Curious why Jamie couldn't come to Claire first? "Sassenach, can we talk?" Doesn't sound that hard to me. She didn't just shut out Jamie, but Ian too. If others had been traveling with them, she'd have given them the cold shoulder as well. Jamie and Ian were the only ones around her, and she enclosed herself in her grief and worry for Bree and Roger. If Jamie is this emotionally intelligent progressive man, he could have approached her just like Ian did. Does it ring true for Jamie to shut out Claire? She was in obvious pain too, and assumes he's angry with her over her secret-keeping. I'll never understand why Jamie's given a pass in not going to Claire, but Claire is criticised for actually going to Jamie.
In my realization of both scenarios......
Claire goes to Jamie to resolve the issue first: she didn't go soon enough, she's criticized.
Claire lets Jamie make the first move: Claire is criticized for not making the 1st move.
In this fandom, Claire couldn't win regardless of who makes the 1st move.
I think we'll just have to disagree on this topic. It's all good.