nowornever

I'm still struggling with Dylan being in nursing school. There's just no way.

Although her pre-heat desserts sounded amazing, I had no idea what Michelle's cake was supposed to be, and her story didn't help. I really liked Jamal's idea, but Lindsey's cake displayed a wider variety of decorating techniques. I could have been satisfied with either of them for the win, though. I'm not a baker, but can we please just ban fondant? If you don't eat it, what is it doing on the plate?

I wanted to root for the snake guy since he's from my home state, but he got lucky that the skull guy (yes, I know, two different challenges) didn't actually complete the challenge, otherwise he'd have been sent home. That was a bad snake.

I'd like to see a season where the bakers are closer to 15-18 years old. Give some of these kids a few years and they could better handle the competition and really showcase their baking skills. AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, DUMP THE "TWISTS!"

Cathryn seems to be gaining confidence-in the first few episodes, she was electric with anxiety and was almost painful to watch. She's now standing up for herself and essentially told Paul to quit eroding her confidence because she had done her research. That was funny to watch. I've liked him less with each episode, and now he seems downright cantankerous.

I know their workspaces are small, but one other thing I noticed was Ryan working on the floor at one point. I think he might have had his bowls of batter on the floor in another episode too. They all sit on the ground to watch things bake- can we not get them some small chairs? A footstool? A cushion? Anything?

I don't know when this was filmed, but at this point, American-bashing seems inevitable. Am I the only one who thought there was a hair in Katharine's pie? When Paul lifted the slice, there was a small chunk that was mysteriously hanging in the air. I can't tell if she saw it since she always looks so nervous, but I thought that maybe the dark-haired host (ahh! I can't remember her name!) saw it when she was picking at the pie after Paul and Mary's bites. And that leads me to another thing that i enjoy about this show. The hosts and judges walk around occasionally giving small suggestions and they'll just stick their fingers in the dishes to taste them. It reminds me of growing up. If you had a fear of germs, then you'd probably starve because pretty much everyone had touched the food. I will miss Manisha, but I knew she was finished when Mary warned her about needing something to set her pie. The title still seems to be up in the air. I'm not sure I could give an educated ranking of the contestants at this point. Anyone care to try?

Random Observations: May was mostly absent. I didn't miss her. I'm not sure I'd survive a household with two precocious children like that. They were going to have two parties? What the hell? This is supposed to be an amicable divorce. Also, they really went to town with the space theme at the one party they did decide to have- what were those rocks the kids were jumping in? I know a few "Lisa Apples" and I get why it's hard for Lena. They're young, seemingly perfect, and have never had to yell at a kid before the kid responds. And they wear fake glasses. And even when I was at my most pregnant, I can't imagine any of my brothers in law rubbing my feet.

YES! At first I thought that it was mucous about to drip into her food! Other than that, I do like her, though. She seems to be very competent and even the concrete cake didn't bother me.

I had fun with this, and was glad no one was sent home right out of the gate. I was amazed that I had actually heard of most fo these folks. That's not usually the case in "celebrity" shows, but that might say more about me than them.

Was Ruby getting swoon-y over what's-his-name with the big mustache? I think a few bakers have had the hots for the host, but I don't think I've seen them have the hots for each other. That could be a new twist.

I could have understood the "rice cereal treat" (I have no idea how they keep from saying "Rice Krispy bar") as a twist, but the main event? C'mon. BUT, they've all done some challenges well, so I'm OK with whoever wins. Lindsey seems to have the most talent, and is genuinely likable. Alex entertains me to no end, so I'm glad he stayed around just for that. Bryn did too, though. Her giggle always made me laugh. Abby's a kid, so I'll giver her a pass, but the wide-eyed "Who me?" thing won't work forever. Still, she's got talent and seems sweet. I'd still like to see the premise change, and just keep all the kids the whole way through, with the judges recording secret scores as they go. Anyone can have a bad day, and the sudden-death eliminations don't allow for that.

When I saw Aditya putting all that lavender into his cake batter, I worried not only about the taste, but the texture as well . I've never cooked with lavender, but it looked leafy and dry, kind of like oregano. Didn't he use an extract last week when Duff and Valerie commented on how sophisticated it was? He did seem like the logical elimination this time- prior to last week, I've disagreed here an there with who was chosen to go home.

