every pair of her shoes and pees on her clothes…. Not really…but production shenannies will have Hype chew a stunt red bottomed Loubie… Hype is an innocent party to this terrible match…

Bao, as a singleton you can broast in your own juices but if you have a partner who likes you to shower before bed then you buck up and wash your body and lady bits because it makes you more attractive to him. Laziness or afraid of washing too often because you were under the false impression that you were stripping your natural oils from your skin and hair? That is an Old Wives’ tale... Just use gentle body wash and gentle shampoo… Bao….You are self conscious about snoring…Johnny’s not going to go Downtown if you haven’t showered…

No, John Boy but use your good manners to forcefully fluff and bellow the flat sheet and duvet like a sail to hide the Pffft sound and diffuse the stink cloud….. Johnny, you’re good at running…make a dash for the patio or garage to poot.

Red flags…Get your red flags here…Beat the rush before tonight’s episode…You can’t have too many red flags…Don’t be caught without red flags to wave… We have 100 Children embroidered on Red silk flags to wave during Johnny’s and Bao’s segments… Special order The Mega Giant Red Flags to run around the room during Jose’s and Rachel’s storylines… Soon to come….Rachel’s flags with SOS in blinking LED lights The PTer site was down for a short time this am so if it is unavailable again... see y'all on the other side the episode.

Myrla's Not Wrong: Isla Bella is a sterile compound to Xcaret (an actual organic lazy river outside your balcony to jump into and swim, not that Myrla would get her lashes and hair wet in a river or ocean) Institutionalized food...does look like they just open Costco sized packages of croissants and buckets of mixed cut fruit and put it on a tray for breakfast. Protein in the morning keeps you off the carb train all day... Not a dog person (not everyone needs to be)The Divine Miss M absolutely expressed her opinion often in pre production interviews opposing having a dog as a pet, so that was production f*ckery to goad her or hope she changes... Didn't work with Sonya... Motion sickness is a real thing...so why put Myrla in a small plane...are we going to see Brett freak out in the same plane next episode for our entertainment? Working instead of filming with the rest of the cast... Those gatherings take hours to shoot...smelling a set up to isolate Myrla so Gil can spill the scripted beans and tea. If Jose had a Zoom meeting for a couple of hours would they completely shut him out from going to meet with the others? Probably not because Rachel wouldn't be gleefully going by the script to besmirch her spouse like the firefighter... Sorry Gil, everything will be reported back to Myrla by Rachel and Jose (he just seems like a gossip) so bad on you.... Hoping Myrla is a Heather but she likes the camera too much....

Dallas Amber is the reigning Queen of MAFS Lotions and Potions and facial cleansing rituals. Myrla's 30 min night time routine is not too extra. She probably spends 20 of the 30 minutes staring into the mirror counting and mourning her lost lashes.

The honeymoon continues in the Florida Keys for just four of the couples; despite trying exciting new activities and taking stabs at romance, some start to learn that their differences are greater than they imagined.

Mike would love to be known as the Barbara Man. Barbara, bless her heart, must cringe and grit her teeth at his Level 5 out of 5 Clinging.

Mike Lowe, Season 2 who was totally efficient with his shelter, fire and food but he became bored quickly so he made a football board game, rigged a sink, found a tub and made it into a boat we named after his wife. He missed his wife Barbara obsessively and knew she didn't miss him as much. He expressed and whined she was having a terrific time without him so he tapped... We imagined she was free from having him attached to her hip, partying non stop with her girlfriends and was disappointed that he tapped and came home early without the win...

Brett has 2 pillows that Ryan would love to incorporate into his sleep routine….

Last night for the horrid pillows on my bed, all going straight into the trash bin come morning. Kristenpillows will be their replacements. Merci.

Yes.

Your little pillows piqued my interest. Large bloaty pillows aren’t comfortable…your neck gets jammed into painful angles. Flat and thin are more ergonomic. Apparently Johnny has a 5 pillow system he leaves in place when Bao made their bed in the mornings.

Slobbery mouth guards scented with morning breath..... Ick..Rain check on morning sex...

Brett's low hanging fruit was not quite as ghastly as JOtis' sides of beef but nevertheless frightful....

Come wallow in the muck with us.... FOMO will set in when you read future comments when we refer back to the honeymoon. You can fill out those packets of health questionnaires for each kid while you watch Episode 5..... IMHO, Unfiltered for Episode 5 was better than the episode because the panel was Bao, Rachel and Brett.

Myrla is a survivor of a horrific abusive and impoverished childhood. Welcome to Myrla's World where she sets her standards high but can still laugh at herself. You have to admire that she knows she is ridiculous sometimes...likening oneself to SpongeBob is self aware. What motivates her is... to be never be seen as poor. How she dresses and presents herself to the public is to show that she is doing financially well and can afford the tell tale signs of designer labels like a LV ponchette crossbody. Myrla would make a perfect second wife of a man who has made his wealth and admires a wife that has pulled herself up out of poverty and can support her with what she needs to feel whole...emotionally and financially.

Rachel knows Jose's ego and whole machismo attitude rests on the old school tradition that he is perceived as the Head of their Household and a good provider, both important to their Mexican culture.... Rachel wants to modify that perception... she works and wants to be an equal partner in contributing to the success of the home and family...that Latin women she knows have always been important in the financial wealth of families but stand silently behind their husband as they take the credit for being a strong HoH because of tradition not reality...

That's the evilness of 2 joint accounts...Jose can see every cent she deposits and can move her monies around as he sees fit "for the investment in our future" and if he wants... draining it and leaving her "an allowance" which is what she fears...

As Mr. Cuero's attorney... Upgrading the wedding ring is a "lifestyle" choice and as Ms. Feria has stated ad nauseaum she will pay out of her own designer pocketbook the cost to maintain her "lifestyle" and not expect my client to spend his earnings on her whim.

What was with all the shouting between those two in the resort boutique? Inside voices, gentlemen. The poor sound guy got blown out of his headphones... Calm down, you two...go blow off some testosterone lifting at the gym....or arm wrestling....

For playing along you are awarded a sleeve of Bougie Cookies from Costco... Bon appetit!