@7kstar, my heart hurts for you, but I admire your strength. I wish you peace.
While re-watching S6 Family Matters yesterday for the umpteenth time, I caught a small nugget that made my day. I am also a huge Seinfeld nerd, cannot pass up a rerun no matter what. So when Sam and Dean walk into the Campbell's badly lit (why is it so dark?) ...whatever the place is, the outer offices to their Alpha jail, Christian hugs Sam, then snubs Dean with a nod and mutters his name. Dean says "Newman." I laughed so hard and had to watch it twice. Sigh.