Oh, and poor Aethelwulf. I was pretty sure they were going to kill him off this season, but didn't see that bee sting coming. Now we'll never get to see how he would do as king when the country wasn't under attack or hear how he and Judith reconciled after their terrible history. I did like that Aethelred called her out on it, though. Despite what Judith said and wants to believe, I doubt that Eckbert favored Alfred because he saw that he had "gifts" that made him more fit to be king. It was all about their beloved Athelstan. But it's interesting that we were fed these images of Eckbert being a deep thinker and Aethelwulf being "the muscle" and now the writers are pushing those same labels on the Alfred and Athelred. Despite my frustration with this show (for starters that it's called "Vikings" and not "Saxons"), this could develop into a cool storyline.

The time jumps are killing me! I have to think it would take the better part of a year to get to Rollo, negotiate the handoff of his troops, and then get them all outfitted and assembled again at Harald's kingdom. Yet the weather's still good, and everyone still looks fresh, not like they've been camping for the winter. In the meantime, who is ruling Kattegat? Margrethe? I don't know how many children Torvi and Bjorn had, but if the two they showed were the ones that Torvi handed to Margrethe before they left, then they've aged at least a year. In Flokiville, there didn't seem to be sufficient progress for that much time to have passed though. And the fickle bishop's injuries make no sense, because it looks like he will be well enough to fight next week. They certainly (probably) didn't prevent him from a tryst with Lagertha. And how does that work, anyway? "Temporary detente, let's have sex!" Such nonsense. But I will still watch, darn it. I want to see when/how Margrethe makes her move. For some reason, she intrigues me.

Ivar missed the battle entirely, and then sat by when he heard it going on? Doesn't seem like him. He couldn't have known that Lagertha was the one who was going to lead the raid on the boats, and I thought he'd want to hunt her down himself. Me too. I also said it about Alfred, who was being a petulant little snowflake. Torvi has to have better options for babysitters. Good Lord. I was also a little afraid that someone would find Guthrum among the dead. The Sami fighting style was terrifying.

Eyefuck: Ivar He's crazy but his eyes are sexy. Headbutt: Margrethe Good lord is she greedy. Raid: Bjorn and Halfdan . They seem to be having some great adventures Next up: Aethelwulf, Harald, Alfred. Any takers? Also, I'd use my free pass on Ragnar, Rollo, Ivar, Bjorn, Leif and the Seer, in that order Then Lagertha, Torvi, Astrid, Siggy. Yidu/Margrethe only with a gun to my head. Both characters bug the beejeebus out of me. Are SotN tokens valid currency in Canada? I might be moving...

After one of the Floki scenes, all I could think was "Get the pregnant woman out of the hot tub!"

Slow your roll Margrethe, you don't go from the mailroom to the corner office overnight. And I think you overestimate your importance to Ubbe. But then again, maybe not. Ubbe is playing coy about where his true alliance really lies, or maybe he isn't sure himself. Does he even want to be king? Right now, it doesn't appear that Bjorn has any inclination to rule Kattegat. He could probably have ousted Aslaug if he'd really wanted to, but didn't, and he seems content to explore. Ubbe could try to take power from Lagertha at some point, but despite the recurring betrayals, she does have a lot of people who would come to her defense. In the meantime, they seem to coexist fairly well, and it's not unreasonable that she'd will him the kingdom if he sticks around and dumps Margrethe. (Didn't the previews allude to a Ubbe/Lagertha connection last week?) If Hvitsirk decides to return to his senses, it would be a hard sell to Ubbe that he could be trusted as an ally, much less a co-ruler. And maybe Ubbe is just playing the long game, and will make a move when the time is right. Or maybe he just wants to farm. People I Can't Believe I Feel Sorry For: Judith, Astrid, Aethelwulf. Who'd have thought they'd earn my pity? Like others, I'm not really sure what the point of Cassia and that journey was. It was a lot of buildup for nothing. Kind of like Magnus, assuming we've seen the last of him. I feel like they finally "aged" Lagertha last night. She looked tired. And again, Ivar's walking is bugging the crap out of me. He's going to be sprinting across the battlefield at the rate he's going.

C'mon Saxons, WHY would you go back in and not suspect another trap? No one saw the Viking ships leave, and it's too soon for them to all have died of starvation. I don't trust Heahmund any farther than I can throw a spear. Given their history, I am surprised at the relationship between Aethelwulf and Judith, although maybe it's just out of necessity. I want to see Ivar get his ass kicked, but I don't think the Saxons will be the ones to do it. And now, he's just walking with a crutch. It's a medical miracle! Margrethe better watch out. We've seen how Lagertha deals with usurpers. I'm feeling bad for Torvi.

