Moe: Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything.
Moe : [to noose] Sorry, not today, old friend. But don't worry, holidays are just around the corner.
Moe Szyslak: My name is Moe Szyslak. When I was a kid I had round worm - Heck, I was more worm than boy for a couple of years - I dabbled in Satanism until I was asked to leave, oh, and one month I ate nothing but aquarium fish.
Lisa Simpson: Moe, you are a heartless jerk! Moe Szyslak: Whoa, where did that come from? Oh, right. My actions.
Reporter: Are you a registered voter? Moe: I'm a registered something.
Moe Szyslak: [after being decapitated, his head is kicked around by kids] Boy, soccer is even boring for the ball.
Moe hooked to a lie detecter
Eddie: Do you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns? Moe: No. [buzz] Moe: All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him. [ding] Eddie: Checks out. Okay, sir. You're free to go. Moe: Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight. [buzz] Moe: A date. [buzz] Moe: Dinner with friends. [buzz] Moe: Dinner alone. [buzz] Moe: Watching TV alone. [buzz] Moe: All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog. [buzz] Moe: Sears catalog. [ding] Moe: Now would you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment. [buzz]
Bart Simpson: This place hasn't changed a bit. Moe Szyslak: Yeah, I've been meaning to change things, but this place keeps being a crime scene.
Homer: Hmm. I wonder why he's so eager to go to the garage? Moe Szyslak: The "garage"? Hey fellas, the "garage"! Well, ooh la di da, Mr. French Man. Homer: Well what do you call it? Moe Szyslak: A car hole!
Moe: I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.