I'm struggling with telling Judith's sons apart- which one got shot in the shoulder? Was it Alfred or "the other guy?" As much as I want to see Aethelwulf continue to redeem himself, for him not to see that trap was stunningly dumb. Alex Hogh Andersen is amazing as Ivar. The character is terrifying and charismatic, but we now know his weakness is flattery. The walking bit seems inconsistent, and bugs me. How was he standing after being shot in the leg? The braces seem to suggest that he has at least some motion/feeling in his hips, and at one point, he was able to sit on the edge of a table with one leg on the floor (knee bent) and one on the table straight out in front of him. It seems like there's more than just balancing on the braces going on there. In the last episode, when he put them on for the first time, the soles of his boots looked a little worn, but the tops were unscuffed. I'm probably putting too much thought into this. Other than the fear of being seen as weak, I can't see why the majority of the vikings would hitch themselves to his wagon. We need Bjorn back before the brothers meet again. Although Ubbe is a good fighter, he can't stand up to Ivar alone. The other thing that struck me was the blue eyes when Ubbe and Ivar were staring each other down. Same intensity as Ragnar, and I appreciate that little reminder of him. I also found King Harald, and to a certain extent Astrid, "almost bearable" this time around. I honestly don't know if he's afraid of her or if he's trying to win her over, but the fact that he didn't strike back when she punched him was surprising. Her voice is the strangest thing, though. It reminds me of a badly-dubbed version of some movie, but damned if I can remember which one.

Wasn't that Margrethe, Ubbe's wife? That has potential for an interesting storyline. She has, in one way or another, been used by pretty much everyone, including Lagertha. I don't know where her loyalties would lie, if it came down to it. Overall, there was a lot going on, even for a double episode.

I wanted to root for the home baker last night, but Daniela struggled so much for being in the top three. Her cake for the finale was buried in buttercream, and whenever I see frosting THAT red and blue, I'm afraid it will taste like Red Dye #2 or whatever, and it will certainly stain your teeth. Did the judges eat those layers? Because Lorraine's teeth glowing blue would be a sight. Adam consistently made something kind of cool, and I'd like to see what he could do if he was given free rein. Some of his comments were unnecessarily snarky in that I'm-really-being-mean-but-pretending-I'm-just-kidding way. I hadn't noticed that from him before. Jordan was like Jekyll and Hyde with his creations-good!-bad!-good!-bad! for the whole season, and I wouldn't have bet on him as the winner. He and Daniela seemed to have a pretty good buddy system going though. That was cute. I'm in agreement with the poster above who wants to see a cumulative scoring system based on design, taste and whether it met the challenge.

I know all of this has been said before, but I watched reruns of the first season this weekend, and it was SO much better. Not as much mugging for the camera, and I think there were fewer episodes. What I really want to see is the kids being given a simple task and a reasonable amount of time to complete it. No twists, no weird assignments that they've never heard of (molecular gastronomy). Some of them could probably turn out something pretty good, and it would thin out the competition pretty quickly.

When Tanerus disappeared, I thought that maybe Ivar had taken her. When they first met back in Kattegat, he reached out to touch her, and she recoiled- that was a weird moment. I was shocked that she was so calm with Floki, but not surprised that she's terrified of Helga. I think that Torvi will live for a while, if only to extend the story with Bjorn and Astrid. Maybe she'll die of infection, but I don't think they're done with her yet. Ditto with Halfdan and Harald. I think they'll have to survive the battles in Wessex now that Lagertha knows what they were planning. it will be interesting to see what she does with that information. Will she head out to warn Bjorn, or will he and his brothers discover it on their own? I couldn't figure out what those ditches around Kettegat were for. They'd slow down a horse and wagon, but people could get through them fairly easily, especially if they had nice 2x8 boards to run across. Bjorn and Ivar taking off to scout the location was a good moment, and Ivar being very useful in battle strategy hammers home what Ragnar said to him. Back to Torvi for a second, I like that she's a full-fledged shield maiden now, and there was a little build up to it. I don't think she could have pulled off that shot on Erlandur if she hadn't had some training. her luck with men hasn't been good. First Jarl Borg (and the skull of his dead first wife), then Erlandur, then Bjorn. I wish they had used that alternate scene where he showed her, and mostly the children, a little bit of affection. As someone mentioned above, Lagertha's partners have been equally unfortunate.